Should guys be the first one to say I love you in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[TruthBringer]

My man, if you want to turn off a woman instantly, then you should definitely tell her you love her first.

Sadly, we live in a time in which playing games in terms of dating is the only way to actually 'win'. We live in a time where the person who cares the least is the one who wins.

Any man with enough experience with women, and who also has knowledge about female nature will tell you that it is an absolute NO GO to tell a woman you love her.

Women chase mysterious men who keep them on their toes. A man who showers them with "I love yous" is a guy who isn't a challenge anymore, and she will start to have wandering eyes for some stoic guy who keeps her guessing. Although I myself am in a wonderful relationship, I always make sure to hold my frame and not get too comfortable. Real life is not like a Disney movie. Being the typical nice guy who showers them with love and affection will only backfire.

This doesn't mean you cannot say that you love her at some point, but make sure not to be the first one. All in all, you should prove their affection to her through actions and not words. Also, love is something that takes time to build, so saying it the first month or two is also not playing in your favor.

[Vegasrunner]

@TruthBringer Preach! That was well said, hope he listens.

[TruthBringer]

@Vegasrunner Thanks mate! I doubt the guy will listen judging by his response to another (anonymous) user with a similar answer. All in all, not my problem.

[blueonblack22]

No he needs to do everything through his actions without saying it. Talk is cheap anyway.

Men have a lot more to lose when they show that kind of vulnerability without knowing for sure the woman feels the same way. A heartbroken woman can cry it out, eat ice cream, find shoulders to lean on and not look worry about looking unattractive to other men if she’s mourning over a break up.

Men don’t have that luxury. We internalize it because we HAVE to. I am really sick of women saying it’s okay for heartbroken men to show their emotions. That’s a well meaning yet huge lie. Women don’t really respect that. Instead they see a heartbroken man who shows his emotions as being relatable to another woman. But not a real man. So quit telling us otherwise. Really sick of woman setting up men to fail with that bs

Anyway saying “I love you” is a pledge of loyalty for men. It’s not just expressing “a feeling” we have in the moment. It runs very deep for us. We will long remember hearing it and/or saying it. If a few months later we get in a big argument with our girlfriend we still remember that being said. Women on otherhand tend to be true to their emotion in that exact moment. The “I love you” they said not long ago won’t matter at all to them if their emotions make them feel differently later.

Most women don’t really comprehend all of that.

[Anonymous]

Men are meant to be more assertive, knowing what they want, and ambitious about getting that. It’s good for them to take the lead. I’d say most likely majority of the time the woman loves first, and she loves hard. But she doesn’t always say it, especially if she’s nervous or doesn’t realize it herself. That’s why it’s good for a man to be vulnerable and take a risky chance for a high reward. I think it’s very masculine and sexy when a man says I love you first. It makes his woman be comfortable in her femininity and to be open with her feelings without risking losing face. A proper gentleman 🥰🥰

[Lookingforthetruth]

Men always have to take the risk while women act passive/aloof. Lol no wonder relationship fail.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lookingforthetruth lol nah those aren’t the ones that fail. But stay bitter 💀

[Lookingforthetruth]

Oh wow, shaming already and using personal attacks because you have counter to my argument. How very female of you.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lookingforthetruth how is “stay bitter” a personal attack when you’re being bitter… chill dude 🤣🤣

[Opinion Owner]

You wanna be a victim so bad haha

[Lookingforthetruth]

Because saying "You (directed at someone) are bitter) is not personal attack? Lol at lack of logic.

Again women always go this route when they have no argument.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lookingforthetruth cool sure lol. There goes the man realizing he fucked up so he becomes sexist and makes up some bullshit “just a woman being a woman” 🤣🤣🤣

[Lookingforthetruth]

and now we are making up stories to suit ones own narrative.

