My Boyfriend (14m) is getting held back in 8th grade while I (16f) am going into 12th grade. What do I do?

[Ilovedandilions34]

So about a month ago I (16f) starting dating my boyfriend (14m) and have since then fallen head over heels in love with him. Since we met in summer, at the time he thought he was going into 9th the next year. But recently he found out he is being held back and I’m at a loss of what to do. I love him to pieces and I want to make it work somehow, but the thought of being a Senior with an 8th grader seems almost impossible; both morally and in the long run. So what do I do? No one has ever made me as happy as he does, and I want to experience life with him. But this situation is making it feel near impossible. I just love him so much

Updates

+1 y

Edit: Keep in mind, he is extremely emotionally intelligent for his age. Has had jobs, cooks, cleans, understands emotions on a WAYYYY deeper level than most people, and has gone through certain things a kid should never have to go though. Hence, the maturity. Otherwise I ofc, would not even be considering any of this

[Chazmatazz269]

You’re rapidly entering dangerous territory. If you’re having sex or preparing to, know the laws in your area and whether or not they’re likely to apply them to you as a woman. You’re nowhere near clubbing, drinking and voting ages, so that shouldn’t be a problem. But if you’re not already driving, you will be soon and he has a while. If you’re not kool with being the chauffeur all the time, that’s going to be a hurdle. Because of your age difference, you’re more likely earn more than him on any given job at any given time. You should have that discussion. If you clear all those hurdles, you’ll still likely have to overcome any stigmas regarding age differences among your families and friend groups. You’ve taken a big bite out of societal expectations. I hope it’s worth it. Good luck!!!

[Ilovedandilions34]

Thank you for your advice! As for laws both our states allow us to practically do anything. And all your points on driving and money and really important so I think I’ll talk about those with him. The stigmas are definitely hard but he’s worth it. I just don’t know with him being held back if I can handle the new sigmas. I wanna at least try :)) But thank you again for the advice and have an amazing rest of your day!

[lightbulb27]

and why is he being held back? that needs solved.

he may be so smart, he doesn't belong in school. so there's solutions to that. a bored kid is a waste of time in school.

My answer is work together, find solutions to the problem and stay with him and see if you can build something.

[ElvenMr]

You are saying you are breaking up with him, but in the post you say you don't want to break up with him.

Since you'll go to a different school, then him and we have the internet now, you could just stay in touch with him, then see how things turn out.

[Ilovedandilions34]

Because I don’t want to break up with him, and I want to find a way to make this work, but it’s looking like it’s going in the breaking up direction. I just am lost on what to do

Yea we’re in an online relationship so I might try to do that. I didn’t think of it that way so thank you :))

[RuthlessAggression]

While i dont approve of you guys dating, at least you're not being a piece of shit cliche thing, where you're going after an "older man"

My mom is older than my dad by a year and 24 days. theyve been married 35+

Women, STOP FUCKING GOING FOR OLDER, FUCKING MEN. STOP BEING A CLICHE

[sw1916]

You do understand that once you turn 18 it will be considered illegal to do anything with him right? At least until 2 years later when he turns 18.

[Ilovedandilions34]

Depends on state. In mine and his state 2 years age gap is legal. Besides, we’re long distance so there not much we could do anyways. But I see where your coming from

[Guy13]

Plan for your future and not his. Perhaps, he is not as motivated as you. Are you sure he is the right guy for you?

[Ilovedandilions34]

Thats the thing, he is REALLY in love with me too. Talks all the time about how committed he is to this and how he’s never felt so in love before. And honestly I’d have to agree. Me and him mesh so well together, we both get eachother and accent all our flaws and quirks. And just having him in my life makes it feel brighter, not because of what he does for me but because he’s in it. That’s what makes this decision so hard, Bc I know we make eachother happy, and we love eachother, but I want to do the right thing. I’m just so lost

[Guy13]

It sounds like the relationship is good. Each of your personal life are at different places though.
If you go to college or continue some post high school training...

