My boyfriend keeps calling me chocolate or chocolate queen, im black his asain, it makes me feel... uncomfortable? Is that normal?

Question

virtue2332 · Accepted Answer

Is what normal? Him referring to you like this or for you to feel uncomfortable? The real issue is the difference in perception of what these mean. He could just be referencing traits that he is attractive to assuming you are darker in color. These labels could also be used when it comes to ethnicity and race. You have to ask yourself what bothers you. Are you concerned with what others think when they here this? Do you feel like it's drawing attention to you and this makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel like he is appropriating these labels and they should only be used by someone with the same ethnicity. I mean if you are uncomfortable it needs to stop regardless of your answer to my questions I only ask them so you can communicate this with him. My ethnicity is mixed and I understand how it could make you uncomfortable but I think the intent behind him saying these things comes from him admiring characteristics you hold and maybe mirroring things he has heard over anything but we feel how we feel.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

Totally- lots of people are uncomfortable with racial stuff. Heck, I'm not a fan myself. It's perfectly reasonable to ask him not to (it'd probably help if you could give him another way you'd like to be referred to, though; he's likely doing it, at least in part, as something special that only he does, so "just use my name, like everyone else" would defeat the whole purpose), but remember that if you don't let him know it makes you uncomfortable, he won't know, and will have no reason to stop.

Learning to not rely on your partner's psychic powers is a tough part of relationships; I've been on both sides of that often enough to know. It's usually best to be explicit about your desires and reactions.

Varanus · Accepted Answer

Not sure how to vote. Is it normal for him to do this, or is it normal for you to feel uncomfortable about it?

It's not okay for him to say that, and it's totally legit to feel uncomfortable about it. You need to tell him to knock it off, that you don't like it. And if he can't accept that and keeps doing it, get rid of him. You're a person, not a racial fetish idol.

Cute_AF · Accepted Answer

Yes it is perfectly ok to feel uncomfortable That is rude of him to say that especially if you asked him to stop and he didn't. But still you should not let people treat yo the way you don't want to be treated because everyone should be treated the same. And also anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is valid

Pinay_ako · Answer

Then start calling him bowl of rice 🍚 to make it even. 🤣 find the humour in it. Match his energy. If he doesn’t like it, then tell him to stop calling you chocolate queen 😑.

Swofer · Answer

It's understandable if someone's uncomfortable by being called chocolate if you take it one way or another but a lot of times it would be like a compliment. it would have to be in the right form of context. For example I'm white and my wife is black and I call her my chocolate Queen and she would love it especially if I gave more emphasis on why I call her my chocolate Queen like I would say that she is because she's very sweet and she makes me feel all warm inside and I mean it in a loving way not in some sort of fetish type of way. maybe you should ask why he calls you chocolate Queen it couldn't hurt and communication is key to a loving relationship. 😊

Anonymous · Answer

its normal to feel whatever you feel. If it’s uncomfortable for you then it is validly so. Let him know this and hopefully he respects it and takes it seriously. I've heard men describe women of different races as “vanilla, chocolate, or caramel”, and I've always found it odd and cringey. I get it. You definitely shouldn't hide the fact that this isn't okay for you.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I think you should tell him. If he persits that's not normal.

I've dated a lot of black women and never called them my chocolate queen, but I'm not Asian... maybe that translates different in his native tongue?

Bourbon_ · Answer

Yeah I guess if you don't like the nickname that's fair. It'd be like if you called him your banana king or lemon king. Like bringing way too much attention to his "color".

Bricealan · Answer

No, sounds disrespectful to me. My work associate (male) calls e "Ivory" and I call him "Ebony"... For some politically correct reason, management frowned on it

Prezzi3 · Answer

Just tell him you don’t like it and state why it makes you uncomfortable. I’m sure there's plenty of other nicknames he can call you.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Tell him to knock it off or you will start referring to him as a gook.

justJoshua555 · Answer

If you are uncomfortable with someone calling you by a certain word or name, you can totally call it out, and it's not that you should be thinking if that's normal or not.

lrina · Answer

it's a bit weird, but if you don't like it tell him that.

genericname85 · Answer

Doesn't matter if that's normal XD if you feel bad, tell him. He probably doesn't want you to feel bad and stop saying it.

Anonymous · Answer

"Normal" or not, you have a right to how you feel. So just tell him you don't like it and not to call you it anymore.

zagor · Answer

Is which normal? If it bothers you just ask him not to use those terms.

AndrésC64 · Answer

I don't know if it's normal to feel uncomfortable or not. But if you are, tell him to stop.

Wise4myage · Answer

Not normal, and you need to tell him how much you don't like it.

noohair · Answer

Tell him what you feel. He is objectifying. Not cool.

Anonymous · Answer

He should call you vanilla and lie and blow smoke up your ass. This is better, like some of these fucked up TV shows like Queen Charlotte.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

It sounds to me like you are just part of his fetish

yallxisxtrippin · Answer

Smear yourself with chocolate and make him eat it

Anonymous · Answer

Call the fucker Chow Mein , little piece of Dog-Meat shit!

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Tell him how it makes you feel

tfan1 · Answer

Lose him

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Call him lemon bar.

My boyfriend keeps calling me chocolate or chocolate queen, im black his asain, it makes me feel... uncomfortable? Is that normal?

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My boyfriend keeps calling me chocolate or chocolate queen, im black his asain, it makes me feel... uncomfortable? Is that normal?

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