I’m a female that will be 27 this year. I am embarrassed about being single and never asked on a date. How can I stop being insecure and embarassed?

Question

I am really shy and I think I may have social anxiety. Im Christian, so I don’t go out to bars or other places like that. I have a more limited pool of dating because I’d like to meet someone at church, but the guys at church don’t go for me and I’ve been at that church for 7 years now. I’ve had a few guys talk to me here and there, and I heard there was one guy that could have asked me out, but he heard I liked someone else so he didn’t asked me out (which is fine because he was kinda effeminate and just not a good masculine man. He somehow ended up sympathizing with Russia recently and I knew I made a good choice in not dating him (I’m half Ukrainian).

My biggest insecurities are my big (Jewish) nose, and acne scars (purple) and lack of curves (except for a waist). I’m sort of tall (5’8) but I’m not freakishly tall and somewhat skinny at 130lb. I have pale skin and brown hair. I don’t normally approach guys first ever cause me and the people at my church safe very traditional and old fashioned and most girls would never approach or pursue a guy. Granted, I should work on being more friendly and at least saying hi more to the few people I know. It’s hard when most of the girls my age are either dating, engaged, or married, and many girls 18-21 are already married, and some have a kid or two. What is wrong with me? I feel so sad now that I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I just experiencing depression and anxiety due to being single or am I just too negative in general? There are few if no men left my age or older, and the ones that are left, are very picky and are not interested in me or they’re extremely shy and awkward and would be too shy to approach me or ask me out.

MarkRet · Accepted Answer

I was very quiet, skinny, ugly, and backward when I was growing up. In high school, I had few friends, didn't do anything, except show up, do enough to pass on to the next grade, and graduate. I didn't even TALK to girls, because I didn't know what to say to them, and they either ignored me or made fun of me. My parents weren't very supportive, sometimes abusive, and sometimes I wondered why they even brought me into this world.

After graduation, I was considering suicide, because I was going nowhere, both career-wise (had a minimum wage job) and social-wise, other than a few friends from work. Some friends were even girls, but it was friend-zone. Sometimes we'd go bowling or do some partying. I needed to do something, anything, so I graduated from business school, found a better job in another part of the state, and kind of left my old world behind.

Life was improving in the career area, but I figured I was never going to have any relationships, so I just accepted that as reality. I starting learning and doing things I always wanted to do, like ice skating lessons, and eventually got pretty good at it. The whole thing gave me some self-confidence, and helped me break out of some shells.

Enough rambling on, the point is, I worked on myself, expanded my own horizons, which then helped my self-confidence, which then lead me to new friends, which then got me into relationships, and eventually I ended up getting married. I wasn't 'planning' any of this, it just all opened up and fell into place. You should focus on expanding your own life. Try ice skating lessons, or Arthur Murray dance lessons, or horseback riding, archery, whatever. The more shells you break out of, the more opportunities will be open to you.

Middleman · Accepted Answer

Sorry to hear that but there’s nothing wrong with you. You just never came across meeting the right person that’s all. There are plenty of people still single in their late 20s, 30s even 40s. And meeting the right someone is often all about opportunity and circumstances to get to bump into them.

I read you said you were Christian and were an artist in one of the other posts. I’m sure that for you there are places other than church where like-minded people like you could meet. I could think of art classes and art galleries for instance. I’m not sure if you’re into things like cookery or sewing but for pottery/sculpture/yoga - these could be the kind things that could interest you, as well as travel, charity work and spending time in coffee shops (which may sometimes allow you to meet new people if you sit on your own at a table for instance).

That said I happened to bump into someone who was Ukranian recently. Have to say she was one of the smartest and also most beautiful people I’d ever met.

bennies_819 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion you should want to go out where Christians are like at a church maybe even though online dating which I have tried and it doesn't work out for me most guys online are jerks immature narcissist and much more in the book but you can try and see if it works out for you have you ever thought of trying to go to your local church and do something for the church like ask the pastor about Bible study or going to Bible study or helping out at the end of each service or sitting by a cute guy to look single and it could be God just telling you to wait even though you're about to be 27 but maybe you can go to like a coffee shop the gym maybe even go to like a park and see you there any guys there but I heard in the Bible it says a man will find a woman and she will be a good thing so maybe you hold yourself a certain way where guys think that you are too independent and it doesn't work like you need a guy so maybe don't look too independent this is just some of my thoughts and thinking and you also have to be careful about who comes up to you cuz some of them could be sent from the you know who the man downstairs to try to deceive you to thinking you have someone and it's really not who you think that person is so just pray and keep praying about it and go to church and even read your Bible maybe he's not ready for you yet and God is trying to get him ready for you or it could be vice versa I hope this helps and if you do so happen to get into a relationship or you're talking to someone I would suggest to visit this website and it's free www. love is respect. com they help with relationships and things like that they also have a phone number where you can text FaceTime and even call.

