Is it bad idea for a woman in her early 20s to date a man in his 40s?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[RomanticRealist]

I don't think it's wise if you're looking for a life partner or marriage, but whether or not it's "bad" ? I mean... I definitely side eye these couples for some reasons, and I don't think this kind of thing should be socially encouraged, but I think it's more useful for you to think about the pros and cons to this, the specific circumstances of your situation, and your goals in dating. That's probably more useful for you than whether or not I approve of your situation.

• I would say if you just want to have fun, date casually and aren't looking for anything serious or you aren't marriage-minded (as many young people aren't at the moment), it could be a fun experience for you, if you enjoy him. And I'm not saying sabotage your connection, but statistically, this isn't likely to end up long term. Most couples that make it to marriage have small age gaps (if you live in the US and probably the larger West as well). And the marriages with the highest divorce rates (we're talking astronomically high - almost guaranteed "failure" rates) are those with high age gaps, starting at 10 years and definitely for 20 years. I'll link some data for you below. I'm a logic/data kind of girl so I think this is important. But there are always minorities of people that defy these odds. It's still wise, in my opinion, to know the seriously high rate of divorce and likely (I suspect) of no serious end in general. If you were older it may (or may not be) better odds, as couples who marry young also have higher divorce rates that older couples who marry in their late 20s to mid 30s. A lot of those reasons are because you're still figuring out yourself and relationships as a young person, so I'd assume that would impact the odds of an already unlikely successful marriage as well.
• A lot of older men who seem mature to you aren't that mature to older people. You don't see it, and it may not be the case with him specifically, but other older, more mature people often do. Age doesn't guarantee maturity and sometimes what happens is a kind of arrested development. He seems mature to you now, but as you mature, you may surpass him and realize he isn't growing with you and that may be one reason he (may) be into much younger women. A lot of older men refuse to date 20 years younger because they can't deal with the maturity, cultural, and life stage differences. Others can and this is often one reason why.
• Be mindful of the power imbalance that can come with this kind of relationship. I encourage all young chickadees to be mindful of this because a lot of men do specifically like dating young women because it allows them to be more dominant and sometimes more controlling. I saw it happen with my friends who dated older men when I was very young, happens everyday. A friend of mine is still affected by the abuse she endured as an 18 year old dating a guy in her mid-30s when we were in high school together. She dated him for a few years. We're in our 30s now. She's happy and has found a great partner now (who is our age), but he was her first real boyfriend and she ended in multiple emotionally (and a bit physically) abusive relationships after that and had to work through those issues. Not saying that's all because of him, but it definitely started the journey off in a traumatizing direction, especially for someone so young. Now, of course, young guys can abuse and mistreat as well, but there may be a different power dynamic when someone is much older. You may think they know better than you do, of course they're right, etc. and they may use that against you in ways that you can't even recognize at first. So I'd say if you go this route, and even if you don't, find a good therapist. Even if you have to try multiples, if you can find an affordable one or one on campus if you're at school. Find good friends you can talk to and get comfortable hearing honest opinions you don't agree with about guys you like - be open to the criticism from friends who are wise and intelligent, because that can help you as well. Learn/research what emotional abuse and control looks like in relationships in general and seek advice that encourages women to not be controlled in age gap relationships. That's what I would say if you do this.
• I want to say try to focus on what kind of guy he is, but I think one of the issues is that many young girls are still learning how to recognize abusive behavior, bullshit, etc. It's easier to get away with things with young girls because many aren't as assertive about identifying that yet, haven't gained the education to recognize these things, haven't gained the experience, and/or are still developing healthy self-esteem and relationship skills. (That learning never really stops, of course) So do your best, but I would say you will likely find yourself changing with time and seeing relationships differently in some way. Although, some young people are uniquely insightful and wise. Though, usually, if you think you're too smart to fail in this specific way, you're probably wrong. Talk about your needs and make sure you make them as important as his are.
• Challenge yourself to communicate maturely but assertively and be kind to yourself always - and expect the same treatment back. Just a lot of general relationship advice applies here too.
• Keep in mind that sperm deteriorate as well and contribute to genetic issues in births, higher rates of autism, etc. That's just something to consider, not necessarily a reason to not date someone. But men often spread the lie that nothing happens to their sperm as they age. It changes, and that's something for you to consider.
• And on a similar note, be mindful (if you're thinking of him as serious marriage potential) of what aging with someone around 20 years older will be like for you. This may also be hard to conceptualize, but it's something I. considered when talking to 45+ year old men in my early 30s. Erectile issues are common, lack of stamina, the terminal illness stage of life may hit for him while you're still enjoying your 40s and 50s. You may not be able to enjoy things together and you may end up being his caretaker, depending on what happens to his health. This could happen at any age, but significantly more likely when he's 20 years older. At your age, 50 may seem old but you can still be active and relatively healthy at that age, whereas he will be in his 70s, which just has very different implications for the average person.
• Have fun! As problematic as they are, age gaps can sometimes be hot and fun. Usually don't last beyond that, but life is short. Just be realistic and know what kinds of guys are often into this most - men who don't respect women, men who have ideas about women "expiring," men who are old themselves and only want to date the youngest women, men who are immature and can't attract or hold interest from women their age, controlling men with old fashioned ideas, men you may surpass in maturity if you stay with them long enough, and also men for whom none of these things apply. Your mileage may vary!

