Yes I know this question might seem really confusing but of course hear me out, most people both men and women have certain ideas in their idea partners but just like keeping rules around your life. The person also decided to make their own rules if we come to finding Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect, like I give my own example I am looking for a girl who I can get into deep conversation with, I don't find dumbness attractive in the slightest so my question to all you men and women out there if you guys and girls got back started dating what certain rules or beliefs you have set out for yourself? Because I highly doubt that anyone is literally down for anything and everything we all have our limitations and restrictions what is your guys personal beliefs you follow if you guys are trying to date?
In terms of dating did you create any rules or have any personal beliefs that you tend to follow through?
Any chick that tries to force me to deal with my family is immediately out because for the most part I hate my family and I hate anyone who tries to make me deal with them I also hate anyone who makes the stupid claim that blood is thicker than water and I should love my family no matter what so yeah that would be a no-go for me
For something that would make me not date a woman but not make me hate them I'd say being vegan I cannot and will not date a vegan not because I hate vegans but because I love and need meat I am someone who needs a high protein diet just for me to not feel like death and while a lot of vegans out there are going to make the statement that there's a lot of high protein vegetables out there I don't care I like meat and I require high protein and it just so happens meat is mostly just a bunch of protein and fat
I also wouldn't date crazy I've been in those relationships and they never go over well so that's a no
I like my privacy and my rights so people who try to take away large amounts of my privacy or rights are going to make me very mad and of course I'm not saying that I wouldn't have a committed relationship with someone and that being married is impossible I just like having a place of my own every once in awhile I think we all do but I in particular need that but I guess this is more of the early on in a relationship sort of thing because naturally over time I get comfortable with letting loose of boundaries but early on in a relationship I'd say I'm more private in certain areas then most other people then again I'm also a lot looser in certain areas than most other people as well
Another big one that a lot of people won't understand is my thing with cups because I like my cups I really like my cups and I don't let people touch my cups because they are my cups and I love them I will wash my own cups and I will keep my cups somewhere safe I might even have my own cabinet filled with just my cups and no one else is allowed to touch my cups if I get married they aren't allowed to touch my cups they can have their own cups if they need them so badly but my cups are mine
Kind of early on, I created a simple rule that has been REALLY useful, and that I feel could keep a lot of people from a lot of heartache and grief:
I'm not interested in anyone who isn't interested in me.
how could you not know?
It's so simple, but so many people don't have or live with this rule. They find someone who isn't interested in them, and they spend all this time and energy trying to make the person like/want them. And they also spend a lot of time and energy being upset and sad and rejected about the person not wanting to be with them. I did this when I was a teenager, but then I realized how silly it was and what a bad scenario I created for myself when I did something like that. I also realized it was bad for whomever I was pursuing as well because they are going to feel bad about it but that won't change their feelings towards me.
Not saying I don't put my best foot forward or anything like that, just that either you are going to have chemistry or not, and I don't need to waste my time on someone who doesn't see me as desirable. That's kind of pathetic in my book, actually.
Aside from the common ones such as, how they treat staff, narcissistic traits, etc. I would say some of my dating rules/beliefs are: - If they are unwilling or show no interest in wanting to plan events for us to do together and try to push it all on me to do. Then that is a huge red flag for me and is an indicator that they will gradually show disinterest in other areas pertaining to the relationship later on and do the bare minimum. - If they have a car and offer to pick me up from my casa and they refuse to park in front of my house due to it being "inconvenient" and want me to walk to their car instead. Immediate no as it shows a lack of respect and lack of effort. Had that happen before and will not let that happen again so disrespectful. - bad-mouthing their exes. -oversharing on the first date or even first few dates e. g. sharing their familial issues, their mental health issues, and plans for the future. I dont need to know all of that off the bat. Thats something one should earn the right to know and not be shared as an attempt to quicken the bonding phase of the relationship. - trying to know my precise address right off the bat or get my number immediately. As I solely use online for dating. that means I'm trusting the site I'm using to give me that level of privacy to ward off any potential stalkers or creeps. so when I first start talking to someone and they ask for my number. it raises an alarm and makes me feel turned off immediately.
