Am I lying to myself thinking I’m better off being alone?

Question

28F, I haven’t dated someone in years & haven’t met someone from a dating app in over a yr. I’m at the point where I just don’t feel the desire to be active on them & use them kind of sporadically throughout the week. I’m really worried that years down the line I will regret being as isolated as I’ve been, considering I don’t have a social life. I don’t want kids & when it comes to friendships, I don’t put myself out there either. I just don’t have the energy to deal with people, most friends I’ve had throughout the years I’ve cut off. Im not one to settle with people’s bs for the sake of not being alone, I’m quick to cut people off when they do things that bother me after an extended amount of time. With dating, I haven’t had sex or masturbated in years. I find men attractive but sometimes I wonder if men like me. I’m told I’m cute/attractive & getting matches on the apps have never been the issue. It usually just doesn’t work out & it can go both ways, I never get approached by guys that’s always been my reality. People are a lot of work & relationships are too much work at times, I’m kind of apathetic but my anxiety takes over at times. Maybe the right person will change everything.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

The answer is no, but as I tell ALL the women on this site who claim "they're single and lonely:" LOWER YOUR F*CKING INSANELY-HIGH STANDARDS.

This applies to 99% of all the women on here complaining. They want literally perfect men that would be the top 0.0001% of all men out there - one in a million, like actual Henry Cavill or Chris Pratt - and then complain when they can't find that literally perfect man, and they literally offer nothing of value to the good men out there who happen to be under six feet tall or not actual millionaires.

Frankly, I'm sick of it and feel no sympathy for them, cause these women tend to be TRASH and only have themselves to blame. How hard is it for a 20-something woman to find a decent man out there? IT'S NOT HARD AT ALL. It's extremely easy! But their own entitlement, arrogance, and narcissism leaves them single and alone, and when you quiz them on it, they give sh*tty excuses like "I know my worth and how valuable I am (despite contributing nothing to a man's happiness and being selfish and entitled)" but stay single well into their late 30s and refuse to change their sh*tty garbage attitudes.

So speaking as a non-Chad male, it pisses me off. It's like being homeless, and you're hungry & starving, and having a multi-millionaire refuse to eat anything that isn't all-organic vegan food made by five-star chefs and having them claim to be "hungry & starving" right next to you and expecting sympathy and ass-kissing comments from iy. You just want to tell them "SHUT THE F*CK UP" already.

"I don’t want kids."
"When it comes to friendships, I don’t put myself out there."
"I'm not one to settle with people’s bullshit."
"I’m quick to cut people off when they do things that bother me."

You are better off being alone. Legit.
Now be alone. Accept it. And stop posting about it on GAG.

THERE is your answer. Now please accept it and stop complaining.

Makeushiver · Accepted Answer

I don't think you need too fall into a category that they were a verb, not a noun & I thought that very profound. If you allow yourself to be comfortable, as you are, without judgement, without naming; you have approached the Buddhist definition of Nirvana. I'm not religious and think it is a form of insanity but I do think there Easter spiritual paths that make a great deal of sense. Don't think I'm a guru if you like it since I can't live it for more than brief periods but I can tell myself that when I begin to think in concepts I am stepping out of reality. Western traditions might call it moving away from god. I also think that many people get married because their friends, relatives, parents, value system makes them feel less than fully living. It could very well be the opposite. One thing marriage inevitably does is dull the passion that exists for the first 3months-3 years. If you are single you can simply change. Kids are sometimes a b9g reason and I've heard people talk about nieces & nephews or others grandkids, whatever but I can't speak to that. I'm not sure how close the relationship. One thing to consider and its almost impossible to imagine this for reasons I'll elaborate later or just forget. One thing kids do is make you grow up. Its a new perspective where, hopefully, you aren't the center of the universe. Going with that and living a life of service where you consciously live to help relieve suffering of others. It's not something that's done on Sunday and put down but it does give you a feeling of freedom and lightness that is impossible to imagine in our daily world of getting ahead. Hope any of this helps

KathrynTaylor · Accepted Answer

You’re not lying to yourself that you’re better off single.. than dating assholes and lying bums. You’re better off in a relationship.. with a decent man. Now, where to find some? Dating sites, tafe courses, religious groups, hobby clubs on meetup. com and through mutual friends. There are still men who are feeling just like you are. Wondering where all the good women went. You just need to go out there and find them and don’t date a guy until he meets your standards personality wise. You don’t want someone who revolts you physically, but perhaps know what you could compromise on, like, is he a few shirt sizes larger than you’d normally prefer? Has he got a beer gut? Is he losing his hair? Is his beard greying? Is he shorter than you’d like? Has he got a big nose, big ears, or man boobs? I’ve found I’ll compromise on beer gut, bigger shirt size, being my height or taller, greying beard and hair loss (but he has to be not bad looking if he’s fat or attractive is he’s balding). I won’t accept any of the other stuff, including shorter, having an Adam’s apple.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I’ve felt this way. There’s really no need to actually beat yourself up for being with the best person you can be with! YOU

live life a little. Get to know you. Get to have your OWN experience with the earth and the world. Enjoy your hobbies; really dive and delve in.

