My boyfriend got super angry and turned it around on me when I confronted him (read details please)?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t even really “confront” him. I just got a DM from a woman on instagram, telling me how my boyfriend has been talking to and flirting with a girl she knows etc (my boyfriend is a public figure). I didn’t even respond to her, I just took a screenshot and sent it straight to my boyfriend saying “look what some girl is telling me, why is she sending me this?” and sent a picture of the account that sent me it and asked if he knew that person. I called and was very calm, and didn’t accuse or attack him in any way. If anything I was on his side, saying “if you don’t know this person i’ll just block her” and saying “oh maybe that’s someone that’s in love with you and is jealous”. He said he doesn’t understand why she’s saying that and finds it weird, he does know the girl she’s talking about but says that’s just a friend so he doesn’t know why the person would say that he’s flirting with her. Then out of nowhere he started getting super angry, telling me things I did months ago that he was dissapointed about and started shouting and telling me that I shouldn’t send him “nonsense” like that, that I should trust him and if I did i wouldn’t send him a screenshot of that asking him about it. Then started getting angry about me “posting a picture of us when I know he doesn’t like that”. He said i’m too insecure, that I have problems with myself and that I should work on myself.. Told me it’s my fault because I shouldn’t have posted that picture of us that’s why people send me things like that. And that he wants me to delete my instagram because my instagram will ruin our relationship, and told me to choose between either my instagram or him.. I felt I didn’t do anything wrong and I actually feel really bad about myself now and guilty

[ochitougly]

I’m sorry to tell you he probably was flirting. From my own experience guys only get offended like that when there is something to it or even more. He probably wants you to delete insta because he’s scared people are going to contact you and tell you what he’s up to.

[Asker]

Yeah i’m sure he was, but so what do I do with this further? Like yeah he basically shifted the guilt on me and now tells me to either choose my instagram or him because it’ll keep ruining the relationship.. quite extra of him to say but yeah it’s like what now? I have 0 proof I could show him of the fact that he is indeed flirting, but I just know for a fact it’s true besides that random girl telling me that. But without proof you’ll just sound crazy to people and it was easy for him to act like he doesn’t know what that person was talking about and lie that he isn’t flirting with nobody because again there’s no real proof. so i’m kind of stuck right now

[Asker]

I actually just deactivated my instagram regardless.. maybe that seems weak of me and dumb but i just don’t really know how to go about it further as there’s nothing for me left to tell him or prove to him. He pretty much won in shifting all the blame on me and making me feel guilty for it

[ochitougly]

I get you! I’ve been there! Trust me! I didn’t want to believe the rumors about my ex and stayed there because I had no proof that he was cheating… eventually he broke up with me because I had become “toxic” because I was feeling insecure. After a month he asked me to get back together with him, which of course I accepted, a few weeks later I checked his phone and he had actually been cheating… until this day he still says it’s not true and made up some unbelievable story why he told his friends he was having sex with other girls (my “friends”). But then I asked my self why would I want to be with a guy that when I ask him a simple question about something like this he makes me feel like shit and gets aggressive, etc. In the end it’s very difficult to have the proof of things like this. But you have to ask your self do you really want to be with someone that makes you feel like that? Someone that you can’t even have a conversation without them blaming it on you?

[ochitougly]

Just imagine having a family with someone like that or real issues, moments when you need to work as a team with your partner and not someone that drags you down in an already unpleasant situation!

[ochitougly]

You should brake up with him not because he was flirting but because of how he handled the situation. For that you can hold him accountable!

[Asker]

I fully agree with you actually! That’s very unattractive and is problematic, it’s basically him feeling under pressure and wanting to shift the negative attention and blame off of him towards me. Which is not a good sign anyways, it’s kinda childish almost? It definitely put me off, even though we’ve been together 3 years. We do long distance but when I see him I will definitely tell him about that behaviour and how it’s very problematic and unnecessary and that I can’t be open and honest with him about everything when he acts like that.

[ochitougly]

Good luck 💖

[Asker]

One last question hahah, would I actually be dumb to actually go ahead and deactivate my instagram because he wants that?

[Asker]

He literally said “Go and delete your IG now, or i can do it for you no problem. But choose instagr or choose me”… i feel like that sounds really wrong and weird and I actually did deactivate it and I feel like a dumb and blind person

[Asker]

I mean after the argument, i just went ahead and deactivated my acc because i couldn’t care less about it. I didn’t tell him I did it i didn’t text or call him anymore and didn’t bother telling him I actually deactivated it. But then the next morning he sent me a long text saying how much he loves me and doesn’t want us to argue or let other people come between us, and how he just wants me to listen so we can be happy together and not let these stupid things get in our way.. so how can I know he didn’t want me to remove my IG for the wrong reasons and that he didn’t want that in our favour or to protect our relationship, but to protect other things?

[ochitougly]

I mean I feel you could just tell him that you don’t really care that much about the account but how handled everything… I feel tho your relationship should be strong enough that a simple message from a random person doesn’t make that big of a deal. If you would work on communicating better and trust each other (him your judgement and you his behavior in this case with other women). A message like that would just bounce off and you wouldn’t have to take this drastic mesures for something like a message from no one. As per the insta account I wouldn’t delete it but because I love my insta it’s the way I stay connected with my friends and fam. It’s what I look at when im bored. You should do what feels right for you with your social media not what he is manipulating you to do because he’s scared of what could happen because of it.

