Boyfriend wants to breakup with me because of lack of sex. Thoughts?

Question

He expects me to do it at least everyday or every other day and he tells me it’s the way that he can show that he loves me (im his first). But sex for me is just sex (done it many times before him). And I just don’t want to do it everyday like it feels like a to do thing just to make him happy. He also expects me to have sex with him after he has invited my out to dinner or in the cinema example but sometimes I’m just too tired and he doesn’t understand that and I just want to relax and cuddle. I also sometimes don’t want to have sex with him after the cinema movie because he expects me to do it just because he invited me out. Like it’s my way to pay for it by sex and it makes me feel cheap and I don’t like it like I have to pay for it with my body. Sometimes I do want to have sex but not in the way that he expects me to do it. And he always says they’re something wrong with me because we’re both in early twenties and people in our age should want each other all the time and to have sex without excuses.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

It doesn't sound like your libidos match.
It also sounds like you have decided to withhold something that he treasures.

You've been in a relationship for two years and had lots of sex, but now you feel like it's a chore and that he is taking advantage of you. He adores your body and you have the ability to keep him minimally satisfied, but your attitude has changed. And maybe that's his fault. Hear me out to the end.

Is there something wrong with your pussy that prevents you from using it as a cockwarmer? It's a very loving thing to do. Don't you like the sensation of being full even if you don't orgasm? Don't you like pleasing him? Aren't you happy that he finds you irresistible?

Would it hurt your hand to give him a hand job? Why is your pussy any different? It's just a functional part of your body like a hand or mouth.

I totally understand that long sessions of romantic, sensual, orgasmic sex are superior. But it's hard to dedicate enough time for that every day. So, if he has a desire to cum at least once a day, why are you begrudging that to your boyfriend?

Would you really rather relegate him to watching porn and jerking off instead of being with you? How sad. Do you want him to begin thinking about finding alternative sex partners?

Would it hurt you to bend over for a quicky and let him jack off inside you when he's feeling inspired by your feminine charms? How would that be degrading? Why wouldn't you feel flattered? Why wouldn't you want to perform that simple act of tender, loving kindness for him?

I had several long term girlfriends in my life, and none of them ever thought it was a chore to bend over or spoon for a few minutes if we didn't have time for something more mutually gratifying.

All that being said, I totally get the idea of not being in the mood at all times. It you are giving him what he needs on a regular basis, you don't have to be at his beck and call all the time. You might be tired or stressed or in a bad mood at times. You are definitely entitled to say "Not now." All I'm saying is, you should probably try to please him whenever possible.

And he should learn to cuddle and make you feel warm, safe, secure and loved without the tension of feeling like he's only doing it as a lead up to sex.

But here's another thing. If you do go out of your way to satisfy his sexual desires, he shouldn't take that for granted. He should cherish and treasure you. He should act like a gentleman and treat you like a precious lady when it comes to paying for meals, movies, outings, etc. He shouldn't treat you like a burden. To do so would mean that he didn't actually value you. He should be flattered that you are his devoted partner.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Have you told him all the above.
I would say that his parents did not show very much affection to him or teach him by the ways they treated each other what love really is

Another thing is when a guy says all the above to you it's a form of manipulation of course he wants to break up with you. or he says that.
When he knows it's not true because he doubts that he could get any other girl that would be his kind as you are being to him.
So there's another red flag.
So you're going to either have to put a little bit more time into it and teach him what love really is all about.

Teach him you can't buy your way. To the things you want.

He should be taking you out to dinner because he wants to.
Be taking you to the cinema because he wants to.
Not because he thinks it's going to get him laid or that it's going to be a trade off.

You're going to have to teach him about respect and what love really means.

