What advice would you give your daughter who's starting to date?

Question

My father never had that chat with me.
He was kind of too invested in himself to offer words of wisdom.
My grandfather recently told me "You have really good qualities as a young woman and you should keep yourself pure until you meet the right person and when you do they should look after you because you deserve the best."
I was almost brought to tears really, I know he's thinking the end is near as he is in his 80s and recently diagnosed with diabetes.
Although it's being managed he worries about me finding the right person.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I would tell her that I love her and I really want to tell you what to do or what you can't do

But I can't.
But I tell you what might happen and it's not might. It will happen can't tell you when. But I'm sure its sooner than later. Anyway I'm just going to be honest and to the point . and I can do this because. You will know what I'm saying because you have a good foundation underneath you you're smart you're intelligent and all I'm going to say to you cuz I want you to use it when you're dating a guy every guy that you date is going to want to get into your pants if you allow him that's your choice I would recommend a condom I would recommend him show you a clean bill of health first but never ever have sex without a condom because the day that you do that you will be pregnant probably no matter what a guy says to you no matter what he tells you he has to put on a condom because when your pregnant he will swear up and down it's not his and he will disappear
Well I mean unless you want to be pregnant and you want a baby without a boyfriend or husband without a house without a car without your education without any friends because after 9 months be in the house all the time watching your baby you got to figure out how to go to work had to go to school had to get that degree how to feed and clothe your child you'll definitely be burning the candles at both ends but anyway you know what I'm trying to say there's two different guys two different types of guys 1 guys real you'll be honest with you you will make it all about you he will look deep into your eyes when he talks to you you hold your hand when you're not expecting it he will ask you for a kiss
Then there's the other guy he just wants it's all about him and he's selfish in every manner he will be abrupt with you in some ways he will try to control you but this is something you have to learn on your own you have to learn how to read these guys but I guarantee it 99.8 of them I want the same thing like I said I cannot tell you what to do no more you have to start making these choices on your own I just hope you pick the right

choices and I know you will

My chat might come close to that but it wouldn't be that way I really couldn't tell you that list she was standing right in front of me and I was doing it because each day that she gets older she changed his little bit so I would have to change with her I've already given her the talk

JamesDiaz11 · Accepted Answer

Men will rise to the occasion; if the bar is low, they're not leaping for the sky to clear it.

For my daughter, I'd suggest watching her peers go through a relationship before they even think of having one themselves. Watch how there is infatuation, the honeymoon stage, and then decline (90% of the time). In relationships that go the distance look at the qualities of the guy, and girl.
In the meantime, work on your physical beauty, learn to listen to what a guy says (good qualities, versus empty boasts, or red flags), and stay pure/ protect your reputation. When a guy approaches her, I'd suggest letting him lead, but if he indicates his desire to take her to cheap, thoughtless dates, or tries to get her alone she should disengage entirely (if a guy invites her to netflix and chill, refuse and don't give him a second chance).
When a guy does prove himself to have good intentions, learn about him, learn how you can support him, and do so. Ask him questions of what he's doing, get excited about his (realistic) aspirations, and see how/ if you can fit into them.
All the while, prove his prolonged interest (2+ months) before you start anything physical (nothing but a kiss/ embrace in the first three+ months).
Don't leave anything unspoken, if he doesn't ask you to be in a relationship you're not in one. Talk about your long-term goals, and how you're going to be together- if there's no chance of it working out then you should leave it.
Be his peace, be a girl he can brag about to his friends/ family ("she's such a amazing girl" not just "she's hot"), forge connections with his family before you do anything physical with him. When you finally do, make sure you don't act nonchalant, tell him how meaningful/ important it was to you, and you hope he'll invest in your happiness in the same way that you invested in his.
Don't act out in jealousy (if he shows interest in other girls, disengage), laugh at his jokes, smile at him, look into his eyes as if he's someone important.
Lastly, before you go all the way- if it comes to that- have him meet your father, and get his approval. Women are not the ultimate judge of men, other men are- if you have a good father, who loves you, he'll tell you if it's not right (and believe him).

