I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year we’re both teenagers, I’m not ready to have sex yet. Will he leave me because of that?

Question

We’re both 16 and have been dating for about a year. I always hear online men say they’d barely wait a month or so to have sex with a girl and we haven’t done anything sexual the whole time we’ve been together.

I love this guy to death he’s super sweet and treats me with so much love and respect. I know he’s interested in moving to new level but he never bothers me about it. I’m just not ready for that level of intimacy yet especially with the whole fear of getting caught just in not ready at all.

I just don’t wanna bore him, will he leave me because I’m not ready?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Please don't worry about this.

This is literally something you don't need to worry about. At all. Not even a little bit.

First of all, don't think that guys online actually represent guys in general. They don't. The guys who like to talk a lot online about women, are usually dummies who are nothing like your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is a decent guy (I'm going to assume, because he's been respectful)

So I can tell you, for a fact that those guys are full of shit. Now maybe those specific guys really can't wait a month before getting bored (like I said... they're dummies). But that is not true of any half-decent guy. It's not even true of grown-ass-adults.

I'm 37 years old. I would be willing to wait over a month to have sex with someone. That's not even weird. I talk to tons of people (on here) about their dating and sex lives. To be honest it's mostly women I end up talking to. But through them I can still give you some insight into men. I have never seen a guy get bored because they weren't getting sex fast enough. That's a great indication a guy is only looking for sex!

Now, you're 16. It is 100% normal for you to feel the way you feel. Your boyfriend is being respectful, but your right, he almost certainly WANTS to take the relationship further (if you were willing). But that doesn't mean that he is going to get bored without taking things to another level.

He is clearly with you because he cares about you. If he was the type of guy who would get bored without sex, then he would never have stayed with you for a year. He also wouldn't treat you with the love and respect you describe. He sounds like a good guy. No good guy, is going to agree with those idiots you ran-into online. You can consder your boyfriend to be of an entirely different 'species of guy.' He is nothing like those guys: He doesn't think like them, he doesn't talk like them, he has little in common with them.

What I would highly recommend you do though... is to have an open, honest talk with your boyfriend about all of this. Let him know that you understand that he probably wants to move things forward sexually; and reiterate (or expand on) your not being ready.

Basically, you should have an actual talk, where you bring-up the concern you brought-up here. That gives him a chance to tell you himself that you need not worry. It also gets everyone on the same page. Open and honest talks about this sort of thing... are super important. That' the whole "communication" thing. It really is important.

Even if you don't talk to him... you really should stop worrying about this. This is not how your boyfriend is going to see this situation. 🙂

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

The first, short answer is that it is always possible he might decide he doesn't want to wait. Because all things are possible. BUT. Probably not likely. Two reasons.

First, although teen boys want to have sex not all of them are going to push to have sex immediately. Yes, some will, but not all. Though they try to be macho, boys have the same insecurities as girls.

Second, and more important, you gave yourself the answer: "he’s super sweet and treats me with so much love and respect" and although he interested, "he never bothers me about it". He's respecting your boundaries.

Here's the thing, though. Worst case scenario if he did decide to leave you because you're not ready, that is NOT on you. It says nothing about your value or worth or anything else. In that case it would mean he's not the right guy for you.

But, that's worst case scenario and nothing you've said here points to that. I'd relax knowing that you have what you've described as a great guy. Enjoy him.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I am an older woman, but I remember when I had the same situation happen to me. I was 16, he was 19 and we were both virgins. I held back on having sex with him for about 5 months. Then he started getting mad because I kept telling him no. He told me that he couldn't keep kussing me and getting all turned on, only to just go home every night. He made me go and get birth control pills and start having sex with him. I still didn't want to, but I did. I didn't like it and each time we did it, I didn't like it. If I didn't do what he wanted, he probably would have found someone who would satisfy him. We stayed together for 3 years and the sex never improved because I felt like he was making me do it for him and his needs.
I'd say if you really are not ready in your head, don't do it.

Adaeva · Accepted Answer

If he thinks he is doing well, he will not leave you. If you think you are doing well, you may not be able to keep and having sex will not may any difference.

Summeroflove · Answer

Don’t have sex. If he leaves over sex he’s no good anyways. Save yourself until marriage. A decent guy will wait. Men only wanting sex aren’t for the most part want that commitment.

As well as don’t just jump into marriage either. But yeah if a guy dumps you for sex. He’s worthless

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Most first relationships do not last, for a variety of reasons. He has been patient so far and he would probably continue to be patient but, yes, it is possible that he wll eventually give up on you. However, that would not be a good reason to have sex wth him, and you will likely feel resentment if you do that.

Guy13 · Answer

It is good that you have not had sex. You both are too young to be considering it or be pressuring one another. Once, you get married then worry about intimacy.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

It's likely he'll eventually leave you for not having sex with him. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly six months, and it's hard for me (she's waiting for marriage), but I have the foresight to know that the value of being the only man my future wife has been with. I've wanted to leave her, have considered cheating on her, and routinely get frustrated with just making out (since she doesn't know how to do anything else), but I've been able to restrain myself as a mature adult...