So going to have to teach him all the different types of Love there is. All the different types of affection and the reasons why.
And they all don't lead to sex

They're all not used for manipulation.
You have your hands full LOL
It's usually the bad guy that gets hurt and in this case it just might end up that way I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
He wants to break up with you because of these reasons let him do so.
First of all because there's a guy out there that will treat you with respect and actually know what the word love means and he will love you deep
He will not manipulate you to get sex
And he will show you the true intimacy of true love and respect

If he breaks up with you he will be back within 24 hours LOL because you are the only one that has showed him any affection probably in his whole life

Or that type of affection that he likes did he needs to understand the true understanding of it not what he's going to make of it through manipulation
Like I said sorry that you have to go through this

wolfcat87 · Accepted Answer

First, he has a high sex drive even for a man in his 20's. I know, because i have a high sex drive for a woman and most men at any age can't keep up. Your guy's drive is closer to mine, and he's going to have a difficult time finding anyone to match that. I have two partner's and they still can't keep up. 3 is kind of the sweet spot, and that's men we are talking about. So, why he thinks you can keep up or should even try is beyond me.

Second, healthy, loving men show love in many other ways. Sharing resources, doing chores, running errands, bringing food, pampering you, etc. Your guy isn't showing love, he's just taking for himself without considering you.

Third, he's being manipulative and dishonest. Most couples are only having sex one or two days a week. It's once every 5 days! Like I said, men's libidos aren't all that high, and most women are having sex even less. Forgetting women, even gay men only have sex about 3 times a week the first 2 years they are together and then less after that. So, it's not an issue with just women.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex-2329045
http://williamrussellforcongress.com/how-often-do-gay-couples-have-sex/

His behavior is definitely abnormal and maladjusted. It doesn't sound loving, it sounds like he's basically using you to masturbate. That's inappropriate. You aren't a sex toy or an object.

If he wants to breakup, then he'll learn the hard way that single men have even LESS sex. He's getting far more from being in a relationship than not. Are you getting what you need out of the relationship? Is he doing as much for you as you are for him? Has he considered a sex toy to use on himself on days when you don't feel like it?

blunty · Accepted Answer

I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like a tough situation. Dealing with a partner who wants to break up because of differences in sexual needs can be really challenging and emotional.

First off, it's super important to have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend. It's all about understanding each other's perspectives and needs. Everyone's different when it comes to sex, and it’s okay to have those differences. The key is to see if you can find some common ground or a way to work things out that feels okay for both of you. It's totally okay to have your own boundaries and limits. It's crucial that these are respected in any relationship. If you're not comfortable with something, that needs to be clear, and it's not okay for anyone to pressure you into something you're not cool with.

Also, think about the whole relationship. Is everything else going well? Are you happy in other areas? Sometimes, issues in the bedroom can be a sign of other stuff that's not working out. But it’s also possible to work through these things if everything else is solid. If you're feeling stuck, it might help to chat with someone outside the situation. Sometimes friends, family, or even a counselor can offer a fresh perspective or some helpful advice.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and comfortable. Make sure you're looking after yourself in all this. Take care, and I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be.

RoseySarah · Answer

Hurry and break up!

a lot of guys do that! Think they are owed sex!

My ex was like that! I paid for a cheap McDonald's meal so give me at least a bj!

Blocked his number! Red flag pushy guys!

My hubby was amazing and we somehow waited till our honeymoon! Showed he treasured me not saw me as a sex machine.

Snuggles are a must it's not sex that is intimate it's the snuggles and other things that we women love!

Guys can't understand that!

Sorry he was such a boring loser! Your amazing guy is our there! Just have to meet him and click!

Or going to try for girls?

Bethany22 · Answer

For men, sex is the way they show love, and the way they feel their feelings for a woman. But, the woman has to look like she genuinely enjoys it in order for him to feel those feelings. Maybe he assumes that sex is a better bonding experience than going to the movies or dinner. I don't think he just sees you as an object. Maybe just have sex  before  you go out on date nights if you're tired.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

So. . . find another boyfriend.

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Dang girl, that's a tough situation. Your boyfriend seems kinda demanding about getting it on all the time. Just because you're young doesn't mean you gotta do it every day!

It doesn't sound like he really gets that sex means different things to different people. For you it's not the be-all end-all of relationships. He needs to respect that.

I can see why it'd make you feel cheap if he expects it just because he takes you out. That's lame. Real intimacy is about both people wanting it, not paying someone back.

Seems like you tried talking to him about compromising more, but he's not hearing you out. That would piss me off too if my partner kept pushing like that.

