Thanks in advance for reading the details mentioned below. Promise it is all relevant and not ranting!
My solution to this for the longest time has been to prevent myself from getting angry and it has worked wonders so far. However, just twenty or so minutes ago, I was on the phone with a family member and they really upset me and I got angry. I had to hang up because I was about to cry. This happens only when I'm really wronged and I get extremely angry.
How can I manage my anger better. Is there a way a person can still be reasonable sounding and not break down completely when angry?
I know not getting angry is the way to go about it. I believe I have "mastered" that if I say so myself but you can't always control your anger.
I want you guys to suggest ways I can control myself when I'm provoked and am already angry!!!
I get angry and then I end up crying. I still haven't learned how to properly manage my anger. Any ideas?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Leave before it escalates if you can. If it's already blowing up then still leave. You can come back when you've had a chance to think about what the issue was and figure out what you really want to get aross. I had the same problem for a long time, and I was never able to keep calm or calm down unless I was alone. At least get away from the immediate situation and cool off before you say or do something you regret. Confront the person or people involved once you've thought about it, and be clear on what you think went wrong in the previous argument. Clarify what you were trying to say before, and really try and hear what they were trying to get across as well. Do not get defensive if they start losing their temper again, and if it escalates in the same way leave again and ask someone else to help you deal with the person next time. If you are stuck or it is very time sensative and it seriously cannot wait then ask for help from or call someone who knows what you are dealing with for help diffusing the situation. If you don't have someone who can help if things get too heated, then it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask someone who would be able to help keep things calm to kind of mediate before engaging in any argument. This worked for me.
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Asker
+1 y
Great advice, thanks... but I was wondering what to do whence already angry and crying? How do I calm myself, then? How to be angry and still be level headed, if that's even possible?
Unfortunately, I am not sure about that either. It has worked before to have a memorized line that you say to get a general point of "this is serious to me" across so they at least take you seriously and try to resolve the issue more calmly. If they are calm it's easier for me to get there. I've used "neither of us is helping anything by standing around screaming about it" before, but it works better on someone else with a similar problem. Sorry I don't know a good method for this point, the previous ones usually help prevent me from getting there so I haven't had to deal with this as much anymore. A call to a friend who is helpful in diffusing situations could still work, even in the heat of an argument. The most important thing is to shift the focus back to the issue and make sure the other person knows what you are trying to say. If you're both screaming, or they aren't listening at all, then just get out. Walk away mid-conversation, it doesn't matter what they say at that point.
Id say do some exercise or boxing. It's not healthy to suppress your emotions, so letting them out when you can is good. Also try to understand what makes you angry and figure out how you can make it stop
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Asker
+1 y
Right, I actually don't mind getting angry. I just don't like crying when I'm really angry, is there a way I can be angry and not cry?
Crying when you're mad is natural too. Tears result from extreme emotions, be it sadness, anger or even happiness. I can't really tell you how to stop crying, sometimes people just do it.
I randomly tear up sometimes, but i dont usually cry or get mad. People show emotions differently I guess
Actually, crying and withdrawing from the conflict is an excellent way to deal with anger. You don't lash out at the other person. You give yourself time to feel what you're feeling, process your thoughts, crying relieves a great deal of stress, then you can maybe go back to the subject when you're calm and feel like you can discuss your side of things rationally.
I see nothing really wrong with how you're handling your anger.
It's not good to push down and squelch your feelings. You just have to find ways to process your emotions that don't harm yourself or others. Being able to withdraw and think deeply about what you're feeling is really good.
Sounds to me you've done a pretty good job as it's is controlling it. It's ok to let it out every once in a while. The only think I can say is establishing good communication between you and the individual. I have someone in my life that has an anger issue. Only his came out in rage. He could get down right scary. But in time I just learned to understand him. Once I did. He rarely rages anymore. But it will never stop completely because we are imperfect humans. I wish I had a magic spell for you but I don't. I wish you peace my friend.😎
I understand you don’t like the idea of crying and I’m not telling you to cry but I want to point out crying is not losing control. It’s the result of the busy calming down. Physiologically frying is the process if your body calming itself down. It’s what happens after being upset it’s not upsetedness itself. It is your body calming it’s heart beat blood pressure trjsxjbg the vessels. It is the busiest non harmful way if release causing neither harm to your nor anyone wise. I get thst you feel it looks weak and is a waste of time but it is a very good use of time bc it ciders things up pretty quickly. It is your body taking action. Other things guy consider taking action are masking or avoiding release. Unless you are talkkg about confronting the matter OR crying , crying is not not taking action any more than drinking water or pinching stuff is.
