What are 3 downsides to dating you?

Question

AddylynnNightingale · Accepted Answer

I'm a woman, I'm also strong and independent!

All kidding aside, I was taught to be the problem solver and look after my siblings and keep the family together when it was falling apart. When something is wrong I have the habit of trying to do it myself before asking for help even when I need it.

Two, I'm not good with words. Words of affirmation. Whenever I heard them growing up they were fake promises or a way to say sorry before hurting you again, so I don't use them. "Love you." I'm like "I know".

Third, I usually don't like crowded places and having small talk with a big group of people, friends or family. Things like going out to eat, restaurant. Sitting there and talking with lots of people is not for me. I dread those get togethers. I need something to do and small talk and waiting for food is not for me. I don't hate your family, but I'd like to meet them during a vacation over a dinner anytime.

NotTacocaT6969 · Accepted Answer

I get depressed easily and won’t tell you about it when it happens.  All of my friends are male, so being a jealous person is not an option. I will cook complicated food at 4am with 0 shame.

ManOnFire · Answer

I am staunch: if you’re the type of person who needs to sway or manipulate your lover, I will disappoint you. I tend to be very firm in myself and can't be easily made to do something.

I can be somewhat dry: I love humor and can be funny, but I'm not the type of person who always has something funny or witty to say right off the bat, although I would like to be. My funny moments happen unexpectedly. But if my brain is fresh and my energy very high I will having you laughing all day.

A history and mystery nerd: I will talk you to death about Caucasus history, Egyptian history, secrets of Antarctica, lost civilizations, etc. if you let me. So don't let me lol.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

1 - Constantly scribbling ideas for my book so will never be 100% there

2 - Unknown economic situation cause my dreams are limitless

3 - Likes simple food so men will have to put up with 4 ingredient meals

Pinay_ako · Answer

I care too much  I go from zero to 100 quick  I will speak my mind idgaf

Account · Answer

1. I can go from affectionate to distant/cold within 1 second.  2. I am overcritical. 3. Trust issues.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Cool question! :)

1. I'm "intimidating" and make some partners feel insecure because I have done/do a lot with my life. I'm pretty demanding of myself and though I don't mean to be and generally want my partner (s) to do whatever makes them happy, they often feel the need to "keep up" or just as a matter of hanging out with me requires "more". For example if I am going backpacking out in the wilderness, I might plan a 4 day, three night trip that entails packing 40-50 lb a total of 30 miles. I don't think that's either terribly easy or terribly hard, but some people would find it grueling, or my pace too fast, etc. There is a certain amount of leeway, but at a point someone who is really slow and wants to walk slow or take a 5-10 minute break every 3/4 of a mile could turn a couple hour hike into a 6 hour hike, and it strains the experience for both parties, the one struggling to keep up and the other yearning to make some progress (this is a totally made up example but hopefully illustrates the point?). Other aspects of this are that I am athletic and intelligent, so people who are not as fit physically or mentally/intellectually can feel insecure in little ways that add up.

2. I don't have a lot of time right now, but even when I do have a lot of time, I'm not an "attached at the hip" type partner, which a lot of people seem to want. I enjoy spending time with people who are not my partner, and tying back in with my partner at some point. I am a very intimate person and feel strong connections, but I don't want or need constant contact, which actually makes me feel a bit trapped and anxious. I like to be connected to my partner when we are present with each other. I couldn't stand someone who wanted to keep me on a leash with check in texting or calls while away. A little bit is okay, but even wanting me to text every day is too much. You could say I'm a quality over quantity type person when it comes to quality time and intimacy. But I get the impression most people want a partner to do everything with.

3. This may come off as really egotistical, but I've gotten a lot of feedback from former partners that I'm "the one who got away", or to put it as a "downside to dating (me)", that several people have said being with me was life changing in a way that will be difficult to match in the future. Raising the bar/expectations if you will. Some quotes:

"I thought I knew good sex, but now I realize all my other lovers before were shit."

"You showed me things I never even knew were possible." (this was about intimacy and connection/love, not really about the sexual aspect)

"I've never had sex that intimate before."

"Knowing what it's like to be loved by you, it's an experience I wish everyone could have in life. I think so many people live their entire lives and don't have a clue about love like this." (I'm kind of messing up the exact wording of this)

Datboi65 · Answer

I don't date because I'm too young to be doing that anyways, so I would rather focus on my journey of progress. However, if I was to make a list, here is what it would look like:

1) I'm BRUTALLY HONEST. Maybe too honest sometimes that if you don't have thick skin, you definitely will not like my replies. I'm not insulting or demeaning, but I don't hold back. I will give an example:

"Babe, do I look fat in this dress?"