Maybe give it one more shot, lay it all out plainly how him pressuring you makes you feel. But if he won't back off and respect your boundaries too, you deserve to be with someone who cares how you feel as much as their own needs. Tough call, but you gotta stand up for yourself here! Don't settle if he won't meet you halfway, ya know?

VictorMachiavelli · Answer

If it’s that big of an issue for hum then yeah, the best thing to do is break up.

Some people have mentioned couples therapy or you paying for some of the dates, but neither of those things things can fix the somewhat one-sided desire for regular sex between you two here.

I also think that some people are being unnecessarily harsh on both of you.

Some are saying that he’s an asshole for thinking that this is a big deal and that you deserve better, but just because it’s not a big deal to one person, doesn’t mean that it’s not for someone else. There are women who complain about lack of sex from their men as well who fee the same way - I think that the women bashing your guy would have more sympathy if the gender were switched around.

As well, you mention him taking you on dates to try to get you into the mood. While I can understand you feeling like he’s trying to pay you to have sex with him, and feeling like you’re obligated to have sex when you’re not feeling it gives you “the ick”, he’s doing that because that’s what men are often told is the problem when a woman isn’t interested in sex, and mostly by women. They’re told to take her on date nights, because the issue is the woman that the feels under-appreciated. That doesn’t mean that he sees you as an object, that he’s manipulative or that he’s trying to use you.

Then on your side, you can’t help not wanting sex. You either want it or you don’t. This is an issue of lack of attraction despite everything else being great, whether you realise it or not. You’re just not right for each other.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

You are sexually mismatched obviously. So yeah he has every right to end the relationship and find someone that better meets his relationship expectations.

This speaks volumes. "(im his first). But sex for me is just sex (done it many times before him)"

You have become desensitized because of your, what I can only assume, is a more extensive sexual history. Make no mistake, you do not owe him sex, and if you don't want to supply it, then don't. That is your right and your decision but he has every right and a choice himself and leaving the relationship is his right and his choice because he no longer sees you as a dating or relationship option.

Everyone has choices and preferences in relationships. Each partner needs to decide for themselves if those are deal breakers or not for a relationship to continue. Sex is an important part of building intimacy for couples and for guys, it isn't just sex. It is a connection with you especially since you are his first. That is a very strong emotional connection for a young guy.

Even if the relationship ends, he will hold you as special because you were his first. You obviously do not see him as special since he is just another guy in line and he is just another notch that you compare to everyone else.

I'll be straight up in saying I have ended more than a few otherwise stable relationships because of a sexual mismatch and they reacted much like you did. But I will not continue in a relationship where I am going to feel unfulfilled and settle for a mediocre sex life regardless of how she feels or thinks because we obviously do not agree on that subject.

Anonymous · Answer

Okay, I was exactly like this when I first had sex, except I wasn't paying for cinemas and cafes and if we went out and there was no time to sex I'd get upset and was telling him I wouldn't go out if we did not have sex. Several months later I got tired, the new feelings from sex wore out and I started appreciating our other time together too as well. Just sex seemd the most important thing we could do together back then. And I was genuinely upset my boyfriend wasn't keeping up.

Things worked out we are now married with kid but if he broke up with me by that time, would be legit cause even I think that my behaviour back then was totally unacceptable. Back then he even had breakdown twice and was crying and yelling at me that I didn't love him and just used him for sex.

But things don't always work out. Do you want to be the one to bear all this disrespect and finish with mental breakdowns? Also, men don't change that easily.

I'd dump him and find another boyfriend

EmyyWolf · Answer

I WANT SEX EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even during my period I want sex. It’s why I have multiple toys, and specially GLASS toys. Girl, if you don’t want sex every day. Obviously something is wrong with you. OR! You’re not that into him sexually. Best to leave instead of cheat or hurt him. Cause your rejecting him completely, when you leave sex out. If my boyfriend was Brad Pitt or Captain America, I’m having daily sex with him. If not, I masturbate every day. Yeah something is wrong with you. Something unhealthy. It could be the birth control. Because being natural and menstruating is what gives you urges. Your egg release hormones that make you crave.

Screenwriter · Answer

YOU need to break up with HIM! Why are you putting up with him treating you like a fucking prostitute! Where did he get this attitude? You pay for anything HE pays for by having to have sex with him!

