I am 30. And I already feel that I am too old to have any romantic or sexual relationship. Can anybody relate?

[Anonymous]

I used to be obsessed about getting married or finding love of my life. That thing used to be on my mind 24×7. But now I don't have any desire to get intimate with anyone. Even if I force myself to talk to any guy I feel like I am going to throw up. I feel like an asexual person. It's been like this for 3 years after I got dumped by someone horribly. I really don't wanna play victim. Tbh I am sometimes glad I am like that. Nobody gonna further break my heart. But I am also scared of dying alone. :(

[whiskeyontherocks]

If you’re not creating healthy relationship at all I’d be concerned. If you’re just not looking for romantic relationship than look for something pragmatic.
As for meeting someone It doesn’t matter what age or even how long we have been in a relationship making compromises is a big part of that.
If trust and compassion empathy is what’s important than fuck all your other standards and just focus on that. There’s diamonds out there that some other women did something similar to in the same situation you are.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until you get to 40 LOL. But I look at it this way, being single has advantages also, and I'm very glad that I'm single vs in a bad relationship or one that's not good for me. I like myself (my own company) and happy with my life otherwise, so I'm not scared to die alone (and I'm sure I will lol). Really when you think of it, what's to be scared of? Other than having a medical emergency (and many options for help there), once you're dead, you're not going to "care" about anything. They will be no feelings, nothing.

[laurieluvsit]

No, because every older woman I know has said when they are 40 they look back at 30 as being a young girl and the same when they are 50, they look back at 40 as being a young girl.

Don't ruin your life by psyching yourself out with that nonsense, really.

[YHL6965]

Well, you kind of answered yourself : your fear of getting heart broken once again makes you fear intimacy because intimacy means being vulnerable, which means potentially exposing yourself to hurtful feelings like heartbreaks.

Try to turn your past experiences into lessons, into rules of thumb of what to do and what not to do, what to look for and what to avoid instead of letting fear getting the best of you.

You can use your wish to not die alone as a motivation to calm down this fear of intimacy. You can do it!

[DanielDiaz]

I'm 38, and I have never been in a relationship. I don't like the anxiety that comes with trying to persuade someone to find you attractive. At this point, I believe that if I was supposed to be in a relationship, it would have happened by now.

I did my own research, and discovered the concept of aromantic. It's similar to asexual, but you have sexual impulses without the desire to be in a committed relationship. The anxiety and other negatives that come from finding/maintaining a relationship are too great to pursue a partner. I feel that I fit into this concept, and you might, also.

I, too, feel very uncomfortable conversing with most people. I was always annoyed by women who said that men who were too anxious to talk to women were "misogynists" and didn't see women as people, and I felt that these women had no empathy for those who struggle to talk to women.

As aromantic as I may be, I too am scared of the prospect of dying alone.

[Asker]

Seems You might be autistic.

[Asker]

I love to be taken care of and take care of people i love. I am not sure if i wanna get intimate ever. I am so unsure

[DanielDiaz]

I remember endless evaluations with different doctors and therapists as a child, but I was never officially diagnosed with autism. Be that as it may, you might be right. I have little doubt that I am on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. My nephew, who I love very much, is autistic. Relationships-- platonic, professional, and intimate—have always been a brutal challenge for me. I'm not going to dwell on it any longer.

I have to thank you. This correspondence has given me closure. I'm going to focus all of my energy on building new career skills, and accepting myself the way I am, even if the entire world doesn't.

Hang in there. I'm sure the right guy for you will find his way into your life. Best wishes!

[Asker]

You will find your tribe.

[exitseven]

I am sorry that you have had that happen to you. It is okay to be alone but if you are alone because you are hiding from your feelings , that is not okay.
You don't have to run out and start picking up guys in bars but you should just be open to a new relationships.

[Lycanthropic]

Well, which is it? You feel too old or you have no desire? If you don't have any desire, then I don't see the problem. You aren't obligated to be with someone.

You're not old. Your biological clock is ticking not that you're almost 30, but you still have time for that too.

[Asker]

I know i am not old. But I feel like that.

[Anonymous]

Who cares. You’re choosing to be single. “But muh heart was broken!” GTFO.

You could probably go on any dating app or visit some bar and find a guy within minutes.

