I'm a whore and I regret it. How do I move forward to better myself?

[Anonymous]

I have a past of sexting due to depression and low self-esteem. I won't get into detail on how I got that way but it has affected how people see me and my dating life. I'm 22 now and am looking to change myself, and better myself but I fear that may not be enough. What should I do? I lost the love of my life when he heard of my past.

[HighValue]

Many people that don't also have that kind of past won't accept a partner that does have that kind of past. Was it (videos or pictures) stuff that was sent/recorded, or just live and not recorded so it won't continue to be spread around to more people in the future?

Stopping is the first step. After that, try to find a mate that had a similar past and also stopped so they would be more likely to be accepting of your past. Don't hide it from a new partner because if it would have been possible for them to accept it, hiding it or lying about it could cause them to leave due to dishonesty or deception. Things always get revealed eventually in a relationship whether it is from them discovering it themselves, or a slip up in an overheard conversation so there is no point in hiding stuff in a long term relationship.

If you only sexted and didn't actually have casual sex with people, there are more people that would be accepting of that kind of past than if you had actually had casual sex.

[Asker]

It was videos and pics sent to an friends with benefits on snapchat

[20thGreatRomances]

Hey there.. let's start off by not being so harsh on yourself.

I have a very good idea of what you are talking about because my ex-wife was the same. It was really bad and after she told me her history, it was painful to hear. I took a few weeks to process it all and told her that I love her the same. That I would be there for her to help her the best that I can.

However, she made the mistake to NOT acknowledge nor address her issues. Instead, she decided to continue to be a "whore" and cheated on me three times. (This is why she is now my ex-wife)

I did not leave her because of her past. I accepted it because I loved her and accepted her for what she was. I left her because she betrayed me when I was trying to be there for her.

Don't be my ex-wife. You are still young at 22 and can most certainly begin working on bettering yourself. There are many ways to do this but at the end of the day, you must accept your past and begin to work on bettering yourself.

I wish you all the best of luck!

[kylee2437]

The love of your life will accept your past and encourage you to become a better person. The person that didn’t accept your past was not for you. Do not let “losing” a person make you feel guilty of your past.

[Shamalien]

Some pasts should inspire guilt. People make mistakes and need to acknowledge them to move forward. Find the person that is for you, because a bad past excludes many options

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien I do agree with what you are saying, BUT a person simply shouldn’t highlight on your past. It’s yours to decide and learn from. My ex guilting me did absolutely nothing because I already knew what I have done wrong in the past. It’s like when your parent yells at you and you are a grown adult. “Mom I am a grown adult, I know I made a mistake already, yelling at me isn’t going to do much for me here” guilting someone for what they have already done, doesn’t do anything for the situation at hand

[Shamalien]

If you are already hard on yourself it isn’t necessary, but some people need a wakeup call. More than that, some people made better life choices and shouldn’t have to suffer the ghosts of your poor judgements

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien that’s implying that you are in a relationship to try and change someone and I’m sorry you need to accept how a person is/was and decide if you want them in your life based of what you need to accept. It’s unfair to get into a relationship with someone you know has flawed aspects and just expect them to change because you want that change. Change comes from wanting to change on your own.

[Shamalien]

I disagree. I am always seeking to improve my flaws and I’m looking for someone with that same mindset, not a sensitive baby who can’t handle any criticism and doesn’t want to learn and grow with me. I expect everyone to change for the better over time, including myself, because if you aren’t getting better you’re getting worse, nothing is still in this world, everything is always in motion

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien see but you just admitted that YOU want to improve yourself everyday. You are your own person. Now what if someone doesn’t want to change their ways to become a better person because they don’t mind the chaos? Are you going to grill them to change or are you going to leave them behind and find someone that is self aware of what chaos does to their life?

[Shamalien]

I’ll try to change them and if they are stubborn and don’t want to change I’ll leave. People have tried to change me before and it’s made me aware of my darkness and helped me improve. And besides, if you’re so fed up with your partner trying to change you then you can leave. This victim mindset bullshit I won’t suffer a second longer.

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien trying to change someone because you accepted traits you aren’t normally okay with is manipulation. Maybe it did change you, however it was manipulative of them to invest pressuring you to change instead of leaving you because they didn’t like the person you were.

[Shamalien]

The whole reason for being in relationships is to be changed by other people, it’s a great melding. There is forceful change and nourishing change and ideally it’s the latter, but we need this all the same or else we’re fucked.

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien if you feel that way, then no offense you have controlling tendencies. The whole point of being in a relationship is because you accept the person for who they are so much to the point you want to create a future together, grow together and grow old together. If you are forcing someone to change, you are being controlling and manipulative.

[Shamalien]

Yeah I do have controlling tendencies, I’m a natural leader and the people around me benefit greatly from my influence. Slap the cuffs on me because I have no shame or remorse for my right actions.

[kylee2437]

There’s a difference between being a leader and having control issues that you should look into via therapy. Leaders do not change people, they lead their own lives and inspire people to follow their steps without pressure.

[Shamalien]

I don’t hold a gun to anyone’s head, I push them and they either go or they don’t, it’s up to them.

[kylee2437]

So you are controlling however. I’m not saying you are abusive per say, but I’ve noticed abusive men think they are leaders when really they are just control freaks.

