my boyfriend and i have been together for four months. it may not be long but we spend so much time together it feels like we've been together much longer. the relationship is going pretty well. he's the first boyfriend I've reached this kind of comfort with (and I've been with someone else before for two years but never had it).
fast forward- he's much richer than i am. i can provide for my needs but that's it. i can't spoil myself or anyone as much as i want to. meanwhile he can pretty much do whatever he wants. he has a better job and a steady income (i earn money but im kind of all over the place right now). he does treat me often, buys me gifts, etc. i do the same for him whenever i can, but its no doubt that he does it more. anyway... he's been mentioning how he wants to take me on a cruise during spring. he asked if i'd rather go to mexico or the bahamas.. told me all the things we can do on a cruise (he knows i haven't done it and he's been on like 3 cruise trips). he could tell from my face that i am feeling hesitant about going for it. i told him i'll think about it but its most likely i can't. he asked me why and i wasn't even sure about my answer.. he said he would pay for everything. i didn't tell him this but its mainly because of it. its too much money for him to spend on me, and i couldnt afford it myself even if i tried saving (maybe like a year from now lol). anyway, my main issue is i dont feel comfortable making him pay for everything and im awfully broke and would just be dependent on him on that trip. im most likely gonna end up saying no, which i know kinda disappoints him (ok, it would disappoint him a lot). after i said this he showed me videos of what a cruise trip looks like, how we can get drunk, go swimming, watch him play poker, etc. he's excited about planning it, and i feel bad that i keep showing him that i dont want to go. am i being irrational? if i said the real reason why i choose not to go, would it upset him?