"What kind of question is that? Why are you asking me a dumb question you know the answer of to make yourself feel better? No you don't look fat, because a dress cannot make you look fat. If you were fat, I would take you to the gym instead".

2) I am very good at planning ahead, but the downside of that is that I'm super busy. Being that med school is so draining, I will probably be able to get in touch maybe once or twice a week through facetime, which isn't ideal for a lot of women. That one is outta my control.

3) I don't like conflict, and I'm very likely to break up with a girl instead of trying to fix what I deem is broken (in my current state as a 20 year old, this is how I think). The first major fight we have, next day she will see me packing my clothes on my way out. I think it's because 2 & 3 are linked, and being already exhausted from a long week means I'm very unlikely to try saving a sinking ship. If we don't get along, we ain't gonna last together.

So yes, based of what you see I don't do dates for a reason. I also believe in self-improvement and discipline, so I don't think having a girlfriend would motivate me anymore than being a single and hungry young man who wants to achieve his dreams. I do believe in marriage, so for sure one day in the future, but not anytime soon.

OpenClose · Answer

1. I'm ADHD and inconsistent AF. You should see my work hours. I arrive some time between 8AM and noon. I get to bed anywhere from 10pm to 5am. And I can only choose between being energetic or catatonic.

2. I'm more of a mediator than a authority figure. Doesn't work well because most women seem to want a man who "takes the lead on everything" and "makes decisions for her", and is "dominant", while I prefer a conversation and mutual understanding. When I take the lead, I usually prefer it be deferred to me, not something I take for myself. I like to think it's a good trait but many would perceive it as spineless. Especially if they are "looking for a man to just take control". That's just not me. I'm not a Type A who needs to win, control, dominate.

3. There would be a bit of a learning curve in bed, since I'm not super experienced in bed. Perhaps because of #2. I spent most of my early life thinking sex was some immoral thing men to do women. That she doesn't want it but is just being nice or something. So I'm more interested in respecting her boundaries than "taking what I want". It kinda messed up how I express my sexuality later in life. In about half my dating experiences, the girl initiated in some way.

If these things don't bother you, we're probably good to go.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Some say they aren't enough but I say I am too much, no one can handle what I have to offer and it seems too unreal and scares them away.

I'm very independent and don't need anyone to live with, but at the same time, rather lonely as a lot of men get intimidated that they don't feel like they can take care of me. All the while, I really wish they'd at least try and work with me.

I have lots of health issues, both physical and mental.

DoctorSex · Answer

I debate with myself.. and I may find it offensive If you get involved.

I need help in encouraging people to dance at funerals. If you aren't on board I'll feel betrayed.

I could read a book during a shoot out. Regardless of if the police blocked off the street, if it's the quickest way home I'm going straight ahead. I'm the calmest guy in a bar brawl. I'll barely pay attention to the commotion. Will leave you wondering what dark *ish I've seen in my life.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

DenizLikesTennis · Answer

6. I hit on married or unmarried couples. Cuckold here.

5. When she can't keep up with the cooking or cleaning, I become passive and say stuff like: "You are so unreliable😡 I will order food next time".

4. I sometimes like to piss people off when they have a certain reason. I repeat that over and over. I find that funny. I am not joking. This is not a troll post!!!

3. I want to have sex a lot and even more in a relationship

2. Sometimes.. just sometimes... I'd ask if she could pay for the dinner

1. When I am off from work and soon as I get home, I expect food to be ready.

I am a maniac. Don't Date me.

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

1. I'm inconsistent - one period I'm all about showing affection and want and need cuddles, hugs etc. The next I just want to be by myself and don't want physical touch. (Same with sex, fluctuate between want a lot of sex, to don't want to have any)

2. I might have some commitment issues when things get serious. I'm scared of moving in together and everything that comes after

3. I lose track of time when I sit with my projects and I forget everything else around me - and can get quite annoyed if interrupted

There are more but these were the first to come to mind

Lionman95 · Answer

1. I´m not talking much, I prefer to listen and later react to it since I grew up with people in love with their voice if you get what I mean.

2. I´m not good with mechanical problems. I´m persistent trying to solve problems I face but it takes for me figuring out how to do it since I didn´t grow up with handy men. I therefore might not be able to solve your problems.

3. I´m not that much into sex. If you want sex regularly I´m probably the wrong person I´m not asexual I just don´t have a high libido due to a genetical dysfunction.

