Do guys really want an independent woman?

[Anonymous]

I worked hard to pay off my car, and now I'm a house owner. I wonder how it would affect my dating life. Would a guy date a woman who doesn't depend on them?

[SteveSmith1985]

This question bugs me. It's weird to hear someone ask this.

So I am not a house owner, and drive a used car (I'll... omit the model year of that car).

It's crazy to think that any half decent guy is ever going to have an issue with you being 'independent.' This will never ever happen.

The reason: A decent guy isn't looking to make you financially dependent on him. That's just not how a healthy relationship works. A guy is going to want you to date him because you LIKE him... not because he wants to be able to control you through financial dependence.

In fact, I'm going to go further... It's a 'red-flag' if a guy DOES want you to be dependent on him financially. In other words: If a guy has a problem with you being independent; that should be a 'red-flag', and a problem for YOU.

What you might possibly have to worry about (depending on who you end up dating), are guys who worry that YOU might feel... that they aren't as 'independent' in their own financial affairs (and that you'll judge them for it).

So, a guy more in my position, wouldn't think: "Oh dang, that independent woman won't be dependent on me" (because that's some crazy, abusive bullshit)

I more think: "Well shit, a woman who has her (financial) shit-together like that, must think I'm..."

So if this is an issue for you at all, I think it's more likely to look like this.

You... have done well for yourself. You should be proud of yourself. Don't worry about this. It's not going to stand in the way when it comes to dating. 🙂

[Guy13]

Independent women are independent of defining what they want as that is weakness. Never mind the endless body language and passive aggressive need space comments verified by cat ownership. Who has time for that?

I have all kinds of time for moving to VP out in the world to make her Bigger&Better. I have time to fix things and teach/show her how but does she have the sense to come say, "look it over before I am done" and get F-ed right about then.-This is a very rare trait in an independent woman who is on to the next task, however, more common in the "fat and perceived lazy girl", Baby Momma is my dream, and/or works because has to but rather volunteer and touch people in meaningful way.

And the girl whose Mom and Dad raised to self-supporting and fully independent is like, "What do these women have... look, I have no debt and own a home." So what, the guys at your level are not looking for their mirror image. Most are body counting or seeking a Bible thump'in or conservative (anti-abortion/euthanasia to start) styled woman.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes, I am independent and have no issues getting dates.

Besides most men claim they don't want someone who is dependent on them, that makes them a gold digger.

Independent is better according to most men, that means your not a gold digger... who only cares about their money.

[MCheetah]

Men want a woman who happens to be independent. But an "Independent Woman" (aka, a b*tch) is something different. Just like some women out there want a kind man, but don't want a "Nice Guy."

[kylee2437]

I think it depends on who you date. You definitely need to make yourself available for help in one way or another because guys strive on being able to help women out, especially their woman. It makes them feel - manly.

[Normazoid]

I don't think that's true. Some men might like a "damsel in distress", but most of us don't want that any more than we want a "strong independent woman".

Most men want a woman who is attractive and pleasant to be around.

[kylee2437]

@Normazoid you say that now until you meet a woman that has zero in her name

[Summeroflove]

Absolutely! Many men do. If a man isn’t into you he isn’t bad. It’s just not meant to be.

I assume you’re looking for love. What matters most to me is I find love, companionship, a best friend, a life long partner, etc. Some people are different in what they want and this isn’t bad. They’re just not meant to be for me.

[Anonymous]

It isn't really a relevant question.

Women are attracted to resources and almost exclusively only date someone who has at least as many resources as they do so as a woman aquires more resources it becomes increasingly difficult for her to date, not because of the choices being made by men but because of the choices she is making, her requirements increase and the ever shrinking pool of men she is interested in are less and less likely to be interested in her because they do not give a shit about her resources what they value is youth.

Which is why we have the situation that we do; women riding around on the cock carousell of the most attractive males screaming 'Weeeeee!' through their 20s possibly aquiring some kids along the way and then they want to 'settle down' in their 30s and find that the men who would have been interested in doing that are not good enough for her because she doesn't understand her value has decreased or they dont interested in her baggage now that she has decided to notice they exist.

