People have called me “so hot it isn’t fair” and other things like that, but I’m very lonely, and traumatized by men’s behaviors. Is there hope?

Question

I’ve just been hurt so many times and I find it hard to find a good guy to settle down with. All I want is someone who will love me for more than my body, someone who will be loyal forever. Are there men out there with any depth whatsoever? I’ve seen some dark sides to men and I’m tired, and don’t feel safe in this world anymore.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Join the club girl , I had my fair share of toxic girls that say they want love and loyalty and commitment the same way I do and they turn around and back stab you , So finding someone that’s on the same page as you is hard to come by especially these days , What most people don’t realize is you have to remove selfishness for any relationship to survive and for love to grow , You got to accept the fact that you can’t always be right , that it’s ok to be wrong , Even though I been burned I am still moving forward with hopes that i come across a girl that knows what it means to be in a relationship , We can only give what we want to receive , it won’t always be perfect but when you find someone that makes you their priority over anyone else , hold on to that person , when someone treats you like a convenience , kick them to them to the curb , learn to value yourself and Realize you deserve to be wanted the same way you should make your partner feel , When you only think of yourself is when relationships begin to burn and allowing fire to enter in, We all have selfishness in us , removing that selfishness for your partner is a challenge most people face , but something that needs to be done for love to grow , You should always wear your partners shoes before making decisions, Always think how they would feel before thinking of yourself , That’s where respect comes into play , A loving partner doesn’t hesitate to stand by your side , they choose you over anyone the same way you need to do for them. Most girls can’t do that for their men , a girl will set boundaries with her man and then turn around and do those things that she told her man not to do , double standards do not work , It’s ok to set boundaries but that means you follow those boundaries as well. Most girls can’t follow those rules and then she wonders why she is cheated on or left for someone else , Most guys today are scared to get into a committed relationship because they know Girls are selfish and most girls think grass is greener on the other side , If you can’t sacrifice for your partner and stay loyal and trusting and make them a priority then you are best not to get into a relationship , Me personally takes relationships seriously , I am not going to Commit to someone that doesn’t make
Me a priority,

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Okay so quit stop thinking of it as it isn't fair you have to think of it as it was totally fair you have to think of it as people have used me people have called me this and that people have traumatized me look at everything that you have experienced it is a gold mine and a roundabout way I'm sorry to say it like this but now you know when something is going to happen before it happens and you can stop it life is an experience I hate that all these things happen to you but take them and find the positive out of them and the positive is you know when somebody is bullshiting you by the things they say to you you know it's b******* when you feel trauma coming up from a guy because you have experienced it life is an experience take all those negative experience turn them into a positive experience everything you have learned and you can have anything you want but leave the negative behind quit saying poor poor pitiful me and I don't mean it to sound the way it just sounded but take all those negatives and find the positive if you're absolutely gorgeous you are absolutely gorgeous and there's nothing wrong with that accept it become it love it love yourself leave all the other crap behind because life is nothing but an experience and you're going to keep experiencing things every time you experience something you learn something you grow from it you have to experience something to understand it so understand everything that has happened to you you can love it you can hate it but take it and make it a part of you in a positive way find the happiness that you learn from it and go for it I think you're probably a pretty cool person I think you're probably are very beautiful person and I think you can have anything you want if you do it the right way if not then you're going to have to experience the bad again until you understand it once you understand that experience you change it the next time

watercolor_lions · Accepted Answer

I've talked with my partner before about the advantages of looking average. People who are average don't have to fish through as many people and are able to meet people for who they are, not what they look like. I'm like a 7 and met my soulmate.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, hon. You could try being the one to initiate, instead of accepting offers from men. Find a guy that seems really sincere, and ask him out. He won't say no, and you'll know you were in control.

doggylover64 · Accepted Answer

Men are creeps and weird in general. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! I hope things get better! :-)

DaveJord · Answer

Yeah with that mentality no I don't think the odds are good. You do not seem like someone that is datable to me, you have too much going on. You need to take some time to sort your head out and maybe get some help. When you have all this negativity built up inside, then yeah most honest, genuine and sincere guys will not see you as serious relationship material, and then the ones that will date you will get what they can and leave you... because your carrying too much baggage and most men will not be willing to take that on. Unless you are willing to compromise.

Staximus · Answer

You said "I’ve just been hurt so many times and I find it hard to find a good guy to settle down with." This statement leads me to believe that you always pick piece of shit guys or are attracted to them. Maybe you have no idea how to find or pick a good guy instead of a shitty one. You need to change the way you pick guys. What made you pick all these shit bags? What was it that attracted you to them? What is the first few things you look for in a man? Nevermind the looks, money, career, bullshit cool guy status, etc. Pick a guy who treats you right and makes you happy. Don't start falling for some guy until you know he cares as much about you as you do about him. If you still can't figure it out, maybe you should talk to a relationship counselor or something like that and figure out why you always end up with shitty guys instead of good ones. If you are always picking the type of guy that women throw themselves at, then you are going to have a lot of competition and half the time he's going to have other girls on the side.

mickmrly · Answer

It is sad to hear of your troubles finding a good man to settle down with, there is still hope but finding a good person these days isn't easy.

It seems you have been searching but finding unsuitable and possibly harmful men. I think that before you start searching for another relationship you should take a step back and try to focus on yourself first. Being lonely is one thing, being with a bad person in order to just be with someone is worse.

