As a 21yo man, can I approach any girl I find attractive, including ages 14-17? My intention is a longterm relationship. I am not looking for sex until after marriage.
Extra: How would the situation look when I turn 25?
I am specifically asking girls in that age range but I appreciate every opinion.
Sure, go ask them out!
Depends..
If she is older than 16 (or x), fine
No way.
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Updates
+1 y
Edit: It is legal where I am, but I am not asking for legal advice. I would like to know your personal preference and moral viewpoint.
Just because it's legal doesn't make it right, or even smart or healthy. In Angola, it's 12. In Germany, it's 14. What does a 21 year old man have in common with a 12 or 14 year old? Nothing, unless you're at least 7 years behind in your mental development.
I can see a 21 yr old guy who's on the immature side with a 16 or 17 old girl who's mature for her age. Anything younger than that, give it another year or two and don't make yourself look foolish. Even if you're allowed to marry a girl that young, how do you know what she'll be like in 2, or 5, or 7 more years?
People in the western world will automatically assume you're a sexual predator. Those readers from the West need to realize that in many of these countries with very young consent laws, older men marrying young girls aren't viewed that way. Keep that in mind while wanting to rip this guy a new one.
I would say it is 'okayish' for you to be dating a 17 year old as a 21 year old mainly because it borders 18. But even that I wouldn't recommend. If you're 25, I would stay away from minors. 18 is bare minimum. When it comes to the 14 year olds and up, stay away from them as well. Way too many differences for you to drag yourself into that mess.
It's been said before, but most teenagers have different perception of what a relationship means compared to someone older. I mean you do you so long as you pursue those within legally acceptable age frames. That's concerning seeing as you mentioned an age as low as 14 as a 21-year-old male. If you are looking for a long-term relationship with a teenager, good luck and godspeed. I imagine it would take a few years for their parents to "accept" you as a romantic figure in their child's life. Hope that you stay within legal limits. Other than that, no one's opinion is important.
Come on now, even if it’s legal and you aren’t looking for sex until marriage… It’s still wrong because you two are at different levels in life. Go for 18+ year olds.
I disagree on this on darling Amanda. :) A very mature 17 yr old girl, and an immature 21 yr old guy, are about equal on the emotional scale in my mind. Add one or two more chronological years to those numbers and suddenly it doesn't look bad at all.
@loveslongnails In your mind. Yes female brains are said to mature sooner than male brains. But she's still a teenager and knowledge and common sense have a long way to go. I would not gamble she has four more years of that in her. Plus, graduating high school is a milestone. Life changes considerably after that.
Couple of things. I strongly believe that female brains DO mature sooner than males, not that they're simply said to. I think that's more noticeable around the ages of 21-24 with females vs males, but it certainly can happen sooner.
Ah, the irony of the word "teen-ager" and the age of legality. You're still a "teen ager" the day you turn 18. You may be an adult now in the eyes of the law, but you don't suddenly reach "adulthood" because the calendar says it's your country's designated age where you become responsible for your own actions. You're still a kid.
So let's accep as a given that we're talking about a very mature 17 year old girl with a year remaining in high school. Lets also say she's a bit naive about the ways of the world. How does her having an older boyfriend (21, perhaps a junior in college) whom we must also presume genuinely cares about this girl as a potential long-term mate, and though sincere is still somewhat immature for his age, work to her detriment or his? I fail to see it.
I would say 17 is the youngest you could go, and even that is pushing it. but the fact that you’re talking about 14 year olds? Like what? regardless of whether you want sex or not, it’s weird. You’re an adult, you could possibly be in your sophomore year of college right now talking about wanting to start relationships with 9th graders who aren’t even old enough to see R rated movies Fucking creep. Whether it’s legal where you’re from or not, it’s morally disgusting.
Depends on maturity level and if there parents approve of it or not, this is a controversial thing, wouldn't be worth it a lot of the time you gotta think about how you can get yourself in trouble a lot of creeps out there. 14-15 is probably not a good idea, but in some rare situations it can work out depending on the area or location that you live in and who knows about it, 16-18 can work out because your only 21 but its probably safer on the 17-18 side.
@Curmudgeon I probably got the joke…. 🙃 I guess I should have added the disclaimer, that (adjusted for population) Germany has only a tenth of the numbers for teen pregnancies the United States have. So we are far from being the Alabama of Europe.
