It's supply and demand. Virtually all women want "the best men", so those men have a huge selection of women, and there's little reason for them to be "on the market" for very long, especially if their goal is to get married.
At your age, you are competing for the same men with 20-something women, who have younger bodies, more years of fertility, generally lower body-counts (than women your age, on average), and tend to be less set in their ways and more cooperative. When all else is equal, those men will always choose the 20-something. If you want any chance at these men, you have to offer more value to those men. You can't become younger or reduce your body count, so you have to increase your value in other areas: you have to be MORE cooperative, MORE peaceful, MORE feminine, MORE fun, MORE maternal, etc.
Those men are looking for wives and mothers of their children. Your degree, your career, your income, etc., will usually be unimportant to those men - they're going to prioritize women who want to be moms and home-makers and take care of their husbands while he's out earning for the family.
Again, the supply of the men you want is small, and the number of women who want those men is very big, so the competition for them is very high. If you hope to get one, you have to be competitive with their other top choices. If you can't or won't be competitive at that level - making the sacrifices necessary - then you aren't getting one of those men. You'll either have to settle for a less-desirable man, or remain unmarried.
Just as a kid with "Honda Civic money" isn't going to be able to buy himself a new Ferrari with what he has to offer, a woman who isn't bringing enough value to the situation isn't going to get a top man - and it's rough when the primary standards of value is youth and fertility. If you lack those things, then you REALLY have to be exceptional in the other areas that men care about.
Don't give up hope. In fact, out of the millions of men, there will be more than one best man. Finding the best some does take time. It is worth the struggle.
I’m gonna tell you something that might be difficult To hear. It’s very common to see single folks 35+ to have issues. VERY COMMON. You may ask why? Well because there is always a reason why someone is still single at that age.
now I’m not saying every single person over the age of 35 has issues. But it’s extremely common to see such undesirables in the single older population. Likely nobody wanted them during their prime. Or another common reason is because they may have never wanted to get married or have a family. The dating pool will likely get worse as you enter your 40s.
if you want a decent guy without issues that you can get along with , finish your search in your 30s.
My mother didn’t find her soul mate until she was 40. She has been happily married for 11 years now and her husband is a great guy who treats her better than my own father ever treated her.
The dating pool gets harder the older you get, but don’t give up hope. You may think that this married guy is the love of your life, but clearly he is not the one for you if he is already happily married. Leave him and his wife be. You will find your own soul mate one day.
Opinion
113Opinion
I feel the same about married women. A lot of them that I've known personally - usually older ones - tended to be much more special than single women, and it often hurt to find out that a special woman was married lol.
But unlike women, I have never actually tried to get these married women, except for one, and that was a sexual attraction. Other than that I have never been interested in trying to attract or get a married woman, even when I did think she was a great person.
u Are you one of the better women?
What is the best? A height 6.3 + him getting a salary $150K after taxes + super handsome + manly like a Marine + kind and open hearted when it comes to fathering his children + being an emotional supporter when you need a shoulder to cry on? Even if you can find such a man, what can you possibly bring to the table and offer him? Obviously not sex or being a mother. Those type of man date and marry girls who are in their late teen years or very early 20's, because they are still full of young energy for both sexual activities and raising children (It takes A LOT of energy and patience when it comes to kids) Money? he doesn't need more money, he is making more than enough. Beauty? again those type of man date and marry beautiful younger girls for obvious biological reasons. You are 30+ years old! what were you doing for the past 12+ years? during your golden and most precious biological years? sleeping around with an army of guys? living a selfish live style whatever it might be? waiting for a Perfect man? what is it?
Because you want what you cannot have, you want social proof that they are good before wasting your time, and that you expect good guys to be a dime a dozen.
In this dating age, dating sucks. Most men don't need a partner anymore. Many girls will give it and sell it for a fraction of what a committed relationship is worth. Why should they jump off the wagon?
All you older women past 30 make the same mistake believing that this guy that practically doesn't exist will sweep you off your feet, and you gaze at the women who do have husbands, but feel like the prize is just a day away...
