Bfs communication when we're not together is awful would you find this acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear I don't expect him to jump as soon as I text but when he's not around I'll be lucky to get a reply within 5 hours. Sometimes he won't text at all the same day. He doesn't have a job right now and I don't see him actively looking so that's not the issue. I just think sometimes it's rude as I know he is glued to his phone. ots a conscious effort to not be bothered

[PhenomenalQueen]

If you’ve talked to him and there’s still no change he doesn’t respect what you’re saying.. I would just leave him and move on, however, you have to give him the chance sometimes to explain… In my opinion, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to have a good one because he’s unemployed. On the flip side, does he suffer from any mental issues? Sometimes many suffer in silence. I hope you’re able to come to a solution with him because I’ve been there before and I ended things.. (I regret it because I know he truly loved me, but I felt selfish knowing he was having mental issues)

[dontgetafemalecanine]

Have you tried talking to him about it openly? how it makes you feel? (if you guys do a conversation, be open about what it is bugging you but avoid sounding that "I have to know what you are doing 24/7".

If things aren't working out and it makes you feel uncomfortable. First, take couple deep breaths. Divert your focus to something else that makes you happy. Then approach your partner and have a open conversation again. Then decide the outcome of your relationship.

[Asker]

Well he said he's not gonna feel guilty for time alone and he doesn't have much to say when we're not together. I don't ask for much at all just a simple ok I'm not gonna be as responsive today so I don't worry that's it.

[dontgetafemalecanine]

sweet. you handled this just fine.

[Asker]

Thank you I don't think I've been out of line I just think what if we lived really far apart if he's "not a big texter" I'm not asking for convo all day Sheesh. Just a update.

[serious]

That is unacceptable

[Asker]

And why do you think so?

[serious]

Simple because in my view it is very wrong to make a woman wait for replies. I mean a man should try to reply as soon as possible.

In your situation your boyfriend is not busy and is not looking for a job, not employed so that means he should at least reply within a reasonable time if not promptly.

Even if he cannot reply immediately, he should at least type a one or two sentence update and let you know that he will reply soon and a delay is expected. That is a respectful thing to do

I would never make a woman wait too long for replies, even if she is just an acquaintance. Hence I said what he is doing is unacceptable.

[Asker]

I agree with you. He'll spend days with me then the days he's not here it's like I feel like I don't have a boyfriend. in the beginning he said if you get lonely when I'm not around I'm always just a message away and I'll even call on speaker for hours while I do other things if that's what it takes. Of course I said I'm not that needy that I need so much attention when you're gone but this is getting ridiculous

[serious]

"He'll spend days with me then the days he's not here it's like I feel like I don't have a boyfriend"

That means you love him and miss him which is a great thing.

[serious]

"in the beginning he said if you get lonely when I'm not around I'm always just a message away and I'll even call on speaker for hours while I do other things if that's what it takes. Of course I said I'm not that needy that I need so much attention when you're gone but this is getting ridiculous

"

Then it means he hasn't kept his word with you. Irrespective to whatever he has said in the past. My opinion and whatever I have said earlier does not change.

[Asker]

I've spoke to him about it before and he said he'll try but it doesn't change. If anything I've got him saying what do you think I'm up to no good? I never said that so that put my guard up even more. And yeah I do miss him while he's gone. It seems like he's all or nothing and I just consistency. It makes me worry he's pushing me away on purpose recently.

[Asker]

*and I just need consistency

[serious]

That is not good to hear at all.

[serious]

I just hope you are okay.

[serious]

Yes it is possible that he maybe pushing you away but I cannot see a reason why because you seem to be a very sweet and understanding woman and you care about your boyfriend.

[serious]

One reason I can think of for his behavior maybe the frustrating of him being unemployed. Yes for a man being unemployed is a big deal and it does increase the frustration levels (mentally)

[serious]

Irrespective to that what he is doing is not justified.

[Asker]

Thank you. To be honest I'm not ok I feel anxious and like I can't bring things up without him feeling like I'm controlling or something or him saying it won't work. I give everything I can. When he's around I cook, don't let him lift a finger, give him lots of affection and I'm always there for him and recently all I've got back is arguments saying I like him more than he likes me which contradicts all the stuff he's said before then he apologises but everything stays the same. Maybe just bored of me

[serious]

"To be honest I'm not ok I feel anxious and like I can't bring things up without him feeling like I'm controlling or something or him saying it won't work. I give everything I can."

I understand and that is so kind of you to do that.

[serious]

"I give everything I can. When he's around I cook, don't let him lift a finger, give him lots of affection and I'm always there for him and recently all I've got back is arguments saying I like him more than he likes me which contradicts all the stuff he's said before then he apologises but everything stays the same"

Maybe he is more of a taker rather than a GIVER. Yes there are some people like that, they take more than they give.

