How can I turn away from becoming a full blown incel?

[Johnnyboyloko]

So let me share my story a little bit. I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a meaningful relationship with anyone. I’ve talked and dated girls both in real life and over the internet but most only last about 2-3 months. It usually ends because of distance and my work (I’m in the military). I’m pretty bitter because of this. I don’t think I’m that bad looking, a little short and I wouldn’t say I’m a nice guy but I’m not a complete piece of shit. I have some nerdy and “quirky” hobbies but usually it seems girls don’t really like this. I’m bitter because I have friends in healthy relationships and while im happy for them I wish I could sometimes feel the same. Also some of my friends are a bit grimey and cheat on there significant others or play multiple girls at once but continue to have a steady Sexual/romantic life. Recently I’ve had the feeling I’m just not meant for a relationship and can’t see myself being happy with anyone. Can I get advice please? And no “focus on yourself” bs I already do love myself and have some confidence. I don’t want to become and incel like I use to be in high school.

[slatyb]

"It usually ends because of distance and my work (I’m in the military). I’m pretty bitter because of this."

It's reasonable to feel frustration. But bitter? You are too young to be bitter.

"I’ve talked and dated girls both in real life and over the internet but most only last about 2-3 months" So you have been able to attract women but your military service makes things inconvenient?

"Some of my friends are grimy" You don't want to go there. That will only make you feel worse about yourself. Only a sociopath would feel good about doing that.

It's normal to date a number of people but have none of them last. I spend a year dating online with no luck. I had about seventeen first dates and no second dates. Then in January I met my wife.

It probably doesn't feel like it to you, but you are still very young. That's better than staying together because you feel you have no other option. Take heart. There will be other women. Keep doing whatever you do to meet them. Maybe try some new things too. Be patient. There's no hurry.

[Johnnyboyloko]

Appreciate that sir thank you

[slatyb]

You are probably seeing some guys your age married and having children. Do not envy them, feeling as if their life has started and yours has not. Marriage is not an ticket to happiness. You will be seeing guys a couple of years older getting divorced. Maybe you already are. Being divorced with children is not fun at all. Be patient, date a number of women, then when you meet the right one you will know. Best wishes to you.

[Bluemax]

Thanks for your service. What's your MOS?

The fact that you have managed to attract some women in the past to date you seems to indicate that you have the ability to attract women. It would seem that the demands of the military have come between you and a relationship. Perhaps when you are out, you can change things.

As far as not being a bitter incel, that is entirely up to you. I recommend you stay away from incel support groups as they tend to be echo chambers or worse, a place where the inmates are running the asylum.

[Johnnyboyloko]

Im in the navy and I’m a culinary specialist. I’ll take your advice and get away from incel groups

[Bluemax]

Got it. I know in the Navy they call it something other than MOS. Have you seen much shipboard duty?

[Johnnyboyloko]

Yeah I’m forward deployed. Currently been in 4 years and out of those 4 I’ve been out to sea for a little less then 2 years. Not straight just overall. Longest has been 8 months straight

[Bluemax]

I might consider the fact that it is your lifestyle that is not conducive to a relationship. It isn't necessarily that women don't find you appealing.

[SlothySlob]

Actually yes, focus on yourself. Mainly don't label yourself as an incel.
In my mind I find celibacy more virtuous as it's harder to maintain.
I'd say that the main problem for you is that you're going for a specific subset of women that are primarily in not for a serious relationship, but are in it mainly to fuck around and or to find more "successful" men.
Stop looking for a quick fuck and search for love.
There's a certain form of wisdom that we're ignoring from various religions.

[Johnnyboyloko]

How do I know the difference between women who just want to fuck and who actually want to connect on a love level

[SlothySlob]

You'll just have to be honest with them. That you're looking for a serious relationship, that you don't want to dip from one pussy to the next. If she has an ounce of humanity left, you'll probably look away, not knowing how to say.
You need to be firm, asking her what she, herself, wants, not what others want from her. You give her honesty and you demand honesty.

[Staximus]

Nevermind all this red pill blue pill black pill generalization bullshit. The right girl for you is out there. Don't be a piece of shit and you will eventually meet her, but you're not going to find her but sitting around complaining about it like a miserable bastard. If you don't go out and meet women, you won't find any. It's a numbers game. If you meet enough women, sooner or later you will find one that likes you. Women don't want a guy who brings them down so don't complain about shit when you're around them. You're not going to meet the perfect woman. Settle for one who is less than perfect, like yourself. Go find some women who are into the nerd stuff you like or something.