You won’t have regrets. You’ll be more self aware. You can always jump right back in and make friends. People will always be social and love to talk.

You won’t miss out. Get to know who you are in this life. Enjoy that, and the right people will be attracted to that about you.

I’m not worried about you. I’m happy you’ve come to this realization. Learn to appreciate people in general. Watching them just be people and see them live their lives. Laugh. Have fun.

Don’t sweat these things.

When you’re not busy talking just to talk, you’ll be learning new things. Valuable things, and then you can apply those to your life and get the most out of your life.

Best to you sis.

Super excited for all you’ll do, who you’ll meet, and get to try.

Finchie40 · Answer

Learning to remove selfishness in yourself is a lesson we all have to learn unless you want to be single the rest of our lives , Choosing to be single is a selfish decision and sadly you will never experience true love if you can’t remove selfishness , you will be lying on your death bed one day with no one by your side , Love does exist but the journey getting there is the hard part for most of us , Especially nowadays on how fucked up this world has become and people not trusting in each other anymore , When you learn to remove selfishness in yourself then you can learn to remove selfishness for someone else , Love comes from trust and respect for each other , valuing each other, making each other your number 1 priority over everyone , Understanding you can’t always be right and they are wrong , resisting temptation for each other , when you learn to do that for someone they will more than likely do that for you , When you can’t do that for your partner then you are just wasting your time even considering a relationship,, why most relationships fail is because people do not know how to remove selfishness for their partners , you can’t expect someone to do for you if you can’t do for them, Learn to accept each others flaws we are all imperfect people , understand your partner and you are a package deal , it’s you and your partner vs the world , the only way you should walk away from a relationship is if you are being cheated on or physically abused , Other then that you fix it , you will not always be on the same page as your partner , you will butt heads but when you stand by them and fix it love will grow , not run to someone else for validation , And thinking you are always right and they are wrong , Selfishness is one of the biggest relationship killers that is people all have in us , when you learn to remove that then love respect and trust comes into play

DizzyDesii · Answer

Wow i can relate majorly! Im 27 and am starting to get comfortable being alone. I actually do want kids but i haven't been actively trying to create them. I just dont care to be someones baby mama. Either we marry and have kids or i stay single and go through with invitro. Im a social person but i dont like maintaining longterm friendships. I've cut so many people off. I get no enjoyment from masturbation and dont do it unless im trying to seduce some guy. I watch porn for fun like its a soap opera. I do date a lot but the relationships dont last because i have low tolerance and patience these days. So yea i get where you’re coming from. But its not a lie to think you’re better off alone. Sometimes its for he best. I haven't given up because I've come across some good dudes but im just trying to better myself before i give it a go with one of them because i dont want to hurt anyone with my antisocial ways

lightbulb27 · Answer

Been through some of that,

it's tough at that age.

Yes you are lying to yourself, but it sounds ok right now.

The real issue is in your childhood, traumas... which probably seem normal now. I think you harbor some self worth and shame and fear issues. You have time to find someone and make a family should your answer change, about 12 years. So... take time now to work on yourself, work on your social skills, challenge yourself and grow emotionally, spiritually. heal your inner wounds.

you can live that, and your world will change as your heart changes and heals.

Anonymous · Answer

No matter which path you choose you're always going to question the path NOT taken. Last date I had was 2 or 3 years. Ago. Before that, 25 years ago. And I've never had sex. Do I regret my path? Sometimes I think I should've made more of an effort. But it's not like I didn't everything just came out wrong everytime I did. So it is what it is. I'm satisfied with my life. And while I'm single I'm hardly lonely. And ya have to look at the bright side. I've got to see many others my age go through one bad relationship after another, divorces, things of that nature. I've never had to endure that.

I hope this helps.

Haha456 · Answer

if you're not lonely, its ok.

if you are lonely and yet you still prefer being isolated then its not healthy

humans are designed to be social animals. there are numerous studies that has proven extroverts tend to live happier , more fulfilling lives than introverts

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Oh we’re all definitely lying to ourselves that life is better alone. It may be great compared to the toxic and garbage dating world now. But in our older years being single is going to be a lonely depressing mess.
And by the looks of things it’s going to be most of Millennials and Gen Z.

Anemone978 · Answer

I don't know I would suggest working on yourself and maybe getting some counseling. It could help you to see a different perspective by talking things out with someone else.

alcorriher · Answer

god has a plan. and sometimes its not marriage & thats completely ok! dont let others judge you for being “alone” or single. 🙂

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Honestly, I think you're lying to yourself.

Twalli · Answer

You may be better off single. Humans are pack animals so you need human contact

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone needs companionship and guys don’t really approach women that much anymore because of thinking they’re creeps

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

Maybe you are better off alone.

Ryfyle · Answer

Your odd of survival drop drastically.

Saamee · Answer

You should have to think about your dried organs🙄

Dreamclouds · Answer

Yes you do some people can be a blessing

tedbuoyy · Answer

Dm me. We can find a solution together

Andres77 · Answer

Depends.

Anonymous · Answer

love don't exist.. it's a human condition.

Guardian45 · Answer

I wanna say No

Am I lying to myself thinking I’m better off being alone?

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