My dating rules are pretty reasonable. 1) On any first date, im driving myself, I need a way to escape you if you are a crazy person 2) on any first date, and some second (depending on the guy) I pay for my food and drinks! (I got sick of hearing “What do you mean NO? Have you any idea how much money I spent on you tonight? 3) if he’s disrespectful, Im leaving! I demand that I be treated with respect… I treat the guys I date with respect, I expect the same in return. 4) If you have no sense of humor, you get no second date! Its a date, we’re young, lets just have some freaking fun… and if you can make me laugh more than once without trying or telling a joke… Im gonna marry you! I long to marry a man who can make me laugh every day without “trying” 5 Last, don’t try so hard to impress me, I already said yes to the date, obviously I like you… so be yourself! There’s nothing worse than meeting a great guy, he asks me out and on the date a completely different man shows up! Thats all.
I don't really like the concept of rules, and I never had a list of must-haves. But in terms of beliefs it's just that they must treat me well, decently, and if we don't have a deep connection in the soul, or I believe we can get there, then I've really never been interested. My standards and patience on all that probably did go way up as I aged and became a better and quicker judge of when that might, and definitely would not, happen. But I pretty much have always looked for the same traits in people. And those are depth, intelligence, compassion for humanity, a great communicator, eventually able to be vulnerable with me because I always return that in spades, and have an appreciation and interest in exploring art.
My rules have been like, I meet you somewhere for the first few dates and I pay for myself, to avoid any expectations of something more.
If things get real serious, I have what I call the talk somewhere between date 6 and 12... by this I mean it is going to take most the day. As I want to get everything out there, past, history and future plans, what we are both looking for and want.
I don't want some guy who really loves me but he finds something about my past he struggles with or just can't handle. Rather get that out there and done with sooner than later to avoid wasting time. Same goes for him, I'll even do a background check eventually to make sure he isn't some convicted rapist or something.
I also won't put up with manipulation and things like, but you slept with your last boyfriend after a month and you haven't me, so you must not love me as much... sorry I got tired of guys using and losing me, now you have to wait until I feel ready and that your not going to take off once you get some.
Eliminate the problem of guys who just want sex and nothing more.
Now I'm engaged to be married this year, so hopefully dating just becomes with my husband ever after.
@exitseven Of course, but many guys these days think if they do, that they are owed something. Like #2 from @CrazyGirl2, she has experienced it too. It is sadly quite too common.
I know its not all guys but the ones that are that way get mean, rude and potentially mean. If we make it to a 3rd or so date, he can pay all he wants for me.
However if someone named exitseven ever asked me out, I'd let him pay. :)
I was very close to being down for anything starting out; just had to find the girl attractive enough and click well enough.
Over the course of dating, I developed some things I tried to avoid though. For example, I started out dating some shy girls but I found that too risky after dating a few. All the ones I dated had deep-rooted insecurities and also a hidden side to their character that I only discovered like 6+ weeks into dating since they were so slow about fully opening up to me.
That's not to say all shy women are so insecure or have such a hidden side they only show much later, but I no longer wanted to risk dating them to find out. So I started to favor much more open and talkative types of girls, especially the ones where you feel like you get to understand the maximum about their character and way of thinking within the very first conversation.
Also over the course of dating, I started to sort of learning how to spot signs of a positive and productive thinker, including more subtle ones. I think I started to seek out those types more, and I eventually ended up with my wife who's one of the most positive, productive, and realistic thinkers I've ever met.