And yet almost a third of the men under 30 have never had sex or a girlfriend. Maybe they have issues, but if the mating world is that bad right now, every new day it only gets worse.
All you women, young or old, fat or skinny, can date until you're 60, but if you wait too late, especially after 30, your marriage chances really begin to decline. Some will still get married after 35 and 40, but these are the exception. Especially after 50. Time to either date for recreation and get a pet to die with.
One thing I have discovered is a lot of men over the age of 30 have already been burned. I am not going to get into all the different colored pills or that MGTOW movement. I know a guy that lives in my apartment building. He is like me an engineer and like me makes 6 figures a year. He is in his early 40s and still is in therapy from his divorce several years ago. According to him, she cheated, then left him saddled with debt and he was paying support for several years. He is still struggling because of her. This dynamic has only just got bad these last 20 or so years. I also agree with what MrOracle said in his comment. For females, at or post wall it is tough to find a "best man". Not impossible, just tough. I will just leave it with this comment I heard tonight. I am about 90 minutes from finishing a men's recovery group. One of these men is a 40 something Naval Officer, US Navy I won't disclose his race or rank. He was asked about dating again. He shook his head and said he would date, but would NEVER get serious ever again. He took the time to speak the letters in NEVER! In the two groups, I have more than 10 men. ALL have jobs and ALL are nice guys. This ratio of available women to men is not 1:1 far from it. This is so bad that some of the gals I see are always trying to set these guys up with friends of theirs who cry themselves to sleep every night. There are a lot of 20 something females on this website. Right now you are in your prime. Girls trust me on this. STOP listening to all the toxic harpies in your life and settle down. All these Chads and Tyrones are going to do is put a baby in your belly and run like hell. I know, I am just being a mean misogynist bastard! OK, let's revisit this conversation in 20 years and see who was right!
I have a girlfriend/fiance, took 50 years. I think the woman has an influence on the mans behavior, sometimes on his success and how he projects. I used to be drawn to married woman because of how they project.. confidence, security. You are seeing a "settled" and content person, his woman is influencing that. not fair.
never be jealous of someone elses partner, you don't know what the relationship or person is like on the inside. They aren't showing their nuances, you just see the good facade. You don't know someone until you date them.
another member of our family just got married and having baby, startig at 36yrs old... after a long time single. things happen quick.
your thinking is poison, change it. Lots of decent single men out there.
because someone found them before you did, and they cared enough to treat them right, so they are happy to stay.
There are still good people out there that are available, but it takes work and a lot of trying to find one.
Not sure what your expectations are, do they have to have a 6 or 7 figure income, be a doctor, own a huge house, fancy cars or can the guy go to work driving a dump truck, or be a welder, makes a good honest living, drives a pickup truck and be happy to see you when he gets home from work every night and will treat you like a queen?
Sometimes, not saying that you are doing it, but some people can set the bar too high, and they end up with a very narrow field of people to choose from.
As a married guy, this question intrigues me because I've been approached by women and several have offered phone numbers without me ever asking. It puzzles me because this seldom occurred in my single dating life where I felt much more effort was required. I think the married man just carries a different vibe. I'm less concerned about "impressing" women and more content with myself. I don't have to "pretend", I'm happy with who I am. Having kids dramatically increased my patience, made me much more responsible, and helped me understand how to prioritize other peoples' needs before my own. My wife just saw that potential before others did, I guess :P
Well, what to women think will happen if they don't work hard on looking for a decent man?
Instead of just sleeping around or just waiting around until they are 30.
Most good men and women tend get married or into long term relationships at about 22-25.
There are few good people left after that, but most are pretty introverted, so finding them won't be too easy. And you would have to initiate a lot of the time.
You might also get lucky with somebody who had a shitty partner.
I say this. Its essentially about timing. The men that are married, especially if they did the asking, did so because they were ready to do so.
I'm sure some will say no, they were push either by her or parents etc etc.
But this is your life. You know.
Noone knows the person they choose will be right, sometimes making that commitment is about saying. I like and love you enough to be able to see and work with you towards a common goal.
I wouldn't say they're the best men, they're just men who probably wanted similar things to the person they're with.
