Is she loosing interest or just busy?

[WMTC95]

I've matched with this girl on Tinder, and we hit it off right away. I ask her out on a date, she agrees and suggests we move the conversation to IM. We both have fun meeting and talking in person, up to the point that we already know that we are going to meet for a second date.

Few days pass, the conversation flows nicely, we exchange a few messages daily. I schedule the second date, this time at my place (we talked about how I like cooking and she was curious to taste some, so I took that chance), she gladly agrees. We have a good time, she could not stay till late, but we kissed and there was some physical contact (not sexual, but that kind of lightly touching and brushing that makes you understand there is some sort of attraction). When we kissed I didn't feel like she wanted to move things forward, so after a few kisses I suggested we eat and everything is ok. When it's time for her to go, we kiss once more.

After that, the conversation over text kind of slows down. We briefly talk the following day, and the day after that, but then it halts for a couple of days. She resumes the conversation with a flattering comment on my new profile picture, so I thank her for that and ask her if she's up to meet once again. She says yes, but adds that this week is going to be busy and we would have to find some common free time. I agree to that, and ask for her availability. This was two days ago, she has read the message but still hasn't replied.

I understand that she is busy, and may even date other people (something I am doing too), and that's ok. Still, this change in communication makes me wonder if her interest is fading, or is just a matter of her schedule. I am not going to pressure her in any way, but it would be a bummer because I genuinely enjoyed these two evenings with her.
Have you ever been in this situation? On one side she has stated her interest multiple times, on the other she's been less responsive lately so that makes me wonder about her intentions.

[Desconhecida]

There's the possibility she's busy, yes. But I'm not gonna lie and tell you what I think after reading your words.
As you said, you both are dating other people but it seems you prioritized her somehow. In the beginning she might have tried to see if there was chemistry between you but something happened and it could have been that her real love interest is available, making you the second or third choice.
She keeps you in suspense instead of being real because women love the extra attention to boost their self esteem and an "emergency date" when LI #1 is out.

[WMTC95]

That is a concrete possibility, I know that. I followed the advice of writing her just to see how she's doing, and she replied apologizing for not getting back at me for the date, turns out she is out of town for a couple of days and hasn't figured out yet what day, she's waiting to see how some things will unroll before setting a day only to find out she's not available.
Although that is a good thing (I believe), I still have a gut feeling that I might be a bit more eager than her to getting to know each other better, so I'll try to be cautious

[Desconhecida]

You are eager. At least, much more than her. She seems to be keeping you as the second choice to use when all the other plans get ruined. That's not acceptable and you need to show your value.
Sometimes the best thing we can do is just give our silence. Make her miss the attention and work to win you back.

[WMTC95]

I don't know about being a second plan, but even though I haven't asked her directly yet I am sure I am one of the guys she is seeing right now. I will definitely try to step back a little bit and not making myself too available over text, let's see where this leads. Thanks for the advice!

[Desconhecida]

Anytime 😊

[melanieeeB]

Uhm like I would have responded, even when I'm busy it would be a late reply, but I do reply when I care about the convo. So her not replying and her kinda getting back after that date at your place is a sign of her not being interested anymore.
BUT I would also give her the doubt of being busy and just send a last text and I would directly ask her if she is actually still interested, that's the fastest and easiest way to find out

[WMTC95]

I too am someone who would always find time to reply, so there's that. At the same time, we've only known for so little, so I wouldn't assume anything really at this point (just being a bit wary). I wrote her a light message just to see how she's doing, she replied shortly after apologizing for not getting back at me but she's being busy and could not figure out a day yet. I think she'll not bail on me, but I am gonna be a bit cautious about this, and trying to figure out (if and when we meet) how she feels about all this. I guess I would like to ask her what is she looking for, but I have to think about whether 1) asking her is a good idea in the first place, and 2) how do I navigate that topic.

[melanieeeB]

That sounds good tho I mean her response for now, maybe just wait a few days and give her time to get her stuff done and then talk to her again and see if you can agree on a day and just go with the flow at that point

[melanieeeB]

Overthinking the situation and what you're gonna say can be negative in a sense of that there is tension built and not uhm light and fun you know, also you will be too focused on the words you wanted to say , instead of just enjoying the day with her and with the conversation naturally talking about the future

[WMTC95]

She's still onboard with the idea of seeing each other for the third time, so I will leave her alone and she'll get back at me to finalizing the details. Not a big fun of playing mind games, I like to be forward when I am interested in someone, but as you said I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she is worth all of this. Thanks!

[Gringothegango]

Honestly you re dating culture really astonishes me : like seriously how do you do to dates multiples women.
usually one interest you and then if the date went well things move on

just the idea of having options is mind fucking.

[Avicenna]

Well, if she’s dating other people her interest could wane and she’s going to have less time for you. Or maybe she felt things moved too fast. Try to get her on another date.

[WMTC95]

Thanks! Yes, that'd be the plan, see her in person and see how it goes, but I will wait for her to propose a day, as I think pushing too much right now would be detrimental

[Avicenna]

She probably won’t do that- you need to take the initiative. Passively waiting for her will be seen as disinterest

[WMTC95]

I just don't want to come off as too strong, I've asked her for another date, she said yes so I asked for her availability - currently waiting to hear back from her (that was two days ago). It's this hot & cold game that makes me wonder, if she's not interested why messaging from time to time in a flirt way, and if she's interested why not setting up a date? I don't need to talk all day long over the phone, but feel like there has been a shift in the quality of our communication

[Avicenna]

Well, you can always check with her to see how she’s doing and if a particular day works. That puts the ball in her court to answer you.

[WMTC95]

Thanks for the advice, I'm gonna try that. I really enjoyed the time with her, so it is worth a shot. I am unsure if she's looking for fun and trying to keep things easy, or just shy and more comfortable with taking a slower pace. Either way, only talking to her will solve the issue.

[PrettyPriya]

If it were me, I'd put the ball in her court and just say I'm free on __________ day if you are interested. If she can't make time or suggest another date to meet, you have your answer.

[WMTC95]

Yeah, will try that and see how it goes from there. Thanks!

[PrettyPriya]

@WMTC95 most welcome and good luck to you!

[Jltakk]

wow you were lucky to even get to the dating stage, good on you

[Iron_Man]

MoveOn

[WMTC95]

If she doesn't try to schedule it within two days, I will assume she's not interested and definitely move on

[Iron_Man]

Ok man good luck

[Anonymous]

she may not want sex

[WMTC95]

Which might be the case, but then I don't really understand why she would refer to my new profile picture as "sexy"