Why don't guys like depressed girls?

Question

Or ones that are needy/feel helpless. I always heard its not attractive? & they won't go for them

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

I recently broke up with my ex who was depressed. We both mutually decided to take a break, we agreed we wouldn’t talk with other people romantically. But he HAD to go and cheat on me by fucking some girl who just “came onto him.” Yeah, no.

He used video games to escape from his grim reality. I didn’t blame him, he was heavily into depression, but cheating? That’s inexcusable. Our relationship was pretty toxic. We never spent much time together, so I ended it. It was just too much for me.

I don’t know why, but I always seem to attract depressed guys. I noticed a pattern, the guys I’ve been interested in have these in common: depression, anxiety, low self esteem, toxic past relationships and shitty parents. I find that to be a tad interesting. I have anxiety myself, and some insecurities, but I’m always the rebound. How much ever love and support I give, it is NEVER enough. I can’t “fix” them unless they’re willing to change themselves. The responsibility of THEIR mental well being falls on you. It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who’s very depressed. Some depressed people refuse to go to a therapist. It becomes hard to do normal things with them and just be happy.

Of course life is hard, but I don’t want to date someone who is depressed because I’ve already been there, done that and it was toxic as hell. Depressed people need to focus on THEMSELVES. They’re not ready for a relationship. A relationship requires two people putting in effort and hard work to build a healthy and successful relationship. Their depression would prevent them from doing so.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't like depressed people period.

it's too much responsibility
I'm tired of the relationship before it even starts.

I never wanted to be with someone depressed. it's down putting and definitely unattractive. Somewhat annoying and an energy killer.

When I first my boyfriend I thought he was normal
but as time went by I realized he's a depressed mess!!
of course I won't leave him now but if I had known this at first, I would have never initiated any relationship at all

I've become sad in the process of trying to make him happy.
this is so awful

HighlyVolatile · Accepted Answer

I used to be drawn to them when I was younger together with shy girls (sometimes the depression/anxiety and shyness went hand-in-hand). I tended to be drawn to people like that in general and not just for dates, but for friends as well.

I think it's because I like to take care of people. I seem to be what some call an "empath". It actually hurts me in a way to see people suffer, and so I'm tempted to make them feel better even for my own sake. If they are shy and looking uncomfortable at a party, I want to help them overcome their shyness and feel comfortable and help them make new friends. If they are depressed, I want to help them become happy.

Yet I learned the very hardest way to avoid this. The relationships always become sort of toxic, and I find myself at least lacking the strength and maturity in my early 20s to deal with it at some point while still deeply caring about their well-being in ways that started, perhaps, to resemble a parent's love for a child rather than a healthy relationship between two adults. I think people describe this as codependency.

I instead learned to favor the cheerful and positive-thinking types who aren't at all shy. I've found much healthier relationships that way.

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

Not sure where you've heard this. I mean I've known some needy girls who have had a crush on me, but the main thing there was that they kept trying to keep me from going to classes to spend time with them instead.

Otherwise, if a girl swings one way or the other, I like when she swings more to this side. Just being totally honest.

I've dated a girl who when I would tell her she was beautiful, I would just get "Yeah. I already know that. Try harder." I didn't feel motivated to do nice things for her because it felt like I was just inflating an ego that didn't need it.

I've mentioned before that there's sort of a swapped equivalent to the "changing a bad boy" fantasy that girls have. In my case it's "helping a girl who is down on herself discover her greatness."

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Same could be said of girls seeing neediness and desperation as unattractive in guys.

Personally the neediness wouldn't be an issue as I share that and feel it would work better both wanting the other the same amount. Depression-wise, it would depend on the cause, if it was due to the being alone (like mine is ) then again, no issue as I would feel I was helping, and could continue to help by encouraging them to seek further aid and work through it with them, if it was something else as the root cause, a bit more complicated but not a dealbreaker.

lrina · Answer

its depressing to be around depressed people. i don't see why anyone would want that upon themselves. plus if they truly loved you and you didn't after some time and ended the relationship, there is a good chance that they may commit suicide and the responsibility would lie on your.

blackgaletiger · Answer

Men are independent creatures. They tend to push their problems aside. Last thing we want is to take on somebody else’s responsibility and problems when we are already mentally broken in that department. We cope much differently and needy and depression counter those comping methods

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Because of the unnecessary drama that comes with them. As a person that strives to be a better person each and everyday, a man cannot tolerate any negativity.
But I would be lying if I said I have not done it in the past.
Some people need to be given a chance. Sometimes the reason they are depressed is out of their control. And if you really like/love that person, it can be a wonderful motivating factor.

mikaelis · Answer

Would you care if a guy is depressed or a guy is helpless and needed your constant care? I understand if it's a kid or a child but after a while things get old real quick. No?

Kaneki05 · Answer

I know I do, and there is guys who will they've just gotta have patience or be so themselves. I am both of that so dating someone who is depressed is not a bad thing.

Redstang88 · Answer

How many girls are willing to go for depressed helpless guys? It’s not really attractive to either sex when you can’t even take care of yourself.

And some of us have tried, I certainly have and I’ve got burned every time for it so I’m done

Apulu_3 · Answer

Well I have learnt a harsh reality of world. It is, "No one will love you if you don't love yourself" .

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

It greatly depends if it’s just a funk, state of mind as in fed up or if it’s actual mental health issue with depression

SnakeBoop · Answer

why should they? its a mental illness. mental illnesses aren't attractive.

kid_sid · Answer

What are the chances that she would not leave me when i am in a bad state? Also I won't leave her if we have been together for a year or two and then she gets in a bad state

Hangry06 · Answer

If they love the fact that you're depressed, that's a red flag

Dragonstarterplus · Answer

Because depressed people are a pain to be around constantly and build your life around

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are bad guys who like perfect girls and they won't choose a girl who is in depression because they are fake lovers and not true and intimate kind of lovers

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because it gets exhausting to be around someone like that.

skyeee_ · Answer

i mean, i dont see why you should surround yourself with negative energy other than its gunna take a toll on both of your mental health

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I like depressed/needy girls hey I can help both of us together raise our self-esteem ((Hugs))

Anonymous · Answer

Independent women dont get love either... so just smile and be friendly

driven159 · Answer

too much drama and highs and lows and maybe don't know how to handle it would be the same for women too

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Because often it's a thankless job trying to have a relationship with such persons.

legalboxers · Answer

I date depressed girls. I like them more to be honest. They are more down to Earth

GMANN56 · Answer

If I refused to date any woman who dealt with depression, I wouldn't date much.

888theGreat · Answer

They tend to kill themselves and others around them

Anonymous · Answer

If they feel helpless and need a way out just give them a chair and some rope, or just hand them a gun, that should do the trick.

Anonymous · Answer

Depression means there's a problem and people want to be happy. Needy can be ok, if it's not some kind of problem.

IMuser · Answer

Reverse the gender and you will get the answer

VikingWarLord · Answer

Do you like depressed dudes?

In_Trance · Answer

who wants damaged goods?

Anonymous · Answer

Women wouldn’t want a guy like that either

Anonymous · Answer

If she is genuine i would date her

Anonymous · Answer

They don't want to get depression from you

Anonymous · Answer

that's not true at all

SecretGardenBlood65 · Answer

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Why don't guys like depressed girls?

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Why don't guys like depressed girls?

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