Your boyfriend is 16, he's all hormones, and as sweet of a guy as he is he's going to want sex more and more, ESPECIALLY when all his friends have (allegedly) had sex too. In 10th/ 11th grade it's not that big of a deal, but he's going to feel really cheated if he's a senior and he's still not getting any. You may be a really sweet girl, but if he's not getting sex from you he's going to go get it elsewhere.

Lliam · Answer

DO NOT agree to have sex just to hold onto him because there is no guarantee he will stay.

Do not have sex until you, yourself, are ready and eager. If you do, you will be fulfilled and happy to have had the experience, even if the relationship doesn't last forever. You won't blame him for talking you into anything.

Anonymous · Answer

I had my first time when my ex from high school and I were both 17. we were together 6 months at that point. Now the important part is, we were both ready. That is crucial. If you are not ready 100% don‘t do it before you regret it. There is no going back after losing your V card. Yes there are guys especially at that age that might leave you for not wanting it. But that just shows he wanted just sex anyway. Never let someone pressure you into something you dont wanna do.
And yes men say that, but probably older men who have experience and meet people with experience. Me at 24 would not wait 6 months for sex with a girl who is around my age and has also had multiple partners in the past because why would someone wait at that point other than not wanting the person. So that‘s another case and not important for you right now

Twalli · Answer

If he does leave you because you aren't ready, he's not a good guy. I forced my girlfriend to wait 6 months, and I would have waited 2 years. We are both full grown adults. Have sex when you feel ready, if he's willing. If he tries to pressure you then he isn't the person you should be with. If you fully trust him, you could talk about it with him. He may be the right guy and knows you aren't ready, so he's not going to try anything

tulipgirl18 · Answer

You shouldn’t be pressured to do anything. If he forces you or anything say no because you don’t wanna do it. If he does leave you then you dodged a bullet because that means he only wanted to have sex with you

Little_Bumblebee · Answer

Don't ask online people about this.  Talk with your boyfriend about it. But don't feel pressured to do something you're not ready for. You're only 16.

mrinalashesh007 · Answer

16? Girl... You need to pull yourself together.. don't do anything that shitty which may land you up in trouble.. Do it when you both are mature enough to understand the consequences of the stuff !!

SphynxUK · Answer

You’ve been together a year. You don’t bore him. He doesn’t sound like he’s putting any pressure on you, so I doubt he’ll leave you. If he does, he does.

KaylaD24 · Answer

I dont think soo you are young and sex really shouldn't be rushed and at your age there really is more important things to worry about than sex.

Anonymous · Answer

If he leaves you because of that then he never really loved you and you're better off without him. You should wait until you are ready, preferably after you are both adults; and even more so once you are married. True love is patient.

slatyb · Answer

If he does, you haven't lost anything worth having. Before you become sexually active, get some form of contraction.

Andres77 · Answer

He might leave you. if he's the kind of guy that would leave you because he doesn't want to wait anymore... you should let him go. If he can't wait then he's not worth waiting for.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

You’re still both kids. If it happens you still have a whole ass life to live. Everything happens for a reason Nothing should be forced.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

If he does, he's probably not someone you should decide to spend the rest of your life with, or ANY part of your life, for that matter!

Berethor · Answer

Is it legal at 16 where you live? yea he might leave you because of that, what you gonna do?

TheNameIsRob · Answer

If he does then he wasn’t good enough for you anyway. May be hard to see how true that is now but trust me one day you will. And who says he will leave? Don’t push him away

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I think that if he hasn't tried within a year he's not with you for the sex. If he is, I admire his patience.

dowser19 · Answer

Wow. You must be from Honduras or Laos, etc. Definitely not the U. S. Because if you are, you're about 1 in 50 million now, and that's not an understatement.

Anonymous · Answer

you shouldn't do anything until you feel ready and comfortable. do you masturbate? would you consider mutual masturbation with him? that might be a good first thing to try that is safe

Massageman · Answer

If he's willing to wait until after the wedding, you definitely have a keeper.

Hardworkingguy · Answer

At your age it's fine if he leaves. You have plenty to accomplish and there's no shortage of men so you won't be alone for long after that.

Anonymous · Answer

You're not ready. That's what matters. He needs to respect that.

Anonymous · Answer

Impossible to say for sure, but some guys will bail because of this.

chilldude33 · Answer

Men wouldn't wait. 16 year old boy would. You're fine. Take your time.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

So what if he does? The sooner the better. #shakeitoff #shakehimoff

Teriyaki70 · Answer

If he does then good! You will find someone who will wait.

panamared1 · Answer

If he leaves because you are not ready, he does not really care for you and you will be better off without him

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. As soon as he has another potential option.

es20490446e · Answer

Just communicate CLEARLY your motives.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes he will. Time to get ready.

jimmy2 · Answer

It's best for you to wait

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year we’re both teenagers, I’m not ready to have sex yet. Will he leave me because of that?

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