You will find yours 😊 xx
It's not we are all married. I personally have trust issues because of my ex. She spent everything that I put in the band for emergencies---$16-17,000, she cheated on me with a county deputy, tried to ruin my life with false charges, lied through entire divorce, went through with children and mother and stole, destroyed personal property, mother stole a shotgun and sold it. When I say she lied, I had the proof because I recorded her phone calls. That is why I am single. She was also lousy in bed and did nothing but lay there and moan. Nothing else.
at least here in India (Asia), girl look for money and only money. Girls in their 20/s keep on rejecting guys and often date with bad boys for fun! Not-so-rich boys want to marry but girls keep on rejecting them and wait year by year for the best (richest possible, one life!) one.
Here is the thing -
In early 20/s the boys just start their career or business and they do not have money and girls are prettiest in her 20/s.
When both boys and girls are in 30/s, the boy might have earned a lot of money and his wealth usually increases with time. But girl start to 'loose' her beauty and probably the emotions and this loss usually continues with time. At this time, girl does not have much to offer to a boy!
Same problem here, so I must not be one of them. Most girls where I live are married in their 20s. I just hit 30 and feel like I'm just getting started, but everyone else has been married, had kids, divorced, remarried and had more kids. It's like everyone trips on a curb and lands on 6 more suiters. Maybe I'm just picky af.
Because being attached is one of the things you find attractive. It means he's already passed someone else's filter. It means he's stable and willing to commit. It means he doesn't need to impress you, and they're for comes across as cool and nonchalant. When you meet a single guy, he's looking for something, so you see him as desperate, or he makes a fool of himself. You assume there's something wrong with him, otherwise he'd have a girl.
The best solid successful good-looking men are snatched up by well-rounded relatively stable-minded women with little or zero baggage when they're in their 20s. As the years pass, time and life wear at you, and you become older and more jaded the best men you're going to qualify more and more are the guys you would've rejected when you were young and glowing. At 35+ you really need to be looking for guys who will treat you right, respect you and do the best they can to be there for you. You're long past the expiration date for white horse prince charming. Go for the nerd you rejected at 23 but now he's 42, got into shape and still has a crush on you.
Maybe they seem like the “best men” because they are taken? Just because they tied the knot doesn’t automatically mean they are high quality.
Women have a real complex about taken men. Much worse than vice versa. They think just because another woman has accepted a guy that means he’s been “tested” and of higher quality. But you never know what’s going on beneath the surface.
Because they are in high demand and have a lot to pick from.
the older a woman gets,
The less she has to pick from every year.
the good ones get hitched,
Then your left with scraps.
Not only that your compeeting with younger women, in their 20s.
Who are firtle longer. And. Generally look better
the girls that play games in their 20s.
usualy end up. Paying the price for it later.
I've seen it happen enough to know.
I got married at 24 to a 21 year old woman who went homeless with me. I don’t know if I’m among “the best” men, I certainly wasn’t then. But I know you can’t buy that kind of loyalty for anything.
If you are wanting the best men, you need to be the best women to a man BEFORE he becomes his best. Otherwise, a 35 year old guy will be going for a 20-25 year old woman.
Well, because the best men usually marry young, about 20-25 to 30 years old. However, there are exceptions - there are good men who have not found a suitable partner and have not married for some reason until old age. Unfortunately (but hopefully for women like you) there are also many good men in their 30s, 40s and older who are divorced because they married inappropriate, immoral, and selfish women who didn't appreciate them. Perhaps this is the best chance for a woman over 30 to find a good man - just to look for a divorced man who is good and willing to remarry. There is certainly no shortage of such men today. The question is, do you have anything to offer such a man, would you offer him what he would really want and seek. But still, "the best man" is an evasive concept. This has different meanings for different people. What is the "best man" for you? Someone who has a lot of money? Someone who is a devout Christian? Someone who is very attractive?
I love this question because just wait two weeks and a woman would be divorcing one of those men because she feels completely different than you do about it they're not all taken there's a lot of them out there here's the single ones just haven't found the right one yet
Most Helpful Opinions