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Maybe if a guy is completely perfect in every way a girl will wait forever or maybe a girl will feel completely unworthy of him. I'm not sure. From what I understand, most girls will lose interest in the guy if he doesn't move quickly enough, and it's because they feel like the guy isn't showing enough initiative, and it feels like he doesn't like her that much.
Updates
1 y
I'm curious because to me, it makes sense to get to know each other more before committing, but I feel like this is what ruins it for most guys including myself. I don't wait long anymore, and it definitely has worked in my favor, but I can't help but be curious why. Please share. I'd love to hear your wisdom.
Updates
1 y
It's also confusing since girls do say things like "I want to get to know you more first." What's up with that? If a guy really likes a girl, he'll respect those wishes often, but that ends up backfiring often. Maybe another guy swoops in or she feels like she can have a guy as backup whenever she wants. I know this isn't all girls but I assure you it's a whole bunch of girls. I don't know if social media/dating apps have made girls feel like they have all the time and options in the world. hmm
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
It’s just like you said. We think you’re settling for us if you wait too long.
So how does a guy know when too long is? Where is the perfect balance? I'd always encourage guys to go for it sooner than later but sometimes it can be too soon, and it's frustrating for many guys trying to find the right balance.
Good question.. well, if a woman starts flirting with you or asks to kiss you, sleep with you or have one on one time with you, then she probably likes you and wants a relationship. If you refuse any of this without giving a reason and then disappear for a few months, that’s your right, but she’ll think you’re not interested and if you come back, that you’re settling for her.
This happened to me.
It made me feel discouraged. One minute he was telling me he didn’t know how he felt about kissing me so he wouldn’t do it. The next he was chasing me after I’d already given up and insisting that he wasn’t going away.
Do you see how bad this looks to us?
Any more questions? 😊
@HappyWoman34 So he came around and fell in love with you. You got what you wanted. But then you threw it all away because of your own insecurity.
Congratulations. You played yourself.
@Jamie05rhs you don’t know the whole story and I’m not sharing it with you but if it gives you comfort to believe that, then go ahead..
Okay
I don't think it's as simple as you @Jamie05rhs is putting it but @HappyWoman34 you gotta realize that this is how most guys feel about this situation. Oftentimes the guys are not settling for you. Your case might be different, but a lot of times the guys just needs some time to get to know you, and I don't think that's too much to ask. Sometimes space allows someone to see what and who he or she really wants or doesn't want to be without. When a guy realizes that he really wants to choose her, she often will feel it's too late, and it's kind of mindboggling to guys because if you liked him, why wouldn't you just be able to wait? If a guy waits over a year, I get it, but I also am not against girls expressing her feelings first. I know many girls are still very traditional in this respect, so let's just say she is waiting. A few months really isn't that long, but that's usually the cutoff for most girls.
A guy would easily wait a looong long time for a girl he really likes, and most guys wouldn't think dangg this girl is just settling, but many girls would think this guy needs to move on, but at the same time if a girl finally chooses to be with the guy, other girls will think ohh I guess she really just needed some time. Correct me if wrong please but that's just what I feel is going on often, and I am sure many guys would agree with me.
It's almost as if when a guy respects your wish to get to know him, he misses out, but a girl hardly respects a guy's wish to get to know her. She says she does, and I believe she does genuinely mean it at the time, but there's a cutoff window that's simply unpredictable but in my experience it's best to lean towards earlier than later.
It is. I never really saw it that way. Now did I know men would wait for years.
Is that the boat you’re in?
Oh no I personally would not wait any number of years at this point in my life, but there was definitely once a time. Now I would wait up to several months if I really saw potential, and it would be great if a woman can wait if I needed her to but like I said, it has been my experience that it's better to lean towards sooner. What's funny is the main reason I don't want to wait long now isn't because I just know she's the one, but it's because I might miss the cutoff window. It's exciting to move quickly, but sometimes a guy feels rushed. The guy may have no other girls on his mind, but he has a life including family, friends, maybe a pet, a career, school, hobbies, aspirations, etc.
I think after a few dates, many girls expect guys to just know if they'll be together long term, and I think that's cute in the movies but honestly kinda irrational. It's too bad though because if a guy doesn't move quickly, usually some kind of doubt comes up in a woman's mind.
I think conversations like these on G@G do help girls and guys understand each other some more, but I also think it's insane how many people are not open to listening to others, and they just make it like a man vs. woman thing when really there are plenty of amazing qualities that both men and women have. I personally find the dynamics of attraction/dating to be fascinating, and I just am very curious.
As a guy, Id like to know that within a few months of knowing a girl.