Is it normal to ask how much someone makes or how much their rent is when beginning to date someone?

Question

The last several times I’ve met a guy, he always asks me these questions. And very early too. It’s always been either on the first date or while chatting to get to know each other before meeting.

I feel like these questions are intrusive and a bit inappropriate, but because everyone seems to do it, that makes me wonder if this is just a normal thing.

Also, what do you think the reason is that a guy would ask a woman these things?

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

How do you get from strangers to more intimate without learning any intimate information?
I think it can be rude or intrusive, but also depends. on the coversation and how it comes up, how you ask, etc. I know some people are weird about their finances, I'm more of an open book. I wouldn't think anything of asking someone I was dating about their job, where they live, why they like living there, if they have roommates or like having roommates, how they split the rent if they split it, or how much their place costs if they don't. To me, I'm not trying to build a case or gold dig on you, I'm just making conversation and learning about you. I might also ask if you have siblings, what your parents are like, what your relationships are like with family. Or I could ask you how you like your coworkers.

All of these questions and more could be "intrusive", but again like I said, how else do you get to know someone intimately without learning intimate information?

To me, it sounds like you have some boundaries around your finances, and that's fine. Just be clear about those boundaries, no need to get upset, feel disrespected or be disrespectful in return. A person who doesn't know you, doesn't know about these boundaries of yours until you tell them. That's also part of the learning process.

Is it normal to ask how much someone makes or how much their rent is when beginning to date someone?

To take it back to the family example, some people have terrible trauma around their abusive parent (s) or family, so what would be normal conversation becomes awkward and an intrusive violation for them. That's fine, people are all different. But you can't be mad at someone for not knowing your past trauma and asking about your family, they didn't know and can't know until you tell them.

Some people don't like to be touched, other people don't like to talk about their finances. Some people are sensitive about religion or politics, others about their parents. We never really know until we have those conversations, who we are dealing with and how they feel about certain subjects.

AlwaysBelieving · Accepted Answer

I think it's weird. Then again, I don't ask "what do you do for a living" since people are more than just their jobs.

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

I think he's asking to get a sense of your financial position - are you responsible? Do you live within your means, etc?

But it's up to you - if you feel it's inappropriate, you can tell him that. But it is a topic that should come up, and I'd personally be ok being open about it if he's open about his situation, too.

To me, fiscal responsibility is attractive. I like me a functioning adult.

whereismyjohnny · Accepted Answer

I think it's intrusive in general when people ask questions like that.

DaveJord · Answer

Yes it is normal, when I start dating a women I make sure to tell her or share with her my living situation and employment status. In exchange I expect her to do the same, because I want a women who is finically secure and self sufficient. Because I do not plan on being anyone's meal ticket. I am not talking about in first date or anything but after 5 to 6 dates or so you want to know what they do for living and if they are self sufficient... I am not talking about giving them exact numbers... but I make it clear that I do not need money and want to know they are not looking for that either.

Back in the day it would be inappropriate, but back then it was a given that a man would finically support a women. But that is no longer the case so do not get put off by men who respect these new values, blame feminists.

Nigjt · Answer

Hell no.
I my self will not tell someone something like that.
To ask someone how much they make is really being fucking rude.
I my self well say it out loud that ain't none of ur mother fucking business an say it loud enough where a lot of people can hear it.
The rent thing u also need to be careful with that shit also so here is the only reason why I'd let someone ask me about my rent is if she is asking to move in with me then she would have to tell me first how much she is making Woman got shit all duck up these days trying to be the Damn boss when in the bible it clearly say the Man is the king not a Woman.
God Bless

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I get it by the 3rd or 5th date but seems like people are in such a rush anymore, not wanting to take time to date... I mean what does it matter? take your time to get to know them, this isn't list it all out in the first two hours and see if we can make it work.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

No, that is super inappropriate. And not normal at all.
At most, you ask what they do for a living, but that's it.