Girl, get away from this dude as fast as possible. His head is twisted all around the wrong way. Sex is a transaction for him. This isn't about love. It's about payback!

UGH all the way to his bank. Good luck leaving him behind. You can find a man far better than this. Kisses!

Jasmin01 · Answer

First of all, you are certainly not obliged to pay for an invitation to dinner or to cinema with sex. If the guy only wants to have sex when you're together, then he doesn't understand what a relationship means. You should make this clear to him and if there is no other option, break up with him.

Anonymous · Answer

the word i hate here is "he expects me to". i hate that. you shouldn't be expected to do anything. you need to give consent and honestly it seems like you are barely consenting. let him break up with you, you deserve better.

just because he takes you out to dinner doesn't mean you should pay your way with sex. that is just an awful boyfriend you have there. and it sucks that you allowed him to make you feel like that. you're not a prostitute, you were supposed to be a girlfriend. it seems like he only wants you for sex.

Anonymous · Answer

It's important to have open and honest communication with your boyfriend about your feelings and boundaries. It's not uncommon for people to have different sexual desires and frequencies. You should express your perspective on the matter, explaining that you value intimacy and emotional connection in the relationship, but you also need to feel respected and not pressured into sex. If your boyfriend truly cares about you, he should be willing to understand and respect your boundaries.

If you both can't find a compromise that works for both of you, it may be necessary to reevaluate the compatibility of your relationship. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding.

Anonymous · Answer

""But sex for me is just sex (done it many times before him)"

Then you're incompatible.

For guys who haven't done it as much as you, they deserve better.

If you've chosen to give out for other men, only to then refuse the man you want to be with, he's left with a car with many miles on the clock that refuses to start...

... AKA, he loses out because of your actions with other men. That's a bad deal. He's not owed sex, but to say "I've had enough" shows he deserves someone with less experience and a higher libido.

AaronKrieger · Answer

Your boyfriend is a dick for saying there is something wrong with you unless if he meant it jokingly.

Other than that, I think you two could just be incompatible sexually right now due to his needs. That is okay, since everyone isn't meant to be compatible with each other.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

If you don't want it as much as he does then it might be better to break up, otherwise it'll always be a source of disagreement, hurt feelings etc. Sometimes it's better to realize the problem areas in the beginning rather than several years later.

Camomila2 · Answer

I would share the thoughts you've written here to him. Tell him how you feel- it's valid and I would feel the same way if my boyfriend acted like that. There is more to a relationship than sex. If you tell him and he doesn't agree with you, gets upset and doesn't show you that he'll change, or even apologize for having made you feel bad- leave that relationship. If he cares for you, he will stop and change. But communicate your feelings towards this.

Anonymous · Answer

"It's just sex, I've done it many times before him"... gee I can't imagine why he'd want to break up. You essentially told him, "I'll sleep with half of society on a whim but not YOU the man I claim to love".😆

Also you want to "cuddle" but you don't want sex. I'm NOT taking his side. I see your point. But when you say that you're saying, "I want my needs fulfilled but I feel no responsibility to filling his".

Ypu're not the first couple in history to deal with this. I think you both need to have a talk about your needs. And you might have to accept that you're just not right for eachother if you can't get past this.

yikesyikesyikes · Answer

I hear you... That just becomes like work. Maybe next time you go out could you pay for the evening of movies and see if he behaves the same way? This is old school thinking that if he pays you need to pay it back in kind. Very irritating but try reversing the evening and see if his behavior changes

PoodleBlaster · Answer

Had a girlfriend once, she was a great girl, not too high a sex drive though. We loved each other very dearly, but our libidos were worlds apart, and she wasn't upm for all the stuff I wanted to try. She didn't want me to go, and I didn't want to sack her off, so I ended up playing away... a lot... such is life. Women do it to men, men do it to women... if you're not getting your needs met and you've tried and discussed it at length with your beloved, you may need to outsource your requirements.

lightbulb27 · Answer

nothing wrong with you.

he needs to evolve or find someone else. expectactions ike that kills the mood. he has to learn how to do things right.

gee... people used to get married first. there is that. but that isn't going to solve this...

Boyfriend wants to breakup with me because of lack of sex. Thoughts?

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