I've developed strong feelings for a guy 14 years younger I was with casually. Is getting in a committed relationship with him a good (or bad) idea? (Page 2)
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I think it's fine if that's what you want to do but it is a big age difference so you'd need to make sure y'all are both on the same path in life and serious about the relationship
I'm a bit worried about us being in different life stages, but honestly not too much. My big concern is whether or not that'll still be the case 10 or 20 (or more) years down the road. Will he still be attracted to me when I'm 50 and he's 36 or I'm 60 and he's 46? (I will say that I do keep myself in super good shape and eat really well, so that will help a lot. However, that's not going to erase the problem altogether) Also, right now we've got super compatible sex drives. However, will that still be the case when I go through menopause? Again, the way I eat may slow down when menopause happens, but it's going to happen. When I'm 50 or 55 and have gone through menopause (which often results in a lower sex drive) and he's 36 or 41 (and still got a pretty strong sex drive) will he get frustrated and leave me for a younger woman he thinks is more attractive and also has a more active sex drive? To be honest he definitely has the options, and that kind of scares me for what could happen down the road.
You have it backwards.
You having a casual sex relationship with him is actually MUCH worse than having a commited serious one.
Genuine love and compatibility excuses the age gap, just being horny does not.
Also, life stages in the context you put are irrelevant, I'm closer to your age thsn he is, and I've not gone to grad school or established a desired career yet.
Why isn't us being in two different stages of life something that's an issue?
Also, I'm also worried that as I age he'll eventually get bored of me and leave me for some younger woman.
I feel like these issues weren't a problem when we were just casual because being really compatible in a relationship didn't matter if we were just having fun/enjoying each others company/having hot sex/etc. However, now that stuff matters a lot. Us being in majorly different life stages, potential issues that could come from the age gap far down the road, etc. could be major issues
"Why isn't us being in two different stages of life something that's an issue?"
Because it's not, it has nothing to do with compatibility, compatibility is good sex, love, and shared hobbies, if you have those you're good.
"Also, I'm also worried that as I age he'll eventually get bored of me and leave me for some younger woman."
Most men don't do that, and if they did, you aren't going to stop aging because you picked an older guy, so thats moot either way.
"I feel like these issues weren't a problem when we were just casual because being really compatible in a relationship didn't matter if we were just HAVING FUN/ENJOYING EACH OTHERS' COMPANY/HAVING HOT SEX/etc.
See where I added caps? That IS compatibility, thats all you need for a relationship to work long term.
"However, now that stuff matters a lot. Us being in majorly different life stages, potential issues that could come from the age gap far down the road, etc. could be major issues"
Actually life stage doesn't matter at all and can't cause problems. The only things that can cause a problem are:
1. you aren't mentally or physically compatible, which seems to have already been ruled out.
2. the age gap regarding specifically having sex (as the rest of a relationship is just being best friends, its the sex part thats murkey waters here, not the commitment part, does he want kids? is he mature enough to rause a kid if he wants one?(not age related) if neither, are either of you fixed? because the condoms and birth control will fail eventually ).
3. your kids might think it's really weird you are fucking someone close to their age, and it kind of is tbh, but more so socially speaking than any tangible risk.
raise*
If you go through life thinking differently about compatibility, you will fail every relationship you ever have. You will treat your man like a utility instead of a best a friend, and as a result, he will leave you for a morally better woman.
If he makes you happy, and he treats you right.. (and it's legal) there should be no problems with your relationship, or what anyone else thinks about it.
You only have one life to be happy 😊❤️
My big concern is whether or not that'll still be the case 10 or 20 (or more) years down the road. Will he still be attracted to me when I'm 50 and he's 36 or I'm 60 and he's 46? (I will say that I do keep myself in super good shape and eat really well, so that will help a lot. However, that's not going to erase the problem altogether) Also, right now we've got super compatible sex drives. However, will that still be the case when I go through menopause? Again, the way I eat may slow down when menopause happens, but it's going to happen. When I'm 50 or 55 and have gone through menopause (which often results in a lower sex drive) and he's 36 or 41 (and still got a pretty strong sex drive) will he get frustrated and leave me for a younger woman he thinks is more attractive and also has a more active sex drive? To be honest he definitely has the options, and that kind of scares me for what could happen down the road.
Omg, love... To answer this.. Would take me all night!! 😂🤦🏻♀️❤️
If you're willing to talk I'm more than willing to listen. That's why I asked this. I really need help figure this all out.
You're welcome to message me 😘
You can do it, but your kids will give you and him hell.
I'm speaking from experience. I seen it first hand
what exactly did you see?
why are you so certain my kids will give us hell? What kind of hell are you talking about?
I would say go for it, but you sound like you have a lot of doubts so I’d go in slowly.
I wouldn't date someone with that age difference, but mainly because I wouldn't want one of us to die that much before the other one.
For what it's worth I keep myself in pretty great physical shape/physical health
Doesn't really matter as long as he does the same.
So... you just posted another anonymous question about his dick in your ass on an elevator?
No, I never posted anything like that.
Really up to you if you're daughters would accept the guy as more than a friend and possibly father.
The guy has issues, why is he dating a granny? yeah major issues.
Wow, I didn't know the 'granny' age was 39. Haha
Rather than getting married, i think you guys should live together as husband wife but not legally married in that way you both would get to know you have a future together or not
Why do you think we should do that?
Since you both are serious so you should give it a try but with a plan B incase things dont work out in futture you both can part way mutually without baggage, but if you guys get married now and have kids right after marriage things will ugly for both of you and it will more worse for you coz yours will be second time
Honest answer will be is will you still be able to keep him attracted are you still fertile? I wouldn't want you to get hurt
If we get to that point (and I think there's a good chance, but I don't know for sure yet) I think it'll be within a year or two from now. I think I'll still be fertile at that point as I keep my body in pretty great condition. There are plenty of women in their early (and sometimes even mid) forties who can still get pregnant. Also, him being younger/having younger sperm might make it easier.
Also, taking a while to get pregnant wouldn't be the worst thing in the world as the process is just so much fun. Haha
But if I can't get pregnant naturally he's said (again, if we get there) he'd be happy with adopting or doing IVF. So even if I can't get pregnant (which I think I still will be able to if/when we get there) having kids still won't be an issue
Okay but just becareful you have young daughters i want you to be happy not hurt
What do my daughters have to do with anything you're saying?
I mean watch that he does not mess around with them or do things with them that he shouldn't they will be 18 in a few years
He's expressed absolutely no interest in either of them whatsoever.
I also have sexual relationship with woman 15yrs older than me... sex was fantastic. But no feelings.. just sex.
We were more or less that way for a while, but then we got feelings for each other.
It's obvious...
When sex is fantastic you eventually develop feelings
It wasn't just because of the sex though, but that probably was a major factor
It's obvious because you don't have other partner... so you felt attached with him once someone else come your feelings will slowly fades from this guy. Relaxed.
This is why I don't believe that "casual relationship" is a thing
The thing with these things is if you ask 50 strangers on the internet, you get 50 answers. Go for it, roll the dice it either works, or it doesn't.
i respect that you’re a single mom, you seem to get along with him
If he's legal, you're both free to do whatever you want.
This isn't going to work
why not?
25 year old guy vs a 25 year old woman are different. by 25 and up women want kids and marriage so they'd be more willing to settle down with a man whereas a 25 year old man is just getting started and you have kids
For what it's worth he's the one that actually pushed for us to move out of being in a casual relationship into becoming more exclusive
Men say a lot of things for sex.
whatever works for you
It's fine you are a cougar
No I'm not
If you both want it it can work