Ever not felt confident about your relationship with another person despite them showing interest?

[Anonymous]

i'm struggling to feel confident about things with this girl , i've been seeing her all the time lately and she displays a lot of signs of obvious interest in me. but its been a struggle to take things to the next level and so not feeling confident about her as i'd like to.

i'm not sure what to do , not really considering walking away and trying to date someone else instead but entirely clueless as to what it would take to actually get what i want out of a relationship with her at this point.

[kas1992]

Personally, I believe that if you have to ask yourself this question, you already know the answer. A girl can be receptive to a guys interest, but not have deep feelings for him, and may just enjoy the attention/company. This goes for both genders obviously, but I know girls can be a little harder to read. Here's a few things to consider.. Does she show interest without you initiating contact (via social media, texts, etc, planning dates)? Does she get squeamish or seem to avoid talks of the future, or taking things to the next level? She may like you and enjoy spending time with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be committed to you. How long have you guys been seeing each other? Did she just recently get out of a bad relationship? There's so many factors to consider. My guess is that you're hesitant to ask her yourself because you're afraid she doesn't feel the same as you. Totally understandable, but wouldn't you rather know now than spend any more of your time/energy investing in someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings? Trust me, I allowed a guy to string me along for months thinking his feelings would grow over time. The damage it caused took me months to get over, and the time I wasted trying to prove to him that I was worthy of a commitment is time I'll never get back. It also made super resentful and bitter towards men in general.

If I were you I would just ask.

[Asker]

i had similar thoughs too , is obviously other people out there i could potentially date this summer if things with this girl don't turn into something so is that level of frustration that i could be doing something else with my time

but at same time still feel she'd be worth the effort if it lead somewhere , she 'd be a neat girl to date for sure and i'm totally into her. i'm not sure what she wants , we do seem to spend a lot of time together at a restaurant here. maybe i'm scared to ask cause i worry i'll get hurt if this doesn't work out as planned

[Asker]

the more i think about this the less sure i'm about it or what to do. i feel like she might find it off if i made an issue of this although there has been a lot of talk among her friends and other people at that pub about us. is so much to consider and is whatever genuine connection or friendship that we have now worth risking for something more? which may or may not be a realistic possibility

either way don't feel i know what the answer is to this girl , feel like maybe it will come about naturally if we keep seeing each other in person but i don't want to pressure her too much for the time being

[boggboss]

But how would that prevent it just happening again

[Asker]

what do you mean? we get along really well

[boggboss]

If u just decided to date someone else this feelings could simply come back as u have not pointed out anything she is doing to make it happen which makes me feel its somthing going on in your head that's causing this and if it can happen now it could happen with any partner u get with

[Asker]

well she dated another guy briefly about a year ago then they broke up , when she was in school would disappear for months at a time , she's returned to her job so i see her fairly often now and we seem to party and hang out every weekend at this pub

when we were with friends at another bar about a month ago i lost track of her for a bit and she hung out with another guy and danced with him or something but she won't talk about it and i have no idea who he was but pretty sure she hasn't seen him since

[boggboss]

So u just don't trust her fair enough

[Asker]

no i trust her , that guy she dated a year ago seems to be long gone , its just she's the type of girl who'd generate a lot of interest , that combination of looks / personalty. so never entirely sure whats going on in her life

[boggboss]

Bur if u trust her it wouldn't matter what's going on because if it was important you would already know

[Asker]

she doesn't always tell me everything , we sort of lost touch when she was in school. well i followed her on social media but she was like 4 hours away and with covid and gas we never saw each other.

at the bar i've noticed she and her girlfriend's often use other guys for free drinks , despite the fact her girlfriend's have boyfriend's i've seen them do this rate in front of me. but they make lots of money at work from tips so not sure why this is necessary

[boggboss]

Most women do that to be honest if someone is offering

[Asker]

it seems to happen a lot but is also nights where she'll be entirely sober , like last Saturday she was working and didn't have no drink and the most productive bartender you'd ever seen in your life , was like entirely different person from previous night

but on the Friday night before that she got crazy drunk and used this group of guys who were having a bacheloer party outing for free drinks but she had no interest in doing anything with them obviously but seems her girlfriend's have figured a way to drink for free if they work the right guys there

[boggboss]

Again that's pretty normal so is that what your don't like

[Asker]

well i don't exactly want to be paying for all there drinks , that be one pricey bill each night

i'd like to spend time with her outside of the pub/bar but she's always busy and i never know what to suggest , we live in the same small city only 20,000 and like the only place i'd ever see her and her girlfriend's is the downtown area and the pub/restaurant they work at and spots we hang out there , i feel like were stuck in the bar scene. she's also scared away other girls i knew as they got annoyed that i'd go there and spend so much time with her

[boggboss]

Just ask her on a date somewhere else lol

[Asker]

she mentioned golf once that she like to do it occasionally or maybe she just likes the bev cart.

but not that familar with it , have an old set of clubs i never use and courses here really pricey so want to make sure it was worth the effort , she's also got a busy work schedule so not sure how you'd fit in an entire round

as its summer also though about boating or swimming , there is also a starbucks nearby pretty sure she likes it although i never go there