Squaresquirrel · Accepted Answer

Advice? Have strong boundaries, don't be afraid to say no and to speak your mind. The right man will like you for it, the weak man will leave and it's okay.
Don't compare yourself to other women and never ever let anyone coerce you into doing something you don't want to do.
Smoking, drinking excessively, doing drugs are not cool, whatever they say.
And something important, never feel ashamed to talk to your parents or siblings and ask for help.

dustybiker · Accepted Answer

Hold out for the one you burn for. The one you want to tell everything to. But in the mean time befriend all the men willing to befriend you back. Listen to them. Share with them and let them listen to you. Make the mistakes with friends, they care and are forgiving, and so you don’t put your foot in your mouth and mess up the real deal.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Most people try to project an image of being all together, having their lives in order, and living near perfect lives. Look beyond the surface and see that those are weak illusions and that most people have flaws and weaknesses and are not remotely close to perfect. Use that information to understand that you should not judge yourself too harshly and that you are a much better prospect for guys that you probably are willing to believe.

Treat yourself like a precious commodity that should be preserved and maintained and shared only with the right person at the right time. And understand that if you must throw ourself at a guy to get his attention, he is not The One who you should select to be the role model for your future sons.

ManOnFire · Answer

Don't juggle more than one guy around.
Always be kind until you have a reason not to be.
Pay attention to what he's saying and doing, look out for guys who might try to take advantage of you.
Always communicate and show consistency.
If you're ready to end it be mature and let him know this is end for you.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

That one person has some messed up family relations WOW!!! SCB if you know who that is...

Yea. The advice I would give is to save yourself until marriage. You must both give respect and expect a man to treat you right. That it goes both ways. I would tell her to never be entitled but always appreciate the things gentlemen do and to do the same.

I would tell my daughter both how to expect to be treated as well as how to treat the people that she is dating.

I would teach her that nobody is entitled to anything of her or from her. Not sex. Not money. Not even a date. NOTHING!!! That if a man feel entitled to her to leave. That if a man wants to have sex especially on the first date to dump him on the spot.

To always have a safe way out if someone tries to date rape her and teach her about things that some men do. As well as tactics that men use (but women can too) to try and lead to sex that someone whose naïve and might not know better might fall into...

Things that seem innocent in nature but really have another motive behind it. That she needs to work for her money and not just suck off of a guy and that if she wants to be a stay at home mother or housewife that that's fine but there has to be a give and take.

That she must do all the housework, the cooking, the cleaning, that she should expect him to help with the kids and spend time with them but that she should be doing a lot of the work.

Not to just sit around and expect him to do EVERYTHING!!! I would try and install good morals, ethics, and values into her so that she will both be a amazing partner to someone as well as find a amazing partner herself.

I really want the best for her future and don't want her to end up like I have been these past few years and we won't' get into that.

Mostly of all that she does not have to date until she is ready and wants to and finds someone that she really likes.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

I can't say much on the advice part.
Not experienced enough.

- - - - - - -
The problem with telling other men about their bad ways is that the reason some men are crap are because they use deceptive methods to get in bed but their method is also so much more effective than what other types of men do.
But for these types it's also that their agenda is usually not to find a girlfriend. A lot of short-term is what I am saying.

It should be said that these types of men are probably somwhere around 10-25% of all men. The vast majority of men don't have that kind of game. But that is NOT to say 25% of men are a small group of people (especially in highly populated countries/areas). It's just that most men are gradually invisible to most women.

So acting morally superior don't work because if you intend to sleeparound a lot it's a numbers game more so than digging for qualities in each individuals, i. e. it's not a moral agenda in the first place (not that it's necessarily bad all the time either as there are likeminded individuals on both sides).
... And to be fair, most guys would act similarly if they had worked out an effective system that gave them the abundace of choices so frequently. But it requires a lot of hard work and numbing out a lot of shame of failure to be that guy. Well, unless you're just naturally shameless.

However a portion of these guys will eventually start thinking about settling down, that could be anywhere between the ages of 25-40 depending on when they had their sexually active period.

Dargil · Answer

I will assume she is 16. Earlier than that, I would not permit it.

