Why didn't my boyfriend text me today (Christmas eve) and last weekend?

[Anonymous]

I went out on a few dates and I thought this man was using me so we had sex on the tenth date (ofcourse after I told him I wanted a relationship and he agreed to it) I've been dating this guy for 2 months, he told me he likes me many times. Sometimes he would seem very serious about me. He would always feed me, kiss me, compliment me, mess with my hair, pay for everything we eat and when i tried to pay he would insist he would. In the beginning he would sometimes wake up early to drive me or uber me to work in the morning. He was also very possessive and didn't like me to leave his room cuz he had room mates. I noticed he would look at girls sometimes but then he stopped after awhile into our relationship. This all began when one night he said he was at his cousins and he didn't text me the entire night. So the next day, he started texted me in a different sstyle, and I thought it was weird so I got very paranoid due to past relationships. And then he got mad and on top of that I was late while meeting him, which he hated. He said I was not serious because he hated waiting and he talked about it before. Then he asked me about his ex and I told him, he seemed jealous. Then the following weekend, he opened my messages but didn't reply for two days and on Monday he started spamming me. I told him I was angry because he didn't reply to me. Then he asked why i didn't call him more send more messages. Then fast forward the next time (most recent) we saw eachother, he was sweet and loving again. But today is Christmas eve and he didn't message me. Recently, he's starting to text me less and didn't offer to see me as much. He also stopped being possessive of me, like allowing me to leave his apartment, despite the fact I might see his room mates. Recently I noticed he's been looking at girls again. He didn't mind acting embarassing around me.

[Blackmoonsns]

Short answer he's playing the field I'm sure he does like you and care about you but this is the form of behavior men will do to draw attraction to a woman you're putting forth a lot of effort and that is what men want because it shows you do have interest but most likely he is talking to other women waiting for the 10th date to be intimate I would say that's reasonable but kind of long at the same time if this was a rust relationship or rebound relationship for you or him in any way it's doing the fail but I will keep an eye on him he also could be bipolar with the the sudden mood swings but my money is he's talking the other women

[Asker]

Yes he does want me to put more effort in but he doesn’t even reply on the weekends how am I suppose to do that

[Blackmoonsns]

With all the numerous texts you're sending you're also giving off a vibe that you're very needy which is a turn off women don't like needing men men don't like needy women you need to pull back a little bit and show him that you're spending time with other men if he's not willing to commit in the way you want then don't waste your time

[Asker]

I only sent him two texts last weekend but he still didn’t answer to it and this weekend I only sent him one text

[Blackmoonsns]

I would suggest moving on there's other men in the world. Do not listen to a people's words always watch a person's actions this will tell us the real intentions.

[Asker]

Yeah true I’m thinking of breaking up after Christmas

[Blackmoonsns]

I think that would be the best for you to save on heartache trust me I just got up a toxic relationship with my ex you didn't make time with me and was talking to other men behind my back I found out I had proof and she rebounded real quick 2 months later and now after 15 days of dating the sky she's engaged to him don't look back on the past don't waste your life on people that don't see your value.

[Asker]

Although I love him, I just feel like he’s not ready for commitment or scared of it

[Blackmoonsns]

That you're in two different states of mind ask yourself this how much heartache and mental stress are you willing to go through think of all the potential guys you're missing out on that want to be in a relationship with you. Everyone looks at the person to their left that they want to be with but if you would just look to the right you actually see someone who actually does want to be with you and value you life is funny like that

[Asker]

Yes that’s very true, my heart will be very broken because I was so in love :(

[Blackmoonsns]

Love hurts when you break up The grieving happens because it feels like something died and something did die but the good news is there's always someone else and you can always love again you just have to keep to your principal not your expectations and requirements but the character you want in an individual. But on important side note if you want to have a happy loving committed relationship the first person you have to love and respect is you cuz at the end of the day no matter what happens you're going to be there so whatever kind of energy you're willing to put forth into a relationship you should be able to and willing to put this time and effort into yourself love care and respect yourself and others will recognize that your life will be better to improve yourself more

[Asker]

Omg I just broke up and he said “whatever” he also said I didn’t put in any effort. I wanna die now

[Blackmoonsns]

If he cares he'll put an effort he would have been negotiating it sounds like you won on your end. All he did was clear the way for someone better to come in for you

[Asker]

Yeah he said that I don’t call, text or ask to see him 😭

[Asker]

I wanna keep him 😭

[Blackmoonsns]

It hurts I know what you mean I felt the same way about my ex. I fell in love with who she was but I realized that I was just fell in love with an illusion who she really was wasn't who I fell in love with.

