Do men find really shy and introverted women attractive?

[Katerina_RU19]

So my biggest challenge with dating is that I don’t really know how to put myself out there. I’m usually kept to myself when I go out places alone and maybe read a book or workout. I am really good at making female friends for the most part and have a lot going for me. Men are respectful to me for the most part. However I don’t have the greatest social skills with them and have no idea how to flirt. I’m pretty sure they don’t think I’m interested in them back.
I’m turning 26 in April so I’m still young. But dating is stressful and I don’t want my shyness to keep me from getting a boyfriend. I’m not on dating apps because I hate them but I frequent the gym a lot, upscale areas around my neighborhood and restaurants. I have some pretty interesting luck sometimes — had some guys who just paid for my dinner that I didn’t really talk to (wrote them a thank you card in return) and guys hit on me. I get asked on dates and stuff too. However I’m kind of aloof and have no idea what I’m supposed to do or say. People have to usually dumb these things down for me about guys who are interested - “Katerina he was hitting on you...” or “yeah he took you to dinner because he liked you.” I’m always like “huh?” One of my guy friends who I thought had no romantic interest in me once spent $350 on a dinner for us. I thought we were just friends. Also, no I’m not a “user” as I make my own money and have my own things going on so it wasn’t like a free meal situation.
Anyway, I can write code for a living (I’m a software engineer) but I can’t decode guys well!
Do guys like shy girls who might be a little nerdy and not very like social in public?
My last relationship was 3 years ago.

[OpenClose]

Yeah. So the problem introverts often have isn't so much that the're (we're?) unattractive. Rather, the issue is two-fold.

1. Introverts aren't putting themselves out there as much. They could be super hot but they just aren't out as much to be seen and interacted with. "You aren't ugly. You're just locked away."

2. Extroverts do most of the talking. So a lot of what we think is attractive is coming from the opinions of extraverts. Extraverts mostly hear extraverts. Introverts mostly hear extraverts. Introverts don't hear each other that often so we think we are alone. We are actually more common.

If we are interacting, shy can be adorable, and I'll get the urge to "loosen you up" (no. Not like that. <Okay maybe a bit like that>). I guess it's similar to girls wanting to "fix" troubled men. I want to watch you open up and express yourself. When shyness is less attractive is when it feels like our presence or advances are making you more uncomfortable than at ease.

[Phoenix-gb]

Short answer, yes, however a lot of those guys will probably be the same themselves. While the old adage is "opposites attract", quite often it's similarities that draw people in.

So while you get approached by some guys, there's probably quite a few more who are as nervous about doing so as you are.

It's not going to be for everybody, but I guarantee there are likely more people than you've experienced that find you attractive, and from what you've described of yourself, you're smart and accomplished which can only be seen as positives in the long run.

You may need to take a chance at some point though, so while it's always going to be a risk, don't let your shyness prevent you from seizing that opportunity when it arises. Best of luck, hope you find your someone soon.

[PrettyPriya]

I'm sure some do. It is hard to say which would be a better fit... someone with a similar personality or opposite. Have you dated both types?

[Katerina_RU19]

I definitely prefer a guy who’s outgoing and confident. Those tend to be the only men who come at me for some reason too 😂

[PrettyPriya]

@katerina_ru19 I was thinking that might be more of a match. Someone who keeps up the conversation and doesn't mind talking to your listening. I assume you prefer that as well.

I'm guessing it is going to be all about finding a guy like that. Someone outgoing that doesn't mind if you are a little quiet at times. Not impossible to find. Just have to get the right guy.

Good luck to you!

[Katerina_RU19]

Do guys see you as a challenge more though if you’re not like super outgoing? A guy at my gym hit on me one day and said I was beautiful and I said thank you and then he asked for my name and I was like “I’m in a hurry sorry” but he kept smiling and staring and even now and that was 5 months ago...

[PrettyPriya]

I’m guessing guys might view as a challenge to get you to open up. Personally, I’m very outgoing and bubbly, so not totally sure.

[OmegaSTC]

The real secret is that men are attracted to women in phases. The looks is a temporary attention grabber, but personality can quickly make an okay-looking person extremely dateable. Simultaneously, a person that makes you feel comfortable enough that you feel confident enough to be yourself is the most attractive. No one likes first dates because they’re uncomfortable, but if you spend your time teaming the other person feel good about themselves (not in a creepy way) then theyll have a great time. After that phase, people that have common interests, especially lifestyle. Shyness can be cute because overconfidence is obnoxious. But not shy enough that it gets in the way with real connections

[MCheetah]

Can't speak for other men, but I am VERY into that! As long as she wasn't arrogant to a bitch or anything. That's a big positive for me, and confidence is a huge turn off to me! I can't STAND people who think they're perfect or hot sh*t! Ugh, I HATE it!

[Dchrls78104]

Same here

[Chris9087]

Nothing wrong with being shy and i introverted as long as she's still nice to people when they say hi. I've worked around people before who were very quiet, but also wouldn't even say hello when others spoke as they walked by. 😅
That's where their introverted nature can be mistaken for thinking they're better than others.

[Twalli]

If you like a guy who hits on you or buys you dinner maybe say you'd like to see them again. If you really like them lean in and kiss them on the cheek before leaving. It may be scary for you, but I h as ve found more confidence in a relationship than out of one.

[MysticDevice]

"Do men like shy girls who might be nerdy?"
I can't speak for everyone but you just described exactly the kind of girl I've been looking for. I'm not a social or public person either so it'd be nice to find someone like that.

[FilmGuy93]

I have dated women like you, yes. It took a longer time for me to realize I wanted to date those women, but the relationship felt more wholesome.

[sensible27]

Well, introversion is sort of valuable possibly.
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[Anonymous]

It doesn't personally bother me. But I know women reject guys for this. Ergo I reject women for this.

[driven159]

Its kind of cute and sexy too

[BaldAvenger]

Yes!!

[Anonymous]

Mostly yes

[Anonymous]

yeah