Not sure if im just being emotional and over reacting? ? what would you say to him?

[Anonymous]

Seeing a guy for 4 months. He is in his thirties and I am in my late 20s. I do have one young child also.

We do live about an hour away from eachother and I do understand busy schedules.

We normally see eachother once a week but since January we had about 3 weeks apart due to events and covid.

This past weekend he asked me in advance to spend Sunday together. I made arrangements for my son as I do need notice.

I was unaware he had plans that Saturday so as we were texting late at night he told me he was out having drinks and dinner for his cousins bday which is fine.

He was texting me throughout the night and then said that he is really sorry and feels bad but his cousin wanted to go on a last minute winery tour tomorrow so he will try to make it.

Although I was disappointed, I told him I understood and to enjoy his day with his cousin.
He kept saying he will try come and felt bad etc, I just told him to not worry about it as he won't be able to make both.

He went at 10am, no contact all day not even a good morning which is standard when he has any plans and does annoy me a bit tbh.

He then tried to contact me at 5.30 to see if he could quickly come and see me. I did say I can't because I only had someone watching him until 5.

I also don't like to feeling rushed.

Now this weekend coming i thought he would want to spend some time together also seeing as it is my birthday on Monday.

Now it is another dinner for his cousins birthday and when I asked if he could come after dinner.

He said he can't they won't let him leave until easily midnight.
He normally works Saturday during the day and offered to come for a bit if work is cancelled.

Sunday was suggested but I already have family coming over.

I do understand it's a two way street but it makes me feel like I'm a second option even though he says he is upset and angry about it.

Am I just being irrational or do you think my feelings are valid.

How would you confront him nicely regarding this?

[Wonderer89]

I’d be annoyed too tbh. How people prioritise their time is a direct reflection of how into you they are and it seems that there is opportunity there but he’s choosing other plans instead.
A birthday? Sure, can see how that would be priority but a last minute wine tour? When they had a big night together the night before? He can’t plan it another weekend around your plans too? He can leave before midnight, he’s a 30 something adult but he’s choosing not to.

I wouldn’t write him off but if you’re looking for a serious relationship I’d be clear that the current situation isn’t working if you’re both not putting in equal effort to make time for each other. He can make you a priority - he’s just choosing not to

[Anonymous]

I can understand why you're upset, i'd be the same! But at the same time he did have a valid point, although it is horrible cancelling plans if my family asked me to do something when it's their bday etc i would totally say yes, but i'd probably invite my other half if possible! After 4 months people should know about you i'd say.

I'd chill, rearrange and see what happens, if he cancels again i'd just move on tbh. If they wanted too they would, he could make time i'm sure! Is there any reason you guys can't go and do something with your kid maybe? Picnic at the park or something so you don't have to worry about getting your child looked after which doesn't make it so bad if he cancels, and you can still go do something as well then if he does cancel? :)

[Asker]

I haven't introduced my child yet as I was wanting to get to know him better first.
He keeps telling me without me asking how much he likes me and wants to see this work but about a month ago he was still unsure what he wanted.
I feel like at times he gets better and has recently become more vulnerable but as far as I'm aware no one knows.
When I asked him before, he insisted it wasn't that he was keeping me a secret. He just likes to first see where it goes.
In all fairness I feel he is afraid it may cause problems for me as my ex has caused me a few problems earlier.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that makes sense. I never really get that excuse unless you aren't close with family i guess- i'd always say to my parents oh i'm on a date tonight and we would have a chat about them.
Hmmm I'd be slightly weary that he is unsure what he wants, that isn't normally a good thing :/ He should know what he wants with you.

Maybe he is genuine and it's just his way about things. I think the best thing you can do in this situation is be straight up and ask him, there's no point waiting about and wasting time :(

[20yearsolder]

In this situation, yes you are upset and probably a little irrational. It's not very often that your cousin is getting married so and let him have his fun and as soon as the festivities are over see how he reacts. See if you wants to start coming around more. You can celebrate your birthday anytime

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply, but to clarify its not his wedding its his birthday

[20yearsolder]

Does he do a big celebration for his birthday every year? I don't know. Relax for a couple of weeks and see if he continues to act the same way he is now. If he does then it's probably time to move on