[Shamalien]

You’re not saying I’m abusive, but you’re heavily implying it. Enjoy your stagnant life and pushing everyone away who would help you

[kylee2437]

I don’t need help, I’m self aware and learn from my mistakes. I’ve helped both my exes out of debt without even forcing them to. Why? Because I inspired them to save money and act responsible with money. That is what being a leader is. You inspire people. I’m going to guess you also think you are an “alpha male” typical controlling male label

[Shamalien]

You assume wrong. That alpha beta shit is completely flawed. I don’t need anyone to tell me what being a leader is, it’s a born trait

[Shamalien]

And I don’t force people to do anything wtf look at all your negative assumptions check yourself girl

[kylee2437]

Actually being a leader isn’t a born trait. It’s a trait that takes maturing and self discipline. That’s the reason why you think you are a leader when in reality you are controlling because you lack maturity and self discipline of knowing when to leave someone alone when they aren’t for you.

[kylee2437]

Negative assumptions? You told me flat out that you like adding pressure in your relationships to change people instead of leading by example and inspiring that person to change. Me and you definitely aren’t the same at all.

[Shamalien]

Lol you don’t know shit about me woman, keep on assuming

[Shamalien]

I never said I don’t lead by example, I certainly do. Moreover, you’ve never even met me, so you have no idea whether I’m a leader or not. It is 100% a born trait, ask any elementary school teacher

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien I can know a lot about someone based on discussion stances and choice of words. Secondly, my friend has a major in psychology and will tell you leadership is not a born trait at all. No one is born popped out of their mothers stomach and says from birth “I’m going to be a president”. It’s learned behaviors, maturity and self discipline.

[kylee2437]

@Shamalien men that control their partners in relationships are not leaders, they are abusive.

[20yearsolder]

Sorry you were molested. It's not unusual for a woman that has been molested to seek multiple sexual partners. Whether it's sexting or actual physical interaction.. The first thing you should do is speak to a counselor, they will actually try to help you work through your issues.

[Asker]

I wasn't molested. What happened was that I dated a guy when I was a teenager who was outside my race and I had my first kiss and was and still am a virgin. What drove me was that my parents threatened my life if I were ever to see him again and to this day berate me and continuously called me a whore. At some point, I believed I was and didn't deserve better and began digging a hole for myself. Now looking back I've realized that my self-worth is more than what they say but the whole I dug for myself still plagues me to this day.

[Asker]

As they say once a whore is always a whore.

[20yearsolder]

I may hurt your feelings, your parents are pieces of shit. Doing something like that to their daughter because she kissed someone from a different race, what the fuck? That's why this world is so fucked up still. People need to keep their noses out of other people's business

[Asker]

But how do I move forward? I don't want to be the modern cat lady.

[20yearsolder]

I would suggest you get away from your family number one, make a life for yourself. Nobody needs to know your past history.

[Chill_Thoughts]

If he left you because of your past then he didn't really love you. All you have to do is want to and do that change. And while some guys might still turn away if they learn how you used to behave, you can't let that affect you.
Be yourself and be happy with yourself first worry about the rest later.
Sex of any kind is great, but I'm sure by now you've realised it's not the way to build your self esteem up. Build yourself up first and then go for it, maybe only with someone special (;

[CuberGuy]

Depression kills people within! I think you have to review your values of life for yourself and if needed, rewrite them!

If you yourself couldn't reach your subconscious self, since this is sth involved in there, you should see a sex therapist or a therapist! It would really help you to find the best path to make things right again.

Hope you regain your self confidence and self esteem!

[Ironic_Method]

Everyone has done things they regret and everyone has made mistakes.

If he was the love of your life I'm guessing he'd be a bit more understanding. It may not seem like it, but there will be other people that you can love and will love you in the future.

[Fa1con]

I won't encourage you to hide your past; it always comes back to find you when you try. Keep moving forward in your life in whatever direction you desire. You will know in you're heart when you are in a better position emotionally and by whatever other measures you like. Some people will always reject you. Others may see how far you've come. Still more just won't mind at all.

[DannyUk2017]

I am sexting when i have the chance, nothing wrong with that... Plus when you get a man and get involved with it he should LOOK AT PRESENT and FUTURE with YOU! not at what you've DONE!

[Anonymous]

Most females have a slutty past and then want to just sweep it under a rug when they are about to hit 30

women need to start learning from other womens mistakes instead of “doing what I want”, “my body my choice”, “young and free”... bullshit

Your past affects your future. Make better choices.

[TroyDT]

Go cold turkey. I used to be a F boy till one day I decided that it was leaving me empty. Now I am far, far, far more selective, always wait at least a month when I do date, and am far happier as a result.

[Andres77]

Find a sexual addiction support group. Understand that at least half of the men there are predators. Take what you learn there and stop being a dumbass like I used to be.

[FilmGuy93]

You have to figure out what personal traumas have caused your insecurities and do the self work to address it.

[Harbringer26]

You start by forgiving yourself, which is often hardest and then you start working towards bettering your self-image, talk to someone professional if you must.

[Alcoholic_Wannabe]

Keep being a whore until you no longer regret it.

[Asker]

Hey, that does not help. People can change.

[Alcoholic_Wannabe]

I don't give a fuck if It helps. The fact that you feel bad about it is stupid.

[Surely]

You move forward one day at a time!

Show people what you are now and not what you were in the past.

[Waldoe]

"History" should remain a Mystery... delete your online accounts and don't talk about them... persoannly I "Love" whores, I always have...

[Anonymous]

You need to find God / Jesus and remember your foundation.

[EndGame55]

Sexting doesn't make you a whore. But I'd say... "You have to put your past behind you"- Forest Gump

[maximumpower]

Get a new life in a new city and new friends.
Get educated and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

Hey admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time you see your counselor to help you with your depression. If you want true change maybe start talking to God.

[jimmy2]

Join a church get right with God it's very possible dear