[Lookingforthetruth]

Again we know women lose an argument when they start resorting to personal attacks.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lookingforthetruth lol k

[Opinion Owner]

@Lookingforthetruth you’re delusional and crazy

[catiecatie]

So not to be that girl but I do believe so. If I say it first I’d think that he would just say it out of peer pressure, but that’s just me. I wanted to say it to the last guy I was with, but he never said it and I didn’t want to be the girl as he was just getting out of a horrible long term relationship. He’s a piece of shit now as he told me he needed time over Snapchat and we did work together.

[Asker]

Interesting

[OlderAndWiser]

You should express your feelings when you feel them. That might make you first and it might make you last.

[Anonymous]

Any man who says "I love you" first or ask for a relationship first signals to the woman that he is low value indirectly. As men, one of your main coin that women crave from you is attention and commitment. If you give those up early, she will lose respect for you. In addition, it's been shown in studies that women lose attraction or you when they think they've domesticated you.

Thus, the best course of action for any man to take are as followed:

1. Never cohabit with a woman

2. Never show negative emotions (e. g. sadness)

3. Never say I love you.

[Asker]

Sounds like youve been burned

[Keishio]

That's terrible advice

[Opinion Owner]

No. But nice projection. it's the stereotypical response you hear from women "Who hurt you?" when someone gives an answer that's not some PC/mainstream bs.

[Opinion Owner]

@Keishio It's actually good advice. Men who cohabit with women get less sex than men who don't. Women also lose sexual attraction when men show negative emotion like anxiety or sadness. And yes, you always keep a woman guessing. The moment she thinks you are hers, she will begin to lose sexual attraction towards you.

[Keishio]

So what do you respond with if she tells you she loves you?

[Opinion Owner]

@Keishio You acknowledge her feelings but don't ever say it back. The best way for men to have leverage in a relationship is to keep women guessing as to where the relationship stands. For example, fuckboys who do this have women strung along for years pinning for their affection. Guys with side hoes also. The men who go full in love mode and become domesticated often end up either dumped or in a very bland, relationship where sexual frequency/satisfaction goes down.

[TruthBringer]

@Anonymous Unlike the other bozos, I'm with you on this one. This is great advice and often men who follow it know its value (they often wish they knew about it sooner in life). You did what you had to do, if our dear Asker wants to throw shaming tactics your way, then let him get burned and figure it out by himself. At least he wouldn't be able to say that he wasn't warned

[Keishio]

All I can say is that's not been my experience I suppose

[TruthBringer]

@Keishio It has been my experience and the experience of countless other men. It's after discovering the red pill (which basically is the advice you read above) that I stopped getting used and hurt by women. On the contrary, I'm starting to actually have a lot of success in my dating life. Whether it was casual sex or a long term relationship (which I'm currently in now).

Sadly, we are living in a time where dating has become so shallow and full of mindgames, that so many people are giving up on it entirely. ESPECIALLY online dating (which makes 1/3 of relationships today if I remember correctly). That's why so many men flock to communities like the red pill, because it is often so accurate.

[Anonymous]

I still miss at what point in a healthy relationship built-up, it would matter "what" difference it makes who says "i love you" first.
I do know that everyone is trying to avoid being the one saying "I love you", so to get some "tactical advantage".
But relationships should be built on "trust" and "giving".

Besides, if both parties have given each other so much attention that one of them is falling in love for the other, but it's a one-sided-love... well... wouldn't the non-loving-side just be keeping the loving-one on the line somehow?
Maybe slightly manipulating into some kind of friends-with-benefit position?

[analgesicgal]

I voted yes but I wouldn’t say it should be a rule.

Man saying I love you first shows how comfortable, relaxed and safe to feel vulnerable around his woman, for the woman it's the highest show of trust. He's a keeper. Through words and actions.

