Is she really just a friend of my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Found a message on my boyfriends phone from a woman that he was planning on having dinner with. He never told me about her. Says they had a few dates in December before we became official. They both don’t want to date each other because of various reasons. He said they are only friends and didn’t tell because he didn’t think it would be a big deal. Then he told me that he’s not dating anyone else. They just have dinner and most of the time go their separate ways.

[Anonymous]

The only friends of the opposite sex that are acceptable in my eyes are the ones that have always been strictly platonic and he was open about it the whole time. You wouldn’t have known about her if you didn’t go through his phone, and the fact that you even had to take it to that level in the first place is troubling. It shows insecurity on your end, but now that will only be amplified given what you’ve found. Anyway, considering we’re not even through January and they went on dates, not just one, in December doesn’t give “just friends” vibes, since that was only a few weeks ago. Also for you two to have become official in December as well tells me he was going on dates with her While serious with you, and that’s just not ok. Anyway, all my rambling is meant to say that this is one big red flag, and if you want peace of mind then maybe he’s not the right guy for you. I can’t even suggest having him cut her off or giving him an ultimatum because he could use that against you. Just say you aren’t comfortable or confident in his relationship with her and can’t worry about it, so even if he does choose, you didn’t force it upon him.

[Asker]

He left his phone open with the message where I could see it then walked away. They had dates in December 2021. At the time we were still meeting just for sex. We didn’t start officially dating until a few months after that incident. Though it still on my mind and bothers me. He said he hasn’t heard from her after that day.

[loveslongnails]

"The only friends of the opposite sex that are acceptable in my eyes are the ones that have always been strictly platonic and he was open about it the whole time."

Does this mean you require your newly "official boyfriend" to supply the names of all current female friends he's in touch with and declare those he's had sex with and those he hasn't? Do you then follow that with - ok, you're forbidden to talk to this one because you had sex with her 12 years ago? Is that what happens?

[Opinion Owner]

@asker oh okay, I thought this was just this past December. So what were these messages you saw on his phone? Did it add up with him saying they haven’t spoken?

[Anonymous]

I don’t kjo I don’t like this it doesn’t click well for me
I mean you can trust what he says and let it go
But you know this because you saw it right? What if you didn’t read it ! You wouldn’t know this. Which means he might be bidding other stuff

[Anonymous]

You either trust him or you don't. Which is it?