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What advice would you give your daughter who's starting to date? (Page 2)
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I would be so scared to have kids in this time.. especially girls. To echo some of the other users, don’t trust men, value yourself and what you have to offer, don’t listen to advice saying that you can have it all and to value a career over a family… try to teach her what is really important in life and be there for her no matter what.
Dont give your heart all at once, do not make a sex tape or send your nudes ever be extra carefull with that, meet his friends, be involved in his hobbies or games or whatever, try to have your back dont fall for sweetness and compliments immediately, be careful dont trust guys easily, focus on yourself and your future be selfish
Never change who you are to gains someone's acceptance.
Don't let him hurt you, he hits you or abuses you in any way. Leave, it will happen again.
You can wait to have sex till your ready, dont do it because your friends do it, make sure he's special to you and nice to you.
If he doesn't put in the effort to meet his family, friends, go on dates, then you aren't that special.
The way he treats you and let's others treat you is how he feels about you.
Don't do it you fool. 🤣
My dad always warned me not to date or get into relationships before im 20. He allowed me to hang with them but nothing more.
Looking back he was probably right, saved me from a lot of misery and heartaches and games.
And never go over to a guys house, until your family knows him. Bad things happen
Bad things? like what?
Rapes or feeling pressured into things. I have heard more bad than good come out of it. When the girl doesn't know the guy yet
Oh boy well that took an ugly turn.
I can't unsee that
@Cuminginside a lot of girls are and were raised that way. including me, it creates a lot of trust issues for sure but for some parents they figure it's better for us to be on the safe side 🤷♀️.
@whirled_up_girl yeah but that you're creating a reverse psychology situation which is beneficial to nobody I don't know if you remember that commercial I think it was 15 or 18 years ago it was a single woman wearing a short skirt nothing too crazy was walking through a bad neighborhood goes home after A Hard Day's Work ladies on the couch watching TV eat ice cream and smoke a cigarette and I think it was implication what is more dangerous to your health crime outside or your health habits I never saw that commercial again it's very unfortunate but it speaks loud volumes on what it is happening today it's truly tragic.
@Cuminginside Yeah, I'm not saying it's a good thing I'm justing saying that's the message a lof us women learn at a young age and trying to reprogram one's brain afterwards can be difficult. What ends up happening (in my opinion) is young women end up taking an all or nothing approach. Either it takes months to trust someone or they trust the first guy they meet and go home with them. I wish parents would teach some kind of balance and explain how to judge someone's character and just how trust can be earned and that both people can learn what each others morals are and if they are compatible to be a couple before they get too emotionally invested. Sadly, it's "just don't do it" too many times but that doesn't give us much to work with.
@whirled_up_girl I've seen a lot of this "all or nothing" and the fear like @lis-the-librarian is talking about, to not even trust another human being "until your family knows him", and the fear of being raped or murdered. I'm not discounting that this happens (something like 1/4 women are raped). But I agree with you about judging character, earning trust, etc. Women are taking a more independent and aggressive role, but they also need to step up into it a bit. Example: Women still tend to be very passive and wait for the male to suggest a date, suggest the place, the time, the activity. This puts all the control with him!
I have zero problem with suggesting a date, but for example this girl (who started the conversation with me, and asked for my info) basically put it all on me to set up a date and details, so I suggested we go kayaking in the ocean under the full moon. I thought it was a great idea, but she got all weird and scared and "are you gonna murder me?" and we ended up not going. I realize now that I should set my sights lower and for an environment where she would feel safer and more in control for a first date, I was just impressed with her and thought she would appreciate a unique adventure. But the point being, she could have suggested a public venue coffee shop if that's the date she wanted and would have felt comfortable agreeing to.
Thank you all for this conversation. I'm not going to add more just observe because you're articulating yourselves really respectfully and engaging which is encouraging. 😊 It's really interesting.
“Pure” lol I’m sorry but is he trying to say you’ll be less valuable if you aren’t a virgin? Your personal worth is not reliant on weather you have sex or not. Be true to yourself for yourself not others and your vagina is not valuable or invaluable unless you’re selling it
My grandfather is a Christian and 84 years old.
You need to be respectful and mindful of a man from a different era, who loves his single granddaughter.
