Is it normal for a boyfriend to get mad when dinner is not ready when he comes home from work?

[Anonymous]

So my friend is dating this guy. They live together and she goes to college and he works. They've been dating for almost 4 years. He wasn't like this when they first started dating. But the past year he gets mad at her if she doesn't do certain things. It usually pertains to dinner not being exactly ready when he gets home. Her not cleaning the house by herself (like he doesn't want her to ask for help. He just wants her to do it). And not washing his laundry when he needs a specific shirt. She tells me this because it upsets her, they have fights over this he'll get really angry over it. I was wondering if this is normal? I only had one boyfriend and that barely lasted 4 months so I honestly don't know if this is normal guy behavior.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I wouldn’t say it’s normal for most couples living together. It depends on his career and if she is slacking off big time in other aspects of the relationship/household duties. Most share the duties, assign each other to some, or switch off daily/weekly. Most couples/partners do not get angry at little things like that. Some might, if the partner is just lazy, but don’t stay with someone like that if you do put in effort.


If he’s working 8-12+ hours of manual work, is tired and doesn’t have the energy, and I’m home all day… I can totally understand wanting a meal for when you get home. I also would understand getting upset if the house isn’t clean or laundry isn’t done either. BUT, that all depends… Is none of it getting done and he’s getting mad because you did nothing? Or is all of it done but food isn’t made, and he’s getting mad about that?


Just going to school definitely gives you a lot of free time, depending on what your major is, or what you’re doing in school… So, there’s time to cook, clean, and do household duties while the boyfriend is at work, and I assume paying all the bills? It’s like being a traditional stay at home wife. You finish your personal duties, and you do household chores… That’s your part in the marriage.


Also, if he is just straight up lazy and doesn’t even bother cleaning the house or his mess when he has the time, or he doesn’t even bother trying to do any household duties at all.. It’s not normal and he’s just lazy. Not something I’d wanna marry or live with.


Personally, if I lived with my boyfriend and I only went to college, no work, no kids, and had that much free time for the most part… I would expect myself to do laundry, clean, and cook. I’m not the one paying the bills, so I have to do my part one way or another. That is, doing household duties.

[Asker]

She's basically a traditional house wife. He works 12+ hours I'm pretty sure and she could do those things easily, tend to the house. But she's going through depression. And he's not exactly sympathetic towards her about it. She never revealed her depression but because she's always down in the dumps he says to her, "just be happy. Why are you acting that way? What's wrong with you?" He doesn't seem to understand mental health at all. Once he said to her, "Just submit to me." Which I thought that was a strange thing to say

[Asker]

Oh by the way she's a nursing major

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Sounds like one hell of a reason to break up. And sweetheart, if it’s you in this situation… Please don’t stay. Don’t be with someone who invalidates your mental health and belittles you.

[Asker]

No it's not me but thank you for the concern. Me personally I have commitment issues. I haven't dated since I was 22. I grew up with a narcissistic father so I'm messed up. But I actually see narcissistic personality traits in my friends boyfriend. I've told her about it. She knows I don't like him. But she told me that she loves him and can't see herself living her life without him. But I was thinking like is it love when they literally make you develop depression? I've never loved a guy before but I don't think that's ok. I'm just worried for my best friend.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Don’t think it’s love if someone makes your mood change, gives you anxiety, depression, etc. Love shouldn’t feel like a chore, or feel like it’s draining you and your happiness. Ya know? I’ve been in a relationship like that, and I understand how fucking hard it is to leave and imagine your life without them… But imagine a life like that, with kids? Or with more responsibilities… Especially being a nursing major, (I assume, she will be a nurse). Not easy… That relationship and career, on top of poor mental health, is just a recipe for a disaster.

[comekitty]

I wouldn't think that's normal. My husband and I both work but we also both have our designated household chores but help each other, too.

For example, I usually make dinner but he's usually home before me and will get whatever the planned dinner is started - if possible.

I'll wash the pots/pans and He'll load the dishwasher and since I go to bed earlier he'll start the dishwasher after his late night snacking. Since I get up earlier, I unload the dishwasher.

He'll start the laundry and I'll load the dryer and then fold clothes.

In the summer he has more outside things to do, so I take care of the inside. During the winter He'll pitch in more. One thing he never does is make the bed! I'm gone for work before he's up and he never makes the bed. When I get home it's the first thing I do! I can't stand going to bed in a rumpled bed. I never say anything to him, tho. It's just easier for me to do it then make issue of it.

Everyone's normal is different but I wouldn't think what you described is a good sign.🙂

[Asker]

Girl your husband is a rare breed. Cherish him.

[Honesttguy]

Is it "normal" to have toxic relationship? Hmm if by normal u mean whats common out there in society then yeah, but i rather be single than in toxic relationship, it starts with HER. Why does she do this to herself, lack of selfrespect? Lack of ability to be alone? It can be many reasons why she choses to suffer like that

[Fireguy17]

It is time for her to move on, she deserves to be treated better.

[Guy__]

Depends on what type of work he does. It's normal for very tired unrested people to get angry.

[Asker]

He drives materials to construction sites in semi trucks

[Guy__]

It's not that I'm interested in it, I'm saying work can be stressful.

[Guy__]

But getting angry for small things isn't normal.

[Wise4myage]

No, that's stupid and controlling.