When should I move with my boyfriend?

Question

We have been dating for 2 months he is 21 and I'm 18. I wanna live with him but didn't tell him yet. When is a good time to ask him?

coldmarch · Accepted Answer

You can move anytime you want, as long as it doesn't mean "marriage" or "kids", and as long as you have proof he is a good person. I would say you don't really get to see the dark sides of someone in 2 months (especially in honeymoon phase!), you need at least 1 year to see enough hints of everything, but well... Co-living is just co-living, you can always quit and live elsewhere.
Moving in during the honeymoon phase (it will last for around 1-2 years, then the real relationship will kick in and most of couples don't survive that), just means to share some costs under the same roof, roles, routines, schedules, and live the first relationship phases intensively. It doesn't lock you there, it doesn't set anything on stone for the future, and at that age you can afford failing and be back to your parents if anything goes wrong. So I'm not advising much against that, it's still "experience". Some people just need to learn things the hard way (I'm one of them).
But I would advice against anything having a mindset for permanent perspectives like marriage, or even more: kids. After the honeymoon phase the relationship will be at a turning point and you start to feel either a sense of real "family" with him, or not; you will see bad habits and routines and how well you manage to face conflicts, or if communication issues will go worse and worse. Things will change a lot. If you test the co-living for some years in that phase, and you succeed, marriage and kids will just be a natural phase afterwards. Forcing these things before co-living for years is a concrete risk (for your kids first of all, who are always the first victims of bad decisions) and is not realistic with the timings of how feelings work. Rushed marriages generally fail, just saying.
So: when should you move with him? Anytime, as long as he is of the same idea and you -trust him with proof- (of not being a criminal, an abusive manipulative person, a liar, how his family is etc), and as long as you don't waste too much money / cut ties with people, for something that is (objectively) potentially fragile.
When to think about marriage? After several years of living together. Kids, even more.
Keep this moving in as casual/experimental, and have fun.
Don't get offended if he gets scared, though, for your idea. Most of people, after just 2 months, would get scared, afraid of being trapped with someone clingy who wants to lock them, while they didn't even figure out their feelings and life perspectives. So be cautious and casual in introducing this discourse, don't make it too serious and see his reaction, but take that casually too.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Ummm, two months! That is awfully quick. What do you know about this guy? Have you met his family? Do you know all his friends? Have you taken a vacation with him? What have you done together other than go out on a few dates? And what is the rush?

You don't really KNOW this guy. Give this more than two months. And wait until HE brings it up to even consider it. Do you know how he keeps house? Have you even discussed who would pay what and how chores would be apportioned? There are just too many deep discussions that would have had to occur to consider this stuff... You just out of high school. What IS the rush.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

You should know each other for a minimum of at least 6-9 months before considering that question.

1. If you ultimately envision yourself getting married, then most people will think that living together is the last step before marriage. You don't need to rush this.

2. You are still in the honeymoon phase. He is wonderful and dreamy and divine. . . and you haven't yet started to recognize your areas of conflict. You WILL experience conflict in your relationship, as it is inevitable. How you manage and respond to the conflict is the real test of the relationship; will ether of you throw things, become physically violent, engage in name calling, dredge up things from the past, etc? Or will you have a cooling off period followed by a rational discussion?

3. It takes lust, love, trust, and respect to make a long term relationship work. At this point, you probably feel lust and you may be beginning to develop love, trust, and respect but those feelings develop onl as you get to know someone and, as I said, you don't know each other very well yet.

4. Is this desire to live together because you want to be wit him or because you want to escape your current living arrangements?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

So many time I see this where either the girl or guy wants out of there parent's house and they will do anything for that to happen.. first of all 2 months is like learning he's a boy your a girl there are so many things you have to have together before you move in with someone . I know you don't like this answer but it's true you're 18 you're in puppy love and believe me I've been there I hate even giving you this answer but so I say I'm going to tell it to you like this you're going to do what you want to do anyway just be prepared for everything always have money in your bank account so just in case when you have to leave you have enough money to get your own place to live that's the only advice I can give you is do not spend all your money playing house with this guy always have enough money in the bank account to get have your own place to live just in case of emergency no matter what save that money

SecretsofKB · Answer

That's up to the two of you. If you're both ready for it, then go for it. But don't force anything.  You might think a few months is a long time, but it'll fly by.

ChicanaChick · Answer

You're free to do what you want in life and I'm all for liberalism but are you sure you want to live with a guy you've only been dating for 2 months?

Are you willing to help out with bills, manage the house and do other things than just great sex? I'm older than you (24) and don't share my house with anyone. If your relationship ends and the living together was all for nothing, are you prepared to move back with your parents?