@DryGermanGuy Fun and joke aside, the Age Of Consent in Alabama is 16, The cartoonists behind "Archer" were from Georgia if I recall correctly, and I think it was poking fun at a neighboring state.
You're talking 2 different maturity levels mentally. Plus you're going to take her out and people are going to want to kick your ass. If I was her dad, I would kick your ass. Just date a girl your own age. You two can get together when she grows up a bit more and stops having teenager brain.
Well, I mean 17 really is slightly too young, but it’s def workable, if y’all’s maturity levels are compatible. 14yo is just WAAAAY to young for a 21yo, and pretty much illegal in pretty much the entire western world!
@TsAubreyKate You think that it’s legal for a 21yo man to have sex w/ a 14yo girl? Not in the US, and certainly not in the UK, or the rest of Europe, for that matter. And yes I am aware that it asks about “boyfriend “ not lover, but ages of consent exist because (among other things) we recognize the enormous power difference between an experienced adult at 21, and a child of 14! Here, see for yourself in the age of consent Wiki: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_by_country
Oh there are so many laws around that and consent is a state issue so it varies and I got a newsflash for you many laws set in place hundreds of years ago are still valid today
@TsAubreyKate Yes, so! I’m pretty certain don’t murder was the first laws ever, and yet here we are thousands of years on, and murder is still illegal! How the HELL is the age of a law relevant to anything? Look, I’m always up for a stimulating debate, but there are precious few subjects that we as a Western liberal democracy figured out long ago, and are still valid… and grown men and women not Fucking young children, is one of those things! And regardless of race, religion, national origin, you name it almost everyone agrees that fully grown adults do NOT get to fuck children! Not surprisingly the people who are most satisfied with this decision… The Children! I’m serious, I don’t want to waste my valuable life listening to grown men, explain why it’s wrong to stop grown age men fucking little girls! If you think this is a serious issue, worthy of societal debate, find me a consensus of children who desperately want to fuck grown adult men, and I might actually listen! Until then, the inside of either a pedofile, hebefile, or ephebophile’s head is the very last place I want to be!
Lol can you hear those alleged homophobes in the 60s and 70s dude they are rolling in their graves from you quoting them verbatim there is no debate because these are facts you can’t say someone’s preferences are more immoral and wrong thats exactly what they used to say about queers and they opened up a can of worms history repeats itself today’s pedos are yesterday’s fags
@TsAubreyKate Allow me to clear up your little discussion about what's legal, and where. CrazyGirl2 is quite correct in saying sex with a 14 year old is illegal in "pretty much the entire western world". It's illegal in all of North America, and that includes Central America. The only places it IS legal in the Western Hemisphere are: Peru South America 14 Brazil South America 14 Bolivia South America 14 Ecuador South America 14 Colombia South America 14 Paraguay South America 14
@TsAubreyKate It IS illegal in ALL of North America to have sex with a 14 yr old ! Every state in the USA, every country. WHERE do you think it's legal?
@TsAubreyKatehttps://www.ageofconsent.net/world Look at the map. Look at South America. The dark green is age 14. Now look at North America. There is NO DARK GREEN. No country in North America allows 14 for the age of consent. If you can't read, that's not our fault.
