Does fear of relationship failure keep you out of, or from pursuing relationships?

[ChiTown33]

Fortunately speaking, I'm not highly sought after so most times I don't have to worry about it 🤣. But a lot of times I think I might self sabotage to avoid the possibility of failure down the road.
Does anyone else feel this way?
If so, how do YOU combat it. I get that love isn't perfect. And people definitely aren't perfect. But how do you maximize your potential for success?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I definitely have that fear of abandonment, I always have. It manifested in parental figures, friends, teachers, clients, and relationships. I didn’t want people to leave or our connections to fail.


However, it doesn’t stop me from searching for relationships, despite all my past relationships failing. I usually just “sucked it up” and realized that everything eventually comes to an end… One way or another. With relationships, it takes two people to work things out and be successful. That means you have to find someone compatible with you. Someone who values a long lasting relationship, open communication, honesty, loyalty, and commitment.


It’s not uncommon for people to self sabotage and keep themselves out of relationships or end the relationships before the other person does, because of that fear. Many people try to seek therapy for it, to help them push themselves out of that comfort zone.


You’re right, love isn’t perfect, neither is anyone else. However, being compatible is your best chance for success. As I said previously, relationships takes two people to work things out and be successful. That means you have to find someone compatible with you. Someone who values a long lasting relationship, open communication, honesty, loyalty, and commitment. Someone with the same views, values, and morals.


When you’re compatible with someone, things can be successful. Finding someone who doesn’t want things to fail, so they do all that they can to make sure it doesn’t fail…

[ChiTown33]

Another G@Ger told me you can't define a relationship by it's end. You have to take the "good" that was achieved out of it. I mean if there weren't good times you never would've been together.
Do you really believe all relationships really end eventually?
I say this because I have 4 sisters all who are from 17-29 years. Sometimes I think that is what holds me back. I don't want to be the one sibling to be a relationship failure. And women (no offense) seem too erratic, too fickle, for me to want to take this kind of a chance on. Your thoughts?

[ChiTown33]

I meant my sister's all who have been and stayed married 17-29 years. None have ever been divorced*

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

The other G@Ger is correct. Why be in the relationship if it wasn’t good? Something was good that attracted you..

I believe that relationships eventually do end… Breakups, divorce, or death. It’s the truth. However, relationships don’t usually “end” after death, but I guess it depends on your views, as some may date or meet others after being widowed.

None taken. Some women are pretty erratic or fickle, usually the younger ones, but finding a stable woman is the best option, however it’s just something you have to dabble in, you won’t hit the lottery the first try, ya know?

I guess if you aren’t wanting to take the chance, you don’t have to, but it’s worth a try.

[lightbulb27]

your a decent enough and looking dude, with a job, you should be sought after.

Oh yes I lived this for like... oh...35 years or so? We are self screwing humans.. that's what wounds do to at least some personalities. Other personalities seem to have more grit... the benefit of being a rebel or independent. I was not and I paid. Fear guarantees failure and that's what it is. There's roots to the fear, for me was conditioning in childhood from multiple sources and as well my interpretation of the hurt. Other negative energies can control as well, like shame.

There's the hormonal drive to find a mate and that sense of finding love and connection... then there's the emotions that get in the way to prevent it. The sub conscious mind is a beast and has to be dealt with.

If a female was interested or eligible, I ran. If they were not available (married... e. g. safe) or screwed up in various ways, I was interested in saving them. Healthiest women got ditched and most had no chance. thus, I trashed my opportunity to make my own family and it's sad. But that's how emotional wounds work. I did the same with most male relationships. I really had some issues with trust. This is just part of the broken vase of a soul I see better now.

Good news, it isn't over til it's over fella. Pick up the pieces where you are, learn, and move foward in a positive direction. When you heal inside more you attract better... because your emotional energy is what draws as well as is able to filter out and say no to trouble. Thus you focus on your goal, whatever that may be.

I guess I was the April fool in some ways, but I got past it and I maybe my mistakes help others get out of their sooner, so they can recover their lies. I'm moving forward and doing better now, married, helping raise her kids. Life

That Jesus fella is for real and was right on target, that helps. But not the only therapy we need imho.

[DarkCarousel]

I absolutely have fears. I wouldn’t say that they keep me out of or from pursuing relationships. It just causes a significant amount of hesitation.
It’s very hard when something comes to an end, especially when you’ve put your heart into it. I spend a good deal of time contemplating the positive and negative aspects of the failed relationship— what I learned from the stages of it all— in hopes that it will lead me to be better prepared for whatever happens in the future.
While it’s “easy” to make surface level connections, it’s time consuming to make the deep connections that I truly seek from life.
I’m lucky enough to have witnessed an example through my parents— who actually both came from unideal situations of love/family. And I’m just slightly idealistic about some of the relationships I’ve read about in books or movies.
So while acknowledging the fear, I also acknowledge that the alternative is NOT trying. And that’s just not good enough for me.

[ChiTown33]

Yeah I have a habit of of looking to far ahead. Like saying to myself " is this going to last several years"? And if not saying to myself "I don't want to get involved". I guess what I'm saying is I play it overly safe.

[DarkCarousel]

And there’s never any way to know for certain. You never know what fastballs life is going to throw at you or how people will move through life with you.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I’ve treated each of the 4 relationships as if it would be forever, because that’s what I wanted. Someone to spend my whole life with. But I’d do it all over again because I fully believe that it’s more likely to happen if I am open to it and pursue with my passion and care than if I don’t try at all.

[ChiTown33]

I agree. But it's been my experience that while most people SAY they want forever. What they actually mean is " Forever, or until something better comes along".
I'm glad to hear you've taken enough positive from the past that you want to keep trying. 👍🙂

[DarkCarousel]

I have seen that happen too, when something “better” comes along. But I’ve seen enough “til death do us part” that I’m cautiously optimistic.

[England4eva]

No, I couldn’t care less about my past. I’m always optimistic about my future cause it hasn’t happened yet

[ChiTown33]

That's a positive way to be.

[England4eva]

Yeah, logically it makes sense to be. It’s completely undecided. Nothing to be sad about

[CubsterShura]

Oh yeah it totally does. I'll be honest I currently don't feel adequate or ready to date but I've been dating and my man says it's up to him to decide if he considers me adequate to date or not lol.

[ChiTown33]

What makes you feel inadequate?

[CubsterShura]

Just feeling like I'm still in the process of working on myself and going through a lot.

[TX651]

Yes it might slow me down.

[ChiTown33]

How do you combat it?

[TX651]

Just keep on, Keeping on 😘