I've played around with the idea of dating significantly older men for fun, but I could never get into it beyond sex and I've actually never slept with a guy more than 2-3 years older than me. If anything, I've been with more guys younger than me - but usually more like 5-6 years younger. I'm 32 so 20 years younger is icky and not allowed lol

The concern about aging sperm and birth defects, being a senior caretaker in my 40s/50s, erectile issues while many middle aged women have higher sex drives (the cougar stereotype exists for a reason lol), the crazy high divorce rates for age gap couples (I want to get married), attitudes about women their own age, and political differences common between us always kept me from being serious about it. I think I'm too practical for that. I also remember when I was very young thinking that most of the girls my age who thought they were exceptionally mature, and therefore best suited to older men, really didn't seem that way to me. I always viewed that as an illusion - no matter how mature we thought we were, we were still 20. I'm grateful for that insight personally, but I can say that I wasn't seriously occupied with dating at that age and even a lot of men my age now are immature to me. So I can see both sides of it.

So yeah, I'd question why he wants to date a 20 year old, hear his reasons, consider your beliefs and who you are, and if you feel there's alignment and comfort between that self-awareness and his reasons, and you're on the same page about whatever it is that you two want, then do you and go for it. You're an adult so at the end of the day, you choose whatever path you're on. Just try to keep your eyes open along the way.

[pass_the_celery98]

Why are you bashing men and guys completely? I read all of that. You failed to say that guys in their 20s and 30s could also be immature and do stuff like drink, do drugs, party, go to strip clubs. One thing women fail to understand is this.. if you say all these things could or would happen as he gets older. There are no health guarantees in life even if the guy is close to her age. I’ve seen unfortunate circumstances for young women and their husbands (close in age) where he is hurt because he served in military, or he’s aged horribly. Why is frowned upon when an older woman dates a younger man, it’s way more accepted and that’s hypocrisy at it’s finest. Britney Spears is 41? Her husband is 29. You’re gonna say well she’s famous and that’s 1 person. No, I brought this up in high school years ago. My teacher who’s female said I was right, that it is silly when an older woman is accepted by society for dating a young man (ex: she’s 45, he’s 27). The older women get the less likely y’all have kids. So you talk about the reasons. Men can have kids even at 50. It’s tougher for women at 50. That’s not bashing females it’s the truth m, doctors have said this. I believe in the afterlife of heaven and hell. For those who enter heaven one day, God will keep those in heaven in their early 30s for eternity. That means one day the two who depart this world through death, will see each other down the road at the same age.

[pass_the_celery98]

Of course living life the right way to God. Therefore, this short time on earth means nothing. You can see that person for eternity in the hereafter in heaven at the same age. You also failed to say, it’s possible that if a man and woman are the same age bracket, something could happen to him even being near the same age, then she may have take care of him. I know girls who are annoyed by guys who are younger and they don’t clean up after themselves, they almost look to their gfs as their mothers to cook/clean for them. I’m taking a dude whos 25 and she’s 21. I don’t judge people who have an age gap so why would you? If they are happy and have a 20 yr age gap, so be it. Something could happen God forbid, a woman’s health deteriorates and she needs him to take care of her, let’s say he’s 50 and she’s 37, then what?

[RomanticRealist]

@pass_the_celery98

You reply reads like a rant, I won't lie. Some of your points aren't completely clear.

however, I will reply to a couple things briefly:

1. "No guarantees" is not a statement of probability or how likely something is to happen. There are no guarantees that a tree won't fall on me in 5 minutes. However, statistically and circumstantially (I'm not around trees), it's extremely unlikely to impossible. Anything can happen, yes. That is true. It's also true that the vast majority of people 20 years older than her will have different physical/health realities. It's also true that the average 70 year old in the West is going to struggle with health in more significant ways than the average 50 year old in the West. It's also true that the average 75 year old is more likely to die than the average 55 year old. All of these things we have both said are true. For women who like to consider probability and logic alongside their emotions, these are important to acknowledge.

2. I opened by opinion by telling the Asker that whether or not I accept her decisions is not the point of my post. So I will say the same for Britney. I encouraged the asker to consider all the aspects to this kind of coupling, especially if she's serious and marriage-minded. I would have said the same thing to Britney's husband.

I will say that there are old fashioned, sexist ideas about women and a manipulative power play vibe to support for older men with younger women that makes people more supportive of the reverse as a challenge to those narrative and a way to highlight that older women are still valued, have options, etc. It's a push back. And this is why I didn't concern my answer with acceptance alone, so this isn't really relevant to my answer.

3. Older men can have children, but their children have higher rates of birth defects. Sperm age and deteriorate in quality. Just because you can have children at 50 doesn't mean you should.

[RomanticRealist]

@pass_the_celery98

I'm also an atheist, so I don't believe in gods, and I don't believe in an afterlife. Although, as someone who grew up in an evangelical Christian family, I have to say that I've never encountered "God will keep those in heaven in their early 30s for eternity." That's definitely a new one for me.

Be well, thanks!

[BlueScorpio]

If fine just make sure he's looking for a serious relationship and not just a old man looking to score with a younger woman. Also are you looking marriage and children in the future? Is that something he wants or has he already done that and not looking to start over? That's something to consider, plus since he's already up there in age there's a chance he might not be around long enough to see his children get old or see his grandchildren. Plus you're 20, you still have quite a while to decide all these things.

Men health and life expectancy drop as they get older, they often die before their wife so it's really something to consider. As long as he's in good health and taking care himself then he will be around a bit longer. Personally gor me when I was 20, I was checking for men in their 40s to 50s, it's pretty big gap and just reminded to much of my dad. But you like each other and on the same path then it should work.