@loveslongnails And 18hrs later, he STILL has not replied! It is SO predictable with these pedos… They are completely ignorant as to the real laws so they go on a pedophile/MAP website, and they read someone’s opinion that a 300yo maritime law that captains can’t marry anyone under 14, (or 13 depending on the site), and they believe THAT gives them the legal right to fuck little girls, because if captains can’t marry people UNDER 14, then clearly they CAN marry girls who ARE 14! (or 13 depending on the site) They truly believe they can, so when someone like you, or me shows them that it really is illegal, every fiber of their being revolts! They were SO happy when they thought they had won a golden ticket to Willy Wankers Cherry factory, that cognitive dissonance hits and they get angry! When the totality of evidence is enough to convince them “OMG, it really IS illegal!” They usually just slink away and you never hear from them again! (I had a runnin with a pedophile group when I was 16/17 on Quora, but shut it down when a stalker drove from Georgia and showed up at my home looking for me! My point: whenever I proved some core belief that they COULD have sex with 13 and 14 y/o to be completely WRONG, they usually NEVER replied! If you are wondering why my knowledge about this? My Uncle got the EXACT a same idea from the same type of website… and on my 13th birthday, he raped me! Violently! He continued raping me almost every weekday for three months! The first time he penetrated me, he whispered “I can’t believe I’m actually getting to fuck you” and “I’ve wanted to do this for SO long” (remember it was my 13th birthday… so how long?) and other even more filthy stuff (forever recorded in my brain). I’m telling you this, because I really need you to know what an amazing thing you just did here! You very likely saved a child from being raped! Thank you. I truly wish someone would have been as persistent with my uncle as you were with him! Thank you SO MUCH 😊🙏🏼😘💋
@TsAubreyKate Aubrey, I was 13 when I was raped. I may have had small breasts sure, but mentally I was most definitely a little girl! Okay I didn’t play with dolls but I was very much a child in every sense of the word. At 14, obviously I was WAY more “grown-up” than my peers due to all I’d been through during that year. But most of my friends at 14, to me, were still “little girls” on their 14th birthdays because they still did all the same stuff they did on their 13th birthday’s and still wearing “My Little Pony” underwear. Only one had emotionally matured to any significant degree, and she was closer to my level, but the rest? No, they were still very much “little girls” maybe if you had lived experience as a pubescent girl and especially as the daughter of very wealthy parents you’d understand. I’ll concede that we socially mature at different ages, partly due to puberty, but in a major way because of how we are raised. Most of the girls at my private school were like me and my friends, entering 14 very young because we were very sheltered. We (well they were very sheltered), and definitely not little girls by the end of 14! My cousin who didn’t go to my school, but a similar school, I’d say yeah sure she was more emotionally mature than we were, and I wouldn’t call her a little girl at 14, but…. Hey look, you know what, you are entitled to your opinion. I’ll leave it there.
@CrazyGirl2 man you have a quite the ego🙄 that’s a mute argument because it’s based on the maturity of the person you being raped is irrelevant why you wanted to share that I will never know
@TsAubreyKate Why she decided to share that doesn't matter, but it's not irrelevant to her opinion. The "arguments" you present were valid hundreds of years ago. In the 1500's, the average life expectancy was 50 years. Women did indeed get pregnant at 13 and 14 back then, because it was necessary. By the 1800's, life expectancy had reached between 62 and 65 for women. Now it's even later, so the laws have changed to accommodate that in the Western World, save for those countries in South America, which are age 14. Some are age 16 in S. A. Even in the USA, there are 27 states (if I counted correctly) where the age of consent is 16. The remaining states are 17 or 18. So stick your stupid dick back in whatever you're wearing and wait 2 more years till your pubescent friends hit 16. And when you're wrong, learn to admit that you're wrong with humility, because you look even MORE stupid when you refuse to accept it in the face of all evidence to prove you wrong.
I mean, literally yeah maybe but…. 14 year olds should only be with 12-15 year olds. That’s like if a Harpy Eagle and a Moa were forced to crossbreed. That’s weird
but quite honestly it’s quite uncommon for a 21 yr old to be interested in high school girls. When I was in college, I never met a guy who preferred high school girls to college girls
A 25 M and 21 F is not a problem. But a 21M and 14 F is looked on as being a pedo in the US. Why are you asking? Is your mind/heart telling you it is not ok to screw a 14 year old? If it's legal there you don't need our permission.
Because 21 M and 14 F are 7 years apart, while 21 F and 25 M are 4 years apart, see the difference? Also, would you let your 14 date someone who’s 7 years older than them? Their brains aren’t even developed yet and some haven’t even gone through puberty yet either
Society is gonna rip u apart cus you're a guy. They will look at u as perverted what is it called pedophile and it won't matter sex after marriage that will be perceived only as facade cover up.
In my country, this would be illegal. The age of consent here is 18. One time a 21 year old man in my country got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant; her father found out that she was pregnant and, despite her protests, had him arrested.
Teens are immature asf. Additionally, even if you shout to the world you're not fucking them, society has very "poor Lolita" mindset. I'd advise going for someone who's at least 18.
No. Legally, you can not in most places. Like option C says, you technically can if the your local laws allow it, but you'd still be considered a creep and pedophile by most people, which is bad for your reputation.