I don’t like crying either actually it’s oratory difficult for me to do and if it happens I can’t sustain it more than 5 seconds, so maybe you’re taking about crying for hours. Otherwise I’d just go privately and let it happen. If you are fighting feelings all the time it will just build up.
But probably the best thing to do so you feel productive is to confront the issue and resolve it. And crying may interfere with that. But if you are alone and have no means of resolving matters I’d just cry if it comes naturally.
It’s too bad crying is so frowned upon it’s healthy for you. And no kind breaka the law by crying 🙃
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Asker
New+1 y
The longest I have cried is for like 10 minutes, but still... psychologically getting over it, crying that is... has always been difficult for me!
Like I'll shut down completely for days if I even cry for a little while because of anger. The maximum that has happened was for three days. I just ate and remained in my room for three days without doing anything else like completely bailing on my daily schedule. It's a good thing I wasn't as busy as I usually am that particular week.
Strangely enough, asking this question and replying to opinions on here have strangely been a bit therapeutic for me so thank you for replying! I appreciate your input. I'll keep in mind everything you said.
I'm guessing this happens to you because you feel like you are not being heard. Frustration and disappointment can turn anger into sadness and when it's hard to express how you feel sometimes it comes out with tears. People need to feel validation and connection. It can't always happen but if you're dealing with family you expect more from them. This happens more with a specific person, think about a better way to communicate with them. If this doesn't help you may need to limit contact for your own well-being. Meditation is a good way to stay centered and exercise helps too. Im always surprised how much it helps me to take a walk at the park to reflect and enjoy nature.
I get super super angry when I'm being ignored by the ones i love but never can express or show it. Then it turns to depression and makes me think about suicide
@quoter yes, I understand how you feel. It is hard to resolve these things when it's difficult to communicate and the person on the other end is not trying to understand you. Do you have access to a counselor at school? I find talking to someone like that very helpful. I went to therapy for year-and-a-half during a difficult marriage and it was a process but so great to have someone I could talk to every couple weeks and work through life. I find journaling very helpful too. When it's on your mind write it down or speak it into a memo on your phone. I always put a date next to it because it's interesting to go back and see how I felt on different days and how I have improved or I see how something that appeared to be hopeless was later manageable. It's also good when you're at the counseling session so you can read how you were feeling at different times since it's hard to remember when you're going through so much.
I record my voice on my phone saying whatever has happened when sth occurs. But taking to myself helps me too and in the case I have, the girl is 13 years older than me😶
When i get really angry i either put on my gloves and go at the punching bag for a while, smoke a cigarette, go drive my truck around and listen to music or go to my place of peace which is in the woods or climb up a tree and calm down for a while but those are for when im extremely upset otherwise i just stop and sit in silence and take a couple deep breaths
as with emotions in general it comes down to breathing and your heart rate. learn to control those and you can control your emotions. slowing your breathing and focusing on slowing your heart rate down while picturing an image (emotion, feeling whatever) opposite to what you are feeling and with some practice you will begin to become calmer and more centered. good luck.
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Asker
+1 y
Thanks! I do that when I'm exercising and meditating but sometimes when angry or upset, I forget to do those things. I guess it's about being disciplined as much as it is about knowing what to do!
First of all, not getting angry is NOT the answer you are just suppressing your feelings. Anger is s valid emotion we all need to experience. You are actually relieving that emotion in a healthier way than most people by crying, crying is a terrific emotional releaser. You are not getting violent with anyone, right? Are you saying things you don't mean? Or Trying to hurt someone in any manner? If it's no to these questions, stop trying to suppress your anger it's a healthy valid emotion you need to experience to have a well balanced mental health.
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Asker
New+1 y
Crying can be a waste of time. I'd rather not cry and think for a solution. I feel it's a sign of weakness. Breaking down and crying instead of taking action. I'd rather not cry and be proactive about how I'll proceed with whatever's wrong.
Take for example, being in a car accident where the fault is not your own but that of the driver who rammed into your car's posterior. I'd rather be angry and mindful than angry and tearful. Do you understand what I mean?
I deal with anger by keeping an item in my pocket that I play with whenever I get angry or upset. It could be a fidget spinner, a stress ball, anything. Right now I have a lighter in my pocket that I click when I'm angry and it can calm me down a lot. Another alternative is punching objects or yourself, which I also do, but it hurts like hell so yeah, not the best idea.
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Asker
+1 y
Hmmm, that could be something! Thanks for your input! 🤜🤛
You’re an “angry crier”. I’m in the same boat. What helps for me is breathing heavily, taking a sip of water and pressing my lips on each other. Looking up helps too. Try to think about a different subject.
