Girls, single male 26 never had a long term relationship and struggling to find someone so need advice on what I could potentially change to improve?

[Daniel1711]

I haven't really done this before so bare with my post & I will try to express it clear enough, just seeking some advice from girls out there

I am 26 years old, work as a qualified civil engineer at a good company, I come from a close knit Italian family. I don't have the largest circle of friends but have 3/4 close friends who I spend time with. Outside of work I go to the gym, I coach soccer, then I just mainly go out for dinners with friends try new places etc. Not much of a party animal anymore, not that I ever was prefer chill nights & talking with people. My ambitions in life really centre around building my own business and getting my career to a stable enough point that I can provide for a future partner and family and we can enjoy life together.

Personality wise I am quiet/calm natured or that's how girls often describe me, easy going and I feel like I am better one on one than in a larger group.

I have been raised to be a gentleman & I always aim to be genuine with girls and try my best not to "play games" and just be upfront. I can wear my heart on my sleeve and if I like a girl I will show interest and put in the effort even if at times I'm anxious because I have been burnt in the past a lot.

I have grown up around the "alpha male" type groups at sporting clubs where the advice is often "treat em mean keep em keen" which is probably against my natural person but I am confused as to what else I can do and whether I need to actually be like this to keep a girls interest long term.

Often I get things like "you tick the boxes and you're a great guy but no connection has developed etc"

Dating apps seem to be most of my avenue but it just fizzles all the time, sometimes I am nervous to just approach women in public because I am unsure of how to go about it. I am been focusing on myself for a while now and I feel like I am ready for the right girl just unsure exactly what it is about me that doesn't get their feelings going I guess.

[SueShe]

You are the only one that can help that situation.

In order to have friends or a girlfriend, you must be pro-active and find friends. They will not just pop up in your life without you being involved in the relation. Best is to join a club, take a hobby where you can meet people with similar interests. Sports clubs are not really the best for that kind of attempts because people there tend to want to show off.

If you are good at one specific occupation, then see if you can find a club or place where others meet that share that passion. The rest will just fall automatically into place. Sharing the same interests with a person is always a good start to get to know that person better because you have common grounds.

But you have to work on yourself first. That would include shyness and social anxiety if you have any.

You can train your approach, your attitude and expression in front of a mirror for example. Think of what message you want to bring across and rehearse it until you are satisfied. The next step is the most difficult one and that is the one where you have to put in practice what you learned and rehearsed.

But without you wanting and acting upon it, nothing will ever happen. You have to get out of your comfort zone for it to happen. The most important is not to be afraid to fail. If you are rejected, get back onto your feet and try again. Good luck.

[Selene1600000]

You don’t need to become that “treat them mean” guy what you’re missing isn’t edge, it’s emotional spark and tension.
Being kind and stable is great, but if you show all your interest too quickly without a bit of mystery, challenge, or playfulness, attraction can fade.
Focus on being a little more confident, teasing, and selective with your attention so it feels like you choose her not that you’re just ready for anyone who fits.

[Nikki1989]

I can't see anything here that could be wrong with you.

[Daniel1711]

I’ve deleted dating apps a few weeks ago but given I’m more introverted don’t have like a massive friends group I’m a bit worried I won’t just meet someone, I’m just tired of the “what could have been” scenarios I end up in which is a lot of them from the apps, I can’t remember any of them ending badly it just ends how I said above