[ochitougly]

Also in Spanish there is a saying “no hagas cosas buenas que parezcan malas” it means you shouldn’t do good things that look like bad things. You could also tell him that if he behaves in a good way in his social media and shows respect towards your relationship they should be a reason for you to delete your accounts (that only if you’d like to keep your insta). And if he’s done that you don’t have a reason to not believe him and you’ll take those random messages for what they are.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right, the thing is that in the past people would try to create drama between us, like one time he just went on vacation with his friends and his friend invitied 2 girls over that my boyfriend didn’t know or invite himself, and one of the girl took a picture of the house the guys were staying in and posted that on her story, even though that girl just came there to bring them groceries and leave. And a random person that i didn’t know sent me a dm with the girls story of the house and a picture of my boyfriends story because he also posted the house on his story, and she was like “yeah this girl is in the same house as your man i could tell from their story”, and i had sent that to my boyfriend and he reacted very normal and calm, just sent me proof of how that girl was a friend of his friend and not anyone he knew, and proof of his friend asking her to bring groceries and so then we saw like people are trying to create problems that aren’t even true and stuff. But at that time he reacted very normally and calm and just sent the proof that it isn’t what it seems and that was the end of the convo, so 2 days ago when someone sent me that stuff of how he was talking & flirting with a girl (have never received a message like that before so that was new) he basically was like this is gonna keep happening and people are gonna keep trying to start shit or tell you “nonsense”. Because he’s a public figure so people know him and will “like him”, and basically said like “ I told you to keep your instagram on private but you don’t listen, you’re gonna get a lot of messages like that and it’s gonna ruin our relationship. I want you to just delete your instagram now, i’m gonna wait for you to delete it now. I don’t wanna keep getting these stupid things sent by you and dealing with these people sending you stuff. Don’t send me nonsense like this anymore it’s stupid and i don’t wanna see this” but this time he was way more angry and shouting about it

[Asker]

There was also a time where i became insecure and actually logged into his instagram without his knowledge and basically invaded his privacy and he was very upset about that, i also have gotten quite jealous in the past and stuff so he doesn’t see me get along well with him having female friends and stuff. He basically makes a lot of friends and he said that I should be okay with him having female friends, and when I got that message of that stranger saying how he’s flirting with someone blabla, and sent that to him, he also was like “dont know why this person is saying that, that’s just a friend of mine” so he didn’t like act like he didn’t know the girl she was speaking about, he said yeah i know her she’s a friend.

[Asker]

And then somewhere towards the end of our conversation when he kept telling me to delete my instagram, he then said “do whatever you want you know, delete it or don’t i don’t care that’s your business, but i’m gonna keep making friends and people are gonna keep liking me” and i said “oh really so that’s my business?” And he said Yeah that’s your business and then I hung up. Thats when the next morning he sent me a long text saying “morning my world, i love you so much my beautiful queen, i don’t like when we argue. I just want you to listen to me and let’s be happy together. You’re working hard to achieve your goals i love that, i’m doing the same. Let’s not let stupid stuff get in our way, have a nice day”

[ochitougly]

Mmmm i see… you remember the guy I told you about 🥲? So he was also famous… he said that’s why it was happening… we broke up like 5 years ago. Last year he called me and asked me if I knew anything about his girlfriend receiving random messages that he was cheating (like the ones I received). Ofc I had no idea he even had a girlfriend. But I also told him to tell her to go private on her acc. But because she was going insane because of the messages… I somehow get him but you have to tell him that you guys need to have a strong ass relationship specially if he’s famous and you are long distance you tell him that he’s going to have to deal with you telling him everything about everything in your life because a boyfriend should not only be your lover but also your best friend. That’s at least the idea of a partner for me…

[ochitougly]

And tell him that if he acts out again like that you’ll end the relationship. The past is in the past but him handling things like a crazy person again won’t work with you.

[ochitougly]

Tell him that respect and communication is everything in a relationship. You’ll just have to set your boundaries and follow through with them. I feel he clearly loves you so you’ll be fine!

[Asker]

Yeah it does make sense.. but having to delete an IG is kinda extreme and I do feel that he most likely isn’t loyal then, so it’s like what do i do with that.. deep inside I know I probably wouldn’t be happy if I would get a look inside his dms, but I guess with zero proof there’s nothing I can do but wait until it gets fully revealed to me by God somehow hahah 🙁 but I will definitely set my damn boundaries and follow through with the consequence if he goes beyond my personal boundaries & limits!! And I will definitely set him straight on that crazy person behaviour. I can only be respected if I respect myself and make my boundaries loud and clear

[Guy13]

ANON-this suits you. Man-Up with ID. This stuff happens to ANONs. Just you people…Youball drink from the same troff, well, 💦 line.
WHY is it always Your Peoples-ANON with these Public Figures kinds of things ⁉️

[Asker]

Keep your non helpful answers to yourself, anybody can ask whatever they need to on this platform. Who cares if I put myself on anonymous? Its not about who I am, i’m just asking a question to seek advice or some helpful answers and me mentioning that my boyfriend is a public figure is just to help give detail and make it more understandable 😒

[Asker]

What kind of nonsense answer is that even talking about “Man up with ID”, maybe I don’t want to let everybody on this platform know the ID of my boyfriend? Would you tell the names of your partner, family members and your damn self on this app? I don’t think so.