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Asker
+1 y
I'll write that down and remember that the next time I feel like crying when I'm angry.
I usually remove myself from the situation. It's been a long time since I have even cried in front of anybody. I honestly consider it a sign of weakness.
my psychologist recommended techniques to slow my heart rate because i had really explosive anger. they included breathing exercises, 15 minute of cardio, or this weird technique of holding your breath in icewater for a minute and a half (that one sucks but its sooooo effective)
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Asker
+1 y
I don't mind the anger, I hate the crying that comes with it.
ok well then for me the more i resist the tears the more likely they are to come. so normally if i completely relax and just let it happen (which is hard because the natural reaction is to tense to and fight it) then im less likely to actually cry.
I can get really wound up. I don't always cry. Only depending on the situation. What I do is stop myself before I react, take a deep breath and think before I speak and relax myself. I also try to say as little as possible but get my point across. You just have to try and convince yourself that it's not worth getting so angry about. You can be stern without blowing up.
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Asker
+1 y
I don't mind getting angry as long as I am in control. It's the crying because you are so angry part that I need help with.
How to not cry when you get really angry? Calm myself before I even reach that point, is that what you are trying to say?
I drink something. I feel like it helps you regulate your breathing and pushes that crying feeling from creeping up. I'm an angry crier too and it's embarrassing and the only time I cry (I'm like you and try not to get angry).
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Asker
+1 y
Another person suggested exactly this! Thanks, I told her I'd write it down on my notes and practise it were I to get angry again and felt like crying. Thanks for reaffirming what that other person said! Thanks for your input!!! 🤜🤛
Anger comes from fear. Identify what is triggering your fear. Example: People like to be in control. When something happens that is beyond their control it can trigger fear of losing control. The easiest way to respond to this type of fear is with anger.
Well... mmmmmm actually thankfully there is a way. 1) every situation can be defused better by not not taking it seriously. 2) depending on the wrong, you need to turn that wrong into your favor. 3) lastly know what to say is waaay better than wrong causality. If you known what to say to every situation thats wrong then anger is furthest from your mind.
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Asker
+1 y
I don't think you understood my question. As I mentioned, I know prevention is the way to go. However...
What I'm trying to ask is, how to manage and stay within limits whence you are already angry?
Recently I have realized that anger does not come at once. It builds up step by step until we snap. So it is better to find a way express anger in a meaningful way which is acceptable may be.. otherwise we end up hurting ourselves in the end.
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Asker
+1 y
So, what acceptable ways do you have in mind till we reach the "boiling point"?
Don't bottle up emotions.. find a way to settle them at every step in a positive way.. I would suggest to try and understand what is making you angry so often.. root cause may help
Things that do irritate and agitate me would agitate really anyone given if they were in my shoes. I just want to know if there are ways people who eventually cry whenever they are angry have ways that stops them just before they cry. Like are there methods one can apply... being angry, you really can't control that... but crying, I feel, is something that can be avoided if taken the right steps. What, in your mind, would be those steps?
What I have also realized recently is that investing emotions in places which are not worth it cause dissapointment and anger.. this has helped me to an extent..
I had learnt it first hand from a guru.. but it was only for 3 days.. but it did help me for a while.. it was all about maintaining focus as guided by lying down in a relaxed position
I'm sorry, I feel like I'll have to repeat my question... I don't have anger issues... I hate when I end up crying when I'm angry. I know I'll get angry in the future, I just want to find ways to not cry when I AM angry. I don't want to know ways of how to avoid being angry altogether...
Hmm.. may be what I had suggested could help you with that too.. but I think it is better to get advice from some one who had such experience.. anyways I hope you find a solution soon.. all the best
Workout! It makes you feel great and let’s you get your anger out!😁
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Asker
New+1 y
I do workout quite regularly, actually! I was working out when I received the call. Made me stop exercising, lol. Do you mean if I am angry and about to cry, I should start exercising?
So, what are some of the things you tried in controlling these fits of rage, if you will? Anything in particular... or was it just an age thing? The older you got, the less violent you were?
If anything. The older I've got the more violent i get. I go to the gym and push weights heavier than im supposed to and it calms me and gives me something to use therage o without damaging anything
That's a great outlet, I think. I personally love working out and have always been very active for as long as I can remember. I'm into martial arts and an avid practitioner of it since I was five. Twenty years now! Ugh, I feel old!
You should try BJJ, Taiji or TKD... I know I'm a bit biased but I feel these martial arts work better than resistance training, haha!
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