Men meanwhile are debasing and then killing themselves, but sure, lets focus on problems that women are having.

[Pegases]

"Independent" these days is closely linked to modern feminism, because most often when a woman goes out of her way to mention how Independent she is, she is usually referring to hyper independence, which is ultimately just a truama response that feminism has made popular. So, no. Men love to be needed because it's in our nature, just like it's in a woman's nature to nurture. Hyper Independent women notoriously lack the nurturing aspects of themselves, are out of touch with their bodies, and aren't as loving as women that don't feel the need to express how Independent they are. We have no problem with actually Independent women, we just rarely see Independent women that aren't repulsive anymore.

[JamesDiaz11]

Guys don't like "independent women," by in large. It's not that we want them to be immediately dependent on us, or to need our financial help this instant, but the way in which women who call themselves "independent women" carry themselves, with a chip on their shoulder, masculine energy, and generally looking down on guys unless they're in the upper 1% isn't attractive.

If you're a sweet feminine girl, who wants to date, your current financial well-being puts you at exactly zero before any of the consideration to the things guys care about.

[MCheetah]

There's a difference between a woman who can hold down a job, live on her own, and be debt-free, and an Independent Woman™ as they claim. Hell no; I don't want an "Independent Woman™" at all. I want a loving, feminine, honest, caring woman who happens to be independent, but doesn't "act like it."

I think you'll be fine, as long as you don't have an aggressive b*tchy attitude towards men.

[MCheetah]

Also for @MadKez, you changed your settings to "private messages from followings only" so I can't answer your question you had on Japan. Don't know why you'd do that, but you'll have to fix that if you want me to respond.

[MadKez]

Sorry done

[HighValue]

Question: Would you ever sell your house and move to be with someone? Because if the answer is no, you will either need to get a dependent man that can't take care of himself, or be limited to only people that live local to you and will never live together.

Being financially responsible and paying off your car or saving money is a good thing, but home ownership can severely limit who you can realistically date if you are not willing to sell it and move to eventually live with someone.

[ArtemisSilver]

Your attitude is the problem not your success.

Successful relationships are a partnership. What part of "I don't need you."aka I'm so independent, builds a partnership?

Calling yourself independent basically reads like "I don't need you and will therefore fight you on every decision/be hugely disrespectful." Sounds like a blast to be around as a guy right?

Here's an idea. Say nothing about the house or being independent and learning to cook. Say you can cook and then invite him over for dinner.

Same message but without seeming like an unpleasant Feminazi.

[xJeremyx]

Ok, hand me the vacuum cleaner and the mop! I've got it covered! 😂😂

Jokes aside, its great if the woman I end up with is independent in the way you mention, but still lets me do things for her and help her with various things. I still need to feel needed, as do most men.

I mean, why not? She can help with the bills, pay for some dates, take some financial load off my shoulders, so why not? And it will prove she isn't after me for money anyway. Score!

[PainusNdeeAnus]

The problem with those type of women is that they don’t respect their boyfriends or husbands as men because they know they can take care of themselves

women who have these things or their own cars or homes have an over inflated ego they aren’t humble at all because they believe that success does the same for women that it does for men

NEWSFLASH: it doesn’t. If you were man you wouldn't even be asking this question a man in your situation would be beating women away with a stick , pumping and dumping, ghosting them left and right

[Anonymous]

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Well, it's actually no secret, but most women seem utterly clueless about it. Men could literally not care less whether you are independent, as long as you know how to treat then well. The whole "men don't like independent women" thing is a myth created and perpetuated by women looking for an excuse to explain why men don't find them desirable.

If you know how to treat a man, he won't give a shit about whether you own a car or a house.

[MzAsh]

Men dig into me all the time about how ambition and independence in a woman is “masculine” and how it takes away the provider role that men want to fulfill. I wouldn’t say that’s the majority of mens mentality, but it does exist.