[ohsheeT]

I look at it a couple different ways I mean the key word here is date you not talking about marriage you're not talking about anything but dating and exploring and having fun I guess is what date means to me so I have to be selfish and I say no there's nothing wrong with it now I'm saying that let's say you both fall in love for me being an older guy I would not want to hold that girl back I would do everything in my power to make her grow to help her Empower herself and there would be a stipulation stating that there's going to become a time where you're going to want to walk away and that's going to be fine because there's no way that I would ever want to hold anybody back that's in a relationship but if you're just dating no there's nothing wrong with that

For me I don't care what it is because I look at life as a experience to gain as much knowledge as you possibly can to experience things over and over and over till you get it right until you completely understand it I mean look how many people say that they're in love but they only understand that word love to the point of their experience it's like algebra you only know algebra to your experience it's like writing a dirt bike you only know how to ride a dirt bike as fast as you have experienced as good as you have experienced it so life doesn't just stop because you experience something you have to keep experience in it to become the best to understand it to respect it but no matter what you experience you have to be honest about it you can't I think that you know anything about it or everything about it because far as I'm in certain I know nothing in this world right now because I haven't reached anything that I've ever experienced to the highest peak so even this answer I can't even answer this question because the knowledge I have is only what I know because I haven't experienced it enough to understand it to give you the right answer so I think whatever answer you come up with is going to be a good enough answer because it's only you and that person to count anyway it's nobody else's business

[TheorionMage]

Depends upon the natures of the individuals involved.
She brings vitality, potential fecundity and a perishable naivete and openness to experiences;
He brings a jaded worldliness, either nurturing or exploitative and material resources
to negotiate for HER companionship~

[Slotbot]

Very well said.

[Summeroflove]

It depends. If both people are doing it for the right reasons. Then they are both adults trying to find love.

It’s not someone else’s job to judge someone whether it be out of jealousy or because it’s not their thing.

sure…. Some people might not do something. Which is fine. But someone shouldn’t judge someone else over this.

[Bethany22]

Yes it's a bad idea. He's used to being on his own, so probably has no intention of getting married

[OlderAndWiser]

Depends on your goal in dating.

[hahahmm]

Correct. You said it in 1 sentence.. I took several.

[Asker]

A mature man who I can loose my virginity to, and one who is looking for something long term and less likely to run around and cheat

[OlderAndWiser]

An older man who engages with you in a relationship may be seeking a partner to satisfy a fantasy of being with a younger woman. Some guys do this to try to prove that they are still youthful. But not every older man is looking just for a young woman for sex. Older men are more likely to be looking for a long term relationship and they are more likely to be attentive to your needs.

Of course, there are no guarantees with any relationship.

[Haha456]

@OlderAndWiser

I've had old guys chase me. From my experience, most of them just want better sex. Most men in their 40s and 50s aren't interested in dating women 15-20 years younger. But the only ones who are interested tend to be mainly into it because of looks and sex. Its rarely ever about purely romantic attraction. Because reality is there is no reason why a man that old would want someone so young. I've had 50 yr olds refer to me as a "kid". I'm 26.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Haha456 Years ago, I dated a woman who was 16 years younger than me: I was 52 and she was 36. She acted liked she was the one who only wanted sex! My girlfriend now is 58 and I am 67; our relationship is based on love, not just sex. If I dated a younger woman, it would be for romance. . . and sex.

[Haha456]

@OlderAndWiser

I think a 36 yr old woman dating a 52 yr old man is not nearly as bad as a 46 yr old man trynig to date a 22 yr old girl. By 36, she is a fully mature grown woman heading onto middle age. She has experience, knowledge and wisdom and knows what she is doing. She can relate to someone in their 40s. Not so much 50s but its possible. But you get the idea of what im trying to convey.

but when you have someone in his 40s trying to date someone under 30. There really would be a huge difficulty relating to each other. There is a bigger mental development gap between 46 and 26 versus 36 and 52.

I just know from personal experience that it tends to the perverts who constantly hit on and try to date girls as old as their own daughters. Decent old guys do appreciate eye candy of young women but they never try to "date" someone as young as their daughters.

[Haha456]

@OlderAndWiser

Once I met up with a 46 yr old man when I was 24. he was a divorced single dad of 2 kids: 10 and 6. He was enamored by me and I almost fell in love with him on the first time we met. Everything was magical but there was only one problem: I was 24, just got out of college, and barely started adult life, just began my first job, living with my parents. If I wanted to be with him, it would mean I would need to be a step mom to his two kids. I still felt like a kid. I was in no shape or form to be a step mom to kids at that time.

And secondly, he was 22 years older than me. His eye sight was starting to fade and I could tell he had difficulty moving a bit while he was riding his motorcycle. It was a very unusual sight to me for a boyfriend (as someone who just came out of childhood). By the time I"m 40, he would be 62. there's no way that I would be happy being married to a senior citizen. I just knew that it just had no long term future.

so i ended up telling him that I really missed him and it was really painful to never see him again. but i had to break it off. there was no future to a relationship with him. I wanted someone who I could have kids with and grow old with together.

Huge age gaps are very tricky and you take on a huge risk of divorce by marrying them.

[zeitgeist057]

There’s no all encompassing rule here. People are so varied in their personalities, there are absolutely examples where people with an age gap are a perfect fit, and other examples where it is a huge mistake. Of course, that also applies many pairings of two people who are close in age as well.

There are many people who probably shouldn’t be dating ANYONE, and some of those people are 52 years old, some of them are 19. “Age is just a number” and it can’t tell you how mature a person is, how kind, agreeable or disagreeable they are, whether they are manipulative or abusive, or any other number of important aspects of their personality. All it tells you is how long they’ve had on the planet; some people make better use of their time than others.

I’ve dated older, same age, and younger women. I generally find better chemistry with younger women, and the feeling has been mutual (I don’t pursue women who don’t reciprocate interest).

