How can I be more patient with my boyfriend and be less quick to get angry?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, there's no doubt there is love there. We have been through so much together. I have been going through some resentment issues with him bc of things that have happened in the past. He used to be a huge drinker, like vodka, whiskey, that kind of stuff. He calmed down a lot and now drinking beer. It's still a lot of drinking. He has this "friend" that he hangs out with and they drink all the time together, until they are drunk. His parents and I want him to slow down with his everyday drinking. One of his really good friends passed away from drinking. My boyfriend cried for days. He has gone to jail bc of his drinking and he got in trouble on new years from drinking too. I have been noticing as well that the white part of his eyes are becoming slightly yellow. I told him about it and he doesn't seem to care because he is still drinking. I know I can't change him, he has to change on his own, but it makes me so sad. Yesterday he called me to get dinner, I got dressed and was heading to his house. We were talking on the phone while I was driving. I was mentioning his drinking and he needs to slow down and he said "omg shut up about it already" I got upset and hung up the phone, made a u turn and went back home. He called me a bunch of times, I finally answered and he apologized for what he said and I gave him attitude for it. He then said if we could please go to dinner tomorrow and I said "we will see" he said "what do you mean?" I said "well I don't really trust your words bc when you say we will do something, we don't end up doing it" I know I will one day lose him if I don't stop having an attitude towards him or resentment towards him about something from the past and his drinking. I barely have any patience's with anyone, especially him. what can I do? I also want to be slow to get anger. I don't have money for a therapist, so any advice will be so helpful.

[Anonymous]

I can suggest some strategies for increasing your patience and reducing your tendency to get angry.

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment. It can help you to slow down, observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, and respond more calmly and thoughtfully to situations. You can try mindfulness meditation or simply practice being more aware of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day.

2. Communicate calmly and respectfully: When discussing difficult topics with your boyfriend, try to communicate in a calm and respectful manner. Avoid attacking or criticizing him, and instead focus on expressing your own feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational way.

3. Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes and understand his perspective. This can help to reduce resentment and anger towards him and increase your ability to communicate effectively.

4. Set boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your boyfriend around his drinking and other behaviors that are causing problems in your relationship. This can help you to feel more in control and reduce feelings of resentment and frustration.

5. Take care of yourself: Make sure to prioritize your own self-care and well-being. This can include activities such as exercise, spending time with friends and family, pursuing hobbies, and practicing relaxation techniques.

Remember, change takes time and effort, so be patient and kind to yourself as you work towards improving your relationship with your boyfriend and increasing your own patience and emotional regulation.

[OfMiceandMen]

To be honest, he seems to be digging his own grave and doesn't appear to want any help.

I think you need to worry about you and what staying with him is doing to you. You can't just learn to become numb to his drunkenness and hurtful behavior towards you. He is just dragging you down with him.

At some point, you need to get away from him and live a better less destructive lifestyle.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You can only do two things. Stay with him and accept him for what he is, a fucking drunk, or leave him.
You're right, you can't change him. So there's need for you to get upset about it, because all that will do is cause more and more resentment between both of you.

Losing the people you love is part of being an alcoholic. I have a feeling he'll learn that lesson one of these days

[NostalgiaSenpi]

People change, only when they want to change. You may have to put your foot down and have it be you or the booze. He's not going to stop unless he wants.

[slatyb]

He's an alcoholic. Off course you are angry. Try Al-anon. Most people would have left him long ago..

[ThomasDavid1989]

Try not to get so upset over the small things. That makes the bigger things, matter more

[TheFlak38]

In other words you're a mental nutcase