[Johnnyboyloko]

Appreciate the advice I’ll take it

[Staximus]

About 20 years ago, my old neighbor's friend used to get more ass than a toilet seat. I asked him what his secret was. He asked every girl he thought was attractive for her phone number. He said about 95 out of 100 said no, but he still found a few that liked him and were willing to go out with him. He was short, skinny, ugly, broke, but he was funny and confident.

[Adronicus]

Somethings bleeding through your body language that's repelling them. When women like you they make eye contact & smile, that's usually the Q to approach. Also touch, woman don't touch men they don't like & go rigid if touched by him. Dealing with past trauma. Woman are going to test you constantly & if you have past trauma you haven't dealt with it bleeds through our body language & looks weak. Losing expectations is important, desperation drives woman away. They're naturally MUCH more adept reading this in people than average men.

[RolandCuthbert]

I don't know what to say to you. I mean, this is your choice. Do you want to be a radicalized extremist?

Do you think you have the ability to choose for yourself?

The weird thing is how you guys always pretend to be helpless in your fate. You can choose to be a different person. You can choose to be good with women. You can choose to be more social and more connected.

You just have to practice.

[Anonymous]

It's inevitable once you know the truth and take the red pill you can never go back to being a nice guy blue a pill.


You have two option take the black pill incel or become a red pill alpha and do what's best for you and out you first and better yourself.

Most people give up and take the black pill and become reclusive monk or hateful.

Red pill rage is real

[Johnnyboyloko]

I’ve done a lot of research about red/blue pill theory. I’ve almost taken the black pill a couple of times

[Opinion Owner]

Do you like yourself? Would you say you make a good partner companion

[Johnnyboyloko]

Yeah I like myself. I would just say compared to society I’m a little bit “different and sometimes can’t fit in”

[Opinion Owner]

You watch anime and comics?

[Johnnyboyloko]

Just anime but I don’t weeb out. Just watch it like any normal show.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm trying not to crush your spirit with the truth I had my red pill rage earlier this year. And found the red pill last year.

Does your friends girlfriend know that they are being cheated on

[Johnnyboyloko]

Lmao yeah and they break up and get back together etc same bull shit I would see in high school

[Opinion Owner]

I asked because I knew the answer already women like being treated bad. Being treated bad to them is exciting

It sounds terrible but they don't learn until 27-32. And even then they might not

[Opinion Owner]

You either have to become a master of your craft, Be rich or well off or learn to be ladies men and smooth talk and play chicks.

Or as they call it a fuck boy.

[Johnnyboyloko]

I figured I’ve noticed that. The thing is when I’ve dated I was never too much of a simp or a push over. I would be an asshole when I needed and even then they sometimes wouldn’t take my shit. My most recent ex was an example of this

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you'll be ok. You just haven't met the right girl

[Johnnyboyloko]

I hope I do eventually before I end up down the black pill rabbit hole. I’ve already gotten close

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you don't mean. I'm there and it sucks. I'm angry, depressed, tired and lonely all the time.
All I do is work sleep and play video games to take my mind off it.

Stay away from black pill videos on YouTube they destroyed my brain.

[Johnnyboyloko]

I hope it goes well for you brother. I pray that you get better. I appreciate you and I’ll take your advice thank you

[boggboss]

Yet u know the reason relationships aren't working and has nothing to do with u but that they all become long-distance due to work so not sure what your looking for

[Johnnyboyloko]

How I can keep the relationship afloat or something like that. My Confidence is just a bit broken right now

[boggboss]

I'm not sure as I'm not a big believer in long distance

[Sonorous]

Depends on what definition of incel are you going based on. What is your interpretation of an incel?

[GreatnessBack]

(I’m in the military)
Dude, that should get you some tang by itself.

Also, incel is a state of mind. You don't have to adopt it.

[loveslongnails]

Wait till you're not being bounced around so much by the military. Did you know there are also military singles dating sites? Give those a try.

[anylolone]

If you feel you can't be happy with anyone then there's nothing involuntary about your your celibacy.

[Iron_Man]

Think before you react

[Anonymous]

Stop being bitter, that's it honestly