Am I in the wrong for getting angry at my boyfriend today, when I came home later from work, with groceries and dinner? And he had made no effort?

[Anonymous]

I came home after work today, with the grocery shopping and dinner to prepare, for my boyfriend. My boyfriend had been home for an hour as he finishes work earlier. I earn more then him, Because of this I buy all the food shopping , and mostly pay for our nights out, and holidays. When I came home today I got angry and said I was pissed off to come home and have the groceries and to cook dinner for him, why hadn’t he made the effort to go and do this for me. I don’t remember the last time he has stocked up the fridge. He does cook, maybe once a week. Whereas I find I am the one mainly making sure we are fed. His excuses are he doesn’t have money, and I don’t have to shout at him like that. I can just ask him to go to the shop and prepare. That’s a good point. But I would like him to initiate buying and cooking on the days he is home before me, without me asking. Just as I make sure we have a good meal , and he hasn’t asked me.

Updates

+1 y

I feel like a dick for this fight, but I hate the double standards. I pay for everything, come home and have to cook. When he’s been home before me. Why doesn’t he think of getting food for us

[lightbulb27]

we'll... hummm... nah... he needs yelled at...

so that would be a sign you've not been clear about your feelings and it built up til it blurted out.

It's a sign he's being passive, not being a man or leading. Note... you chose this kind of guy...

So I'd rather talk responsibility. He needs to get off his A$$, think, make a list of what he can and will do, and give. He needs to learn to be proactive in communicating.

You need to work to communicate and address issues as they come up, communicate during the day and plan (together), to limit surprises.

Sadly, a lot of child men out there... I feel for women whom have to deal with these kinds of guys, and there are boat loads of them out there now being raised to be lazy as heck.

All solvable.

[spartan55]

The old he better read my mind because I damn sure won't just tell him. That's crazy!

[Anonymous]

Okay so I do get your frustration with his lack of contribution when it comes to making sure you’re both fed. However, I believe it was wrong for you to get angry at him about this when you returned from the grocery store. You should have sat him down probably at the end of the meal and had a civil conversation explaining everything you just said here. If he doesn’t take into consideration your feelings after the conversation, you can always leave the relationship and find someone who will do that for you

[provokeesmokee]

If you're paying, he's cooking.

That's how I handled it when I had a similar arrangement with my ex.

Frankly, if he's not also doing housecleaning, leave him. You have a son, not a boyfriend.

[In_Trance]

Did you suggest to him that it would be nice if he did this for you?
Did you ask him to initiate on the days he's home earlier?

People are not mind readers. Be specific with what you want.
You're most likely upset and he has no idea what's going on

[strateguy632]

anger is bad and never appropriate.

instead you would need to communicate in advance what you expected and if not tell, it is your own fault. no mho but truth

[Iron_Man]

You guys work it out no big deal