I'm saying this because too many times having lots of sex is confused for love. That gets old too fast and then you realize there aren't major common interest you guys share.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

Like others said, the honeymoon phase will wear out soon. I predict you're going to end up hating him once you get older, start growing desires for forming a family and he's still keeping your as a ''forever girlfriend'' for only sex, wasting your fertile years. I've been there before and it's crystal clear once the lustful stage fades and you've wasted worthless years. I didn't even have to live together to be with him and I regret ever giving me my time. I HATE HIM.

Relationships that only have attractive and sex as the whole cake will end soon. Do you even have common goals and interest besides just rubbing each other's bodies? Besides sex, what else do you like about him?

If your answer is no to the first question and you have no response to the 2nd question then I have bad news for you. That relationship will die fast.

dreamstar72 · Answer

It’s to you. Sometimes there is instant love you might have just been lucky. I was twenty-one when I noticed the cute girl across the street (small town). I asked a friend if he knew who she was and he told me yes. So i ask him to go over and ask her if she wanted to go to the movies with me. Long story short. She did and we fell in love instantly (he 18 me 21). Seven months later we were married and twenty some years latter we are still very happy together. by the way, no she was not pregnant, are daughter came four years latter. Love is not always about a timeline.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Date for longer than 2 months. As a general rule, you don’t see someone’s true colours until at least 6-9 months. Anyone can mirror you or wear a social mask around you until then. Don’t live with a partner until you know what they’re truly like and you’ve been together a while. 2 months is barely any time for a relationship.

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

Don’t. It’s too soon you don’t really know each other at all. You’re both a bit young for that. Next thing you know you’ll have to be packing up your stuff again, he might be a slob, abusive, chemistry might die. You might get stuck in a subleasing situation. Have you even gotten to know yourself yet focus on getting your own apartment first. So many cons and not enough pros I could probably go on.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Wait until you’re at least 22, unless your religion or some other prominent factor prevents you from drinking. When there’s an age difference enough that you each go through the terrible 21s separately, it’s typically disastrous. Particularly when it’s the female’s 21st. If you can stay together through a full year of the shenanigans that come with the adult nightlife, you’re probably good to shack up.

boggboss · Answer

U want to move in after 2 months thats truly some silliness you are still in the honeymoon phase 6 months at least before moving in so u can get a sense of truly knowing him and not just the act he puts on

sheikalana · Answer

I think 2 months is a bit too soon and rushed. You're both still on the honeymoon phase of the relationship where everything feels and seems perfect. I'd suggest to wait from 6 months to one year to take that step. In the mean time what you can do is spend weekends and go on vacation together and see how you both feel around each other when you're together 24/7 maybe you'll find out he's actually a really messy person and that might bother you amongst other things.

LazerBean · Answer

Definitely not after 2 months. That's a guarantee to fail. Maybe after 2 years, but even then it's pretty unlikely that you will be together permanently.

IsoUser · Answer

Im just being brutally honest and saying that when both of you have graduated college and are somewhat financially stable then when or if you can afford your own appartment move in together. Other than that he's just a LEECH and a waste of time, money and effort. She should just Poor salt on the Stupid Bastard LMFAO

Anonymous · Answer

You can bring it up anytime you feel like it. Ultimately, it's between you and him. I personally wouldn't rush to move in with someone because if things go south, it's harder to make a break.

Iron_Man · Answer

That’s crazy two months is nothing and you’re basically still a baby don’t do it you’ll probably regret it

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Once you get out of the honeymoon phase. Move in know and I guarantee it won't end well.

jahaims · Answer

What are you going to do when you are on a lease with someone after you break up?

spartan55 · Answer

Tbh it's WAY too soon to be even thinking about that. Two months? You don't even know each other yet.

MTC29 · Answer

If he rents, you can move in right now. If he owns his own home, he'd be insane to have you move in.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Give it at least till 6 months. Are you financially independent?

RuthlessAggression · Answer

He shouldn't be dating an 18 year old as a 21 year old. You're not old enough to drink yet, he knows this

Wise4myage · Answer

No, its too soon for that. Wait six months then ask him.

loveslongnails · Answer

Has he given you any indication that he wants to live with you? It's only been 2 months.

driven159 · Answer

2 months is way too early be together for a year see how he deals with things that don't work or drama bills money

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You've only been dating 2 months, hon. Way too early.

EaterPeter · Answer

Wait for couple of more months. And please don't move in with him. Find some new place together.

Danceallking · Answer

Tell him in a way like u gays are sharing ideas then u see

Guy13 · Answer

When you are married

Truthatanycost · Answer

Never (if you value your sanity).

Anonymous · Answer

When you're ready to break up.

Anonymous · Answer

After getting married.

bootieclapper9000 · Answer

would not recommend it lol

Bratsondanielle · Answer

I'd say now lol

peedy · Answer

In bed after sex

Gloree · Answer

When he married you

In_Trance · Answer

Give it 3 years

mrlongdongsiilver · Answer

3-4 months

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