Rania05 · Accepted Answer

When you least expect something it comes to you, stop putting so much weight on criticizing yourself for your outer appearance or lack of relationships. There's actually plenty guys that hasn't experienced any romance by your age, maybe you can meet one by chance.
Advice : Let go of yourself, you'd drain energy out of your soul if you keep on like this. Invest on yourself.

Sugar100 · Answer

I’m similar to you , I was shy as a kid but I asked out men and whole life I’m rejected my men. I do have a boyfriend but sometimes we don’t meet often at all & I feel stressed like you as everyone is married engaged etc. i feel you are a late bloomer like me. Everything to me happens slow while to my whole family they r lucky and got married fast age 22. I’m 25 and will never be engaged or married lol not even at 30. It will prob be easier have a baby soon than marry lol. But I don't know I feel ugly too men don’t drool for me or ask to be my boyfriend. I’m not attractive or thick body I’m too skinny. Men don’t stare at me. I met my boyfriend at work long time ago when I was 18. So 5-6 years ago when I barley got out of highscool. But later in life it does get harder as everyone begins thier life with partner and get babies etc. not many men are single they r all locked down with girlfriend and baby and sex asap. Maybe ask a family member for help? Or a friend to help find a single man for you?

Anonymous · Answer

Your nose and your scars have nothing to do with your problem, hun. I hate to say it but it's your religion. Traditionally, going back to before the reformation, the fastest way for Christianity to spread (and thus their revenues) was to breed new ones, not evangelizing. The trick to this is to marry them young (used to be as young as 12 or 13), so she can potentially squeeze out 10-15 new Christians, and ONLY to other Christians so there is no questioning of the faith.

In today's society we have the age of majority at 18, so, if you're a Christian woman and unmarried at 20, you're screwed if you're going to date within the religion... Did you notice how as soon as you got out of highschool half of your friends got married and pregnant like that was the plan?

Honestly, hun, you're at an age where you need to address your religion critically. I'm not saying turn your back on it, but actually read what it says for yourself instead of listening to a preacher who may have his own motives or beliefs ahead of God's... What's so wrong about a bar? Jesuss first miracle was turning water to wine, to throw a party! And trust me, as a former winemaker, I can tell you wine back then was MUCH stronger than it is today at the store (homemade wine is about 2xs the strength)

If you have a good grounding in your faith, then the unsavory things in the world will not tempt you. If they do, then ask why, read up on it yourself, and strengthen your faith with your Holy texts. Once upon a time only the priests had the text and had to translate it, it was translated and disseminated to the masses for a reason, so you could use it and learn what it really says.

Bless you and happy hunting.

sturdysoldier · Answer

Are you aware that some Ukranians don't share your opinion on the topic? Why would you bring politics into this?

Probably shouldn't insult the "effeminate" boy because you don't find him attractive.

There's zero shame in being single. And being such doesn't (necessarily) suggest anything is wrong with you. But self-improvement isn't a bad idea. Would you rather you were in an unhappy relationship? Statistically many are...

Being married and having children by age 21 is statistically disastrous. Getting married young increases the chance of future divorce. And having children while you still are one is a bad idea. Heck, the human brain doesn't even finish developing until around age 27.

Assuming you don't want to make the first move, you're going to have to at least smile and make eye contact. Try saying hello at the same time. A smile and a hello is more than enough to encourage many males. You probably should dispense with the adherence to "old fashioned" male approaches. Females are the picky maters in the human species and are who choose whether any friendship begins in the first place. It really makes more sense that the females make the first move.

By the way, women used to chase/entice men. Your idea of what is old fashioned may be misguided.

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

Hmmm... I'm also not going to bars and such and follow spirituality.. I used to have worse anxiety... but when I joined my spiritual group it helped... you should look for activities to do that are fun where you can relax.. like animals? Any type of activities outdoors interest you?

Do so.. when you are laughing and relaxed you'll appear more open and welcoming... invest in your hobbies and Rene a sense of fashion yo dress Inna way that is modest but attractive... no need to look rich, just look feminine... will be hard maybe but if you do slouch or have trouble with eye contact , start practicing in your mirror and with friends I hope you have? A few seconds at a time.