[Anonymous]

I think a 10 year age gap is ok, maybe 13 at most but that’s as far as I’ll go. Ideally I would prefer being with a young woman who’s the same age as me or 4-5 years younger. I’m 37 but people think I’m 25. I don’t smoke or drink. I don’t put an abundance of stress on me. I work out and stay in shape. Stupid immature girls saying guys get old and wrinkly by 40 are giving disrespectful, ignorant comments. What I will say is I think it’s funny and hypocrisy at it’s finest when a woman in her 40s dates a guy in his 20s, that’s way more accepted. Example, Britney Spears is in her early 40s and her Iranian husband is 28 or 29 I believe. No one bashed her about that. Therefore, by default, no I dont think it’s bad per say, because if women are allowed to do it. For all you fucking male hating nimrods who want to label a man in his 40s for dating an adult woman in her 20s as “pedapholia-Esq” to those people I say you’re fucking stupid since you accept older women dating younger men as ok 👍. If two people love each other then why does it matter, you aren’t paying their bills.

I do believe once we die, if someone lived a good life and being respectful to God with a good wife you will connect with them in the hereafter the same age (early 30s). God says everyone in heaven will be young adults with youthful looks. I will end off by saying yes, there are obstacles when dealing with an age gap like that - religious views, social views, maturity level, etc. that’s where it can get tricky. But im not going to judge a woman in her 40s for dating a young man in his 20s and I won’t judge a man in his 40s for dating a young woman in her 20s, that’s how it should be. If someone wants to dislike this go ahead and “cancel me” but my spitting facts and keeping it 💯.

[Haha456]

By the time you are 40, you will find yourself married to a senior citizen. Its up to you to decide if it will be fun or not, which is not likely. You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Most people who marry a lot older tend to regret it or divorce at some point

[hahahmm]

Life is not all about fun... this is why so many marriages fail today because one or both people have the idea that it was supposed to be fun every day. It's why in the old days people talked about obligation, duty, responsibilities. You could be married to someone your old age & it turns out to not be fun every day. And that could be true when you're both 30.

It's also true that if the guy is rich, it's not like you have to care for him when he's really old either. It's hilarious when rich women whine about having to take care of an old guy, when actually he has private nurses and there's a whole crew of maids keeping the house clean.

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

Why would you want to marry someone when you know you will be unhappy 15 to 20 years later?

Why not marry someone closer to your age where you have a higher likelihood of still being happy with them 20 years later?

People should always aim to be as happy as possible in marriage. Not wanting to be sad and unfulfilled at some point

[Haha456]

Rich men dont need their wives taking care of them. They hire nurses, doctors , maids. Rich wives dont even need to take care of their kids. They have nannies. Clearly you dont know what beint rich is like

[hahahmm]

"Why would you want to marry someone when you know you will be unhappy 15 to 20 years later?" -- This is funny to me. A woman doesn't know if she will be happy in 1 hour and here you are talking about 15 years.
- "Why not marry someone closer to your age where you have a higher likelihood of still being happy with them 20 years later?" The reason to marry someone closer to your age is it's more likely you both have less baggage. Although from a male POV, women collect baggage easier than dudes. Also by tradition for EONS women marry up & men marry at their level or down. So it's natural if a woman married up in age/social status/economics. She doesn't have to but it's not abnormal.
"People should always aim to be as happy as possible in marriage. Not wanting to be sad and unfulfilled at some point". -- Okay but I disagree. If people thought this way for all of human history then we wouldn't even have civilization now because there's a lot of not so fun stuff that happens on the way to building lasting things. If you really must have fun all the time, don't get married. See, I don't think one can have everything they want in life. There's always trade offs.

"Rich men dont need their wives taking care of them. They hire nurses, doctors , maids. Rich wives dont even need to take care of their kids. They have nannies. Clearly you dont know what beint rich is like" -- That is exactly what I said... so strange you say it as if I didn't.

[hahahmm]

Anyhow, the best move for a woman is to be careful to pick the best man she can, when she's young. Things get more complicated the longer she waits.

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

Young women tend to date young men. Very few women in their 20s willing to date guys in their 40s. It is what it is. If you want a young babe, secure her before you hit 40. Keep in mind, you hit the wall too

[hahahmm]

@HaHa456 It's almost never 40+ year old men whining about not having a soul mate/wife. It's women whining about how they wasted their best years on a bunch of dead in situations so maybe you are talking to yourself more than you think you are. Of course young women "tend to date young men"... That's the normal thing since they'd most likely be in the same social circles. It's also normal that women marry someone older, even if it's only a few years.

Personally, I didn't want 20s when I was 30s.

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

Im not attracted to guys in their 40s. Most of us ain't attracted to old men. I like my guys young strong and fast.

[hahahmm]

@Haha456 Eh, I honestly don't think most 40s would even take you if you begged them so it's all good.

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

you're just insisting on huge age gaps because you're obsessed with girls in their 20s.

[Haha456]

you don't think you hit the wall too?

[hahahmm]

@Haha456 You're totally off your meds. You can read all of my postings to GAGs over the years and nowhere have I ever been interested in 20s at all. It is funny how some of you slutty & desperate 20s tried to slip into my DMs tho. I always tell them, I will answer advice questions only. And then they keep it moving. Nice try tho.

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

I remember you were obsessed with girls in their 20s.

[hahahmm]

You remember wrong! Never happened. There's been a few times some 20s asked 'how do I look' and I told them to stop being attention whores 50% of the time.. the other 50% I told them to get better character. In no case did I simp/chase/try to get those panties or anything like that. HA HA! Thanks for the laugh tho

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

I'm not attracted to you dude. you're way too old to be my husband. I'm only 26

[hahahmm]

You just falsely accused me of being obsessed with 20s. Now instead of apologizing/admitting that you made that up, you switch to saying "I'm not attracted to you" -- as if I said that you were. And we already know I wouldn't even CARE if you were so really, what do you want? A cookie? A pat on the head?

[Haha456]

@hahahmm

I've had prior conversations with you. Trust me I still remember at once point where you said women over 30 are undatable.