"You have to understand that boys in your age group are incapable of loving you or of forming any sort of commitment. That will take years of maturity to come about. You should understand that sexuality is close to a drug addiction for young guys. They will say and do anything necessary to entitle themselves to sexual favors from you and these will not earn their love. It is almost certain that boys you may soon date will never be life partners. If you invest your body in them, they will leave you in sorrow.

As time passes, you may be faced with difficult decisions on how far you may go with intimacy. Understanding that I was once a teenage boy just like the boys at school, but am now and your father, I understand what it feels like to be them but also what is needed to protect you. As these decisions arise, I want you to come to me or your mother to discuss them. Either of us will give you thoughtful, fair answers."

crossdressingrihno · Answer

I'd tell her to follow her own path but to not be stupid about it because it's really easy to make mistakes and really hard to fix them

Then I would tell her that her female friends don't know nearly as much about dating as they think they do and to not trust their advice

Third I would tell her that if she doesn't know his friends then she shouldn't trust him because any guy can look good and be a horrible person but if you know their friends then how good or bad of a person they are would be a lot easier to figure out without having to learn it the hard way

4th I would tell her try not to have sex and if she is make sure she's on birth control first because we are not in an economy where she can take care of a child and whoever ends up impregnating her probably isn't going to stick around

Fifth I would tell her that she is bound to make a bunch of mistakes since she's young and to not hate herself for it and instead come to me or her mother for guidance when she does fuck up because it's bound to happen

Sixth I'd tell her that I'm going to love her even if she does make some stupid mistakes but that she should still refrain from making stupid mistakes

Andres77 · Answer

Let me meet them. Give me their full names. I want their address. I've taken pictures of their cars... in front of them.
If one knows that there are consequences SO SEVERE facing them... the likelihood of something bad happening decreases greatly.
But... in looking for a partner... are they diligent, dutiful, punctual, respectful, KIND, patient... do they have good relationships with their parents, are they consistent, do they manage their money well, are they a pessimist or optimistic.
Just a start.

horsenrhinounicorn · Answer

Dress in such a way that focuses the beauty around the head.

Dont try to act a certain way to win a man, be yourself.

Set boundaries and follow through

Dont compromise the real you

A good boyfriend brings out the best in you

Don’t give into peer pressure to do something you are not comfortable, if he loves you he will respect you, your choices and boundaries

A man needs to know when you are grateful for his act of kindness

She needs to know her self worth

libsaretards · Answer

I would tell her that pain is unavoidable in dating. Your heart will likely be broken along the way. There are too many people in the world for us to realistically get it right the first time. However, if you can stay sane and stay yourself through the pain, you will be an ultimate blessing and light to both the world and whatever man you find who is actually right for you. Do not let pain and disappointment change your heart or who you are. Do not hide from pain. Instead, grow from it and persevere. Do not grow bitter, grow better and wiser.

JSmuve · Answer

I'd say there's relationship value and sexual value. The two, while related, aren't the same and just because guys are sexually interested in you, doesn't mean that they want a relationship with you. Having sex too soon and with too many guys will lower your relationship value in the future so be judicious. Also, people are unreliable so be self-sufficient and don't become dependent on a guy. However, you still need to be feminine and make sure you address his emotional needs to have a healthy, functional relationship.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Take your time and never be in a rush.
Don't do anything you're not comfortable with
Don't be a people pleaser
It's completely fine to say No
Anxiety is not an excuse to stop talking to someone or cancel plans. Let them them know it's not working out well or you want to take it slow.
Ghosting is unnecessary unless they're not taking no for an answer or they disrespect you.
You're not a child, throwing tantrums or having an attitude will make you look stupid.
If you have an issue, speak on it when the both of you are alone. And never make a scene in public
If they threaten to hit you, leave and never talk to him again. If they disrespect you, leave. If they hit you once, leave. If you stay, you choose to be a victim to an abuser.
Your ego does not determine your worth.

Daddy loves you angel and always stay safe.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Your grandfather seems like a really nice man. My advice would be to see how he treats his mother. If he treats his mom poorly that isn't a good sign in my humble opinion.

