I deserve way better than him but I still want him? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy, I really like him but the whole situation is messy, we both have trust issues and can’t trust each other. We’re so different in so many things that even our friends don’t understand why we’re together. He’s a really extrovert outgoing guy we had a Tumultuous past, all you can imagine! And I’m the total opposite. For some reasons we love each other but it’s really toxic, it makes us really anxious specially me all day because I’m scared that he change his mind. Some of my friends who know him told me that yes he’s not a bad guy but I deserve x100 better, that I shouldn’t lower my standards just for him, that if have nothing to give me, that this bad boy guy loving a kind sweet girl is so cliché and I’ll regret this if I don’t stop now before falling a love. What should I do? Please help me I’m so so lost…

Stop everything

Stay with me

[William7489]

Honestly? I wonder honestly why you’re even asking this question. Your friends have told you it’s bad and not going to work out, you’ve described it as “toxic“ and full of trust issues and problems. Hmmm. Seems open and shut doesn’t it? But you’re still probably going to stay.
It’s a classic situation where there’s plenty of quality men out there that you’re ignoring because of the allure of pursuing the mysterious, dangerous and aloof bad boy. The problem is that if you continue to do stuff like chase bad guys all the time when you’re young, if you ever do want to settle down, the nice guys that everyone ask where they are, they’ve moved on. But I know better than to tell somebody not to do some thing that they’re hell-bent to do. This is this scenario I’ve seen 1 million times, you might have 100 better options, but you’re going to go for the one that is challenging and dangerous. Don’t even ask me why because it’s one of the great mysteries. Like I said good luck and be careful.

[Datboi65]

I've seem this scenario many times already. Listen to your friends and move on.

If you have trust issues, you need to go to therapy and fix that. It's not fair for the next person to deal with the repercussions of what your exes did to you. Also, since you said this guy has trust issues, he's basically doing the same to you that you're doing to him, and it just gets very toxic.

Break up and go to therapy. Right down a list of what values you want in a guy, and search for it in that manner rather than wasting your time in a relationship that won't go anywhere.

All the best.

[DubiousIntentions]

You need to book an appointment with a psychologist to find out why you want which you know is bad for you. I see so many questions posted like this that it makes me wonder why people seem to levitate towards bad people instead of good, even when they know they are. What's with that anyway?

[kylee2437]

I think your friends are correct. A guy shouldn’t be doing things to lower your trust with him, he should be doing things to build your trust and have you feel validated. Has he done anything for you that you remotely enjoy?

[Asker]

He try his best honestly, he’s really honest and tell me everything even the ugly truth and even if it’s still new he never dod something wrong. But even with that I feel like shit, I’m so anxious that I cry everyday because the whole situation is a mess

[kylee2437]

@asker why aren’t you communicating to him that he is making you feel that way?

[Asker]

That’s what I’m doing and same for him we both feel the exact same way, feeling so anxious just because we have trust issues even tho there’s nothing to doubt about each of us. So the whole thing put both of us in a bad place but we still continue

[kylee2437]

I think both of you are just scared to be vulnerable and it’s like one of you needs to bite the bullet and just mellow out. Put your egos to the side. You guys are creating an anxious environment because neither one of you is caving into vulnerability which is creating an unsafe space for both of you

[Asker]

What to do you recommend? I feel like I’m vulnerable enough we’re so open about our feelings but want to take time too because it’s so overwhelming all this love and this fear at the same time. He’s afraid because he don’t understand why I go for someone like him knowing his past and who I am and Im afraid too because I don’t understand why he’ll go for someone like me, the total opposite of girls he used to be with. And his family will hardly accept me, really hardly. We’re not from the same background and they don’t want any mix …

[kylee2437]

Why look at the negatives though? You accept his past because it doesn’t matter to you and he accepts you because you are different to him and different is beauty. You two need to come to terms that yes love is scary and requires vulnerability but if you aren’t willing to get to that point where being vulnerable is a must, it’s not going to work.

[Guy13]

You are making decisions on emotional judgments alone. This is not prudent or wise. You know it but yet you choose not to protect yourself and totally separate yourself from this guy. He is not likely to let you do that without exerting pressure upon you. Stop everything seems to be an obvious choice BUT I am not there. Good luck no matter which way you go here.

[Asker]

Thank you for this..

[Guy13]

👍👍

[ManOnFire]

You said you guys have a tumultuous past and that you're both very different. That in itself should be enough of a reason for you to end it.

Apart from your friends' judgment, ask yourself: What am I staying for? What am I getting out of this relationship? Is it going to get better or worse? Will I actually be happy with the conflict?

[coachTanthony]

You will get rid of him and then be bored out of your mind when you find a guy who is normal. See it all the time.

[Angelo75]

You didn't give more than 2 options.