[Ilovedandilions34]

I agree, I just can’t imagine going off to college and being with someone who’s is just starting highschool. And it’s fustrating because it wasn’t supposed to be this way. 9th and 12th is hard still but I was willing to make it work. But being in 8th… that’s a whole different story. Thank you for this kind and non-judgements advice. I’ve been really messed up over this and I needed this. I think I know what I need to do now

[Guy13]

Who knows. Maybe in 5-7 years, everything will have caught in through life experience. When your feeling have changed, you probably should act... break-ups can be severe

[Ilovedandilions34]

Good point!! And yes, I’m hoping to figure this out soon, that way I’m not just pushing this out longer and longer if it does actually lead to a breakup. I still wanna try to find a way, but we’ll see :)) Thank you again for this!!

[Guy13]

👍👍👍

[AviatorTom]

Senior dating 8th grader is tough. Try to stay friends and wait a few years , when the age difference virtually disappears to get really serious.

[Ilovedandilions34]

Understandable, Thanks :))

[Sorbay]

you need to realize you have your whole life ahead of you.. i understand that you are young and stupid but this guy sounds like a dumbass. As time passes you will see the world has so much more to offer.

[Ilovedandilions34]

He’s not a dumbass actually lol. He got held back Bc he was accused of something he didn’t do, not Bc he was dumb. But anyways, thanks for the advice ig

[Iron_Man]

You guys are too young to date wait until you’re 18 Failing s grade has nothing to do with your relationship things happen. Be supportive

[Ilovedandilions34]

Well failing a grade has a lot to do with it. I can’t be dating an 8th grader as a senior. But I am supportive of him and I love him. He’s my best friend. But maybe that’s all he’s gonna have to be. We are young

[Iron_Man]

It doesn’t matter about age when you get older none of that stuff will matter after you hit 18

[Ilovedandilions34]

Very true

[Twalli]

Don't look at grades, look at ages. You are both close in age.

[Ilovedandilions34]

That’s what my friend said! Plus she mentioned how like, he’s supposed to be in 9th anyways, just got gelded back. Thank you for this reminder:))

[Anonymous]

Oh just break up with him already. You already know you’re going to. 🙄

[Ilovedandilions34]

Um… no? That’s the whole reason I’m on here asking about this. If I knew I was going to break up with him I would’ve done it already lol

[Opinion Owner]

People put off things for a myriad of reasons. You may have heard of it. It’s called procrastinating.

[Anonymous]

Find a guy who isn't a moron. How do you fail a grade when they have watered down the curriculum so much?

[Ilovedandilions34]

Maybe don’t assume without knowing the whole story? Something happened where he was accused of something he didn’t do and now the school won’t let him pass because of it. He’s probably one of the smartest people I know.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't hold someone back for bad behavior; you give them detention, suspension, or expulsion. Either the school is abusing their authority or he isn't telling you the whole truth.

[Ilovedandilions34]

He was accused of cheating on something basically Bc he did so well. School didn’t believe him hence getting held back. So there ya go lol

[Opinion Owner]

So the school is abusing their authority.

[Ilovedandilions34]

Pretty much yea. It’s a whole fucked up situation and he isn’t even legally aloud to talk about it (I’m his girlfriend so that’s why he kinda broke it to tell me). It’s sick that the school is abusing their power, literally everyone who’s ever talked to him including me can see he’s SOOO extremely smart.

[Ilovedandilions34]

I’ve never told anyone for legal reasons but since it’s a forum not attached to my name or him there ya go lol

[Avicenna]

It sounds like he needs to focus on his schoolwork

[Ilovedandilions34]

And so do I… you’re point?😂

[jimmy2]

Well move on he to young

[Ilovedandilions34]

Thanks for your input :)

[In_Trance]

Wdym what do you do?

[Ilovedandilions34]

I know what I have to do, Ig I’m just in shock. He’s my best friend above all and it’s like all of a sudden finding out your gonna loose them. I wish there was a way around it but there’s not, and ig I’m just looking for advice on how to handle the breakup. He just opened up about one of us darkest traumas and I want him to know that I’m not making excuses to breakup with him Bc I’m scared of his trauma. I wanna make sure he knows I love him and this really is the reaso I’m breaking up

[mrlongdongsiilver]

cut him loose

[Ilovedandilions34]

Reasoning? I’m not annoyed or anything, just genuinely curious and trying to get as much advice as I can haha