Also trust yourself enough to know a good person when you see one. Always remember that you deserve true happiness. I don't understand how people, men and women, end up with just rotten SO's.

As for your update. I completely agree with you. I'm very close to my sister, and trust me, there are good men that do say something when they see other men act poorly. I've done this for family and friends more than once.

It's possible you don't see conversations that happen separately. I have taken people aside or privately if I see something really bad happening in the past.

That said, there's a fine line of having to jump in and also knowing when it's not your business to do so.

Good luck

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

For your update women vary so differently what works for some doesn't work for others and the behaviour changes what one finds sexy someone could find it as offense there is no way to train the fellow men as the village itself is clueless 🤷.

Father's won't understand much men's perspective is very narrow or could say easy.

It's women as mothers who need to educate the boys and girls that too being impartial but most women either go with full women oriented issues and doesnot understand the boys feeling it's like either dominate or be dominated and that creates a big mess.

Women have to find the balance and educate boys with their perspective.

Advice to daughter well anyways they won't listen😝.

1. Don't rush.
2. Think and act.
3. Don't send nudes with face.
4. Don't tape yourself.
5. Dont get pregnant or don't come to home.

lightbulb27 · Answer

@midnightmoon05

his advice is good. a lot of the training that will define whom you are attracted to was done by your father, lets hope it was good.

In general, know your values and value.
Approach it like shopping for clothes... most get put back on the shelf, be selective for quality and long term use.
Look for healthy communication, stability, common ground.
Get to know them.. you don't know someone til you date them. Work through the issues.
Get a ring first.

something like that.

Apulu_Imback · Answer

My mother will surely kick me out of home if I ask her for dating advices. She is a bit old minded person and wants arranged marriage for me. She never dated herself.

I will ask my dad because at least he dated in his college days. Mom doesn't knows that he used to date lmao 😂.

Femphile_xoxo · Answer

I'd make sure my daughter has strong refusal skills and understands that she knows how to say no if someone asks her to do something she doesn't want to do. And I'd remind her that I'm always there for her no matter what happens.

Also that if her partner makes her feel uncomfortable, drop them!!! You should never have to be in a relationship that you're not comfortable in.

menina · Answer

I've never had anyone giving me dating advice. All I know (which isn't a lot if I'm being honest) I learned by myself.
Perhaps I would tell her to put herself first, to not expect a man to complete her but instead to walk with her. And mostly to not have high expectations so she never gets disappointed.

Nata2496 · Answer

Your grandfather is smart man. I am sorry to hear you think he's nearing the end of his life. Make the most of the time you have with him. And yes, be careful in the dating world. Stay pure, stick to your values and don't have time for the men who try to discourage you. Look for someone you feel you can trust, and who has similar values, aims in life and interests to you, so that you'll be compatible.

Crankor · Answer

I don't know if it's really advice but consider what kind of relationship you want right now. Something to get by? Or a permanent one time thing. Are you the type who can break it off if it's not what you want or will you be too scared to do so? What kind of emotional attachment do you want? What can you offer and what will the guy offer? Could you see yourself having kinds with that person... Etc...

From what I've seen in my lifetime is the most common thing that couples get caught up in the freshness of a relationship but rarely have things in common as far as doing activities together. But if your young then expect both of you will most likely change and end up going your separate ways.

JoyGirl · Answer

My parents didn’t give me any advice. I had to figure things out on my own, and I made mistake along the way.

Tbh, I would tell her to know her worth. As long as she knows her worth, she is set. If a guy is treating her bad, she will leave without a problem, and without going back (even if he comes back to her). I will also tell her that if anything happens and she really needs advice, she can talk to me about anything. I want to be a chill mum/best friend. :)

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I would be so scared to have kids in this time.. especially girls. To echo some of the other users, don’t trust men, value yourself and what you have to offer, don’t listen to advice saying that you can have it all and to value a career over a family… try to teach her what is really important in life and be there for her no matter what.