You’re not going to die alone. Eventually you’ll get tired of being single and you’ll reel some sucker in and be living in a two story home with a three car garage before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Damn I’m sorry to hear that. Sadly there is an age where most men look for women as far as that age. You have surpassed that age. I’m not saying that you still can’t meet someone, it’s just going to be harder.

[Asker]

Lol. I still get many proposals. But it's not something I want , not because they are not good guys. Infact they are best guys. I respect them. I don't know what Kinda men you are talking about. But I am sure I haven't met any guy who consider 30 to be old for women. It's me. I feel old at this age.

[Asker]

Only men who consider women at this age old are the guys who have been rejected by women above 30 and below 30 or virgins who are quite insecure about themselves

[Opinion Owner]

Well I’m glad you feel you aren’t passed that age. While I don’t agree w your statement of men who say that are the ones who have been rejected I respect it. The age for a lot of men seems to be between the ages of 20-24 when girls are I guess more fertile. Thanks for your response.

[Asker]

It's okay if a man wants women who are between 20-24 and women who want men who are younger and more fertile and have more stamina than men in their 30s and 40s. It's their choice. You said lot of men prefer younger fertile women , that's not issue. Some of us prefer quality over quantity. Someone who understands depth of relationship. Not merely deciding partner on basis of fertility and youth. That doesn't mean anything in longterm when you get old and lonely then you wouldn't care who is more fertile. Though I really wish them luck who want to be with younger people.

[Asker]

Never wanted to be liked for my beauty and youth when i was 20. Tbh I consider myself still fairly attractive. I always get proposals but that's only for my face and shallow stuff. I don't want that. I want to be liked for my soul.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes for your face. Eventually that face will no long look that way which is going to lessen those proposals you say you get. Sadly yes we men see looks first but that’s how a majority of us are to want to get to know you more.

[Theabcking]

Then get a co-parent and have kids. Just do a poltonic relationship with a gay guy and have kids with human. There's apps you can find a poltonic partner to start a family with.

[Guy13]

Go get successful in Something and life change in Accomplishment and PLOP... he appears :)

[Asker]

Awww. Why does it depend on my success though?

[Guy13]

It seems to happen that way. 3 years single doing Work and chasing a fun personal Project AND "dropped in". And it is not like one can not the Drop... Stop in boys Slop, worthy.- It is devastatingly difficult. Can't ya wait :)

[Asker]

:/ okay

[MrHopper]

Sounds like you realised you don't need some one and you matured! It's a good thing I think at least

[Asker]

Hehe thanks ☺️

[zagor]

You need to decide if you want to play it safe and live and die alone, or take a chance again. You're unlikely to get hit by a car if you never leave your house, but you won't have much of a life either.

[Anonymous]

It’s because since I’m a guy, I feel like as I get older, the more girls I will be able to get with. For some reasons 20 year old girls have no problem dating guys in their 30s, 40s and even older if you gain a lot of wealth.

[Asker]

Good for girls who look for wealthy guys. That's not what I ever wanted.

[shaysh87]

Young women don't tend to go for old men unless they are willing to pay her. Otherwise, they stick to young men who are still hot.

[Asker]

Shaysh87 that's the thing. It doesn't matter for some people that others wanna be with them just for their bank balance, not love or attraction. Such women who marry someone for money are willing to cheat on them with hotter dudes. Seen my aunts doing same.

[shaysh87]

@sofia444

because its very hard to stay married to someone you're not in love with and not physically attracted to. Old desperate guys think that money can buy love. But I think its just their crazed desperation speaking.

[Asker]

Get a prostitute instead won't make any difference.

[Opinion Owner]

You get constant sex cheaper if you have the girl stay at your own place and stuff

[shaysh87]

@Opinion owner,

no young hot girl will stay with old ugly man unless he's willing to pay her.

[Asker]

So you wanna marry for cheaper sex with hot girl? 😩 That's really sad

[Slartybartfast]

Join the club.. 30's when most guys take a walk.

[Th3ft]

Oh no! You won’t die alone. You just have to work through that crap that that guy did to you.

[driven159]

Your time will come, and your dream guy will just walk into your life when you least expect it

[noohair]

Therapy might help resolve some issues so you won't vomit.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm a lot older than that and I still have hope!

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; I can relate.