Well after 21+ years of being in an interracial marriage I can tell you it's not about how "compatible" 2 persons are.
It's fully about commitment. But it must come from both of u.

You'll have to stop focussing on "what I deserve" or better said "what I want to GET" and focus on "what I want to GIVE".
There is a catch. Nowadays the whole media and the whole world thinks it's about "what I get".
So even when you have the correct mindset about "what I want to GIVE", there is a big chance you'll end up meeting a guy who is thinking about "what I can GET". And then you end up in a one-sided-relationship where you're the only one giving. (it's a sad story... i know).

The point I try to make is, the two of you must have a serious deep conversation about what are your intentions in this relationship.
You BOTH must be totally straightout honest about it.
At the end it's all about a "choice" that the both of you will make.
You BOTH will have to "choose" to invest in this relationship.
About the trust issues, try to get some counseling for the both of you and go TOGETHER!

It takes a lot of effort, but with the correct attitude of both sides, any relationship can work. Cuz you'll constantly be ready to choose for your partner above your own tendencies. The biggest problem is, the media, movies and even the public will tend to tell you to think about "what you can GET out of a relationship".

[Truthatanycost]

Being attracted to toxicity is a symptom of being low vibration. You are probably on the path of pain and not yet ready for peace, health and ascension. Therefore every partner you choose will bring a different type of poison and pain into your life until you've had enough of that poison and pain, and are ready for peace. This has nothing to do with what you deserve because you will get what you seek. The guy you are attracted to is also on a similar path, that is why you feel so connected. If you met a man that was on the path of peace and ascension, he would repulse you in some way, but he would also be repulsed by you. When on such a path, lust and obsession is confused with love and hatred and anxiety are seen as magnetism.

[zeitgeist057]

Sounds like you both have a lot of growing to do, so I say go ahead and ride it out. Why not grow together? A lot of people say give up, go for another experience that is easier, but I say do something challenging, something you care about, give your heart into it and let chaos and passion run amok a little.

Most people are too scared to be vulnerable and live fully, to be free and wild. But the rewards are worth the trouble, imho.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

[hahahmm]

You're confusing love for lust or something serious. You need to have more self control if you want to find the best relationship. Time to move on. Cut off all physical touching and even talking to this guy or you will just fall back into the same situation with him.

Don't rush into getting into relationships. Be really careful to act the way you want to be treated. For example if you don't want a guy thinking you're low value, don't act the same as the women who sleep with lots of guys or do whatever the guy they just met wants. It's not going to work.

[glennos89]

This question is a no brainer! You already answered it yourself... you deserve better in your opinion.

What the hack are you still doing in a relationship that is doomed to fail anyways in the future? Waste of time to keep pooring more effort in for the both of you

[Rapport]

I stopped reading as soon as you said y'all both have trust issues and can't trust each other.

If y'all can't do as much as trust each other then why even bother, geez louise.

Like we're not even talking about one of y'all here, but BOTH of y'all having trust issues?

Nah man, that situation is a lost cause.

[Summeroflove]

Then let him go. Sometimes. The devil brings people into our lives who are bad for us and will convince us we want them.


Besides. Since you know you deserve better. You would always have some resentment to him.

[NerdInDenial]

Do you feel you deserve better? Did you have trauma in the past that affects your perception of men? It seems you must peel back your emotions and examine who you are. You will need to possibly heal. You may dump this guy, but you probably will reject or not be satisfied with the good guy.

[Staximus]

What the hell are you anxious about in the first place? If he changes his mind then he's not the guy for you. He's not the right guy if the relationship causes you stress. Fucking relax and get rid of that bum already

[Paola_AR]

If it’s toxic then stop. You deserve better than something that will cause stress, anxiety and heartache.

[ThinkFitness23]

Maybe you deserve”something better” rather than “someone better but make this decision for yourself your friends are likely to to you you deserve better the majority of the time.

[Vegasrunner]

For starters you shouldn't be taking relationship advice from your friends. Women don't understand relationships and give the worse advice. You need to speak to a male figure you trust. Your dad, bros, uncle etc.

[athelete_7]

U dont look standards when u like someone s personality or are seeking peace in long term ( sure u need average looks ) but personality is main thing. Just curious why is it getting toxic. U dont trust him or he doesn't trust u?

[Anonymous]

Has he ever given you any indication for you not to trust him? Have you given him any indication for him not to trust you? Have you been around other guys? Have you been with other guys dated others while with him? Has he kissed or had sex with other women?

[Pyrofox]

I'd say then try and get someone better cause your only as good as what you can attract and more importantly keep.

[BigschlongEnergy]

Everybody thinks they deserve better Than the next person what have you done in your life to deserve better than him?

[MCheetah]

Neither of you should be with each other. You both sound awful, from what I just read..