In terms of intelligence, I was pretty open but maybe because I have this sort of view -- might sound a bit cheesy -- that almost everyone is smart in their own way. It's just like I have to discover what way, and I'd find it fascinating when I do. So I might be closer to demisexual than sapiosexual. I tend to find almost everyone interesting if I dig deep enough.
to think that strict structure can somehow correlate to the immense variability of what both people and relationships are would be just very narrow minded from my part the one worst thing I could do than limiting myself and closing my mind, would be limiting and closing my mindset to others, that's just a recipe for disaster, from MY perspective
no... it has not happened, because I've never limited myself by such strict rules... idealizing people or idealizing relationships before you even have one is just not the smartest thing for me to do, so I never have and never would
I didn’t have many rules, but yes I had them, and things I watched for: - sex on first date is cool, but need some kind of connection first - going forward in the relationship I needed both physical and mental attraction... I had to find her attractive, but also had to like her personality for good conversation - when dating, didn’t like the open relationship stuff... we each date each other, that’s it. - common bonds- making sure we have things in common - similar sex drive
1. Can't have cheated more than once (cheating once I can look past but cheating two or more times, nah, that's a dealbreaker - this includes cheating two or more times with the same person).
2. Out of our first 10 dates where money is involved, she has to pay or split the bill at least 3 times. On top of this there's the mathematically impossible clause, this is when it's mathematically impossible for the girl to pay or split the bill at least 3 times with the number of dates left. For example, if I've paid for the first 8 dates, that means it's mathematically impossible for the girl to reach the 10 dates mark with her having paid or split the bill 3 times because they'll only be 2 dates left. In which case, I'll either stop seeing the girl or I'll continue hooking up with her but I won't take her out on another date again.
4. A girl with no outrageous double standards
5. If by the end of the 5th date we still haven't had sex then I'm calling it quits
My largest rule is she is to be a lady! I don't put up with a vulgar nasty mouth and if she uses a lot of profanity I walk! No tats and NO smoking! The first date is no more than a hotdog and a coke! Don't like it? I have other women I will spend my time with!
I had to find the girl attractive and for her to be into me, too. There had to be a chemistry. She had to be the kind that wanted a committed relationship, not just a hookup. Once we decided to be a committed couple, she had to crave sex. She had to have a strong libido, an erogenous body, be eager to suck and swallow, and revel in enthusiastic, energetic sex. Thoughts of marriage would come way later.
My Only Rule is that I don't date at. with a lot of other men, I don't intend to put up with any crap from women so I don't spend any time with them. This of course does not apply to women I work with who I like a great deal but that is a work situation and everything is different of course.
Eh I have some but their mostly obvious, like one shouldn't be lying about who they are. The rest of me is pretty laidback. I do have one thing recently that came to mind though, I am always gonna ask someone's music likes and if they go to see bands. If not then there is no further talk needed. Just no point dating someone who don't like gigs and same music tbh.
No single moms. No 304s. No pro 304 BS. No exes in tow. No beta orbiters or side dudes. Has to work a real professional gig and not running games on OF or Instagram. I am not dropping my gig to "pay attention" - and as soon as that starts I bounce. Cry about it. Go find 1,000,000 other so called high value men supposedly out there who put up with any of that.
I will not date a religious person. If they do not feel the need to communicate where they are and who they're going with, I cannot trust or date them. If they are not actively trying to stay fit, then they can't match me in the type of life I want to live. If they don't want kids, I can't do it either.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Yes 1. I don't approach I'll show interest but it has to start with her. 2. I'll give equal energy. Don't expect me to fawn all over you if you are unwilling to do the same. I was just fine before you. I'll be just fine without you. 3. Don't ask for honesty unless you're prepared to hear it. 4. I will never cheat! Never have, never will. If you cheat on me there will be no discussion. We are over. 1 strike you're out. Bank on it!
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
I am very careful to watch for signs of disrespect. Women do “test” men with this bs. If I let her get away with one slight then she will be embolden to try to do more.
I was raised to be chivalrous to women and unfortunately this left me vulnerable to a lot of opportunistic cunts out there. Sadly it’s not getting any easier too. Modern feminism has turned dating into a zero sum game.
1. Christian (equally yoked). Proverbs Wife Ephesians 5. 2. ♨️ Hot 3. ♨️ Hot
MIT/Harvard or 100K not Prerequisite. Career Woman…not Prerequisite.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
1 y
Everyone have standards. For me she must be faithful and appreciate peaceful relationship i never met someone irritated like my ex can't imagine when i told her i want peace she laughed i blocked her forever. Peace and bring something valuable to the table. And of course she must not be over weight
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