A few months ago I started a casual relationship with a much younger guy (I'm 39 and he's 25). As a recently divorced woman (and a single mom to two girls ages 14 and 15) I got to the point where I was tired of being single and wanted my womanly needs to be fulfilled yet didn't feel like I yet wanted to get involved with anything serious commitment wise. Consequently, Brad (not his real name) seemed like the perfect fit. He's a super fun, super hot guy (insanely amazing body!) who also wasn't looking for a serious relationship/just wanted some fun (and him being so much younger gave me a huge ego boost). I thought there was no way we'd ever become interested in something serious.
However, to make a long story short, Brad and I have gradually developed really strong feelings for each other. A few days ago he said he wanted for us to get serious together. A huge part of me really wants to do that, but I'm still hesitant because of the age difference (which wasn't at all a concern when I thought we'd just be short term fun). We are in different stages in life (I'm a single mom with an established career and he's still in grad school). I also don't know how my daughters would react/feel to their mom serious dating someone so much younger (especially since he's actually a little closer to their age than mine). Also, I'm worried that in the very long term the age gap could become more of an issue than it is now.
With that being said, maturity isn't an issue as we're very compatible there (in many ways he's actually more mature than my ex-husband, whose a few years older than me) and I'd actually love to have more kids (only reason why I didn't is my ex didn't want to) so if we get to that point that shouldn't be an issue (as I do think I've got enough time to have kids with him if we get to that point).
Do you think having a relationship with a guy so much younger is a bad idea or not? Should I give it a try? Tell my what you think/why you think that.
There's no way around a 3x year old woman being horny as heck and that aligns with his age quite well. That's nature, you get that. You can still make offspring... note to self.
Attraction is not just physical, it's sub conscious. Understanding what makes you click could help understand if this is a good idea long term. That is really hard when you are both "jacked up" on mating hormones. Try to understand his childhood and see how it aligns to you/yours... is he like your father, like your mother, is it trauma bonding under the hood? Is he the opposite of your X. That's important, you just went through the "ringer" if you haven't dealt with all that mess, you don't want a repeat.
I think that age gap could work for a long time, if he's the right kinda person. If he's just looking for an outlet... like most rock stars... then your answer is no, this isn't long term. What's he want?
Probably heartache down the road, that's how it goes. As well, you are "recently divorced"... after like 15yrs married or more... I'd say no to this, you aren't emotionally ready for relationship be my guess. But your hormones shouldn't listen to me, they have a clock ticking...
"There's no way around a 3x year old woman being horny as heck and that aligns with his age quite well. That's nature, you get that. You can still make offspring... note to self."
I'm really not sure what you're trying to say there. Could you reword it in a way that's easier to understand?
How exactly would understanding how his childhood aligns with mine help us understand how/why we click?
He's not really like anyone in my family. I don't know what you mean by 'trama bonding', so maybe you should explain that.
I will say that he's very different from my ex in a lot of ways. That may be a decent factor in why I've become so attracted/interested in him. I want/need someone very different.
What do you mean by "he's just looking for an outlet'? What exactly is this 'outlet' he's looking for? Why do you think he'd be looking for it?
Why do you think heartache is probable down the road?
I have thought about the fact that it's been pretty soon since my divorce. However, if this is a great potential relationship I think it would be really dumb to pass it up just because of the timing (which isn't even the most horrible timing possible). Also, it's been a fair number of months since the divorce, so the divorce is recent, but not super recent.
Oh lord, either I don't communicate well or you haven't learned anything about yourself and how this mating/realtionship stuff really works. Possible, I was "dunce" until 50 ish.
Do you know why your relationship blew up, why you were attracted to your X? That's important stuff. But as well, you stated you want someone different, he is... I'd give it a go.
In simple terms... attraction is sub conscious familiarity. It's the emotionally meaningful things you/he learned as a child about yourself. It can be bad, wrong, lies, truth, doesn't matter... it's powerful! If you are not aware of "the sub conscious mind", check out some videos online, or I can direct you to some. The sub conscious minds are trying to resolve themselves and will "draw". Crazy example: your dad was a violent drunk that beat momma, child sees this... and feels that terror. Child grows up and in a room full of guys... will pick out someone just like daddy! He's familiar, eventhough he's bad as heck for her... feels like home! That would be what I mean by trauma bonding... bad attraction. That's not the true definition... I used the wrong word:)
He's probably a hard working guy, looking for an escape from graduate school... and could use an outlet for his desires. Maybe he loves you, lusts your, or likes you... who knows? Who knows what he really wants in life, that hasn't been touched on yet. You are an "outlet" to express his desires... sex and love, an escape from endless work. that's fine, talk to him.
Heartache - you dove in apparently not knowing him well, so what's below the surface of all this is unknown. you've been in relationship... it's hard work dealing with another human. It's fun and easy now. It's fine... maybe he fits like a glove, you'll find out.
Ideally you want to be in a good place emotionally after breakup to start next... suffering the loss, learning what you can. But too late for that if hasn't happened.
You're an adult, it's your life...
I don't think he's just interested in me as an outlet or escape. If that were the case he wouldn't want our relationship to change from where it was when it was casual. However, he's now pushing to be more exclusive (which really doesn't make sense if he's just interested in me as an outlet)
yes, he's interested, go for it.