If you get in a serious relationship or get to move in with each other, that's when it becomes expected to talk about it, but other than that... no.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I've always thought it was impolite to ask someone how much they make. It is not normally something that I would do.

On the other hand, I don't think asking what someone's rent is, is that intrusive. A lot of people are curious about what people pay for rent because rents have been going up so much lately. However I don't think I would just ask it unless I knew the person a little better. Just my opinion.

Moose304 · Answer

Sometimes people are just making conversation. These situations are where you establish a boundary and ask the other person to respect it. I know this sounds stupid, but over the last 20 or so years with the advent of social media, the art of making conversation is getting lost. It's also a bit funny, two people can talk for hours but still not communicate. I have seen this happen many times. This is why I sometimes tell people to put down the phone and go sit on a park bench and talk to people.

Tyrael · Answer

I think it's normal for both guys and girls to ask how much the other makes. It's not a big deal to ask that in the UK, but I think it might be in the US. If you're going to date someone, it's sensible to know whether or not they're financially independent.

Yucy_Gluttony · Answer

I don't know if it's normal, but I don't like it. I think it's normal for a date that's about to SUCK.

BCA6010 · Answer

Personally, I would not bring up either of those subjects on a first date. I'd ask about her job/career and related plans, and that's plenty to figure out what matters while keeping the conversation moving.

DonkeyDan · Answer

No, I don't think that's nornal at all. It's irrelevant at that stage of a potential relationship, unless they are basing their interest in you on your financial status. In that case they are not the one for you.

fonduegirl · Answer

If they don't mind.

It's always good to know limits on financial freedom and if your partner can handle budget well. I don't see how that's inappropriate. This is more appropriate than asking how many people they've slept with.

Money is just practical aspect of life. I wouldn't date someone who doesn't agree.

sheikalana · Answer

Honestly that would be a bit of a turn off for me and I do agree these questions are quite inappropriate especially when you don't know the person very well. I never asked such questions to friends, acquaintances or someone I was dating.

Guardian45 · Answer

Should NOT be Qs for a first date, otherwise, NO second date!

virtue2332 · Answer

I don't like those kind of questions. Why would it matter that early on?

dustybiker · Answer

That’s one of those things that shouldn’t be asked, but comes out naturally when trust is built.

one1wild00 · Answer

Seeing if you are at the same level they are. Some guys are more into power than romance, others asking this question are more "practical". I see it that early as a golddigger but, that's just me.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think it was very inappropriate of him to ask you that. That's something you ask of someone when you're looking to move in with them -- not when you have only just started dating.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

None of their business, especially at the start of a relationship.

ChiTown33 · Answer

No. I mean people do it still. But if a woman asks me that on a first date that tells me there need be no 2nd date.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

That's not normal at all, and it would be a huge turn off if someone asked me that.

nomissinghints · Answer

Tell them u don't answer that question from strangers coz that's what u are while dating.

AviatorTom · Answer

I don't think it's normal, but I can understand why a guy might ask those questions... he wants to make sure you're not after his money.

Iron_Man · Answer

That’s fine I like to talk about that myself and I don’t have any problems with The conversation. The NFL players always are known for how much they make any other sports people

Billlewis · Answer

The only reason I'd want to know how much your rent is, is so I'd know how much I have to come up with every month;)

Imkass · Answer

Rent is fine not my actual income for at least a year

Staximus · Answer

That's none of their business unless you two are planning on getting married

Paul09 · Answer

Actually probably a great question. Weeding out the gold diggers. If you are financially stable, that's very attractive.

NathanDavis · Answer

only if they work for the IRS

Mantis_Toboggan · Answer

For me its always a good chance to see where their priorities are. Say something low and see how they react.

Avicenna · Answer

Definitely not normal

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, I find it kind of rude sorry

exitseven · Answer

No, it a rude to do so.

Slim57 · Answer

No I wouldn't care about those things early on

DWornock · Answer

Either you are lying, a troll, or confused.

Wise4myage · Answer

Not in my opinion.

Is it normal to ask how much someone makes or how much their rent is when beginning to date someone?

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