I want a stable, committed relationship (marriage) but only much younger men are interested in me. What to do?

[Anonymous]

I am a woman on the cusp of 40 who looks max 32.

I am a divorcee with young kids and I have a stable co-parenting situation with my ex.

Once I was ready to put myself out there again, I naturally was thinking of a divorced dad with a couple kids of his own.

To my surprise, it is only much younger men who have shown genuine interest.

I took a risk with a guy 14 years younger who was looking for marriage.

It ended in disaster.

A lot of outside influences and his immaturity and HUGE insecurities eventually boiled to the surface.

A few more prospects in my age group came up but they were duds. I also noticed they are very jaded from being mistreated by their ex wives.

I am fighting to stay optimistic and leave old wounds in the past, but a lot of men my age cannot.

Now very recently, two much younger men are showing intense interest. They know my situation. I am just wary.

I know my aloofness keeps them from asking me outnor whatever.

One of them I don't have the greatest vibe about. He's about 10-12 years younger.

The other one we just have this easy chemistry and he is well-liked by everyone. He will always stick up for me and we always openly show our liking for one another. No problem.

He is wayyyyy younger though but seems the most kind. I am afraid to ask but he may even be 15 or 16 years younger 😣.

He liked me from the jump and has liked me for awhile.

I don't know what to do.

[MaazHussain]

It's understandable that you want a stable, committed relationship and are looking for a partner who is in a similar stage of life. However, age is just a number and it's possible to find a compatible partner who may be younger or older than you.

That being said, it's important to assess the maturity and readiness of any potential partner, regardless of their age. It sounds like you had a bad experience with a younger man who was not emotionally ready for a committed relationship. It's important to take your time getting to know someone and assessing their compatibility with you.

If you're feeling wary about the two younger men who are showing interest, it's okay to take things slow and continue getting to know them before making any decisions. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own emotional well-being. It's also important to have open and honest communication with any potential partner about your goals and expectations for a relationship.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue a relationship with someone younger or older than you is a personal one. It's important to consider your own values, priorities, and desires in a partner, and to not let age be the sole determining factor.

[WaterIsland]

Anyone who gives you a bad vibe, end things with immediately. That one is simple.


As for the other situations. I’d personally say stick with it. In any relationship everyone has some “flaw”. And you have to judge if that flaw is a big enough deal to you to end things. I don’t usually view age as a deal breaker. Immaturity, I do view as a deal breaker.


Remember. Dating and relationships are insanely complicated. And require a LOT of patience. It takes a lot of time and effort to find the one for you. All you can do is keep at it, and stay true to what you want.

[Asker]

So much empathy here. Thank you

[Guy13]

It is not very likely cause when you are 55 he will be 43 and 22-25 year old women will be hitting on him.

[Finchie40]

First off you have to be careful with the younger guys , sadly they are just looking for a piece of ass and to work their magic to get you into bed , so sadly you are playing with fire with those kind of guys. I am a divorced Dad and entering the dating world again has been a rollercoaster ride for me , I don’t really hold age as a deciding factor but it comes down to her moral beliefs and the chemistry and connection her and I have together and how serious she takes commitment, A lot of younger girls want me to be their sugar daddy and I am not into that , I want a girl that wants my heart and values me and respects me the same way I do for her , trying to find a girl today that isn’t selfish has been hard to come by , My ex wife had bi polar disorder and being in a relationship with her was one of the worst relationships I ever experienced in my lifetime , It was like being married to Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , she was loving to me and then all of a sudden hated my guts , it was a nightmare , but I stood by her side for a long time, thinking I could handle her episodes but it eventually took a toll on me , and through the years she just got worse , to the point I couldn’t really handle it anymore , I probably would of end up dying from stress but She eventually cheated on me and that was my final straw to kick her to the curb. Entering into the dating world again was a shock to me , I was meeting great girls that were great in the beginning but eventually their true colors came out , sadly they were all selfish and only cared about themselves, , so I don’t commit to any girl until she proves she knows how to remove selfishness in a relationship and wants to bring happiness into my life , not misery, Sadly the only girls I came across that were bringing happiness into my life were the ones that were secretly cheating on their husbands and boyfriends with me , I instantly kicked them to the curb as well once I found out , single girls have a list of other guys to choose from so trying to meet a girl today with actual morals has been hard to come by

[Asker]

So accurate! This is the state if affairs. A lot of young guys want mothering and are immature. The want tender attention and emotional support lot of the time more than sex. But again they are also very selfish and immature.