(4. I´m stubborn and perfectionist if I have a clear picture of how things shall work out I do everything to make it work that way no matter how unrealistic and idiotic it seems to a not involved person.)

melanieeeB · Answer

My mom would immediately scream my stubbornness and strict-dominance haha like I know what I want okay

To add I'm not good with cute compliments, I won't go around saying loving affirmations all the time - like I think "if I invest my time into you, you should already know that you're important to me and I don't have to say it extra" haha - that one bothered some but I can work on it

And I'm lazy and a hustler at the same time, I expect a lot, I do a lot but I don't go out of my way for stuff and like it comfortable

ShellyB · Answer

I can do more than three, however most of them are more like disqualifiers, for the right person they may not be downsides.
1. Love me love my family, I could not date somebody who didn't enjoy spending time with my parents and other family, also in return I want to spend time with his family.

2. Love me love my friends, I put a lot of time into my friendships and that has to be OK.

3. I do not think I would be sexually compatible with everybody bc I have some things I want or need in sex that would not be everybody's preference.

4. I expect certain things from the guy, if somebody had different views they might find it annoying or entitled or something, for example all I do with my car is drive it and clean it, I expect him to pump gas in it and deal with any maintenance it needs, there are other things like that.
None of this is really negotiable sorry!! But for the right guy/relationship it is not a negative.

WonderBell99 · Answer

I’m very very emotional. I could go from being seething mad to crying in one second. I also get mood swings often, like feeling down etc. Sometimes, I would just want cuddles and then I’d want space.

If we get into an argument and we give each other space, I won’t talk to you unless you talk to me first.

I worry and overthink a lot. I might get insecure once in a while and need some reassurance from you. Not a good communicator either, lol.

RiseofArtemis · Answer

Me probably none. The only real downside is I'm not tall. I'm short at 5.4.

When people judge your hight that automatically makes them a person no one should date at all (Those people are trash in general). I can beat any guy even if they are 6 feet, the only thing I need to have over them is strength and knowing how to beat them. If I had a black belt in any combat sport, then none could win against me. And not even a guy that is 6 feet or taller is going to mess with a guy that has a knife or gun even if that person is short.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

#1 I may seem like a loyal puppy at first glance but ultimately my affection comes at price. In other words im not fond of giving out 3rd or fourth chances and find the break ups to as second nature.
#2 you will never share my values and you even if we were married for 50 years you’re still not likely to know what my values are matter of fact my own father who raised me still doesn’t know.
#3 I have depression and health problems yet I’m also the same kind of guy who could get deathly I’ll still not go to the doctor for it.

Summary: I will break up with and you won’t understand why and even if we do work out I will die in my thirties.

DesiUwU · Answer

my hair gets in the way of everything, including my face when i make out w/ someone.

i can be mean or silent right before depression hits, I can get depressed and low energy, or i can be wayyy too hyper for anybody

I can be crude and crass and I understand not everyone gets that or is comfortable with it, or i can be super fuckin awkward for everyone involved just because i make a nerdy joke or say smth i saw fit for the convo but everyone else obviously didn't

i will think i'm being to clingy, so i'll try to fuck off for a bit, and then turns out my s/o didn't think so, and thought i was mad at them or wanted a break or smth

*insert more negative details*

ARWINGx1 · Answer

Hard to say what my 3 downsides are. BUT, what I can say, is that being an (high-functioning) autistic might be one of the main reasons.

In short, I'd worry that said mental condition can be too much of a headache in the long run.

Or... maybe I do have 3 (potential) downsides after all:
1. I have been said to be selfish on a few occassions.
2. I'd have a hard time picking up on emotional cues/hints and whatnot.
3. Won't tolerate being controlled in any shape or form.

Gloree · Answer

You cannot use emotional blackmail on me like "if you love me you will do this or that"

I barely have time for you because of many commitments. So if you're the gummy type, it will affect you.

When I'm angry I sulk and throw things. My man managed to stop that. The first day I did this was I was in mood swing mode and he was talking to me and I threw my mp3 at the wall.

At that point I wanted him to get angry and shout but he just picked it up, looked at me very sternly and said very calmly "don't let me catch you do this again. Let me not even hear a rumour about a repetition, okay?"

I was shocked and I've never done it again. So yeah. He is trying. Lolz.

Emiliamazing · Answer

I am not in the dating scene anymore, however I am married. Here are the rough edges that he has to deal with:

I am messy. You can tell what rooms I have spent time in every day.

I travel heavily for my job. Aside from the Covid shut downs, the last 7 to 8 years has probably been gone close to 50% of the workdays every year.

worldscolide · Answer

I don't lie ever. Which means if you ask trap questions like "does this look good on me" or "does this mske me look fat" you will get the truth, not what you want to hear.