[Asker]

What can I do 😭

[Asker]

Yeah he was so perfect and was so nice to me and now acted like I’m nothing

[Blackmoonsns]

You need a healthy amount of self love and respect for yourself. Lovers come and go but you are the one who was there for yourself through thick and thin and always not the end of the day you should always treat yourself with love and respect first. If someone else isn't willing to put in for the effort or take any of your emotional needs and to consideration they're not the one for you. If they truly love you they'll come back and they'll work for it

[Asker]

So I shouldn’t say that I’ll put in more effort and ask him to hang out? I feel like what he’s saying is true like he paid for all the food we ate, always initiating and calling first

[Blackmoonsns]

No don't put any more effort in have open available line of communication but that's it I take girls out to dinner and I buy them gifts I don't expect anything with her because that's it they're gifts yes I am just demonstrating my ability to take care of her because I can see a future with her. But if you keep blowing up his phone with texts all you're going to do is further chase them away give yourself some time give him some time focus on yourself right now if you have them on social media or anything just take post that you're out with friends show that the world that you're out bettering yourself that you're doing things to improve you and he'll most likely be keeping an eye on you

[Asker]

Ooo that’s true so should I wish him merry Christmas? I’m so sad I feel like he was the perfect man for me 😭

[Blackmoonsns]

No if he's not making time for you do not make time for him all you're showing is you're putting all your power in his hands and that's not a position you want to be in a relationship when someone recognizes that they have full power of you they're going to treat you in the most horrible ways

[Asker]

Keep lines of communication open, like don’t block him or message him once in awhile

[Blackmoonsns]

Correct just go about your life just do you don't let this man have power and control of your life your thoughts and your emotions if he does care after a couple days he will text back give yourself about 5 days and even then that's cutting it really soon. If he does care and wants you in his life he will make an effort if he puts in no effort then he's not worth your time

[Asker]

I don’t think he will text me back though because he said to move on

[Blackmoonsns]

Then he did you a huge favor then he just saved you months and years of your life of pursuing the wrong person if he cared he would actually make the efforts it sounds like he was just trying to use you to get what he wanted out of the situation and nothing more this isn't someone you want your life

[Asker]

He was so persistent and I felt he was obsessed with me along with treating me so kindly and romantically. I thought I found a gem. 😭 do you think he lost interest during or was he using me for sex all along

[Asker]

I don’t wanna be alive anymore 😭 I was loved then discarded. I thought he was end game 😭. I feel like whoever has him will be the luckiest woman ever

[Blackmoonsns]

Hey the same thing happened to me don't feel bad I mean that's just part of life she used me just for romance and sex she stopped making time for me it was clear she had problems you can't help someone who doesn't want help. And I knew she didn't care because I had people getting a hold of me telling me that she was cheating and I got text message and proof of it but in the end after I broke up it was clear she was talking to other guys she hooked it up got into a relationship about like 2 months after we broke up maybe a little sooner and then 15 days later she's engaged to someone new so it was pretty clear I really meant nothing to her all along. The real trick to a healthy relationship is you really need to go slow and take your time and really vent people the worst thing you can do is rush into anything that's when things are just bound to fail

[Asker]

Omg that’s a terrible of her 😭 people are so messed up. Did she tell you why in the end of tje relationship? Yeah I kind of rushed him into commitment

[Asker]

I can’t do this anymore I love him so much

[Asker]

I said I was hurting too much and he said it would hurt him more. And he said I was the one playing games and talking to guys on ap

[Blackmoonsns]