[Finchie40]

I was a young guy once and yes I was selfish , not realizing I was fucking with girls’ hearts , I didn’t really know how to give to her the same way I wanted to receive , I basically wanted my cake and to it eat to , but through my experiences in relationships I learned not to just make it all about myself , I learned to put her shoes on my feet before making decisions understanding I can’t always be right and she is wrong , understanding it’s her and I against the world not me Vs her , understanding we can’t force someone to love us all we can do is give to them the same way we want to receive , it won’t always be perfect. But you prioritize each other before prioritizing anyone else. If they choose to walk away , let them go. Love only grows when 2 people prioritize each other and remove selfishness for each other , sacrificing for each other , if it becomes one sided and you are constantly giving without receiving you have to walk away and understand they don’t value you like you value them , never be second place to someone that claims they love you, they are talking out their ass

[Asker]

Yes, I did this. This is why I was very leery about that other guy. He jist wanted to play big man. He knew I wasn't going to give him the time of day otherwise.

Either it was an act from day one or he got in over his head and acted selfishly thereafter.

It was a good lesson and I hope he gets to where you're at one day but it doesn't look very good.

[Asker]

And I had to block every possible channel of contact. Even knowing he had no intention of being an actual partner he couldn't leave me alone.

Had family members following me on social, making fake socials, came to my house even after changing my number. Such a disaster.

[Finchie40]

Sadly most guys don’t learn this until it smacks them in the face, now whether they learn from it or not is a different story lol

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s crazy shit

[Finchie40]

Where are you from?

[mathew1543]

Keep your distance from guys who are that young. To be honest, guys around that age love to have sex with someone older than them like you. And cause of porn many want to have sex with someone who is older and a mom.

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

Exactly. They'd just be looking for bragging rights to their friends that they f8cked a mom.

[mathew1543]

Yeah, they'll say "how an older woman wanted him in bed and was begging him for more (sexually). And she's a mom too". They'll see you like a sex object.
I'm sorry but I think it's better to be with someone who is almost 30 if you want to go for a younger guy.

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

You also got to consider she may be purposefully looking for guys this young. She did comment she looks 32. So it'd be a cheap thrill for her to have a rather young guy.

But if she's seriously looking for a relationship / marriage in an age bracket when guys are just fucking around, she's a bit daft.

[mathew1543]

I know people who look younger than their age. It's a really good thing. I meant it's better to be with someone who can be serious and really love her and her children. But not just to have sex and use her like a toy.

[Asker]

@BlondeAndGreenEyed I don't know what you are so bitter a bit. I have been seeking men my age or older or as close to my age as possible. As my question said.

[mathew1543]

I agree with the asker. She wants love, happiness and a complete family. Nothing is wrong with it

[Asker]

That's all. I don't have a fetish. Nowadays genuine people are like needles in a haystack.

[mathew1543]

✨️ Exactly! ✨️

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

@Asker - I'm not bitter, grab a dictonary.

Your exact wording was that men your age are jadded, etc and you only blithered about these young boys. Use your teeny brain. Of course men with their own children are going to be jaded, etc. they require someone who would understand the issues they go through just as you have as a single parent.

Instead of offering anything close to understanding you focus on these rob-the-cradle boys because they don't come with baggage. You do, stick with men your age.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you might have resign yourself to younger men, or embrace singlehood. you get to choose FROM your options, not choose your options.

[Asker]

Well, I don't resign myself to anything. I'm betwixt and between jaded against them because of a very VERY bad experience and fulfilling societal expectations. Tiring.

[Asker]

Also, I know by far and large, even if the guy is younger and the woman has kids he is interested in the woman. I have a blossoming, well-endowed young daughter, a handsome son and a very beautiful toddler. I have to lookout for them as well.

[SunnyRS]

Age gap is a difficult thing to process but sometimes things work out it's always better to give it a go rather than thinking about the what ifs.

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

Seriously? Where are you looking?

If you're using a dating app most of them have age prefrences, Try to set them for 30-40 instead of 18 to 25.

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

Actually 35 to 50 would be a better age bracket for you

[Asker]

No I don't use dating apps. These are people I know IRL.

[BlondeAndGreenEyed]

HOW are you encountering boys in real life.

GO to community clubs, etc. where people in a MORE SUITABLE age & life bracket can be found. STOP hanging out in bars & clubs like someone desperate.

[Asker]

I met him at my local mini market

[AmeerX]

What is wrong with a Young Man if he loves you and you him back?

[Asker]

In a perfect world it shouldn't. I just don't want to get used. The men who are in the "appropriate" age bracket aren't that keen.

[AmeerX]

You won't be used. Don't be negative

[Asker]

Already happened! Don't think I want to risk it again.

[AmeerX]

Hey, life has no guarantees. So, I know you got burned but try again. Your happiness is ordained. Don't let it go to ruins

[Asker]

Thanks 💝💝💝

[Asker]

We started getting to know each other. He is 20 years younger. He is very sweet. We will see.

[AmeerX]

Thanks for the reply back. I had not forgotten about you. So how did it went 😁

[Asker]

We are just chilling take it slow he keeps saying he loves me so I am a little suspicious. But he isn't forcing me into anything.