I don't do alcohol much. We are talking a six pack of reds apple will last me a month or more.. I grew up with alcoholic, smoker, drug addicted parents, so I refuse to have alcoholism in my life, the occasional drink is OK, getting drunk is not, and will cause me to immediately drop you. Same goes for smoking and drug use. I refuse to have that in my life.

I work a lot, so my free time is precious, if I've chosen to spend it with someone I'm dating she should not waste it.

When I met my wife, I was very up front with all of this. We have been together 9 years, married 7. I could not be happier.

Jess_D · Answer

1. I’m socially awkward. I’m really bad in big groups and social settings where there are people I don’t know.

2. I’m a homebody. I would rather stay in and watch a movie than go out to dinner so I’m not all that exciting.

3. I work a LOT so I’m usually not available to talk a lot during the day and I’m wiped out by the end of the day.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

1. I'm incredibly outspoken. If you're looking for a meek & mild woman, I am NOT your girl
2. I talk to everyone. I just have this face that says "Talk to me, I'll have a conversation with you". I've always had it, my mom is cursed with it too... I have a hard time telling people the conversation is over.
3. I have a hard time playing things by ear. I have to plan things at least 2 weeks in advanced & even then I would prefer a month... It's because I'm a restaurant worker.

Rania05 · Answer

No sex, if you think it's a downside in the first place No bars or alcohol, again if you think it's a downside No cheating, once again if you think it's a downside

SunsetBeautyxxxx · Answer

1. I have past trauma that affects how I handle things, so I tend to just say things just to say them, not really meaning it

2. I'm not romantic at first but after a few months and if I really feel like I like you then I can be a hopeless romantic

3. If i am mad at you I won't say why I am mad at you, until you ask me if I am like the 3rd time than Ill tell you lol

and many more 😂

atiquahbby · Answer

-I can take things negatively very quickly and tend to overthink things a lot

-I can be quite harsh when I argue about things and I tend to put people on the spot

-There have been instances where I'm not sure if I like the person romantically or as friends

Summeroflove · Answer

HAHAHAHAHHABAHAHAHAHA!!! I could go on all day long.

Women find me attractive until they get to know me…. Or learn more about me okay. Some women. Gosh there are some amazing ones though. I guess it’s good. Because the ones that aren’t worth my time go away

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

If it's snowing outside, I like to open the window before bed, in fact I like it open pretty much all the time. But it's more important to me that the bedroom is always freezing cold.

I will not be a fun person to argue with and I don't deal with bullshit. Even though I'd rather just talk things out.

My career will always be tied with the most important thing to me so it's gonna get in the way sometimes.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

1. The Lord, my God, will always be first.

Meanwhile, if I'm not married and willing to date...

2. My date will ran out of breath keeping up with me since I'm hyper energetic and almost always on the go.

3. My tastes in dining, fashion, travel & adventure aren't cheap.

2Wheels · Answer

I'm not sure, but I would think these would could be a negative to some.

I don't like to party.
I'm very independent. Meaning I don't depend on you to pay my way. (Some guys apparently don't like that.)
My pets sleep on the bed with me. Sorry not sorry. 😄

Haha456 · Answer

1. I can see all your flaws within the first 4 to 5 dates.

2. I'm way too experienced for you to be able to manipulate

3. I will always put my life plans above yours. If you don't fit into my life plans, you will be the first to go.

4. I find it difficult to trust or depend on others.

DaisyM23 · Answer

I've never dated someone but probably 1) I can get stubborn/irritable 2) I don't like clinginess or people who get too emotional/excessive/unreliable 3) If this is long-term, I still wouldn't tell my parents until I know this is lifelong serious (I'm bi so this is especially for other women because my parents/half my extended family are pretty homophobic)

I really struggled to choose ONLY 3 of my cons lol

Vesuvius87 · Answer

- I can be straight forward and say the blunt truth sometimes but have a good heart.

- Despite the stereotype of the Latina woman, I'm not a good dancer.

- I'm a picky eater and just don't like some foods. I hate pizza and red spaghetti.

ThinkFitness23 · Answer

I’m a “handful”…

1. You must show plenty of interest.

2. I’ll judge you early doors if your sexual too soon, Like many I love sex but I like the idea of courting when a girl says ok so I really like you do you want to continue courting me then leaves it 6-12 weeks before sex. I’ll respect her more for this in the long run.

