Not obsessed with this guy I’ve been seeing, should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 26 (F) who’s been seeing this guy for 2 months, he’s perfect on paper but for some reason I’m not obsessed with him and don’t know if I’m overthinking or we rushed into things and completely bypassed that phase. He’s by far the sweetest most emotional mature guy I’ve met, takes notes on things I like, makes me feel special yet I’ve started to wonder why I’m not inclined to hold his hand, or grab his arm, or anything like that. We’ve always had great conversations and it’s never awkward, everything is great except I’m not head over heels. I’ve dated people before where I’m so into them, I can’t keep my hands off them or find myself staring at them but that’s not the case with this guy. I do miss him when we don’t speak, I get happy when he texts me and I care about him, just maybe not enough? Had anybody gone through this? I did get out of a 2 year relationship 5 months ago that was very toxic and I’m not used to this calm relationship. I don’t want to lose him as a person but also don’t know if that sort of thing grows or should’ve been present by now. Thank you!

[xColinx]

Probably a combination of lingering effects of your previous relationship + something about the new guy just not fully clicking for you. Also maybe you're maturing, as far as relationship experience, and subconsciously realizing that the 'falling hard' thing is somewhat superficial and there's a natural growth/safety mechanism to be a little more guarded (emotionally).

All things considered, maybe let things run their natural course for another month or so before you jump to a decision?

[xColinx]

oops I realized after I commented that you've already talked to him about needing space. Obviously not a bad decision either, if that's what your instincts are telling you.

If you don't mind me asking, what was toxic about the previous relationship? Feel free to message me directly if that's easier, or no pressure to explain anything if you'd rather not go there!

[KillinItHard]

If you don't feel like that with him then you don't like him very much and you're basically settling. Never be with the guy that you think is cute and kinda makes you smile. Go for the hot guy that burns your fingers if you touch him and gives you butterflies from across the building just by looking in your direction, that's the guy you won't want to stop touching.

[Asker]

I think you’re right, the passion isn’t there and he deserves better

[KillinItHard]

I'd definitely cut him loose if I were you. Life is short enough, don't deprive yourself of one of it's greatest feelings.

[Asker]

Thanks, the thought of losing him does make me sad but I can’t force it. Hopefully he understands

[Anonymous]

do you find him attractive? I've been there before. im not sure if we have the same reason. he was everything i wanted, except he wasn't the guy i usually date (physical wise). i gave it a shot, and i ended up liking him a lot, but it never became anything more (like being in love).

[Opinion Owner]

or maybe you need to give yourself more time to process your break up. could be a lot of reasons. personally i dont think your feelings would change, so its up to you how important it is for you to have those feelings for someone you're with (which i think is a pretty big deal)

[Asker]

The attraction thing has crossed my mind, he’s not my usual type and I did notice I wouldn’t ever really compliment him or call him cute or anything. I may still need time for myself because he isn’t ugly by any means, the idea of a new relationship felt forced and foreign. Thank you so much!

[anonpabo]

communicate with him. communication is key in relationships & also to like someone u dont have to be obsessed. hope it works well :D

[Asker]

I have communicated with him, there’s no rush but I feel like he deserves someone who gets butterflies and really likes him a lot. I don’t know if I really like him or just like the way he treats me and I don’t want to string him along while I’m figuring it out 😣 I know how horrible that sounds.

[anonpabo]

it doesn't sound horrible!! this exact thing is happening to me at the moment and i just told him that i wanted to end things so i could figure myself out , bc if u stay and then really figure out u dont like him it will hurt worse because it lasted longer

[Asker]

You’re right, I went ahead and told him I need to figure myself out. We started out as friends, that was actually all we intended to be but made the mistake of trying it out. He said he understood and would like to remain friends because we still enjoy spending time together and we could revisit this friendship after some time apart.

[Guy13]

Please now…everything is not about Lusts

[Anonymous]

You're used to toxicity and your soul, mind, and spirit expects it. Obsession is from the lower self.. it's ego driven, unhealthy and based on lust and fantasy. You are not on this guys level and he isn't smart enough to know that you are not relationship material. I mean this in the sense that you should be healing, learning and growing instead of being in one. It's only been 5 months. It's not only about you though. It's likely the guy is non sexual, safe, nice, predictable and open. Most women find that boring and it creates a friendly vibe. In short, while you want to have your hair pulled, he just wants to gently comb it with a pink brush.

I bet you haven't done anything sexual with this guy either, and don't want to... I wonder if you've managed a kiss on the cheek yet.

[Asker]

We actually have been physical a handful of times but it wasn’t very passionate. I definitely have healing to do, he was different and mature which I appreciated but perhaps I do need to be alone longer. Thanks

[slatyb]

"Perfect on paper" doesn't mean "perfect for you". You aren't feeling it. Stop seeing him so you can meet someone who does it for you.

[Steamnir]

Its okay, its normal to not like people, you can tell him that your emotions toward him aren't more than friendly and search for someone else.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You aren't in love with him.

[Anonymous]

No, because obsessing is not healthy.