[hahahmm]

@HaHa456 - Nope, I never said that. Find even one other person on GAG who claims I did. Find one link to prove it or stop making a fool of yourself. What I think happened is you got me confused with somebody else or I answered in a thread where someone else said that to you... and it got your panties so twisted that you're filled with rage to this day.

[Anonymous]

yes. i mean why would you? most older guys are fat, balding, and wrinkly. they’ll also try to mold you and change you and are just using your for an ego boost most likely. you’ll get bored eventually want to settle down with someone closer in age because you’ll realize dating that old guy was a bad idea. if you want kids, male sperm declines after about 37. their sperm count decreases making it harder to have kids and you’re way more likely to have a child with a mental disorder like schizophrenia. that’s why most sperm clinics don’t accept sperm from men after they turn 34 because it’s not high quality anymore.


if you’re just using them for money, become a sugar baby. use them for their money, save up, and dip when you get a boyfriend you actually want and like. one that’s young and hot and won’t die on you in the next decade (unless you’re only dating that old guy to take all his money after he dies, then i’d say go for it and good luck!)

[Opinion Owner]

don’t waste your youth girl. you’ll regret it!

[zeitgeist057]

This is a great example of someone for whom it would be a bad idea to date an older man, and also a bad idea for the older man to date her. From the answer you can see she is only concerned with herself and very immature with no idea what partnership is about.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy here, because with an attitude like this, the only older men she’ll attract is the “fat, balding, wrinkly” ones who don’t have enough self respect to stay away from a self-centered gold digger. Same as with all the misogynistic men who complain about women; it’s not women who are the problem, it’s that self-respecting women steer well clear of men like that.

[Opinion Owner]

majority of older men are fat balding and wrinkly. only the rich ones are attractive.

[zeitgeist057]

Grab that shovel and dig deeper into the hole… 😂

[Opinion Owner]

i said what i said. tell older men to stop being so ugly and maybe young girls would care for anything but their money.

[zeitgeist057]

Depends what you like I guess, and which men and women you’re talking about. I dated several women younger than me who I did not support financially; we either shared costs, had separate finances, or some more or less mutual exchange (like my girlfriend who I lived with for free, as her dad paid for her college apartment, but I contributed by buying the groceries).
It’s fine if some women use men for money, or some men give money in exchange for “love”. I am thinking of a specific couple right now and the guy I would say is ugly, but he’s nice. The woman is drop dead gorgeous and I had a crush on her and was surprised when I found out she was dating this guy, but he’s rich. But now, they’ve been together for I don't know how long, but they have (3?) kids and one of them is driving so close to 15-20 years and I think she really loves him if not originally just after time. I think many women can’t help but catch feelings if a guy is nice and consistent, even if he’s “ugly” in appearance. That’s another aspect of older men, they are more stable and consistent, which many young women value. Especially after getting tossed about by (younger) men their own age.

[Opinion Owner]

many? a minority isn’t many. i’ve talked to all my friends and sorority sisters and nobody wants you washed up old guys. older to us is 2-3 years. not someone ancient ugly balding old guy who’s going to die in a decade or two.

[zeitgeist057]

Just as you reference your own limited personal experience, I am referencing my own. In my experience there have been many who have been very enthusiastic about dating me, older than them by 5-15 years. If you reference the poll above, you’ll see women voting about 60/40 split, which is a minority, but it’s not “nobody”. Though perhaps you and your sorority sisters act as if you are the only people in existence whose opinions matter 😂

[Opinion Owner]

yeah sure old man. take your meds.

[zeitgeist057]

Yeah your juvenile pettiness when unable to formulate an argument is a perfect example of what I was talking about. There are lots of men both young and old that are right on your same level, and a fitting match for you. I wish you luck on the path ahead 😂

[Haha456]

@zeitgeist057

Couples with huge age gaps tend to divorce more. And largely its due to age difference incompatibility. By the time you hit middle age, you find yourself married to a senior citizen. By then you will regret it

[zeitgeist057]

@Haha456 marriage is a terrible metric for success. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce, regardless of ages of those involved. Of the remaining half, not all of them are happy, there's heaps of miserable married couples who decide to stay in their shitty marriage for whatever reasons be it having kids together, financial codependence, abuse, or any other number of terrible reasons. So accounting for those remaining marriages, less than half of people who get married are happy with it.

Though if you want to have a marriage that lasts, I would focus less on age gaps and more on having an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are ten times less likely to end in divorce, so making your own decision on who to marry is the first mistake many people make.

[Vegasrunner]

Men typically gain value w/ age women lose value. Women tend to work off thec E's. Equality, emotion and exceptions. Since they don't like these double standards that don't benefit them, they will use these.
Emotion - "most old, men are wrinkly bald etc" Random general statement w/ no merit
Equality - Male supermarket declines Men can have kids up until the day they die it's women who have a time clock on their reproductive system
Exceptions - "become a sugar baby" the poster is clearer stating that she likes in a traditional sense yet is getting advice to become the exception. Most women aren't capable of being sugar babies because they are led by emotion not logic.

[Opinion Owner]

you’re delusional. old guys are ugly fat and balding. go outside or read that’s for your confirmation. male soerm declines with age which why sperm clinics stop taking male sperm after a certain age (i work in one, i would know). older sperm has less sperm count and has more likeliness to produce a child with a mental disorder like schizophrenia. look up the stats for that. the poster literally asked if someone was wrong with it not signifying anything. she could be speaking about a friend or celebrities. she did not express any interest in older losers. women are using men for their money more than ever because they see men have nothing to offer but their money. and like i said most sugar babies end up settling down with someone their age. they’re not using these old men for anything but their money lol. you’re in denial.

[Opinion Owner]

nobody wants old guys and it shows when majority of men (about 64%) over 40 are single and alone😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

like i told the other old guy, take your pills old man. it’s almost time for you to check into a retirement home anyways isn’t it?