Maybe he doesn't know how to give and reciprocate your love and affection that you show on him but just because he is a TAKER doesn't mean it should be an issue. What is more important he should at least show that he cares about you, he should at least show that he appreciate you taking the first step to contact him. As long as he does this, it shouldn't matter if he is a TAKER.

[serious]

From what you have said it seems he is a TAKER.

[serious]

However, from what you have it also like he hasn't been giving you much attention or care lately. This could be a serious issue.

I don't know what I can say though. I just hope things change fast for good.

[serious]

I don't know if he actually got bored of you or not. I certainly hope not.

[Asker]

I hope they change too. He built me up with hopes and dreams saying he could be er imagine being with anyone else wants to marry me and get a place and I feel like he's just lied this whole time and now is his true colours

[serious]

"I hope they change too. He built me up with hopes and dreams saying he could be er imagine being with anyone else wants to marry me and get a place and I feel like he's just lied this whole time and now is his true colours"

How much do you trust your own feelings?

They way you have said this is not only sad to hear but to be honest this is one of the signs which indicated the " Beginning of the End" of the relationship.

I certainly hope that is not the case with you. Otherwise you need to seriously think if you wish to continue in this relationship or not.

Your relationship so you know better.

[serious]

I can understand how it must be for you. I know women always want to be assured that they are loved and cared for, especially from a man.

It is sad your boyfriend hasn't done that lately. It is not justifiable at all.

[Asker]

I'm going to talk to him today when he comes over and see what he says. I don't think I'm asking for a lot.

[serious]

Of course not. You are not asking for too much at all.

[Asker]

He said he'll try and get better but his first response was I’m not big on texting all the time and I don’t wanna feel guilty for having some time to myself just because you can’t handle being alone with your emotions

[serious]

"He said he'll try and get better but his first response was I’m not big on texting all the time and I don’t wanna feel guilty for having some time to myself just because you can’t handle being alone with your emotions"

No. That is not good enough at all. I will be very honest, please don't think I am being pessimistic. Being a man myself what he said doesn't really indicate any positive thinking or his willingness to try.

I am quite sure, things will not change. Seriously.

No, what he said is not fair at all. It clearly indicates disrespect towards you. I mean what you are asking is not at all wrong. It is very just and fair.

On top of that he doesn't seem to communicate properly that he needs some time alone, at least that way you would have understood and would have given him his time but he did not communicate that.

Hence these are not good signs really.

[serious]

This is my analysis about him. This seriously about what I have said then maybe you will understand.

[Asker]

I thought the same. I go with the first thing someone says because that seems to be the most accurate and honest. His honest opinion was no I'm not doing anything wrong. Which I disagree with. The I will try to get better was after a few Molly coddling messages from me. He's coming over later so I will see but to me he is just immature and selfish. maybe this is normal for his age but I haven't experienced that from previous younger men

[serious]

" He's coming over later so I will see but to me he is just immature and selfish. maybe this is normal for his age "

Please don't convince or pacify yourself by saying this. This behavior can never be okay and you should not tolerate this also.

Once you start tolerating such a behavior then he will slowly start taking you for granted.

[serious]

"I thought the same. I go with the first thing someone says because that seems to be the most accurate and honest. His honest opinion was no I'm not doing anything wrong. Which I disagree with. The I will try to get better was after a few Molly coddling messages from me."

Well this is a clear indication of things not being good nor it looks like it will improve. In my view you should seriously think about going ahead with this relationship or not.

Just don't make any mistake and then end up regretting later on. Tomorrow he may start taking you for granted. Don't let that happen.

[Asker]

I've been there before - people taking me for granted - and he knows it. I always up and left when I knew my worth even if I left with nothing. I'm just angry. I take care of my appearance, I take care of the people around me but I guess it's not enough for some people

[serious]

"I've been there before - people taking me for granted - and he knows it. I always up and left when I knew my worth even if I left with nothing. I'm just angry. I take care of my appearance, I take care of the people around me but I guess it's not enough for some people"

It is not like that. You seem like a nice, sweet, kind and caring woman and those who respect you will treat you well and those who don't will not.

It is not something you can control. That should not demotivate you in any way. You should be who you are.

[Asker]

It makes me feel like what is the point. I just want someone to spend my life with and I get picked apart when I expect less than most women. I don't ask him to have a good job. Money. Nights out. I'm happy at home with a cuddle and a movie and a homemade dinner.

[serious]

" I just want someone to spend my life with and I get picked apart when I expect less than most women. I don't ask him to have a good job. Money. Nights out. I'm happy at home with a cuddle and a movie and a homemade dinner."

That is so nice and a very normal expectation you have. I don't know what to say, not sure how to cheer you up.