Am I too traumatized to date?

[Anonymous]

I was abused growing up and I am also a kidnapper survivor. I have also been through bullying and so much other trauma. Whenever I get into relationships i’m a awful girlfriend. I have had a few great men come my way but I push them or scare them away. Should I give up on dating? Also, dating triggers me because I think all day constantly if the person will leave me or cheat on me. I do attend therapy but relationships are a big trigger for me.

[Guy13]

As it relates to your specific traumatic event only you know how it is affecting your daily life. One thing that I do know is often those with a traumatized past has separated emotionally from it and by default learn to deal with stress and emotional circumstances by avoiding or removing one's emotional self from the dynamic. This indeed does make bonding and growing together with someone very difficult. It seems like the priority would be to get this under control and probably will require counselling and strategies that help one determine which developments must be embraced and which ones are toxic.

No one is perfect and that is flawed thinking if that is your position. It can be done, however, try to make certain that you are together as much as possible before getting involved with another. Good luck with it all !!

[Asker]

I do feel like everyone is prefect or normal expect for me. i recently had a great man who cherished me and introduced me to his family then I just acted crazy on him, and I think I ran him off. He told me that everything about me checked his list but my mania is taxing. I realized that I do need to heal more and control my insecurities. I will learn to cope with my emotions and stress in therapy so I can be better for the next person which I’m not sure when that will be. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement.

[ShiftingMonke]

I dont think you're too traumatized to date, I think you should focus on yourself first. Avoid dating until you believe you're the partner your dream guy deserves- then go find him.

[Asker]

i always push men away with my baggage. you’re right i dont think ill be ready to really date until another 10 years but ill be middle age by then. hopefully there is still hope by then

[ShiftingMonke]

I won't call it baggage; you've got a lot of reasons to avoid men and relationships, as they've been a source of the most intense pain a person can feel. I get why you do it. I'm not going to castigate or blame you. And you shouldn't put a date or time for yourself; the last thing you need is more pressure in your head. Just focus on yourself and the help you're receiving. Things will fall into place when they need to.

[Asker]

thank you very much for your understanding and kindness

[ShiftingMonke]

You're more than welcome, and I'm here to help if I can; my inbox is always open.

[Asker]

ok i will consider that

[riverrat3]

So sorry it happened to you

[Asker]

thank you im just grateful i survived it but the after math is what hurts the most