I didn't ask for your opinion on what he said I asked what you would advise your daughter... Please remember to read the question.
I did answer the question, my answer was on point. You are a human being and deserve respect ✊. My answer showed you respect, you deserve as a human being and individual. You deserve to be seen as a person! I would treat my daughter as a person and human not a “pure virgin” who would make a man happy. If you look a few people reacted the same way but used fewer words. Also his age and religion has nothing to do with his response. It’s 2022, 84 years ago was 1938.
I tell my daughter that in the dating world SHE has all the power and that HER choices are what affect the type of relationship she has.
If she is like most females and go after assholes, hoping to change him... she will LOSE every single time.
She can not complain about asshole males if she only picks the scummy types that women seem to love going after.
I told her that she can determine who is good and who isn’t by his initial interactions with her.
If he brings up sex or tries things early on in their meeting each other then he is a crappy one.
If she chooses to do things with a guy like that because “cOnFiDeNcE iS sExY” then she will get what she deserves. She will be treated like crap, cheated on, and discarded.
It is not our responsibility as men to tell all other men how to act. Women do the selection, if you don’t like shit males, stop chasing shit males.
Depends on her age. If she's 15 and up, tell her the importance of condoms. Even if you disagree with sex and tell her not to, that's not gonna stop a teenager. Better safe than sorry.
these words from my mother really slapped my heart and made me self conscious
"You are not yet 18 years old and still asking me for money are you not ashamed if you have a girlfriend"
He said this when in front of my family, when I joked if I had a girlfriend
"Know yourself, daughter. Don't be afraid to ask questions."
I would already have had THAT talk and my daughters will know about sex so they do not end up pregnant after that first time in the backseat of a car.
at that age i think girls need to look at guys as works in progress. i wouldn’t be so quick to rule out the guys who may not be the most attractive or the best with girls cuz it takes time and trial and error for most guys to learn. usually the guys that were the most popular in high school are losers later on and the guys that did just ok with girls go onto be the ones with more to offer.
Do not give into pressure, some people will pressure constantly, and if you do give in then say you were willing. If he can't accept that and stop pressuring then its time to move on.
Just to be careful, don't change yourself or degrade yourself for a person who doesn't accept you as you are, treat your partner with respect and love etc
1) If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
2) Trust your gut. If you dont feel comfortable or otherwise sense a disturbance in the force/heebie jeebies, get out of there.
3) Listen to how your date talks about others/treats others. eg. saying all their exes were crazy is a red flag
4) If a guy tells you they've been falsely accused, don't believe them.
Shop around. Meet a number of men before settling on one. Don't try to trade sex for love. Have sex if you want to have sex.
*hypothetical scenario as I'm not having kids*
Men are liars, cheats and scoundrels to say the least
Avoid the brainless, vain ones who want to be footballers or reality TV personalities (if you want to follow in these footsteps I'm cutting you outta my will)
Your grandfather is a wise man. Follow his advice.
Look for a guy who looks more than "skin deep" about others, including yourself.
Never under-rate yourself or sell yourself short. 1 Cor 7:2
Karma is a bitch. Do good onto to others and others hopefully shall do good on to you. Choose the man that has ambition, not just dreams. Don't try to go the easy route, you will always be unhappy afterwards. Push yourself and make sure those around you do it as well. Find a man who compliments you but also pushes you to be better. When arguing make sure he isn't the yelling type, be calm and patient. Don't lie to him, and make sure that you do the best you can as his/her girlfriend
young women confuse arrogance for confidence in men. but you aren't that young anymore and those days better be behind you
for your age you need to understand the 3 things needed to make a real long term relationship. chemistry, goals, and values.
Be honest... Guys have a VERY strong sex drive; it isn't evil or bad... but it is Dangerous, To both him and her, Babies change Lives, forever. If she decides she wants to be intimate with her Boyfriend, you cannot stop her... really you can't, but you can educate her and let her know that you are there to Protect her (abuse or pregnancy) Be a Loving Mom... encourage her to get on "birth control" if you think she might be vulnerable...
Date with the intent to marry. If you find someone doesn't meet your expectations for marriage; go find someone else. Wait until marriage for sex. Many will profess their love for you; but if they aren't willing to wait until your wedding night they don't truly love you. Feelings are fleeting; don't rely on them for your decision making.