Boyfriend wants to go alone to bars on weekends?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend is in a new city for the summer and he wants to go to bars alone during the weekend. I told him that made me uncomfortable, and that if he's okay with me going to bars alone during the weekend then I'm okay with it. But he says it's different for me.

I'm fine with him going alone during the week since I know a lot of people (including me) like to go get a drink sometimes after a long day of work. But the vibe is different during the weekend and he's not a sports guy so I know he's not there to watch a game lol

Am I being unreasonable? I just don't understand why someone who's taken would want to go to the bars alone on a weekend, it's not relaxing at all, at least for me.

[ohshee]

Well all your feelings that you have are all the things that you were thinking about you have that right to think about and you you are probably right
How did he say it was okay for you to go out on the weekends by yourself to a bar if he says yes to that then you should tell him that you're going to a bar to by yourself and see what he says will he like that I kind of doubt it first of all because he knows the real reason why he's going to a bar alone so he thinks you're going to be doing the same thing that he's going to be doing it will probably be a little dispute about it but at least you get that out on the table he would not want you to go to a bar on the weekend by yourself and get drunk are be there with other guys same thing for you you don't want him to be there with other girls but until he can actually feel that coming from you then he's not going to understand it he wants to manipulate you into thinking something different and that's not cool either there's no reason for it if you're going to a bar you should be able to go together

[20yearsolder]

It's called trust, evidently he doesn't trust you because he doesn't want you to go to the bar alone. Obviously you don't trust him or you would have no problem with him going to the bar alone. There's a reason you don't trust each other. This relationship will fail unless both of you decide this relationship is worth trusting each other. If you're not allowed to go alone then he shouldn't be allowed to go alone either.

[bubblegunnn]

Girl watch out.. a guy who had special relationship w me very often to go to bar on Saturday night w his buddy.. sometimes he just drunk n went back to his base and easy to reach out.. and few times he just drunk but also went to a motel and very hard to reach out, reply my messages 14h later..
Sus right

[MzAsh]

It’s different for you? How? Sounds like he doesn’t respect you and he’s looking for casual sex for the summer. I wouldn't tolerate his bs.

[RHK36]

Sounds like he's playing the field. The man is out scouting for females, you sure he doesn't like sports?

Find a new guy, he's already got one foot out. Literally has no damn business being at a bar alone. He can do the same thing at home. Stop ignoring the big ass red flag waving in your face.

[boggboss]

No you are not being unreasonable as if u should be expected to tryst u he should be able yo do the same

[TommyMountainFigure]

Your b/f should be allowed to do whatever he likes. You then have to base your decision to keep him as your b/f on his actions.

See how it works?

That way you don't turn into the nagging girlfriend, and you find out if he's really the guy you want to be with.

[Asker]

Read the whole thing or just don't say anything. The issue here is he doesn't want me to do the same stuff he does.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yes. I read the whole thing, but you clearly misread my response.. However on reflection? It makes perfect sense. I can now see why your boyfriend wants to go to a bar on weekends if this is how you behave to a stranger trying to help!

[genericname85]

i don't see the difference between the weekend and the week in this situation. you don't have to be a sports fan to hang out with the guys.

[Asker]

He's going alone, that's the whole point

[genericname85]

so how many evenings do you spend together overall?

[Asker]

None we're in different cities during the summer, so we just have virtual date nights once a week but talk evey day

[genericname85]

so how far do you live from each other?

[Asker]

12hr drive, different states lol

[genericname85]

well i don't wanna come off as mean or something but to me, having a virtual date night once a week and then chatting is hardly a "relationship". i mean is this a temporary situation or was it always like that from the beginning?

[Asker]

It's only temporary, this is the first time we're apart for this long

[genericname85]

dude. if you wanna keep that shit together, you gotta do way more. like you gotta make sure you keep your life goals aligned. you're drifting apart otherwise. it takes at least like 2 hours 2-3 times a week of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Look, you either want a person in your life or you don't.

It really isn't appropriate to try to control someone and doing so will only ever be harmful.

What this is really about is him cheating on you and if you don't trust him then you don't have a relationship to lose anyway so it doesn't even matter if he is cheating.

[Asker]

Im simply expressing I'm uncomfortable with something that doesn't mean I'm telling him what to do. Thats why I said if he's okay with me doing the same then I dont care. But he's not okay with me doing the same, so why do it, that's unfair.

[Opinion Owner]

When you express that you are uncomfortable with what someone does on their own time, i. e. something that is not an interaction with you, you are attempting to define their behavior.

You are saying 'I don't want you to do this thing'

[Asker]

Lol so you're just going to completely ignore the second part of my response, we already talked it over and he agreed that if I did the same it would make him uncomfortable. Your advice is really bad, because if couples never expressed when they're uncomfortable with something resentment builds up, communication is key.

[Opinion Owner]

Men and women might be equals but they aren't the same.

If a woman goes to a bar on her own she is going to get hit on constantly and you know that, the same is not true for a man.

These things are not the same, you know they aren't the same and more importantly you knew they werent the same when you offered this bullshit comparisson to him when you were trying to alter his behaviour.

Also regarding this 'expressing you are uncomfortable' thing, this is way past simply expressing feelings, it has become 'you will not do what i dont like' and that is a very different thing.

[AviatorTom]

What are you afraid of? He should be able to go have a drink on his own if he wants.

[IsoUser]

So essentially what you're saying is that he is not allowed to go out with his friends? What are you his mother Lmao?

[Asker]

"Alone" is in the damn title lol read

[Bklynbadboy12]

No your not you and I both know what the vibe is in bars on the weekend everybody is tryin to hook up. You did the right thing if he don't want you doing it then he shouldn't either

[Twalli]

It may be a way for him to relax and unwind. Just because it isn't relaxing for you doesn't mean it won't be relaxing for him.

[Anonymous]

Does sound suspiscious to me... what is his reasons for him to go to specifically bars?

[Zygum]

As you both, love each other, then No problem to meet him alone

[Anonymous]

God’s sake, a man can’t even have a goddamn drink in a bar...

[Asker]

He can. But if he doesn't wnat me doing the same. Then he shouldn't.

[Wise4myage]

I think your concern is legit.

[Sam_25]

Wtf immediately dump him.

[In_Trance]

Dump him

[fireforeffect]

Dump him.