Do I have daddy issues?

[Anonymous]

my parents got divorced when I was 4 and I haven't seen my biological dad since. My mom got remarried and the relationship went through a lot of struggles my stepdad even tried cheating once. I've always had trust issues but it's particularly difficult to trust men. I can be friends with men and have good conversations but if it goes any further than that I don't think I can do it. I've never dated a guy (and I'm already in my 20s lol :,) ) although I would like to. It just seems like a waste of my time because eventually they'll leave or cheat on me is something I think. You can't blame me for thinking this way. There are youtube channels and tv shows about catching cheating or news online about people cheating every day. Like even fathers with a wife and children cheat these days it just surprises me in the most negative way. It is so strange because I always think about men a lot and about having a relationship but then when I actually think about having one it makes me uncomfortable. It is not that I am unattractive. I feel like I look very nice and I've had some men flirt with me but I run away as soon as it happens. I love my mom and family and am in college on a full scholarship I am interning at amazon so it's not like anything else in my life is negatively affected by this. Sometimes I think is this longing for men me longing for a father? How come I can't be in a relationship? Is this fear of them leaving me? How do I fix this? I don't want to be cheated on. I don't want to be in a divorce. I don't want to be used and thrown away.

[MrCommodore]

It sounds like you already have a decent understanding of the root cause of the issue. The next step is to address you insecurity of getting left or chested on.

Very few guys actually cheat, particularly as guys mature they know what they want and are less likely to cheat or leave.

I've just turned 40 and have never cheated on any girl in my life (Nor will I), even if I'm only starting to date a girl, like I don't message other women. Instead I only date or sleep with women I really genuinely like and it works better.

[Asker]

I commend you for that. I know what issues I have. I am just trying to figure out if this is purely caused by daddy issues or just trust issues from seeing the cheating shows and whatnot. That's why I have been waiting for so long cause I thought it'd be easier to trust someone who's older and over the whole party phase. I would like to understand how exactly do I address these insecurities?

[MrCommodore]

Well technically these are kinda daddy issues, in the sense that your biological father and your step father both were not good examples of loyal or dependable partners. So from an early age you probably had that in your mind, which possibly engraved an expectation of distrust in men.

To address these insecurities you need to focus on what made your mums partners failures and use learnings of those guys to clearly understand what you don't want. Then filter that into your partner selection process, like I can usually tell which guys are or are not like to cheat or are likely to reliable, all from chatting to them. You could do this too I think.

As I said earlier, I'm not a cheater and I would never walk away or leave my kids and family, I think the majority of guys are similar to me.

[boggboss]

U know why u can't have a relationship u have trust issues and probobly abandonment issues also probobly try therapy as those feelings won't just vanish by themself

[Asker]

sounds expensive

[boggboss]

Then I guess get use to being alone as like I said them problems won't just vanish by themself and it dont seem like u are capable of challenging those thoughts by yourself

[Asker]

I think I am capable of challenging myself in anything. I just need to know where to start. I need a base or idea.

[boggboss]

Look online for self help books on getting over abandonment and trust issues

[Asker]

thank you I will try to find some books on it

[boggboss]

Good luck hope u get to the root of your problems and come out better

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like issues. You are friends with guys, why aren’t you scared they will leave you?

[Asker]

Well losing a friend is different from losing a lover. You give more of your life to someone you love. More trust, more information, and more of a physical bond. I've only lost a few friends mostly just from moving but never cause of serious reasons. I know these are issues obviously dude I'm just trying to find out is this purely a trust issue or the so-called daddy issues everyone talks about.

[BarryLiverstone]

Trust issues usually have a source, they are not something people wake up with one day. Yes based on your description you have daddy issues. If you are solid in the fact that you have daddy issues then what’s your next course of action?

[Asker]

well, I don't want to go to therapy so probably just watch youtube videos or read books about how to address the issue.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m other words don’t fix it. Your choice. Good luck.

[Asker]

I do not want to pay for that. Also, therapy is not a 100% guaranteed fix and you know that. I know plenty of people who go and their crap never gets fixed and they continue to pay thousands for it. At least I am trying something instead of ignoring it.

[BarryLiverstone]

Therapy is the best cure. If you get sick you go to the doctor and pay her to fix you. You actually are ignoring it by trying to find a solution in YouTube videos.

Money is not a good excuse for wasted time. Until you decide to get therapy you will have years of your life wasted worrying about guys and them leaving you.

Yes I’m being blunt and you probably completely disagree with me but you asked for an answer and this is my honest answer. You trust your mom, ask her.

[MountAverage]

You sound like you got a lot of issues.

[Asker]

thank you. So is that a yes or no

[MountAverage]

Are you asking me if out of all your issues, one of them is specifically a daddy issue? Girl, there's so much going wrong with you apparently, that it doesn't matter. You need to work on a lot of shit.