[DancingQueen16]

Well when me and my boyfriend started dating he said " I love you" first but if the girl wants to say I love you first then she should do it

[Nigjt]

No they Woman should be the first one's to say it but that's not how it is an then reason why I know that it's not as because I listen to a lot of my guy friends say it frist an I tell them all the time they are Dumb ASS'S because then the Women they choose to hang out with throw it back in their faces as soon as they don't do what they want.
God Bless

[mirdy]

I think it should not matter who say it first. Just because men and women fall in love in different speeds. And either side just want to know where thay are at in the relationship before they say it. Just because they girl wants the guys to say it first thats her way of finding out if that guys truly loves her but girls dont understand that msome guys go about the say way. So to me if you feel the time is right then just say it no matter if it the girl say it first or they guy. But thats just me

[Asker]

Im the same way i jumped the gun when i was 16 , now im reluctant

[Mo162]

It's shouldn't be like that. Women say we are equal but we're not when it comes to this are we.. They want us to be the first one to say it.. And we do most of Time imagine how luck will be the who his girl say this words to him.. And we should be the first because we are the men
We should do everything that is what world told us.

[KittyKat90210]

Definitely one of the people should be first :p

I don't think it matters who say it first, as long as both feel people that way

[serious]

Should?

The answer is NO. If both the partners love each other then there should be no ego. It can be the guy or the girl saying those 3 words.

[petitedollbabee]

It’s not a gender based thing. Whoever feels it and wants to say it, should say it first.

[Coyote12]

It takes me around 3-4 months of exclusively dating someone for me to say "I love you". If she can wait that long then I'll do it no problem because I will mean it.

[CaptainOverthink]

Whoever feels like it says it.. it's not like one person can say "you love me".

[DizzyDesii]

wouldn't make a difference. People can lie in any order

[RockyHammock]

Do you believe a relationship built on lies can last?

[DizzyDesii]

@RockyHammock for as long as the lie lasts

[TheSpaceGnome]

Whoever knows first should say it first.
If you know you love someone, tell them, don't wait for them to do it first.

[electromagnetic]

I don’t think it. Anyone can say it so long as their meaningful about it.

[Jemini_Crocket]

For the sake of my confidence and the feeling of being loved, YES xD

[Vegasrunner]

Only if you want that relationship to end quickly.

[Ms_Facesitter]

There should be no rule in this. Why do so many believe there should be a specific order?

[exitseven]

I guess it is up to the guy to do the hard stuff in a relationship

[DizzyDesii]

Saying it is the easy part. Meaning it and sticking to it is where people fail

[exitseven]

@DizzyDesii I said what I meant and I meant what I said
An elephant's faithful 100%.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

That depends on how the dynamics of the relationship is. Either one should feel comfortable to do that.

[es20490446e]

Women fall in love slower, so usually it is better if the woman does so.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

if you open your heart to a girl she will loose interest in you

[DizzyDesii]

Its more so the opposite for me. If he doesn't open it, i lose interest. And have. I’m not about to explore the map like dora when people could just tell how they feel

[Fromdusktilldawn]

@DizzyDesii My experience says otherwise. As well as many guys say opening up to a chick is a sign of weakness to many girls

[DizzyDesii]

And those men are likely still single. You can't be afraid to take risks. You win some, you lose some

[Fromdusktilldawn]

@DizzyDesii nah they got dumbed because of it

[DizzyDesii]

Sometimes we pick the wrong partner. Just gotta pick yourself up and try again. Hopefully they dont have a “type” and maybe they won't choose another crappy girl who uses a mans emotions against him

[Lookingforthetruth]

@DizzyDesii Problem is that it's a tired old song amongst women of picking the "Wrong" partner until they hit the wall.

[Luopio27]

Neither should say it. Both should let their actions do the talking.

[TrillXHippy]

I can say it but then would she think it’s too soon and then it would just be awkward

[Raaj4you]

I have never seen a woman proposing a man in real life or movies.

[Raaj4you]

*NO, of course not.

[gabeTrevino1]

It depends on your relationship between you and the other person sometimes the male says it and sometimes the female says it

[A_Nihilist]

Relationships are a two way street. So no. Anyone can say it first.

[Lookingforthetruth]

but as a man you really should not.

[A_Nihilist]

If you say so.

[SnowedIn]

Nope.

[straightmax12]

It really doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Only if it means more sex.