3. I’m terrible with time and competitive.

CCammiee14 · Answer

1) My dog will always be more important 2) I'm a mental health struggler 3) Socially Awkward/blunt (sorry if I don't know how to respond to telling me your favorite snack, I overall think everything and will probably say something like "good for you bud")

TroyDT2 · Answer

1. It will never go beyond dating. No marriage or even living together for me.
2. I have close female friends, so if she is the jealous type it won't work. I'm not blowing off people who've been by my side since elementary school for anyone.
3. I have a serious music hobby, so if she is one of those clingy, high-maintenance types she will get frustrated.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

I am bluntly honest so if you want to play games and test me I’ll give you my feedback which could come across as hurtful

I am not into casual hookups so if you want to get highly sexual within a few months best to not date me

I am human so I’ll make mistakes and we will likely get into arguments and find conflict. If you want to have a fair tale romance and never risk being real I’m not your guy

Msputiton · Answer

I'm sarcastic. I can't let a joke go even after it lost the funny appeal I can be loud and obnoxious when bored

Heolurt · Answer

1.) My face. Whoever dates me has to put up with a lot of staring and the fact they are with the ugliest person alive.

2.) I have a stutter and I stammer, plus I have Selective Mutism which means there are moments where it's practically impossible to speak at all.

3.) I can't show love because I have never been shown love by anyone so how am I supposed to. Also just anyone else is a far better pick than me.

JulianGronkowski · Answer

1. I’ve never dated anyone before, so I lack experience in how to advance a relationship from one date to the next.
2. I’ve never been intimate with anyone, so I may feel shy or uncertain at first when it comes to showing affection, which would likely be perceived as lack of confidence/unattractive.
3. I like my alone time, so I probably wouldn’t want to commit to more than 1-2 dates per week.

petitedollbabee · Answer

I have mood swings often, I’m very clingy and want to be around you 24/7 which not many people can handle, and I have disabilities that prevent me working on a regular basis - although I’m slowly working on that.

MzAsh · Answer

I get chilly. I can’t hang out with people who need a room under 72 degrees.
I steal the bed. You’ll end up in a corner before I will.
I have many other options and I know it. And you need to know it too. Stay on your toes.

Mega_illuminati · Answer

1. Rarely going to pub/bar/consert together. I would rather prefer staying home.

2. Might not be as willing to gossip as you would like.

3. Pretty sure they wouldn't like the TV shows or movies that I watch.

Baredog · Answer

1. If you don't like being spoiled and doted on you're just going to have to get used to it. 2. Being the center of my life and put on a pedestal if that's a problem you're going to have to get used to it. 3. If you have issues with unconditional love I'm sorry but you're just going to have to get used to it.

pascal_climbs · Answer

- You must like sports - You must like a girl with muscle - You must like climbing and doing obstacle runs

Blackcupcake · Answer

I’m stubborn…  I can be an emotional rollercoaster… I’m extremely clumsy, it’s a surprise I’m still alive…

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

1) I can cook better than you and your mom. 2) i talk too much about mental health and psychology. 3) you have to deal with a lot of body hair, my body hair.

Pegases · Answer

I don't need or want constant affection. I'm an introverted extrovert, meaning I require alone time every so often. I don't allow disrespect

chicosuave · Answer

I lose my temper when people are mean to me. I just don't care about the smallest things. I like to go out a lot and my previous gfs wanted me to stay home all the time

Sixgunsound · Answer

I am a workaholic who functions better at night, I understand and will not be giving up my rights, and I do not under any circumstances go along to get along.

Faith18letsgo · Answer

I’m fucking weird, might embarrass you in front of your friends. I have a terrible sense of style. I don’t usually wear deodorant.

happyfoetus · Answer

1. You aren't dating me. 2. You werent datind me. 3. You will not date me. Hahaha... jokes apart... I won't talk or listen. This is good enough to make you not wanting to date me ever.

Milonaa · Answer

I don't like places with too many people. I have an obsession with cleanliness I don't like partying.

Ian69 · Answer

1. I’m to old for you. 2. I’m not handsome or attractive. 3. I don’t date anymore.

FreyaRed · Answer

I'm independent, I don't forget, I'm consequent... Yep, these traits are disadvantages in a relationship

Pleaznhim4me · Answer

I am brutally honest.  I am not having your kid.  I can be repetitive and persistent in getting my way.

JayParris · Answer

Just one, but it covers all the bases I do what I want and don't care if you're ok with it. If something comes up that's a dealbreaker, then you're not the one for me.

Sour-rose · Answer

-i'm asexual -i steal from stores -i'm lactose intolerant. therefore, I will challenge the gods of lactose occasionally. For fun.

Zolly99999 · Answer

Me... I'm busy. I don't sit still for very long  I'm very adventurous thats a turn off to some people  I do like sex... a lot. This is a turn off to some people as well.

What are 3 downsides to dating you?

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