Tarapatrona · Answer

Dont give your heart all at once, do not make a sex tape or send your nudes ever be extra carefull with that, meet his friends, be involved in his hobbies or games or whatever, try to have your back dont fall for sweetness and compliments immediately, be careful dont trust guys easily, focus on yourself and your future be selfish

Lis-the-librarian · Answer

Don't do it you fool. 🤣
My dad always warned me not to date or get into relationships before im 20. He allowed me to hang with them but nothing more.

Looking back he was probably right, saved me from a lot of misery and heartaches and games.

And never go over to a guys house, until your family knows him. Bad things happen

Purplemonkey242 · Answer

Never change who you are to gains someone's acceptance.
Don't let him hurt you, he hits you or abuses you in any way. Leave, it will happen again.
You can wait to have sex till your ready, dont do it because your friends do it, make sure he's special to you and nice to you.
If he doesn't put in the effort to meet his family, friends, go on dates, then you aren't that special.
The way he treats you and let's others treat you is how he feels about you.

Confidentandchill · Answer

“Pure” lol I’m sorry but is he trying to say you’ll be less valuable if you aren’t a virgin? Your personal worth is not reliant on weather you have sex or not. Be true to yourself for yourself not others and your vagina is not valuable or invaluable unless you’re selling it

Anonymous · Answer

I tell my daughter that in the dating world SHE has all the power and that HER choices are what affect the type of relationship she has.

If she is like most females and go after assholes, hoping to change him... she will LOSE every single time.
She can not complain about asshole males if she only picks the scummy types that women seem to love going after.
I told her that she can determine who is good and who isn’t by his initial interactions with her.
If he brings up sex or tries things early on in their meeting each other then he is a crappy one.
If she chooses to do things with a guy like that because “cOnFiDeNcE iS sExY” then she will get what she deserves. She will be treated like crap, cheated on, and discarded.

It is not our responsibility as men to tell all other men how to act. Women do the selection, if you don’t like shit males, stop chasing shit males.

Ghen30 · Answer

Depends on her age. If she's 15 and up, tell her the importance of condoms. Even if you disagree with sex and tell her not to, that's not gonna stop a teenager. Better safe than sorry.

n4meAL · Answer

these words from my mother really slapped my heart and made me self conscious

"You are not yet 18 years old and still asking me for money are you not ashamed if you have a girlfriend"

He said this when in front of my family, when I joked if I had a girlfriend

wingattebaby16 · Answer

"Know yourself, daughter. Don't be afraid to ask questions."

I would already have had THAT talk and my daughters will know about sex so they do not end up pregnant after that first time in the backseat of a car.

dolemite89 · Answer

at that age i think girls need to look at guys as works in progress. i wouldn’t be so quick to rule out the guys who may not be the most attractive or the best with girls cuz it takes time and trial and error for most guys to learn. usually the guys that were the most popular in high school are losers later on and the guys that did just ok with girls go onto be the ones with more to offer.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Do not give into pressure, some people will pressure constantly, and if you do give in then say you were willing. If he can't accept that and stop pressuring then its time to move on.

DaisyM23 · Answer

Just to be careful, don't change yourself or degrade yourself for a person who doesn't accept you as you are, treat your partner with respect and love etc

penteractgaming · Answer

1) If someone shows you who they are, believe them.
2) Trust your gut. If you dont feel comfortable or otherwise sense a disturbance in the force/heebie jeebies, get out of there.
3) Listen to how your date talks about others/treats others. eg. saying all their exes were crazy is a red flag
4) If a guy tells you they've been falsely accused, don't believe them.

Massageman · Answer

Your grandfather is a wise man. Follow his advice.  Look for a guy who looks more than "skin deep" about others, including yourself. Never under-rate yourself or sell yourself short. 1 Cor 7:2

jasco · Answer

Karma is a bitch. Do good onto to others and others hopefully shall do good on to you. Choose the man that has ambition, not just dreams. Don't try to go the easy route, you will always be unhappy afterwards. Push yourself and make sure those around you do it as well. Find a man who compliments you but also pushes you to be better. When arguing make sure he isn't the yelling type, be calm and patient. Don't lie to him, and make sure that you do the best you can as his/her girlfriend

007kingifrit · Answer

young women confuse arrogance for confidence in men. but you aren't that young anymore and those days better be behind you

for your age you need to understand the 3 things needed to make a real long term relationship. chemistry, goals, and values.