In terms of searching for nicer men, if I were to give some possible suggestions it would be to search for guys who have more positive interactions with people such as male nurses, male teachers or male carers. Those roles are usually less about competing and more about doing. (I don't really search for men so this is the best I can come up with)

Anonymous · Answer

The mistake you're making is looking yourself. You need to seek this man through God, through prayer and through scripture. You also need to understand and use the discernment God gifted you with so you can spot any concerns. it sounds to me like you have not created and / or enforced strict boundaries when it came to men and consequentially you've allowed them access to your body, soul and life. If this is the case then you've created soul ties that will prevent you from finding this love and / or bonding properly. Thus there is only hope through repentance, prayer and God. Anything short of this and nothing will progress.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Smh. You need to choose an alpha and do what needs to be done to keep him or learn to accept a beta and be happy with that.

The men who are faithful (and as you say below in comments) and do chores and love you when you're fat... are not alphas.

I'm personally not that man. I tell my girlfriend if she gets fat I'd not have sex with her anymore. And on top of that, I'll be having sex with other women anyways even when she's fit, and no I don't do house work. So are you prepared to deal with a man like that? Instead find a shy man with a boring job and a small dick. He will treat you like his life depends on it. Lol. But you need to know he will not be a leader or very exciting sexually.

But like most women, you won't choose either option. Just complain a lot.

delta50 · Answer

Have you ever asked a guy out?

If the only guys you date are the ones that will come to you then you're not really in control of what kind of guys you end up with. You'll only date the type of guys who boldly hit on super hot women. That's not a large dating pool. If you're looking for a stable relationship then it's probably not the right dating pool either.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

If it happens once or twice or thrice, it could be bad luck. But when it keeps happening over and over, it means you are doing something wrong. Most likely you are meeting the wrong kind of guys. Either you are hanging out at the wrong places, or you give off the wrong vibes or something. Whatever the reason, you need to figure out what it is, and do something different.

mobiusforniner · Answer

I wish i can tell you a good answer, but the reality is, you probably passed your opportunity long ago in favor of someone more spontaneous or exciting. And those good ones are now all married and taken. So your options are young guys who, as you are obviously aware, only want to pump and dump you; or some divorced dude with baggage. Most single guys in their 30s are very stuck in their ways and unlikely to be the loving, caring husband you desparately yearn for.

Voldra · Answer

Be honest with yourself; it's not men's behavior's that's traumatized you but your choices in men. I'm not trying to be mean but there are reasons we are attracted to the people we are & if the only common denominator is you look at yourself. I had a similar problem when younger, I was a fixer = subconsciously attracted to damaged women.

VanguardTitan · Answer

I can understand how you feel, the hurt gets unbearable at a point.
I'd say you'll need to work on yourself before dating again, otherwise you're likely to fall victim to the same patterns you've experienced till now.
Therepy really helps process through your emotions and help you regain a better perspective.

Anonymous · Answer

🤣🤣🤣 you lay down with dogs you're going to wake up fleas hun. You want a good guy who'll actually love you for you, first thing you have to start being is "worthwhile". Secondly you need to actually talk to decent guys. Until you do this expect your luck to continue.

MCheetah · Answer

If you want to find someone who will love you for more than your body, then stop showing off your body and proudly presenting yourself as "hot."

Part2603 · Answer

I have depth. But I'm really skeptical you have any. Put it this way: You should be thankful I want to date you for your looks. Oh wait, you're 33. Lol.

PetiteBabe64 · Answer

This world isn’t a Safe place.  Your body could Shut down at any moment. Our existence Is Dependent on if our body decides to live or die.

BTCMoon · Answer

If you are feeling resentful toward the opposite sex as an entirety, that is more of a reflection of you rather than the world. Time to self evaluate in my opinion.

ElvenMr · Answer

It'll be really hard for a guy to approach you online/IRL if you think most guys will just take advantage of you.
What you want may seem hard to find, but men like that exist. So keep looking, he'll find you :)

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Good men are out there, yes! The first thing for you to do is take time to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships.

jshm2 · Answer

Pics or it didn't happen? Seriously though, you don't sound right in the head.

AsaKyo · Answer

I would love to be called "hot" just one time in my life instead of "cute"

J2ohhhhh · Answer

No, good men are already in relationships. Noone's left for you.

lucas262 · Answer

Sure there are, people tell me in attractive I don't see it I'm actually super insecure, I feel I have too much depth to date people.

YakubDavid · Answer

Well... depends on your standards, how you dress and where you are looking.

TallAnon · Answer

Tons of people out there, but it sounds like you need to work on yourself first. Mainly your mental health. See a therapist?

MiseriaCantareAFI · Answer

I know a girl is "too pretty, for her own good", yet, she has a boyfriend of 5 years

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

Have you thought about another place to look for less Shallow Guys? Any Particular Interests or hobbies that a guy would like?

Anonymous · Answer

Ignore what men say. It usually isn't genuine at all.

lookingeverywhere · Answer

They are there lady, you'll just have t search very far and wide. Eventually you'll find the right man, along with a few scumbags on the way. Be careful.

Anonymous · Answer

One thing is certain. When you do meet a guy you’ll think he just wants you for your body like all the rest.

Twalli · Answer

There are guys like that. Most aren't available for that exact reason.

Guy13 · Answer

No luck at all…not even one ⁉️

BJP21 · Answer

Girl DM me we gonna have a talk.

Iron_Man · Answer

Find A man at Church

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

“Settle down”…..*Rock reference*

Gooddaze · Answer

You are looking in the wrong places

Calenderagressive · Answer

*hugs* may not be the best website to post this

Talksik6 · Answer

Yes there is always hope seek therapy

jimmy2 · Answer

Sure there is God bless you

Anonymous · Answer

Let us marry then and have a big family

Joker_ · Answer

you ain't shit

People have called me “so hot it isn’t fair” and other things like that, but I’m very lonely, and traumatized by men’s behaviors. Is there hope?

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How do I deal with being hot and men not seeing past that they see me as a body not dateable?