My boyfriend says he needs time to process, what does it mean?

[Anonymous]

I recently told my boyfriend whom I have been with for 6 months, that I am paying a mortgage for my dad and I to have a home and have been doing so since 2018. To cut a long story short I was given a big deposit in 2018 by my Nan who is now deceased which took a lot of the debt off.

I have explained this as the mortgage is a lot to pay off overall but I think he worries we may not be able to get somewhere together.

he has been somewhat cold and distant from telling me this and says he still loves me and wants to be with me but needs time to process the information he heard. He suffers from ADHD as well which I can understand can take a while for emotions to process.

is it likely he is going to leave me? I only told him this Yesterday?

Updates

1 y

Sorry I said ADHD, I mean Asperger’s

[Guardian45]

Your boyfriend is ND (Neurodivergent), like me. I have his exact same issue. When someone says something to me that is "emotionally-charged" or "heavy" ND brains CANNOT process this information in "normal human" time frames. It takes us longer to separate facts from emotions and respond in an appropriate manner. If we are 'pushed' or 'rushed' to respond or decide, then our reactions will be inadequate or worse inappropriate in a scenario.

This does NOT mean we are stupid. It means that it takes our brains LONGER to figure what the problem IS and how we SHOULD react to it!

Give him time, and he will figure it out, as I do... eventually.

[Asker]

Thank you very much as it makes sense, we were actually able to talk it through and it was as you described, and we are all good now! 😊

[Guardian45]

I glad to hear you were able to resolve the problem. Being ND is very frustrating, and requires a LOT of patience from our Loved Ones!

[Guardian45]

Thank you for MHG!

[Finchie40]

Well if he dumps you off of financial reasons then he truly doesn’t love you , he only really loves himself , When 2 people are in love money means shit , cuz you both work as a team everyone goes through ups and downs in life if someone can’t stand by you when times get tough then they don’t truly value you they only value themselves and only like the convenience of you , so if he ends up leaving you because of finances let his selfish ass go and realize you deserve someone that will stand by your side when times get
Tough

[Asker]

I agree, he hasn’t actually dumped me though as we were able to talk everything through but I appreciate your answer :)

[Anonymous]

Something feels off with this guy from what you said. Your only been together for 6 months and he acting like this because you are paying off a mortgage. Geez most guys would be supportive and they definitely would not react that way. Was he aware you were given such money by your Nan? Makes me wonder if you told him this information if a part of his brain thought maybe you would be giving him some of the money or was expecting you to pay for a place for you to move in together.

[Asker]

I don’t believe this was the case and I did say so but I think it was an overload of information, he understood the situation but it was a lot to take in

Also thank you for answering!

[Anonymous]

It means exactly what he said haha Men are simple like that haha. I would assume this information effected his future plans and he has to rethink some things.

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreciate it as we were able to sort it out now :)

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome, Good to hear

[coachTanthony]

Maybe he sees himself as the bread winner in the future while you take care of the kids and now sees a mounting pile of debt he will now be responsible for. Just a guess.

[Anonymous]

why the fuck should he care and why the fuck is it his problem if you have a mortgage or two houses to pay off those houses are under your name and most likely your parent's name NOT HIS so why the fuck is it any of his damn concern for? Tell that little piss ass prick to mind his own fucking business

[Asker]

I think it was more of a worry that it could potentially effect us getting a property together at some stage

[Mansearching]

Not sure. But if y'all trust each other let him process. Don't pressure him into talking about it.

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

I think he's just trying to understand where your head is at, which, why men do, I will never understand, since women NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

[In_Trance]

it means he's going to rail other girls, but wants you to wait around until he's done so he can then rail you too

[Anonymous]

Id wonder why he had to act that way in the first place?

[Asker]

In what sense?

[Opinion Owner]

Why does he need time? Its not his money.

[Asker]

I suppose I mean time to process the information he has just heard as I think it worries him now that we may not be able to get somewhere together and I don’t know if needing time may also be an ADHD effect