[Opinion Owner]

MALE SPERM REALITY:

“The ideal age is between 18 and 35, with 40 being the maximum age to apply”- www.phoenixspermbank.com/.../

The most common reasons you can't donate sperm are: You're too old: Male fertility lasts a lot longer than female fertility, but there's still an age limit for sperm donation of 45 (though most clinics do not accept sperm past 40)- www.semovo.co.uk/.../who-can-be-sperm-donor-and-who-cant

Worries about aging sperm — or, more accurately, sperm from aging men — are the same as the concerns about aging eggs: decrease in fertility, and increase in genetic problems and psychiatric and behavior disorders among offspring. The primary issues in the latter category are autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).- fivethirtyeight.com/.../

In reality, men’s fertility also may decline with age and, as a new study on older men taking part in in-vitro fertilization (IVF) shows, sometimes that decline is quite dramatic.

Researchers led by Dr. Guy Morris from the Centre for Reproductive and Genetic Health in London have concluded that IVF success rates decline significantly among men over age 51 — coincidentally, the same average age that women enter menopause.

[Opinion Owner]

you said men don’t have a reproductive clock baldie? that’s not what science says :) :

The study of nearly 5,000 IVF and intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI, where a single sperm is injected into an egg) attempts determined that 42 percent of men over age 51 met the World Health Organization’s standard for semen quality, compared to 61 percent of men under age 51.

In turn, researchers found that IVF/ICSI pregnancy rates declined as women aged. But they found that the same was also true of men.

Nearly half of male IVF/ICSI participants under age 35 in the study were able to successfully fertilize an egg. Among those ages 36 to 40, that rate fell to 42 percent and to 35 percent among men ages 41 to 45.

By ages 46 to 50, the success rate was down to 32 percent. And men over age 51 were able to facilitate pregnancy just 30 percent of the time.

[Opinion Owner]

that’s why i’ll be getting married to a hot young man around my age who’s not jaded, washed up, and who doesn’t have a fire in his eyes. but on top of that, we’ll be able to have healthy babies together and start a beautiful healthy family. hell also be around for the kids and won’t die in the next decade like old farts.

[Haha456]

@zeitgeist057

When we, young people, are looking to marry, we are looking for someone we can grow old with. Its like buying a car. When you've invest 80k into buying a car, you want your car to last as long as possible. You dont want your car to break down half way then be in need of constant break downs and repairs and then end up stop working entirely after 6-7 years. And what usually happens next is some people stay with the old car that can't really work because theyve already invested so much money on it. Some others will completely get rid of it.

Same thing as marriages with huge age gaps. They might stay in subpar marriages because theyve already invested so much for so many years: built a family, have a mortgage, children, responsibilities together. Its very hard to break free. The younger partner might find it too difficult to get out on the dating scene again after so many years. Its significantly harder to get remarried when you're in your 40s with 3 kids.

Others may be more entitled for something better and sacrifice everything for it.

[Haha456]

@Opinion owner

Thats exactly right. I go to the local firehouse to look for dates, not the elderly home. Hot guys only, no jaded bitter angry old men with hair loss qnd wrinkly saggy limp dicks

[Vegasrunner]

Notice there are no post of young men asking about dating old women because it's not a thing. Men can reproduce at any age women have a fixed clock that's not a debatable point and arguing it makes you appear simple. What she "could" be speaking abut is irrelevant what she "is" speaking about is discussed 100's of times daily on sites like this because it is much more common than vicea versa. Females a lot of times become emotionally frustrated when faced w/ uncomfortable truths as you have shown.

[Vegasrunner]

So what does that say about old women when 71% are single and alone?

[Vegasrunner]

That only shows you have little understanding of how the world works. Most men don't hit these financial peak until approximately 45 and over 90% of all local and national leaders are over 40 so your statement only serves to highlight your ignorance.

[Vegasrunner]

Now I see where you're confused. Reproduction is important to you not me, in fact if what you were saying is true it explains why more younger women bang older men vs older men banging younger women. Not having the risk of getting a chick pregnant is an advantage to me. Furthermore that's a metric that the original poster never even brought up, instead is just an arbitrary metric you're using to attempt an "equality" argument because this fact bothers you. If what you were saying was true why would you feel the need to comment?

[Vegasrunner]

So now I understand. You haven't been able to attract a man and are bitter about the fact that men have a longer shelf life. While I understand your frustration reality is most men in their 20's or early 30's probably shouldn't be getting married to anyone as marriage can be an resource draining, time consuming endeavor that only benefits women. The issue your going to run into is figuring out how to find, and trick a man into settling for you, and the older you get the more difficult that becomes. How old are you rn?

[Opinion Owner]

@Haha456 EXACTLY! these old men are in denial and it’s laughable. i sent this thread to my friends and sorority sisters and they literally laughed at the old ugly guys in these comments who think MAJORITY (not the ones with mental issues) would even consider them relationship material. there’s a reason why the average age gap for a couple in the US is just a tad under two years. nobody wants washed up old guys who can’t get it up anymore. and your car analogy was perfect. these guys need to take their meds or check into a nursing home with their delusional asses.

[Opinion Owner]

*majority of young women

[Opinion Owner]

@vegasrunner you don’t understand shit. i had a old fat sugar daddy i used for money and didn’t have sex with him once because old men have nothing of value besides their money. then guess what? as soon as i got a hot young boyfriend i dropped his ass and he never heard from me again. i have a boyfriend and before that boyfriend i had tons of guys of all ages wanting me including old wrinkly balding fucks who were as insane as you and thought they might have a chance with me. funny how after i tell you i work in a fertility clinic that accepts sperm and send youMULTIPLE scientific sources saying that men’s sperm quality decreases drastically after 40 and literally produces a high percentage of kids with AUTISM AND SCHIZOPHRENIA, you’re still in denial. you can’t argue SCIENTIFIC FACT old retard. and only an old balding loser would really use GAG as a reference point like you literally don’t have trolls and men pretending to be women on this site. you’re fucking stupid and everything you’ve said has been fucking stupid up to this point so i would suggest you shut the fuck up. again check yourself into that retirement home soon. someone needs to watch your crazy ass and keep you from bouncing off the walls. don’t you have a decade left to live anyways? you have bigger things to worry about.

