Ladies would you rather Sneaky kink or ethically non-monogamous?

[Anonymous]

Okay ladies I have a question because I'm confused. you know when I was wanting to sneak around I had a whole lot more attention but then we open up out marriage me and my wife to ethically non-monogamous and now no one wants to come near me and I need to know why is it more acceptable for you ladies to be with someone who's sneaking around rather than someone who has the approval of their wife to be out doing things because this doesn't makes any sense to me. Even my wife has seen this has told me just lie and say you're cheating. She couldn't give me an answer either and I figured I'd ask you guys because this is basically anonymous

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Ethically non-monogamous.

I grew up thinking I was a good straight monogamous Catholic gal. Then I got cheated on by my partner.

After the break up, I realized a few things about myself. One of which being it wasn't the act of sex with another than hurt my feelings - I didn't really care outside of worrying maybe he'd passed along STDs from the other woman (fortunately not), it was his lying and deceit that hurt.

I couldn't trust him. I couldn't hold him to his word. And that's really important to me. He outright lied multiple times and was too cowardly to be truthful. Instead, he tried to have it all to himself - ruined his relationship with me, ruined the marriage of his side-piece, and by what his boss told me months later (before she knew we were broken up - he hadn't told her yet), ruined his own life for a bit.

I totally understand that sometimes there's needs and kinks and preferences your partner may not be willing or able to provide for. I think, if both partners are accepting, there can be an arrangement that works.

For me, I'm squarely ethically non-monogamous. But romantically extremely monogamous.

[Asker]

Yeah that's one of our rules we can date and go have fun but try and keep the romance to a minimum and communicate if there is something that needs to be talked about we handle that immediately by sitting down and talking to each other about what's going on