Well I recognize my own kind she's a covert narcissist with a damaged childhood upbringing that her idea of a healthy relationship that toxic one. I myself in an overt narcissist but I still have empathy I still recognize and understand what a healthy relationship is so when I'm in a committed relationship I put my partners needs before my own but I do have deep vanity issues about myself I present myself to be attractive physically mentally and spiritually and I crave attention from others. This tends to make me a bit egotistical and have an over inflated sense of self-worth I recognize this problem and I work to do it but the more I get in shape the more I polish my skills and my hobbies worse it tends to get that's why I enjoy being in a relationship because I'm able to get the attention and energy I need from a woman from a specific place. But when I'm single I will reach out in different directions and spend time with different women but I do vent them seriously if I feel this woman is putting effort into me the way I'm putting effort into her

[Blackmoonsns]

You have to ask yourself this though is it really love your feeling or infatuation there is a difference

[Asker]

I don’t know I just think about him 24/7. Through the relationship he sent me so many selfies and also asked me and I didn’t send as much

[Blackmoonsns]

It's normal to still think about someone you care I still think about my ex from time to time but when we broke up I had to really ask myself what was it I lost and I realized that the person I fell in love with I really didn't know we didn't she didn't make any time for me she had full control over the relationship and where it was going and that's not healthy it's 50/50 so when I recognize that I really gained nothing and I really lost nothing all I really had in the end was heartbreak but over time it does fade when clarity sets in and you're going to meet someone else you're young you're most likely very attractive and that's desirable to men what you have to do is vent people carefully and take your time and go slow in a relationship. But the sorry you're feeling is normal if you didn't have any sorrow all that really meant was you didn't care

[Asker]

I wanna kill myself, I recognized he put int way more effort than I did. I feel like it’s my fault

[Blackmoonsns]

DON'T DO THAT! I can see you need someone to talk to. I have a Facebook account the that is open to the public the name of the account is. De Sean. Nickname is peekaboo. I use this channel to promote my dancing in my art. If you want to talk I'm here for you

[Asker]

I don’t really use that, I can message you here? I’m so fucking sad. Why do we have to go throug heart break

[Blackmoonsns]

Shore, the pain you feel is only temporary. It will pass in time. You should work on yourself. Improve your life and you will find a higher level of joy

[Blackmoonsns]

Heartache is to a part of life, it suck but with out heartache we will be horrible people

[Asker]

I wanna ask him for another chance

[Blackmoonsns]

If you do that you're going to give him full 100% power and you're going to give him the ability to treat you like filth cheat on you mess with your head and your emotions if you do that I would think carefully about that.

[Asker]

True, I feel like I messed up and things woulda been different if o had put in more effort to make him feel loved

[Blackmoonsns]

It takes two to make a relationship work, both parties have to sit down and assess what they're giving and what they're receiving in the relationship if there's any unbalance in the relationship it has to be addressed. If it seems like one party is pursuing and putting more effort than the other one is this relationship is doomed to fail no matter what you do.

[Asker]

We had such great chemistry and so comfortable with eachother

[Blackmoonsns]

And that's what you're really grieving. You're a woman and women crave emotional bonds, and it looks like you felt such a high bond with him that's why it's pulling on your heart mind and spirit so much. Forget all of that and look at his actions. Does it look like he actually cares is he reaching out is he trying to console you in your time of need or is he completely just being absent with you.

[Asker]

Yeah I did, he was also kind and there was instant attraction. He’s also funny. You’re right he did not contact me or beg me to stay when I broke up.

[Blackmoonsns]

I'm in a relationship and I like a woman I'm very caring understanding patient I remember your favorite color your birthday your pet favorite food. I'll be charming charismatic and a little bit mysterious but I also present an emotional bond. These are like crack cocaine to a woman but even if we're having a downfall I will at least no matter how angry or upset I am with her make some kind of effort and give her some kind of chance to show that she cares and she does want me in her life. Because I present myself with my actions not my words I will sacrifice my time if that means I'm going to work night I'll get less sleep and I'll spend time with you I'll go out my way to pick you up from a hospital. I'll be supportive I'll listen to you when you have a problem I won't try and fix your problem I'll just hold you and tell you everything will be okay and you got.