[Haha456]

@Vegasrunner

Nobody cares if you can reproduce at any age , if no young woman wants to fuck you. You need to ask yourself: why would a young woman want to pick an old aging man with malfunctioning balls when she has a plethora of hot young attractive men to choose from?

[BlueScorpio]

@Haha456 when I was 20, I wasn't looking for older men either, getting hit on by a 50 year old was really weird.. felt like your uncle or dad coming onto you. Majority of young women aren't dating extremely old men, they stick closer to their age or maybe go 3 to 5 years older. There are some exceptions like the girl asking this question, but realistically I've always seen young women with young men closer to their age. Plus there's risks having children with older men, older men ten get sicker faster and die. I should know I work in hospital with a lot sick elderly men. Women tend to become widows first, I have aunt that's widow, my mother is a widow, and my boss is a widow. All thus talk about only women hitting the wall isn't true. We may hit reproductive at certain age, but men definitely hit a life expectancy wall too.

[Haha456]

@BlueScorpio

You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Eventually you will find yourself married to a senior citizen

[BlueScorpio]

@Haha456 yea there's some truth to that. Just cause a man can produce at any age doesn't mean he will have the stamina or patience to keep up with a newborn baby or toddler. Most 50 to 60 year old men these days are not thinking about having more kids, especially if they have some and theyre grown and out the house. Most of my male family members are around those ages and are done having children. I even ask my dad before he passed what he would do if mom got pregnant, he said noooo lol

[Opinion Owner]

the funny thing is men can’t really produce at any age. the sperm quality declines exponentially after 40 making it harder to conceive. and the kids they do conceive usually have a mental defect like schizophrenia, or have autism.

[Haha456]

For me personally, I'm having a baby within the next 5 - 6 years and I honestly cannot imagine using the sperm of anyone over the age of 40+ for my precious baby. Women who have kids at a very late age or with old men , simply do not care for how their babies turn out.

My baby's well being is not something I would take any risks on. I will have to face my child for the rest of my life. It would make me guilty as hell to see my child in bad physical / mental health because I decided to have kids with subpar eggs or sperm. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

[Vegasrunner]

@Haha456 I dont need to ask myself that at all because it isn't an issue I have to deal w/. In fact it only goes to prove how little you actuallyunderstand about relationships which could be why you've lacked them for so long. A better question would be why you have worked so hard to convince yourself of this fallacy. Attempting to convince someone else to share your personal fears only highlights your own delusion.

[hahahmm]

If her goal is to find a 'forever'/marriage with a quality man then it's only a good idea for her to date high quality guys who are interested in serious relationships. So it depends on who she's dating & his goals... plus her goals.

If she's the type who doesn't care if she has 20+ years of random relationships that never lead anywhere then it doesn't really matter who she 'dates'. But she'll find it very difficult to get a quality dude at the end of that run.

[cryscrys1]

I think it’s bad
Only because if the person doesn’t love his health and doesn’t take good care of his health by 50s his health will decline. It’s obvious a women entering late 20s and early 30s might get tired of this men. Love might decline and cheating happen.
It doesn’t matter if the women is older or the men is older point is you make sure your health is on Point like a big P

[Haha456]

The only answerer with a brain on here

[Aakash_Hangargi]

That could be said about any age guy , how does someone know it's not there last day

There have been instances where a healthy guy in his 20s died while playing video games.

And people getting heart attacks even if they aren't smokers drinkers.

You never know which vehicle would Ram you or a deadly snake bite you and poof stairways to heaven.

The younger breeds are dying before they reach even 40s at least older ones are living till there 60s 😆.

[Haha456]

@Aakash_Hangargi

So you're saying people in their 20s die earlier than guys in their 60s.

Sure... if that helps you fall asleep at night

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Nope i am also from this generation
And i also don't drink or smoke chances are i will die first 😂😂 i don't expect much

I didn't say people in their 20s die earlier it was just an example lo
I am telling you cannot think like older people will die sooner it has no co relation

[Haha456]

@Aakash_Hangargi

older people do die earlier.

even if they don't die, you find yourself married to a grandpa

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Wow you took 15 days to come back and respond to my comment
Love your persistence

[Anonymous]

To each their own. The woman will get hate for it since she's young and can get almost any guy around her age. The guy might get praise but will definitely get hate from her family. People will think he's grooming her as well as manipulating/controlling her.

I personally don't get it. I would feel weird dating a man that much more older than me. How would we even be compatible? I wouldn't even know anything from his generation. He would be talking about things I don't know.

I went on a date with a guy 9 years older than me and it was so boring. He was just talking about things I didn't even know. Felt like we were both from different eras lol even though we were from the same generation. I thought the age difference wouldn't bother me but it did. I can't even imagine dating a man 15+ 20+. That blows my mind.

[Brokenheartedx]

If they love each other then it's not a bad idea, why would it ever be? Love is love and love is blind to things like age

A bad idea if the man is using money to fund the lifestyle of the younger woman.. Its clichéd and cringey to everyone else around them.

[RichardoStyle]

It's immoral for a woman to marry a man much older than her. You cannot marry a man who is old enough to be the age of his father and big brother. (If her husband is 2 years older, it's fine. So the wife should have been born in 1987 and the husband in 1985.)

[MrNameless]

It's not objectively good or bad. I think you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of this and that both of your intentions are clear to each other.