Waldoe · Answer

Be honest... Guys have a VERY strong sex drive; it isn't evil or bad... but it is Dangerous, To both him and her, Babies change Lives, forever. If she decides she wants to be intimate with her Boyfriend, you cannot stop her... really you can't, but you can educate her and let her know that you are there to Protect her (abuse or pregnancy) Be a Loving Mom... encourage her to get on "birth control" if you think she might be vulnerable...

Anonymous · Answer

Date with the intent to marry. If you find someone doesn't meet your expectations for marriage; go find someone else. Wait until marriage for sex. Many will profess their love for you; but if they aren't willing to wait until your wedding night they don't truly love you. Feelings are fleeting; don't rely on them for your decision making.

slatyb · Answer

Shop around. Meet a number of men before settling on one. Don't try to trade sex for love. Have sex if you want to have sex.

NathanDavis · Answer

the same I sometimes would tell my ex'girlfriends... lol find someone better than me, do not settle for any less...

jamesgoldman · Answer

*hypothetical scenario as I'm not having kids*

Men are liars, cheats and scoundrels to say the least
Avoid the brainless, vain ones who want to be footballers or reality TV personalities (if you want to follow in these footsteps I'm cutting you outta my will)

craig24 · Answer

Never do any sexual act you're not comfortable with. If he threatens to leave, just show him the way out.

Cathy7734 · Answer

My Mom always told me, "5-minutes of fun and pleasure and 18-years of hell."

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Nothing. My daughter knew about (my) 'values' long before ''dating''. So she did the right thing/s when she got there.

hypojoe · Answer

When it comes down too it make sure that he is respectful to you it only takes one time and next thing you know your have some idiots kid

KingofCups · Answer

Lol 'be pure' 'look after you'... what are we in medieval times, Victorian England?

As a modern man I'd be real with my daughter. I'd say, "Get to know the guy your interested in, do only what you feel ready for, use protection and/or contraceptives, and have fun. Sex/Relationships help you get to know what you like and what you want. Don't be afraid to explore and try new things, most importantly, make sure he respects you."

rachel776 · Answer

when you turn 12 every single guy you meet no matter how old they are is checking you out and wants to fuck you, no matter what they say

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I would tell her that I trust her to do her best to stick up for herself and do what she believes is right, but if her boyfriend doesn't treat her right, Ole Sébastien is waiting by the fireplace.

Tinana · Answer

I would tell her to make sure she loves herself before loving someone. And in relationships there’s no room for selfishness but if someone doesn’t make you happy choose you and leave

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

Trust no one until they prove trustworthy (instill awareness in her about the use of drugs, alcohol and date rape)... and a book called men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

anylolone · Answer

It's not much different from making friendships, except you play with each others privates. (which wasn't much different from quite a lot of my friendships.)

exitseven · Answer

Guys are all scum and they ae only after sex. You would be better off getting a cat.

Anonymous · Answer

what your grand pa said is debate able  and here is my advice  tell her GOD is above the watching everything so do your best to be good and follow his word  the bible is literal

gabby100 · Answer

Remember, when a guy asks you out he is thinking about having sex with you. That was from my Dad..

HaveNoName · Answer

I am thankful to God that my college going daughter already knows that you do not have to date just for the sake of dating. The only piece of advice we have given her is that DO NOT ever trust any human of rhe male gender.

Ringstretch · Answer

enjoy yourself and be the person you want to be but trust your instincts, if something feels wrong it possibly is

Chaopakhi · Answer

Don’t believe in words. Get to truly know & trust someone. Don’t get physical too soon.

peedy · Answer

I wouldn't say anything to her but I will have a nice little sit down chat with anybody who comes the door looking for her
" i see you when you get back probably be up all night just cleaning this gun"

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

My mom is a useless bitch and we never had that conversation. My aunt did.

Sonorous · Answer

My advice to her would be to remember the years of advice I've already given her.

What advice would you give your daughter who's starting to date?

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