[Asker]

Sigh I wish he treated me that way. I lost him it’s my fault 😭 I should listened when he told me to not keep him waiting when we hang out. I should’ve called him and texted him more like he told me several times. I should’ve found more time to hang out with him. Now he probably found somebody who could do all that for him 😭

[Asker]

I’ll never meet somebody that will be that of my type and was into me

[Blackmoonsns]

Well it's good that you recognize what you should have done moving forward into the future you can better apply this to have a healthier more connected relationship. My advice to you is give him some time give each other some space he needs time to think so do you. The more time you go without talking to each other he will start to miss you.

[Asker]

Do you think he’d come back to me if I just give him space? 😭

[Blackmoonsns]

I don't know every aspect of your relationship and what was going on it like how long was it did you spend lots of time together there's so many questions I need answered. But I will say this if he generally did love who you are as a person and not your body he will think about you. I can't give you any yes or no answer. But like I said you have to be patient the more you chase him the more you're just going to chase them off

[Asker]

We were together for two months

[Blackmoonsns]

Girl you fell hard and fast didn't you? Were you in a relationship before you met this guy by any chance?

[Asker]

Honestly I always accused him of cheating a lot. But I was very loving towards him, complimented him, gave him lots of affection and he’s one of the boyfriends I treated really good

[Blackmoonsns]

I see so you gave him so much of yourself you began to worry and it made you feel insecure you began to doubt yourself?

[Asker]

Yes I was in a relationship, he helped me get over my ex

[Blackmoonsns]

Never rebound into a relationship never do that. There has to be a grieving process in the healing process cuz all you do is you take the hurt from the last relationship and you carry it into the next one. I will give you this one trick but you need to think about it before you do anything and I can't stress take a few days to think about this before you do it. If you do reach out and text them you need to be honest and tell him that you are being very insecure and worried because you fell very much in love with him and how you were there for me when I needed someone the most. How you're worried that you were going to treat me the way my ex treated me. This is not an excuse for what I did and tell him that you're sorry but you recognize what you've done wrong and you ask for another chance. But like I said keep in mind rebound relationships do not work out for the most part most people need about 6 months some people need about a year just so they can work on themselves and see the situation for what it is

[Asker]

Oh sorry I meant like I was already 99% over my ex lol because he ghosted me for a month and told me he’s in a relationship. So I just went on dating app to look for somebody else

[Blackmoonsns]

Ok that's different. Still if you recognize what you've done wrong and what mistakes not to make moving forward in the future such as make time for them show them that you do care and sacrifice on your own behalf for him you'll need to demonstrate that to him but do not come off as needy or begging. The one thing that is most attractive to a man is effort. Also keep in mind we as men we value respect more than we value a woman's love now it is great that if we do have your love but at the end of the day we want your respect first

[Asker]

So should I just wait for him to text me? (If he ever) or should I message him after a few days or so? Yeah I noticed he keeps saying o disrespect him

[Blackmoonsns]

I would wait but if you do message him I would wait about 5 days let things cool off a bit. But you need to be upfront and honest about why you were acting the way you were or why you were being so distant you did it out of fear it sounds like most likely you did the same thing that women do to me you had a moment where you thought I'm not good enough for him so you left before he could leave you. Keep in mind if you do reach out to him there is a chance that he won't reciprocate at all so I would take it as what's done is done and it's time to move on.

[Asker]

If he comes back I’ll make sure to let him know. I don’t know if he will because I said “bye ____❤️” but I said if he wanna get back together let me know

[Asker]

Hi ru there? Could you accept my follow?

[Blackmoonsns]

O my bad I was napping

[Blackmoonsns]

I just accepted someone I don't know if it was you or not

[Guy13]

It sounds like he may be hoe.. hoe... ho with another Mrs. Claus. What he did is the surest way to never get laid...

Christmas, New Year, and Valentine are like the three holy days NOT to mess up?

[Asker]

so he's fucking other girls?

[Guy13]

He could be but I am not there. It sounds like it, maybe.

[Adogdog]

Sounds like it's time for a new boyfriend!