If its just casual, make that clear.

If its for something more like a serious relationship, make that clear as well. Take your maturity and each other values into account. If they line up, then it can work out.

[Prettysammie]

Love is love. Why put all these societal expectations and conditions on it? The heart wants what the heart wants. Don’t people realize how lucky they are to find someone? Turning away from love because he’s too tall, too short, too old, the wrong race the wrong education is just silly. Say yes to love.

[ZackBan]

Not really if the chemistry is there.
Often times age gap bring cultural differences, you grew up with different movies and music and influences but if you both find eachother's generation fascinating it could work like a charm

[FreyaRed]

Very likely. How many actresses and singers have been *Weinsteined* to get an opportunity or they have been used. On biological level there is no attraction to 20+ older men, at least I don't feel any.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's necessarily bad. But statistically speaking with an age gap larger than 9 years the success rate drops of dramatically. I don't think people should AIM for age gaps greater than 9 years. And if you do meet someone outside that age range take it really slow. And don't do anything rash.

[Chris_78456]

I don't know if it's good or bad, it's just an idea.

Every 23 year old woman who ever started messaging me online ghosted me once she got a boyfriend her own age anyway, no big deal.

[Chris_78456]

They all initiated the conversations with me so it doesn't really matter. I was never that invested.

[normalice]

To each their own I suppose, but age gaps like that usually mean the older one is immature and the younger will outgrow them.

[normalice]

Dear god how many accounts are you going to make?

[Valso]

Depends on how much money the guy has. Is he rich? If he is, clearly she's looking for a bigger paracetamol for women.

[User3191989]

Not only is it bad, it’s also unbelievably cliche, at this point
Girls, enough with the “older man” shit. It’s tired.
My mom married a man a year younger. And have been married 35+


Hey the fuck over it

[Bricealan]

Humiliating for any self-respecting man to be with a woman 20 years his junior.

"Is she your daughter" ?

[carlgpfeifer]

I think its great for girls to date men in there 40s are in there late 50. s it's a beautiful start to date girls in there 20. s I never dated girl in there 20. s before it will be lovely to do it I would go it it's time to go out on a date

[dustybiker]

I wouldn’t be dating a man in his twenties.

[Brando10222]

It's not bad but mostly in this situation what happens is that the old man is with you cause you are young and mostly wants sex. So I wouldn't recommend to go for someone old.

[Sabretooth]

Yes. Often, it's for artificial reasons. And if it does work out... Well, that age gap will be very unfortunate in the following years. One of the beautiful parts of being in a relationship is to grow together.

[Sixgunsound]

Hey if it makes them happy then so be it as long as they’re not hurting anybody.

[BoobMan]

I don't see why it would be. You probably need a helluva lot more information to make an informed decision than that.

[TroyDT2]

Might be or might not be any different than dating anyone else. They are adults and should do what they want.

[fred_durst]

people will surely judge because the age gap is big , if you think it will bother you , it is bad idea

if you have thick skin , judgmental people doesn't bother you , then it is good idea

[FunkyMonkee]

It happens all the time!! You mean, it's not normal;, by now?

[Pudsmucker]

There is nothing wrong with dating somebody older. If you to decide to get married. Just remember when you're 40 he will be 60.

[athelete_7]

👀 date ur age man. Max go upto 7 years. 27 max 40 s is way too extreeme.

[Anonymous]

What type of 20 something year old girls date 40 something year old men? Gold diggers for sure.

[Asker]

Jared Leto is 50 and he’s hot. I’m a virgin and I’m thinking that I want my first time to be with a guy who is mature, knows what he is doing and not every single girl is a gold digger lol

[Opinion Owner]

Right. Some older men know how to take care of themselves and not become bald and obese and full of pimples.
In some cases however girls have daddy issues.

[OddBeMe]

It’s usually- usually- more about monetary security than actual romantic connection. But we all make priorities.

[bamesjond0069]

No. Far more likely to work out than dating someone your age. Me 35 my girlfriend 20. 2 years now going strong.

[sassy_receptor]

stats show that large age gap relationships have a less than 10% chance of working. research it so you’re not sharing false information.

[bamesjond0069]

@sassy_receptor if you're on that level I'd suggest you just binge watch CNN, you probably already do lmao

[LimitedBenefits101]

Women in their 30s and 40s will judge you because he's at their age but dating hotter younger women so they get SUPER JEALOUS.

[Avicenna]

No, they’re both adults

[Anonymous]

When the goal is always financial, age isn't an issue.

[Jerre]

I am 51 and have dated many women 18-25. We always have a good time.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Is that the girl from Transformers: Dark of the Moon?

[Luopio27]

Yes and she is dating Jason Stetham with her British accent.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

@Luopio27 but he drinks too much

[Dinosaursandanime65]

(Just a joke)

[BluEyes7]

No. An older man is usually more mature and knows what he wants in life. It depends on what you are both looking for

[Anonymous]

YES. Unless you like being treated like a trophy all of the time.

[Anonymous]

[fonduegirl]

Yes, woman. A million times yes!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Nope not bad at all

[Blackcupcake]

not necessarily if they’re both into it

[FilmGuy93]

Very much so; it's an awful idea.

[JPresidente]

Not all, older guys are more experienced.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Do it everybody does it

[sassy_receptor]

lol no they don’t

[Jackblue]

Every case is different.

[whiskeyontherocks]

They can make there own decision

[MountAverage]

Impossible to say without more specifics.

[Iron_Man]

I don’t see any problems with it

[Kiran_Yagami]

No. It's so common it borders on cliche.

[Guardian45]

Depends on the people and context

[lauraanne02]

Nopee

[rebeliouse]

whats putting you off older guys?

[BLP11520]

No... why would it be

[Anonymous]

C - maybe. It depends.