Boyfriend confessed something to me last night during a party/event about his ex girlfriend. what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Last night me and my boyfriend went to an event where we were all dressed up and cute, the night was just fine and me and him have had a strong happy relationship and I know he wouldn't do anything wrong behind my back at least that I'm aware of, as the night went on it turns out his ex-girlfriend was there, and she started this whole drama which ruined our whole entire night. He later on sat me down during the event and told me when we were talking that he had tried to make himself seem like a dick for just "wanting her for sex" so she would block him and leave him alone. I started questioning him and getting a little more suspicious and upset, when we finally got home, he told me that one night his ex-called him on the phone around 11pm and told me she was doing sexual stuff on the phone, and he didn't know if he had a little bit of interest in it but didn't do anything apparently. This happened on May 3rd we got together on May 10th, and we have been talking for 3 months or 4. He told me he didn't know better and that he didn't notice how much of a great girl I was and that he didn't think any of the bullshit he did that week before we got together. I'm a little upset because around that whole time he was telling me I was the only girl he was remotely interested in and I trusted him with everything, he isn't doing anything now, but he JUST decided to tell me this because I found out during this event.

Updates

+1 y

Is it wrong for me to be upset since we weren't dating until 7 days later but were committed while talking and waiting for the right time to get with one another?

[DaveJord]

So honestly I understand why your upset, and that is 100% fine. You got to stay true to you. But here's a situation I am facing right now and it relates directly to this situation, so maybe there's some insight for you here on how guys think.

So I have been dating this women for 8 months. It was a committed long-term relationship. But over the course of relationship things start slipping out that really thought I should of been told from the start. For example she said she had one dog, 4 months in the truth is she had 12 pets, 4 dogs, 5 cats, 2 rabbits and a snake. Then she said she 10,000 in crefit card debut, but comes out later she has all types of amounting to over 50,000. That's not how a long term committed relationships work. So I told her we can go back just dating, unless she let's me know otherwise and starts telling me everything including all the details. In three weeks I have seen her once but chat on a daily.

So to me I have no intention of dating her long term on a committed level... because she isn't giving any of the answers I have asked for.

Now in the last week I started talking to a different girl. We have a first date set for tomorrow. If and when we commit to relationship I will cut off with my former girlfriend. But that's only if and when... so there will be an over lap were I am talking to both without being in a committed relationship. But part of committing to the other women will be telling her that I have been, but am no longer chating with my ex... just chating nothing more.

So am I wrong, not really because I am not in a committed relationship with either and they both know that. So I am not cheating. I just met the new girl this week, and the last time I had sex with my ex was 3 weeks ago, and its been 2 weeks since last I saw her. When last I saw her it was made clear I am not committed to a long term relationship.

If I start dating the new girl and wants to commit... I will tell her that my old relationship is 100% over. I mean its all good until you commit to a new girl, which she agrees to commit becsuse how do I know if she's not talking to other men? I don't but I hope she's not, but there is nothing wrong with it if she is.

So where your guy messed up is that he waited too long to tell you what he should of told from the start of your commitment. Then once he was there with you at the event, its the wrong time to come clean. But honestly, other then allowing you get embarrassed and blind sided... technically he never cheated on you and he might be being honest and sincere with you. So its up to you if its a deal breaker.

[Asker]

This is honestly what I needed to read right here, thank you so much I really appreciate the time you took to even type this all out and share an experience you are having. This really got the weights off my chest haha.

[DaveJord]

Going forward though... this guy needs to clean up his act. If there's some BS yet that hasn't come out yet... well later on you know what to do.

[DaveJord]

No problem on the advice... I wish you the best.

[JamesDiaz11]

It's understandable to be upset, but you're kinda naive to cognitively justify it. He's a guy- we're not sexually interested in a single girl (this doesn't mean we'll cheat), we just say stuff like that (i. e. "you're the only girl I'm remotely interested in) because we like you- more than the rest of what's currently around.

I'm not one to tout the cliche "the past is the past," because I'll hold a girls past against them as much as the next guy, but if he was playing around on his phone (as we'll do, because we're horny 24/7) before you were even a legitimate thing, I don't think it's reasonable to be upset about it.

I would suggest never going to a place where his ex will be tho.

[D-Pad_Chad]

So frankly, y'all weren't dating, if I'm reading this correctly, until afterwards. He could have denied it, and let's be honest "crazy ex" isn't at all unlikely, but he didn't. He was honest and forth coming.
Holding this over him would be akin to him Holding what you and an ex did together against you. Sure you and him weren't dating, but you would eventually.
More importantly do you feel he's trustworthy and is he worth staying with?

[eightyeighthgender]

You will not be with this man in 5 years time (Likely not 12 months)
Do not get pregnant to him.
Your future children deserve better. (I'm not suggesting that he is a bad person, but neither of you are ready)
Put yourself in a position of power.
Educate yourself and then travel abroad, you absolutely can do this.
Save up, move to London for 2 years, then Berlin, Paris, Milan.
Come home in the holidays (You get 5 weeks paid holidays in the EU)
Move forward.

[andreasderjuengere]

No relationship means: no commitments, and no obligations.

He was ''free'' at that time.

[pizzalovershouse]

Well if it wasn't going on once you dated him then it a problem the problem is he wasn't truthful when he wanted to start seeing you is the problem so can you forgive that's your choice

[Anonymous]

Words words words.

Learn to make TL;dr. To answer the question, he fessed up because he was caught. Dump him.

[Paul09]

You are overthink this for nothing. Doesn't matter what happened before you met. The time is now!

[Anonymous]

you had that coming you deserve to be hurt the way you hurt others it's called payback in the form of karma

[Guy13]

He could have denied it.

[Asker]

That is what I said to him, he claimed that he was stupid and didn't know better and that what happened wasn't acceptable at all and I deserved to know sooner but he was scared of the outcome.

[Guy13]

You’re not getting it. He still could have denied it…wrote her off as crazy BUT instead owned up to it. Step back and get some perspective as no one is perfect. It coukd have been much worse…something about having sex with EX comes to mind.

[Avicenna]

Well, that doesn't pass the smell test to me.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of him asap