Kreneman · Answer

Hello, I am also Christian and I had that same problem over 10 years ago. Don't feel bad, ashamed or embarrassed because your not alone and there's away to overcome this. First thing to do is to analyze yourself first and apply practical Wisdom just like God says. Second, when meeting a man to date, is just like interview for your dream job, whereas first impression means opportunity, and Third, to build confidence is to communicate more with men by applying wisdom which is fellowship. Fourth, be Modest, and Five have Faith.

Bmories99 · Answer

I have had a few friends in the same position you are both men and women. My encouragement to you is yes be friendly say hi to the guys that interest you wether there's a rumor of them dating someone or not you never know. The only other thing I can encourage you with is if you are a believer than who is in control. If it's God then it's in His timing not yours. Some of my best friends did not marry until they were in their late 30's the have kids now and the family is amazing. You will be too but paitence is the key.

ExigenT · Answer

Just whatever you do, please DO NOT settle for someone that doesn't deserve you. You don't have to change for anyone at all! Secondly, girl you are single!!! Live that shit up. It is not a competition or a race. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. And if you haven't been going out or had much experience with something then of course you're going to have anxiety about it, that's sooo normal. Give yourself a break please. Keep the bar high, flow with life. Life is a river so relax and just cruise! Trust yourself that you will make the right choices and do the things that matter. Peace and love homie!

KelleyNice · Answer

At 5'-8", 130 lbs you are not fat, just a bit heavy unless you are big boned and you are not too tall. t. Unless your church has a large single's group, church is not an ideal place to meet guys. However, there are churches with single groups and activities for singles. It is a girl's responsibility to make the first move by smiling and saying "Hi." If you do that several times, the guy may assume you are approachable and will talk to you if he is interested.

jshm2 · Answer

Relax, first and foremost - life is not a race and relationships are not prizes.

You will probably be better finding a matchmaker service to help cut down your time and options. But likely you need to leave the city/town you're in to find better options in men.

Obviously it all depends on your income/job/education etc how mobile you are. But you're obviously not in the right place for what you think you want to do.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I was 35, had never had relationship or even a kiss. TBH only you can break the cycle. You have to just suck it up and put yourself out there to be vulnerable. You can change, within 5 years I've gotten engaged and have 2 kids. It's not easy, but if you truly want it you can

ElementoP · Answer

Just like anything in life, if you want things to change you have to step out of your box. There's nothing more destructive to your life than staying in your comfort zone, but there's nothing mentally harder than stepping out of it

("Nothing" being a figure of speech of course)

Anonymous · Answer

Girl, chill! I’m 32, still single, living with my parents, never had been asked out by a guy, never had a boyfriend and never have had sex…so chill. Personally I have high standards, and if someone does not see my worth then they can get the f…🤷🏻‍♀️

DavidRaul · Answer

You shouldn't worry abo anything at all. Focus on your career. I am 22 and never dated. I don't regret anything.

OddBeMe · Answer

1) being religious has held you back. can't deny that.

2) you aren't comfortable talking to people in person, most likely. Especially people you're attracted to. In fact, you probably act way too eager and push them away.

3) Thus, like exercise, you need to practice talking to people, especially ones that attract you. Try a few months of going out and talking without the expectation of a date. Befriend guys so you can learn from them. Learn to enjoy talking to men.

Surely · Answer

You need to get less critical about yourself and more comfortable talking to other people. Yes, that does include talking with guys!

Even if you only become a “pen pal “ with a decent guy on line. That will improve your communication skills.

Anonymous · Answer

I know what you mean. I've been waiting but Scarelt Johansson just hasn't asked me out yet. 🤣

The only mistake I see you making is you need to either get serious about dating. Or decide fully that you really don't want to make an effort and start collecting cats. Either one is fine. It's your choice. It always has been.

Anthony20108 · Answer

bro i feeeeeeeeeeeeeel this xD, to be honest don't worry about it, people seem to think being with someone matters ya know, but i'm 21 okay i know i'm young but don't dismiss my opinion yet, i think its more important to focus on yourself, your goals, and happiness, and as you go about it in life eventually it will come especially if you don't focus on it ya know.

Jouth · Answer

You need to get better at walking up to people. Guys or girls. Just chatting.

Doesn't matter how ugly someone is (I'm not saying you're ugly) You can always chat people up.

Charisma can do wonders.

What you need is some practice, good luck, get out there!!!

Avicenna · Answer

There’s nothing wrong with you but a lacking confidence.

MCheetah · Answer

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. My guess is you're just too damn picky and expecting perfection.

I’m a female that will be 27 this year. I am embarrassed about being single and never asked on a date. How can I stop being insecure and embarassed?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said