Is this humiliating or normal?

Question

i have this boy I've been dating. he approached me (he said later that he thought i was pretty) but i was the one to suggest we exchange phone numbers. then i was the one to first say i had feelings for him (apparently at the time he thought we were just friends and i thought he was flirting w me) (he absolutely was flirting he's a liar) then he asked me once how i felt and i said i think i loved him and that the whole thing was unfamiliar to me. when asked back he said he said he didn't but it has nothing to do with me and he just needs time (he has some major understandable relationship trauma). he kept referring to himself as my boyfriend. then when i asked what we were he said he doesn't know. he's not looking at anyone but me. but he doesn't have a label to put on it. it was in the middle of the night and i kind of just burst out saying that thats so dumb. we eat together, we sleep together, he reminds me to drink water, he bought me flowers, he said if i died he would too, we sat and talked about our dream joint wedding and he's gonna turn around and say he doesn't know what we are? i call bullshit. he had a panic attack once hc he thought i was angry and blocked him. he gets visibly jealous when i mention other men. vice versa too. i said i claim u as my boyfriend and if u have any objections guess what? i dont care. who u gonna go tell? im ur only friend. then he asked if im done w my rant and just said ok. i asked if he had any thoughts and he said well i dont seem to have many options do i? then this morning i woke up humiliated that i have to beg someone to like me and told him to ignore anything i said yesterday bc i was tired and unwell. he said it sounds like im just trying to backtrack and yesterday sounded very logical and truthful. i said im regretful and he said thats not who u are, u own the things u do and u dont regret regardless of what other people think. usually its true but im super embarrassed rn bc i realised I've made every 1st move.

kylee2437 · Answer

He sounds like he’s playing mind games and you need to personally stop allowing him to play them. I think you need to realize this is only going to keep happening until you are stern about leaving him alone if he can’t figure out what he actually wants out of this. I know it’s going to be hard, I know it’s going to suck but you are only doing so much damage to your mental health by allowing him to be hot and cold towards you. Prepare yourself to have a real life talk with him about what he is looking for and if he can’t give you an answer that is mature and realistic to your needs, I think you need to end this

Is this humiliating or normal?

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