[Opinion Owner]

@MzAsh Bullshit.

[MzAsh]

You think so huh

[Opinion Owner]

@MzAsh I know so. Yes, there are a tiny handful of men who think the way you say, but they are rare. The vast majority of men don't. Your claim that "men dig into me all the time" about it is 100% bullshit.

The vast majority of men don't care one bit whether a woman owns a car or a house or has a good job, as long as her values and priorities are consistent with his, she knows how to treat a man well and has healthy attitudes toward men and relationships. You are a great example of that. You have made your ugly attitudes toward men and relationships obvious here on GAG many times.

[MzAsh]

As a relationship coach, you should know that I have these conversations with men often. Like I said, I don’t think the majority of think that way, but they do exist, so it seems we agree on that. Though, I do think men are wise to care to a degree. I remember in my 20s when I didn’t have a car or job and it posed a problem because a couple of guys felt like they had to do all the work. And to their credit, they did. Men really don’t want to have to lug around dead weight all the time, do they? At that point, those women are more like children.

[MzAsh]

A healthy mature man will appreciate that about you, but other than that, it shouldn’t really affect your dating life. A lot of guys say they “don’t care” about a woman’s independence even though they should, to a degree. Because if a woman isn’t at least somewhat independent, she’s going to be constantly hitting him up for money and a lot of guys can’t afford that.

[virtue2332]

Anyone who wouldn't, would not be worth the time spent trying to reassure them. Ego and insecurity destroy relationships and no one is immune to having these feelings. The problem is not recognizing them for what they are and letting them control your actions. You worked hard to achieve what you have you the right person will recognize and appreciate you. If it makes them insecure, they need to step up to your level or get out of the way.

[DoctorSex]

It all depends what type of man you want. If you want a masculine macho man, then that works against you.

But if you want one of these new age simpy, "I love you😭", 50/50 guys, then I guess it's fine. More than fine.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as an independent woman.

We live in a world where women are catered to by society, they are provided for and protected, most obstacles are removed to help them advance and succeed. They get most benefits from all areas of life while men do 99% of all the shit work that makes her life easy.

so when a woman says she is an “independent woman”, it usually means she will be an entitled narcissistic child who believes “she don’t need a man” and will usually be intolerable as a partner.

[crossdressingrihno]

I’d prefer a codependent relationship myself. (Meaning I’d prefer that we both rely on each other in fair measure) being independent is great at the start as it shows reliability but as the relationship progresses it’s probably better if you both learn to lean on each other for help as it makes both sides feel loved and needed.

[DarkWinterNights]

Depends on the type of relationship you’re looking for. Casual dating probably won’t be difficult. But more serious dating could be problematic or at least asymmetrical as successful men are going to have their own assets. If you’re into being the breadwinner, you could find some less successful men to move into your house.

[aaron210419]

What you're describing is called being an adult, we all have bills and responsibilities, there are no free rides. The "independent woman" mentality is the type of woman who says things like "all men are trash" or "I don't need a man for anything". Not seeing the irony in the very world that allows them to think this way is the one that has built by men. Anyone that claims all men or all women are a certain way is exposing how simple-minded and ignorant they are.

[JosyJosy]

If they link independence to "I don't need you, I hate men, I deserve better and more" they don't want it.
I think if they see independence as being mature and functioning adult and partner, why wouldn't they want that?

[MCheetah]

EXACTLY! 👏👏

[JosyJosy]

@mcheetah so pretty much the word independent has been lost to the toxic ones to the point that guys will run if they hear it, that it?

[MCheetah]

Pretty much.

[genericname85]

guys want women to be partners that can stand on their own 2 feet and maybe even support them for a little bit if push comes to shove. they don't want women to be bossy entitled bitches on an ego trip who claim to need nobody in life and that deny all differences between men and women.

[UniquelyBasic]

Depends on the guy, I guess. They might not mind you being independent, but they may still like to treat you and probably take charge in the relationship to an extent.